In The Closet?

[Sandra]

Hi guys,

First of all please forgive me, erm I haven't got a clue as to whether you have the same problems as MtFs in regards to "being in the closet", so please don't think I am being nasty in any way.


This is a question about being in the closet and your CDing. Now bare with me because I have to get the wording right Does hiding your CDing add to the excitement of dressing,(sorry couldn't think of another word to put in here for you guys) eg knowing that you could be found out, not really knowing that the afternoon you are at home changed, your SO or family member could walk in and catch you.

And lastly why the hell are you still in the closet?

I have already posted this the MtF section so hopefully they will post in their own section .

Once again please don't think I am being rude or nasty, it wasn't until tonight when I posted it else where that I got to thinking about you guys and whether you do have the same problems.

[mistunderstood]

I have been CDing for a long time but because it is ok to were guys clothes no one knew. It is just been in last few months that I have spoken up about what I am wereing. As for the closet I was more in the closet for being gay than for clothes.

[btmgrl6]

I guess there are many reasons that there are m2f crossdressers still in the closet. I think the one of the top might be social attitudes. Another....SO acceptance. peer acceptance. As far as it being more exciting to do it on the DL...maybe to some extent, from what i gather in here a lot of the cd's would be more comfortable if they didn't have to sneak around in private. Many are out of the closet also. I know that when I started dressing, i was quite confused regarding my cd'ing and my sexuality. I suppose some come to terms with it and
some don't ever... some faster than others/
As for myself. I am out. I found myself and have been happy and content since.
I don't question or second guess myself anymore. I am what I am and what I was truly meant to be. All of a sudden it just clicked for me. not overnight, but it did happen and I am at peace.


Steph

[julz]

I don't think the possibility of being found out would add anything for me. But then I don't like being nervous or anything, so that I might just be me. I haven't told my family because I don't want to have to deal with them knowing. I've moved out anyway and only dress part time anyway. And I don't really tell other people - they just assume I'm "trying to look like a lesbian" (people have actually said this about me, both behind my back and to my face).

Either way I can see how it would be exciting if you were dressing up in something sexy especially. The only time I ever felt thrilled dressing was the first couple times I did it in secret in my room, so maybe your theory has something to it?

[Wren]

And I don't really tell other people - they just assume I'm "trying to look like a lesbian" (people have actually said this about me, both behind my back and to my face).

I know that in this scenario you are talking about how people perceive you, so it is in no way your fault, but this topic comes up way too much. Here's what I have to say about it:

I hate to always be doing this but...how does a lesbian dress? I know for a fact that no one around me has ever thought that a woman in men's clothing is dressed like a lesbian. Maybe it's because I live in a urban centre where lifestyle choices are for the most part accepted or understood. In fact even though I wear women's and men's clothing alternatingly people who have only seen me in men's clothing just think I'm dressing like a man, not a lesbian, in fact they gawk and say "WOW! Your a lesbian, I totally thought you were straight but excentric". Because lesbians dress like anybody. Every time this is brought up it just makes me so angry. Not at the person posting but whoever actually thinks this. Lesbians are people too, not stereotypes.
As a member of this forum I feel personally insulted everytime the topic of lesbians as stereotype or negative persons comes up. If other people share these views then let us be better than them and not spread this ignorant way of perceiving gay women.

Again I apologize to all who have to read and re-read my rants on this subject. It just makes my blood boil, but I think I am done trying to make my point to people who probably already understand and accept. Again it just makes me cringe and die on the inside everytime it's mentioned. I suppose for the benefit of other readers, I will further ignore any comments of this kind.

[Wren]

As to the question.

I'm not out of the closet per say, I have not told my family for example that I crossdress in words, but I have not hidden it from them either. They know that I like dressing in men's clothing, and I don't think they put too much stock in it. Most people around me just think I'm a bit funny. Which I don't really mind.

I guess I don't talk about it, because I don't think it's something I need to talk about. I didn't need to come out of the heterosexual closet and confess to my parents that I liked boys, why do I need to come out of any other closet. It just am who I am.

I don't like labels either, so I try not too. For the benefit of those around me I often label myself to avoid lengthy discussion but I don't really fit into any labels either. I'm not really a crossdresser, not in the common sense of the term, I'm not really homosexual, heterosexual or bisexual either. I don't think anyone really falls into labels, they are too strict, and the human by nature is fluid.

[Abraxas]

I didn't need to come out of the heterosexual closet and confess to my parents that I liked boys, why do I need to come out of any other closet. It just am who I am.

I don't like labels either, so I try not too. For the benefit of those around me I often label myself to avoid lengthy discussion but I don't really fit into any labels either. I'm not really a crossdresser, not in the common sense of the term, I'm not really homosexual, heterosexual or bisexual either. I don't think anyone really falls into labels, they are too strict, and the human by nature is fluid.

