I'm Still Here, Just Not Real Happy...

[StephanieH]

[SIZE="4"][Hi everybody, haven't posted anything in a long time, just wanted to let everybody know I'm not dead or anything. I'm in a bit of a dark funk, however, as I haven't dressed now for quite a long time (last December to be exact). Turns out my wife wasn't as into it as she initially put on that she was. So, everything's on hold until I figure out what to do about this matter - can't leave her, love her way too much. I didn't think CD'ing was such a big deal, she didn't initially raise any objections to it, but it only took a couple of times for her to look and act "creeped out" about the whole thing, which took away a great deal of my enthusiasm for doing it. Don't get me wrong, I'd still love to get "in character" a lot, but I can't enjoy it if she doesn't like it - know what I mean? Oh well, just wanted to say "hi" and wish my best to all. Later and God bless. [/COLOR][/SIZE]

[Sharon]

Hi Randi, I really hope everything works out for you and your wife. Just hang in there and don't give up -- sometimes you need to repeatedly remind your SO that whether or not you dress, you are still the same person. In fact, you will probably be a better person if you can occasionally let this part of yourself out.

Good luck!

[carol ann]

Randi - the important thing is that you realise that your relationship with your wife is the msot important matter in your life. As long as that reamains the case you won't go far wrong.

if occasionally you need to relieve your tensions by dressing, then do it quietrly without bringing your wife into it. if she finds out - well you can explain that you do not want to hurt her and that is why you stay in the closet. I believe she will accept you for trying to make sacrifices for love of her.

[SKINNYGIRL]

I agree with carol ann, but why is it that the males always have to sacrifice to keep the females happy? I hope some of the gg's sacrifice for the males!

[mellisa's wife]

As a truly accepting wife, I have realized that I am "in the closet" WITH my husband and his crossdressing. It is a part of of lives that we do not share or discuss with friends, family or co-workers. I try to give him "space" when he truly wants privacy with his wardrobe. He likes trying things on and going through his extensive wardrobe - at time - alone. He also has more clothing than I do, a fact that he will admit to.

I also feel that I sacrifice time with the true "manly" side of my husband, a part of him that I alway know is underneath the femme clothing, but a part that I truly love - also. Does that make any sense.

Why do I support this lifestyle.... because I love him dearly.

[SKINNYGIRL]

Point taken, but is there anything that the gg's have to stop doing to make the males happy? I'm not trying to start a fight, I would just like to hear both sides. PS, Not trying to hijack thread!

[cd300]

randi
just a suggestion here. My wife did the same topsy turvy thing with me buying me things dressing me mkup and all and then BOOM no more she said stop or she may leave.. i waited and pushed little by little showing her these sites and though she wont talk to anyone YET i have written messages for her and she read the responses. then day by day we talked and i explained in more honest detail why i do what i do and she seems to be coming around alot very quickly(not alway going to be the case) ..now as of this moment i am in my fem git up and loving every moment and it is her wishes i be this way and she is happy for me and i am giddy.. i hope my suggestions help you i know it seems to have worked for me !!! good luck randi..

BEST OF LUCK
JESSICA

[Wendy me]

can't say it's all that easy as my so is not totaly with it in regards to my dressing but not totaly aganist it eather ... good luck you as well as so many out there with so that don't fully accpte what we do... just as much as you want them to accpte it ..... we can't force it eather ..... them dame steps .... and at some time we have to accpte that were we are just might be were we are...... good luck ...................



huge wendy hugs to you....

[Cheery GG]

Point taken, but is there anything that the gg's have to stop doing to make the males happy? I'm not trying to start a fight, I would just like to hear both sides. PS, Not trying to hijack thread!

Whats that got to do with anything ? You make it sound like a competition...or something kids would say....'shes got more sweets than me'....for goodness sake....

I would like to give much support to Randi for this thread, i think it shows much respect, support and love for his wife.....whoever suggested doing it behind his wifes back appauls me....'yeah go ahead be decietful, as long as you get your kick hey ?'.....there are many people who should read this thread ! :mad:

cheery
x

[SKINNYGIRL]

I didn't mean it like that, I'm VERY sorry. It's just my frustration coming out because my wife is only partially accepting of my cd'ing. Once again, so very sorry, I don't want to anger any gg's, especially the accepting ones. God bless you for your loving hearts!

