What if.....

[Kate Simmons]

Hi Hon, Just came back from dancing at the club, so missed all of this. In a direct answer to you question, my response is "yes" based on who I am today. My feelings as a MTF CD tell me I would accept my SO if she wanted to dress as a man. That will never happen, however since she is totally a woman and as such cannot accept me as Ericka. I'm more tolerant, at least now. The answer is basically unresolved. I may be able to give you a close "second" however. It's not only acceptance by the SO but also friends and family. I'm trying an experiment. Tonight I went to the club as Ericka en homme, that is Ericka dressed as a man. Not my male self, Richard but my female self as "Eric". I wanted to see the reactions of everyone who Knows me as Ericka. A lot of the reactions were favorable , a lot puzzled, a lot totally confused. Sort of a reverse Victor/Victoria. Most had to do a triple take and asked me what the hell I was doing. I just told them that Ericka wanted to dress like a guy. Talk about mixed reactions.. I tried dancing as a guy but failed miserably as I guess dancing as a woman is "programmed" into me. Anyway, I got this idea from viewing the problems the FTM CD's have on their site. I wanted to see what it is like to walk in their "shoes" a little. I was surprised with the reactions of people even in "sub cultures" like ours, an education really. When questioned if I was going to change, I said no. I'm still the same basic person regardless of what I look like. Most people don't "get it" that you are still yourself but have feelings contrary to the so called "norm" regardless of what group of people it's presented to. The point of this experiment is to see how I'm treated if people perceive me as being different, especially my sisters. Sort of reverse discrimination as it were.While it may come as a shock to some, I've found so far that gender is over rated really and it's the person inside of that counts. I'm going to continue this experiment to see what happens as just doing it once may seem like a novelty to some. Don't worry Hon, Ericka isn't going anywhere but then again, neither is "Eric", at least not yet. Take care, Love, Ericka

[sarahjan]

Hasn't this happened for real I am sure I rememeber there an article in the press a couple of years ago where both the man and the woman changed sex.

Yes I was right I found a link for it.

http://www.filthball.com/news/991129_sexchange

[btmgrl6]

please re-read the thread. it's about putting yourself in her place.
Instead of you being the cd...she is the cd. And instead of your attitude on being a cd.you adopt her attiude on cd'ing
How would you react to her coming out as a f2m .Could you accept her.
Don't think as a m2f, but as a gm.

[Tamara Croft]

Wow, they really aren't getting the question are they??

The question is quite simple, what if YOU MTF CD'S were NOT A MTF CD, just a REGULAR GUY and your PARTNER/WIFE etc says to you one day HONEY IM A FTM CROSSDRESSER.... in other words, the tables turned, shoe on other foot, understandy now??

[thechrisradcliffe]

The dark part of the equation as you all know is that the best part of having a fetish is that you allways know where your going to go. And the worst part is you allways know where your going to go. Women nowdays feast on what interests them, in my experiance the novelty of a tranny allways makes them want to find out more sometimes much more...

Christen

[Bev06 GG]

Well it was abit long winded and took its time coming, but I guess some people did eventually answer the question you were asking Steph.
On the other hand have you ever thought of this. Generally speaking and I emphasize generally, women can find other women attractive and appreciate that the female form is nice to look at. Im not talking Lesbians here, just normal average run of the mill women. (If there is such a thing).
Men on the other hand, unless they are bi or homosexual, dont look at other men and appreciate their finer features. Therefore, it might be easier for a female to accept a male crossdresser than it would be for a man to accept a female crossdresser. We are not talking just dressing as a man here, I mean going the whole hog and wanting to be a man when dressed as one, such things as faking body parts, wearing aftershave and 5 oclock shadows etc. These surely are things that only a woman would normally be attracted too.
Just a thought and dont want anyone throwing a wobbler, but it does make you think doesn't it? Guess I just got to hand it to CDs they appreciate natural beauty so much that they want to emulate it.
Take care
BEVxxxxx

[Clare]

A lot of us ask for advice concerning coming out to our So'S. What if the shoe were on the other foot. Suddenly the beautiful gg you married says to you...I want to dress like a man,bulk up,grow a mustache and go-tee,chop off my beautiful hair and parade around town with you for all to see. How many would accept this?
GG's marry the man of their dreams, handsome,strong,masculine, they want to feel safe and protected...and then here you come in a dress. It goes against everything they were ever taught.
Is it possible that a gg would see her so's dressing as a reflection on her? What if her friends or co-workers found out?