My mum asked me the question: "straight people don't have to come out, why do gay people?" I thought it was a good point. Of course, nothing is entirely that black and white all the time, and I suppose if everyone in the world stopped assuming that everyone they met was straight unless they acted like Jack on Will and Grace, or whtever, then fewer people would feel the need to make a big deal of coming out. Or something. I'm not making a lot of sense (knackered, folks).

As to your second paragraph, I'm much the same way. I tell people I'm trans or whatever-- which is true, but I don't fit into one "category" of the TG spectrum. Some more than others, but none entirely, so I can't really be labelled anyway in that sense, but it is easier to say, for instance, "I'm trans" rather than explaining everything. And because I am trans, even if it's not in any definable way, that also puts confusion on my sexuality-- I never say I'm straight or gay-- if someone asks me, I just say "I fancy men." Not all men, mind, haha!

Anyway--that was basically a very long-winded way of saying I know what you're getting at and I more or less agree.


(Note to self: Shut up, Abraxas, you are way too talkative sometimes...)

[Sandra]

Thanks for all you replies, I am just pleased that I didn't offend anyone with my question, Oh wait Kells has yet to post

[Kieron Andrew]

Thanks for all you replies, I am just pleased that I didn't offend anyone with my question, Oh wait Kells has yet to post

lol.......thats cos im choosing the way i word my reply careful.....i will do it though Sandra

[Kieron Andrew]

Hi guys,
This is a question about being in the closet and your CDing. Now bare with me because I have to get the wording right Does hiding your CDing add to the excitement of dressing,(sorry couldn't think of another word to put in here for you guys) eg knowing that you could be found out, not really knowing that the afternoon you are at home changed, your SO or family member could walk in and catch you.

no i live alone and for the most part and longest time i dont see my family, but i have always dressed pretty androgenous growing up anyway........so its easy to not say anything!

And lastly why the hell are you still in the closet?

although i consider myself fulltime and going to changing my name legally soon, i suppose the reason im not out to members of my family is fear of rejection

And as for you being rude, ive known you online a year now you could never be rude

[julz]

I hate to always be doing this but...how does a lesbian dress? I know for a fact that no one around me has ever thought that a woman in men's clothing is dressed like a lesbian . . .

As a member of this forum I feel personally insulted everytime the topic of lesbians as stereotype or negative persons comes up. If other people share these views then let us be better than them and not spread this ignorant way of perceiving gay women.

I understand where you are coming from, and I would like to clarify the reason it bothers me is because of the stereotyping. That's why I put my comment in quotes. I get really annoyed by the fact that people assume who you are attracted to has some huge all-consuming effect on how you act.

. . . And I could go on, but I think your rant did a pretty good job addressing the issue, so I'll let what you said stand.

[Sandra]

And as for you being rude, ive known you online a year now you could never be rude

Awww thankyou Kells, but you really haven't seen me have a go at Nigella yet

[Kieron Andrew]

Awww thankyou Kells, but you really haven't seen me have a go at Nigella yet

oh yes i have lol!!!!

[Sandra]

I never thought about people accusing you of being a lesbian. it just goes to show the mentality of some people, I guess it's similar to the MtF being called gay, I don't like labels either, we are who we are why can't people just accept that?

[Kieron Andrew]

I never thought about people accusing you of being a lesbian. it just goes to show the mentality of some people, I guess it's similar to the MtF being called gay, I don't like labels either, we are who we are why can't people just accept that?

ive been called a butch lesbian a lot of times and it really spins their heads out when i say 'well no actually, im a straight male'

[julz]

I don't mind so much being accused of being a lesbian (especially since I like girls), I just hate it when liking girls is used as a justification for everything I do. :mad:

Although I don't really fit any of the labels very well either, I don't think that labels are intrinsically bad. If they do fit they are nice to use instead of a long-winded explanation, and they can help people feel like they belong, or at least realize there are other people out there who can identify with them. That being said, when labels are used wrong they can be very harmful and help spread prejudices.

[CaptLex]

Does hiding your CDing add to the excitement of dressing . . . . And lastly why the hell are you still in the closet?

Once again please don't think I am being rude or nasty.

Hey, Sandra:

I don't think anyone could consider your question rude or nasty. Actually, I think it's a great question, and another one that can help people understand us better.

As for my answer, when I hid my CDing from my friends and co-workers, I didn't find it exciting at all, just anxiety-producing, so I'm glad I'm finally out to them. And I no longer have anxiety about how I present to the general public either.

I'm not out to my family, so to answer your second question, I'm still in the closet there because I know for sure they would never understand and I don't want to have to listen to their disapproving remarks. Actually, I really wish I could tell them and I envy those who have their family's support, but I know that won't happen, so that saddens me.

Hope this helps - drop by and ask anytime.

[CaptLex]

ive been called a butch lesbian a lot of times and it really spins their heads out when i say 'well no actually, im a straight male'

It's even more shocking when someone who assumes I'm a lesbian hears that I'm actually a gay man. They really don't know how to process that.