[Lilith Moon]

Hi everybody, haven't posted anything in a long time, just wanted to let everybody know I'm not dead or anything. I'm in a bit of a dark funk, however, as I haven't dressed now for quite a long time (last December to be exact). Turns out my wife wasn't as into it as she initially put on that she was. So, everything's on hold until I figure out what to do about this matter - can't leave her, love her way too much. I didn't think CD'ing was such a big deal, she didn't initially raise any objections to it, but it only took a couple of times for her to look and act "creeped out" about the whole thing, which took away a great deal of my enthusiasm for doing it. Don't get me wrong, I'd still love to get "in character" a lot, but I can't enjoy it if she doesn't like it - know what I mean? Oh well, just wanted to say "hi" and wish my best to all. Later and God bless

Randi,
Your current situation is exactly the same as mine right now, except I come here as a sort of compensation for lack of dressing. My wife is occasionally accepting and even makes light hearted comments sometimes. She has even been girly shopping with me, but then she relapses back into "spooked out" mode. She doesn't exactly try to stop me from dressing, she just acts stressed out. Like you, this makes me feel uncomfortable dressing when she is around...which is close to 24/7...and so I just don't dress and we all know how that feels

I would, as a minimum, have liked some private time/space to address my needs but this hasn't happened. Maybe your SO would be more accommodating than mine ? Perhaps you could come to some arrangement with your SO to periodically dress when she is not around. Does she go shopping or visiting regularly ?

[Lilith Moon]

wifes back appauls me....'yeah go ahead be decietful, as long as you get your kick hey ?'.....there are many people who should read this thread !

With respect, there is more to crossdressing then just "a kick"

I would also add that I'm sitting here typing enHomme while my wife is busy elsewhere in the house. It would not interfere with her in any way if I were sitting here in my favorite skirt, but nevertheless, she would object if she knew. She is not sacrificing anything at all in this situation, but I am

[dancinginthedark]

[SIZE="4"][Hi everybody, haven't posted anything in a long time, just wanted to let everybody know I'm not dead or anything. I'm in a bit of a dark funk, however, as I haven't dressed now for quite a long time (last December to be exact). Turns out my wife wasn't as into it as she initially put on that she was. So, everything's on hold until I figure out what to do about this matter - can't leave her, love her way too much. I didn't think CD'ing was such a big deal, she didn't initially raise any objections to it, but it only took a couple of times for her to look and act "creeped out" about the whole thing, which took away a great deal of my enthusiasm for doing it. Don't get me wrong, I'd still love to get "in character" a lot, but I can't enjoy it if she doesn't like it - know what I mean? Oh well, just wanted to say "hi" and wish my best to all. Later and God bless. [/COLOR][/SIZE]

Randi~
If you can accept and understand that it took a lot of time and soul searching for you to accept your own CD-ing then please try to see it is not a one time thing or an easy thing for your wife either. Please take a moment to read this post from Marla GG from August 13, 2005. It should help you see and understand a bit better the GG POV.
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...tance+pendulum
Kudos for all your efforts already.

[Cheery GG]

I didn't mean it like that, I'm VERY sorry. It's just my frustration coming out because my wife is only partially accepting of my cd'ing. Once again, so very sorry, I don't want to anger any gg's, especially the accepting ones. God bless you for your loving hearts!

Thats ok, maybe i was a little too blunt.....god love hormones...yuk ! The point i was trying to make was that when your in a commited relationship its not simply about that one person getting what they want...there must be compromise, sacrifice and understanding.....these things are not always going to way up equally, but does that matter.....

It came across that one should crossdress and if little wifey doesnt like it...tough, dont tell her....

The reason we have the gg forum is so that us 'little wifeys'.....make some EFFORT/TIME and SACRIFICE.....to be ok with it all......