[SIZE=3]You raise valid points and I have to say I generally agree with your line of questioning.

I guess why that's why so many wives/GF's can't handle this 'unusual' behaviour. The person they love turns out to be something different to who they thought they knew. That's why I think it's so important to be very careful and prepared if we decide to come out to our loved ones. We always worry about ourselves and possible rejection, rather than how our revelation affects those who are special people in our lives.[/SIZE]

[Sandra]

99% would run a mile

...... but Nigella has just said she would support me 100% just as I have done her.


OH aint she sweet

[Bev06 GG]

[SIZE=3]You raise valid points and I have to say I generally agree with your line of questioning.

I guess why that's why so many wives/GF's can't handle this 'unusual' behaviour. The person they love turns out to be something different to who they thought they knew. That's why I think it's so important to be very careful and prepared if we decide to come out to our loved ones. We always worry about ourselves and possible rejection, rather than how our revelation affects those who are special people in our lives.[/SIZE]

So true Clare,
another thing worth mentioning here too is that traditionally the male has been the head of the household. The strong one that everyone depends on to look after and protect their family. I know that that is deemed to be old hat by many nowadays and very out of touch with reality. However, alot of women do still feel that way and when they find out their fella wants to dress as a woman it sort of pulls the rug out from under their feet. Some GGs do feel uncomfortable with the fact that their big dependable fella is now something totally different to what they first thought he was and the roles have somewhat reversed. Rightly or wrongly alot of women want the man to be the man, you know the old hunting and providing thing. For those of us who know alittle about Crossdressing it doesn't pose a problem because we know that putting a dress on doesn't suddenly turn your partner into a whimp, but for those who know little or nothing, well you know what they say ignorance breads fear.
If a female wanted to change roles it wouldn't affect the head of the household theory would it because he'd still be there doing his normal thing. So unless a mother suddenly wanted to take on the fatherly role there wouldn't really be much of a problem.
BEVxxxx

[Bev06 GG]

You just made me think Sandra,
I really do not know if my fella would support me because he loves females. So much so that he wants to dress like one. No honestly joking apart, this is a difficult question to pose to a cross dresser because the reason they want to dress is that they are really attracted to everything femme, so how could they accept something so unfemme. Even if they were to pretend that they weren't a dresser for a few moments and think about that question it would be a pretty difficult one to answer because of the mindset. Maybe asking it of a male who wasn't a CD would be a better analagy.
BEVxxxx

[FionaAlexis]

I don't like change much. I don't like changes in the people around me much. But it happens reasonably regularly and I get on with it.

Assuming I am this macho hetero male in this hypothetical then I don't think I'd handle it very well. I want my woman to be a woman - not a pretend bloke.

Is that the answer your looking for?

Fiona xx

[EricaCD]

I'd like to think that, if we are truly talking about the love of my life, I would have the good sense to at least not reject her desire out of hand. After all, assuming (as we must here) that I were not a CD, I'm still socially liberal enough that I would not likely have any fundamental moral objection.

I'd definitely need/want to do some reading up (and I'd pray to find the FTM forum here). I would probably insist on some boundaries--none of which I would consider inappropriate if now applied to me--such as not around the kids, not going out in our immediate community, not in family contexts, etc. And I am guessing that I ultimately would not want to be romantically involved with her en homme - though who really knows?

Semi-related point that I made in the FTM forum a while back: we MTF crossdressers often complain about society's lack of understanding, and note the unfairness that ladies can wear men's fashions without incurring social wrath. HOWEVER, I think the stigma on a FTM who really wants to go the whole 9 yards is actually much more severe - perhaps because society has less experience here than with MTF crossdressing. I suspect that however hard it is for our GG spouses to come to terms with our dressing, it might be even harder for a GM spouse the other way around. In addition to the social dimension, I'd have to come to terms with my masculinity and my sexual identity - and I will freely admit that GGs have a better emotional palette to work on these issues.

Or, maybe I am totally mistaken and this thread really does show exactly how profound an issue we are inflicting on our relationships....

Interesting question!

Erica

[Lilith Moon]

Wow, they really aren't getting the question are they??

The question is quite simple, what if YOU MTF CD'S were NOT A MTF CD, just a REGULAR GUY and your PARTNER/WIFE etc says to you one day HONEY IM A FTM CROSSDRESSER.... in other words, the tables turned, shoe on other foot, understandy now??

OK, but that doesn't make much sense. What the question then boils down to is:

"If you were a different person then how would you respond to a particular situation if your wife were also a different person ?"

