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Thread: Abuse from crossdressing with being yourself

  1. #1
    Junior Member LianaT's Avatar
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    Abuse from crossdressing with being yourself

    Hi all,
    Just curious if any of you were subjected to any form of abuse by family members, friends, or ex partners for crossdressing? Were you made fun of and shamed which led to relationships ending and mental health issues?
    I had a brother and sister who were very abusive and spread gossip about with calling me horrible names. I was trying to be me but the hate was strong. I began hating my crossdressing because I received such criticism even though I loved to cross dress. I also turned against myself with my sexual orientation. My personality is stereotypical female and I went into a shell. I later had a abusive girlfriend who accepted the crossdressing but it was a trap to have something over me and the sex with her in female form turned ugly and degrading.
    I am doing better these days. My wife is understanding and accepts me. She understands and just wants me to be happy even though i have some ptsd from my upbringing and from my ex.

  2. #2
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    I was engaged and decided to tell her before we married.
    I'm married to another woman.
    Sums it up.
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  3. #3
    Senior Member
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    Sorry to hear about the past Liana but glad to hear your wife is onboard with your crossdressing enjoy the present.

  4. #4
    Connie Connie D50's Avatar
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    Laina, I'm so happy you found someone who love all of you.

  5. #5
    Junior Member LianaT's Avatar
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    Thank you Jillcder and Connie D50

  6. #6
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    Yeah Liana, I too am very happy you found someone who loves all of you!

    I've told precious few people about my crossdressing. I had one girlfriend whom I told, and she was verbally abusive about it from time to time. She heavily criticized me at times, and it contributed to the end of our relationship. On the plus side; though she never knew it she was a prime motivator for discussing it with any future girlfriends, including my now wife, before the relationship got too serious. So, it kind of had the opposite effect.

    My mother found my pantyhose stash when I was a young teenager, and figured out I was wearing them. I received a no holds barred brow beating, including elements from the Bible. My mother was in all other respects an amazing mother, but this one hurt. It hurt a lot. The only thing it taught me was to hide my stash better, and most definitely never discuss it with her. For all she ever knew, I never crossdressed again.

    I don't think I've experienced mental health issues from these situations per se. I've had a long, long struggle with self acceptance, identity, and meaning that continues to this day. My wife is supportive (just last week she asked "What can I do to be more supportive?"), which goes a long way to helping me wend my way through this part of my soul.

  7. #7
    Senior Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    Well, LIanaT - Other than getting "read the riot act" by my parents and grandparents after getting caught (separate incidents) - not much really. I learned to hide it well.

    BUT

    indirectly, I was. My formative years were the 50's / 60's in rural New England. Back then such behavior was totally taboo and any mention -by anyone- about it was harsh and negative. What choice did I have but to accept and adopt that negative view of myself? I figured that there was something wrong with me and I allowed this self hate to destroy any sense of self worth.

    In a very real sense, I was probably my worst abuser.
    It's taken me a very long to time to learn to at least like myself again, and I'm still working on it.

    You're not alone, hon.
    And bless your wife. It sounds like you've found a true gem.

  8. #8
    Claire M Claire M's Avatar
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    Like SaraLin, I grew up in the 60s. My neighborhood was big Catholic families. We got loads of guilt and shame drilled into us from the nuns about anything that might be considered sexual or otherwise deviant. I never got caught but just the fear and the shame I felt about it was VERY powerful. I stopped for a long time, but when I started dressing again, the fear and shame was just as powerful with the added fear of rejection. It took a long time and a bit of therapy to accept myself, although fear of rejection is still very strong.

  9. #9
    Aspiring Member Debs's Avatar
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    Been there got the video, got the T-Shirt, my first real girlfriend I lived with encouraged me to dress, so I really got into it, long story short other things happened and she used it to beat me with it when we fell out over nothing to do with my dressing, same again next girlfriend, always told them from the start, encouraged me, then left me saying she didnt like me dressing, Im now married and told her from day one, weve been together 20 years, totally accepting and lets me go out dressed from the home, lets me go out with my girlfriends, even lets me stay out and go clubbing and to the pubs. Got my own girly bedroom with wardrobes full of stuff. The moral of the story is, yes I got abuse about dressing, but theres something in my DNA that wont let me stop, its me, I cant change never will change, so bring on all the abuse you want, Im happy with who I am, people abusing me with words now just make me smile, I know these words cant stop me loving what I do

  10. #10
    Aspiring Member Traci H's Avatar
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    As I read these, I wonder if I am abusing my wife by dressing, or is she abusing me by fighting me on it. After 50 years, I would hope that we finally come to some middle ground. I would hope that we can live our final years in peace and harmony, or something close to it. Life is way too short it seems.

  11. #11
    Silver Member BrendaPDX's Avatar
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    I am sorry you had such difficulty with your family. Just remember in the long run you found the love we all need and are learning to deal with it.

  12. #12
    Member Liz Jones's Avatar
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    We had the " talk " & after a few days i broached the subject & asked Her views ( having had some days to think about it ) reply -- " its you being you " Wife accepts me wandering round the house dressed.

  13. #13
    Junior Member
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    As far as I'm aware only my wife knows and supports me. So never been abused about it but I'm certain I would get some from certain family members and friends or should I say associates (as real friends shouldn't do that) if ever did come out. On hear hearing some of them talk about a mutual friend who has transitioned fully I know they wouldn't accept it.

  14. #14
    There's that smile! CarlaWestin's Avatar
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    Parents and family never knew. Ex pretended. Dressed me for exhibit A. I now live a great healthy life, she's dead.
    Tweener didn't mind but her vodka did. Probably outlived her too.
    Wife is trans hater. DADT works fine in our wonderful healthy life together.
    I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
    My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
    And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
    Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!

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