What sort of answer could anybody give to that ?

[kittypw GG]

I don't like change much. I don't changes in the people around me much. But it happens reasonably regularly and I get on with it.

Assuming I this macho hetero male in this hypothetical then I don't think I'd handle it very well. I want my woman to be a woman - not a pretend bloke.

Is that the answer your looking for?

Fiona xx

Lets face it folks, if you were straight non crossdressing men and your wife came out to you as a ftm you would be gone faster than the roadrunner getting away from the coyote.

I don't see any heterosexual non crossdressing men on the arms of ftm's. I don't think that I have ever seen a group for gm's with ftm so's either.

I just don't think that it would happen. That would mean that a man would have to risk other males thinking that he is gay because he is walking around in public holding the hand of his ftm wife who is "passing in public" as a man.

How about not being able to aford a new car because your ftm wife just bought 10 new jock straps when she has a drawer full already? (And you know it never stops at the jock straps......)

How about how irrating it would be to put up with kissing her when she has facial hair or how embarassed you would be because she can't stop touching her crouch because she feels that that is a typical male gesture?

What if she stopped wanting to have sex because she doesn't have the right equipment in her mind?

The list is endless. And a heterosexual would not stay period. He might for a while but a feminine girl will eventuallyt catch his eye and he will be so out of there!!!

Great post. Keeps everyone thinking. Kitty

[Maryanntv]

Hi girls, this is my first reply.I signed up a while ago but I was still checking out if this site wasn't about TeleVisions or CompactDiscs

This is an interesting question though , one I thought about myself a lot and to be honest...I came to the conclusion I would find it very weird.That's why I keep my secret to myself and don't want to bother anyone who's close to me with such a dilemma. I do have to mention that , although I always had the need , the crossdressing didn't dominate my life and I was always able to dose it.

[btmgrl6]

Girls
First off I'd like to thank all of you for your posts. I got a lot of very interesting and well thought out answers
A few got it,a few missed it entirely. I really wasn't looking for an answer so to speak. My sole intention was to get those of us seeking acceptance from our so or others for that matter was simply.....
To look at it totally through the other persons prospective..only. No more,no less

Thanks again..it was fun


Steph

[Jennaie]

Wow, they really aren't getting the question are they??

The question is quite simple, what if YOU MTF CD'S were NOT A MTF CD, just a REGULAR GUY and your PARTNER/WIFE etc says to you one day HONEY IM A FTM CROSSDRESSER.... in other words, the tables turned, shoe on other foot, understandy now??

Understandy now?

I think this what if is a good conversation piece, but in reality, I can't see it ever taking place. The ftm's know what they want at a very early age, they don't seem to go through a process like the mtf"s do. The question is out of place, I'm not a "normal guy", I don't think like a normal guy and I am not able to answer this question like a normal guy.

I can only respond to this question as a cd. If it happened I would react very much like the GG's have, dress, go out, have fun, but no drugs and no operations. Cross that line and you have nulled our marital agreement.

I could accept it very easily. I could have fun in the bedroom with it, go out with her/him, help him buy clothing, but as a cd, I get to be the girl.

[btmgrl6]

The questions were actually meaningless....the real point to this was


Are you able to look at this thing through the prospective of your SO, and understand that prospective, plain and simple. If you can,you can, if you can't you can't. ...

[btmgrl6]

The scenerio was hypothetical.....I got a lot of good answers. I got a lot of answers from cd's in cd mindset. Are some of us so far into this that we can't
shift back into gm mode in our thinking just to answer a pretty easy question.
The whole idea of the thread was to make us think what it must be like for our So's to accept us.
It seems that MANY of the replys totally missed it. Could this in fact be a way of avoiding the issue..... you see it, but don't want to see it, in a further effort to justify yourself and your desire to be accepted?

Did that make sense?

Steph

As far as I am concerned ,my male side is gone and forgotten. I can however still access my male thinking side. If a cd still has and deals with his male persona, I have a hard time understanding why they could not access it for the purpose of this thread.

[ShortSkirt]

Suddenly the beautiful gg you married says to you...I want to dress like a man,bulk up,grow a mustache and go-tee,chop off my beautiful hair and parade around town with you for all to see. How many would accept this?

LOL, I'll answer this one in about a year's time I think. :winking:

Right now I dont think it would bother me, but I'd sure miss her long blonde hair...

[tvgirl4fun]

I just came across this thread. I can't believe it took 29 posts before Tamara finally explained what was being asked! First off, I don't know if hypothetical (What if . . .?) questions like this can be answered fairly or not. Because you do have a different point of view on the subject. The only ones here that could offer a fair answer are the CDs that are not out to their SOs. Think about it, if she doesn't know that you crossdress, how would you feel if she came out and said she wanted to be a guy (FTM)? Probalby like Kitty answered in post #39.

Let's take it a step further. You crossdress, she knows and accepts it. But she comes home one night and says, "Things are going to change. From now on (meaning ALWAYS/FOREVER), in our home AND social life, you will dress as the girl you want to be, and I will only wear mens clothing. (You can still be a guy when you go to work.) But when we go out to dinner, a ball game, shopping, movies, or have friends over for dinner or a picnic, I'll wear mens suits and jeans, etc. and you will wear the dresses and skirts."

Does that make the question easier to answer?

Jaie

[lisa j]

Hi Ladies...
just been sitting here reading all these threads and you got me thinking back to last week when i asked my boyfriend how would he feel if i was the one crossdressing? he looked at me and replied you already do - you wear jeans and combat trousers that makes you a crossdresser !!
after picking my chin up off the floor i walked away out the room with my heart in my mouth! is that really how he sees me? a man
im a single mum that has to do all the jobs around the house including the gardening,window cleaning,painting & decorating,taking the rubbish out on a monday night!,and all the other stuff..im on kid duty 24/7 and really dont see the point in being in LADY mode when most of the time im in MOTHER/FATHER mode!
am i really spose to be seen dressed up to the nines while im out food shopping and doing housework ??
im not saying i dont dress up all together - but that normally happens when we are going out for a meal, or at bed time when his here with me :winking: :winking:
im going to open a new thread theres a few question i just thought of !

Love Lisa j xxxx

[Tracy_Victoria]

Really good question, and My answer would be the same As my SO's at present I would try to understand, and probably help, as hse has me.

As much as I enjoy my crossdressing, (Gender illusion?) I found that since I've come here, I enjoy the FtM posts as much as ours. So I'm sure I'd be supporting of such issues. Certianly if at the end of the dressing they returned back to the person I loved, and cared for.

it's more than possible to have a long hair, yet wear a boyish wig, (julia roberts in peter pan comes to mind) but if she wanted it cut in a unsex style then so be it, but some ladies cuts are bordering on this anyway. my current partner shares some of my hobbies anyway, which is why we are together I'm sure, so I probably would stuggle like she does at times, but I'm sure I would understand her goal, and drive, as I think she is mine begining to mine.

I think i would judge her, as I hope she judges me, in my case, I don't want to be a Woman, I don't want to dress full time, just some times, and have a bit of fun doing so, nothing serious, nothing perminant, like implants, hormones, etc. my dressing is just a chance to step out of me, and if that was all they wanted to do, every once in a while, Why Not!

[Faye Emmette]

The question is quite simple, what if YOU MTF CD'S were NOT A MTF CD, just a REGULAR GUY and your PARTNER/WIFE etc says to you one day HONEY IM A FTM CROSSDRESSER.... in other words, the tables turned, shoe on other foot, understandy now??
From Me..
I feel that as the person I know and Love, it wouldn't bother me in the least.
If my girl wanted to be a boy, as long as it didn't interfere with our Love, I have no qualms at all !!
__________________
.

....... Everything is in Degrees .......

[Krissi]

Suddenly the beautiful gg you married says to you...I want to dress like a man,bulk up,grow a mustache and go-tee,chop off my beautiful hair and parade around town with you for all to see. How many would accept this?
GG's marry the man of their dreams, handsome,strong,masculine, they want to feel safe and protected...and then here you come in a dress.

Actually I don't see this as the same as what most of us do. Most of us put on girly clothes, try and look pretty and act femme and go back to our normal lives. The only change to our bodies we make is some might shave their legs on occasions. So the GG equivelant would be to put on some manly clothes, maybe pad themselves here and there, tuck their hair up under a hat and spread some grease over her face. That would be GG Crossdressing as most of us do it. 0.02

When you're talking Bulking up, growing facial hair you start getting into body modification and that ramps right past a good chunk of us and gets closer to someone wanting to transition. That's a whole different ballgame. My wife is very supportive and encouraging of me dressing, but not of any kind of transition as I am sure most wives are. As for me I would probably think the same way. My wife wants to dress up and stroll around pretending to be a man, thats all well and good, might be fun. But she wants to start drastically changing her body then I might have to play with wife card and give her the famous...."we have to talk"