And i agree yes your the one living with it, but we are too !

cheery
xx

[dancinginthedark]

Point taken, but is there anything that the gg's have to stop doing to make the males happy? I'm not trying to start a fight, I would just like to hear both sides. PS, Not trying to hijack thread!

Let’s see:
1) Put my own fears on the back burner to support him as he gets used to the concept of sharing himself with me fully
2) Something that breaks my heart because he didn’t feel he could do so much sooner ~ together 18 years then he finally trusts me enough to tell me?! [No need to bash this GG or tell me how hard it was and is for him. I know that. He tells me that all the time and so do many others here.]
3) Which brings me to this one, I can’t be totally open or honest without hurting someone or being attacked for not being 100% all the time.
4) I got dragged into that closet when he told me and while I take my place there with all the love and support I have it ain’t easy for me either hun]
5) The life I thought I had is gone. We all have these ideas, hopes, and dreams based on what we believe our reality to be. But in an instant I found out it wasn’t based on facts but lies and deceit.
6) The shopping trips that were supposed to be for me, to help me feel better and to reassure me…that he is still a man/my husband and boost my self-esteem that turned into a day of shopping for her instead.
7) Knowing it has been years since he even wanted to take a pix of me and swallowing the hurt and smiling as we do yet another photo shoot and fashion show. Something he has never indulged me in btw.
There are too many to list. I do it because I love him. ~ There are two sides to every coin dear. Just because you can’t see my side clearly does not mean it doesn’t exist. That road to acceptance is bumpy and there are road blocks and hidden dangers. Please cut me and all the GG’s some slack.

[Cheery GG]

Wow Mae, i think not only have we hijacked this thread...but weve really started a storm in a tea cup here.......

Of course i could add to your post.....but i wont...its not fair, after all.....were meant to just nod and accept and agree arent we.....

emx

[Karren H]

Sorry to here that Randi! But this is wierd!! Not you but I had on my mp3 player. Listening to Staind's "Cross to Bear" and singing along "I'm still here, patiently waiting for you to dissapear" and at the same instant I scrolled down to your post on my blackberry!! Freaked me out for a second!! LOL.

Well many or our wives don't approve or don't participate and we find ways to still dress and not upset the wives we love so much!! Good luck.

Love Karren

[SKINNYGIRL]

I'm sorry I hijacked this thread and ticked off the gg's. I guess this is why I don't post much. Maybe I should just keep things to myself.

[Cheery GG]

I'm sorry I hijacked this thread and ticked off the gg's. I guess this is why I don't post much. Maybe I should just keep things to myself.

stop apologising, dont worry about it....you dont need to keep yourself to yourself....we were just giving our opinions.....like we keep being asked for....

This is a prime example of why we dont...cos when we do, its not what you wanna hear and everyone throws a wobbly.....

Case closed, done dusted finished and forgotten...well until Tamara reads it that is...lol

em
x

[Tamara Croft]

I agree with carol ann, but why is it that the males always have to sacrifice to keep the females happy? I hope some of the gg's sacrifice for the males!

You have GOT TO BE KIDDING??? Please tell me you ARE KIDDING...

Do you know how hard it really is for a woman to live with a CD? the sacrifices one has to make, the secrets, the lies, living with the depression, the anger, the frustration, the need, the want, the selfishness, hiding it from the kids, the family...... do I need to go on??? because I have a list as long as the UK M1...... what sacrifices have you made?

Things just never cease to amaze me on this forum..... you think you have read it all....... *shakes head in DISBELIEF*

[SKINNYGIRL]

Once again, I'm sorry for what I said, sometimes, well most of the time, I put my manly feet in my femme mouth. My frustration gets the best of me.

[Wendy me]

ok this issue is getting just a little fired up ... look frist off this whole cding thingy is not all together easy for the cd ... can we all say yes that's true ??. ... good thanks .... ok and for you gg's that are souportive hats off to you all i am more than shure there are parts of this that are to say the lest veary hard to deal with... that we cd's just will never fully understand.... can we all agree on that ??? good i thought so.... and then again for those of us that have so's that are to say the lest not understanding of our cding... see that's were i am as well as so manny outhers out there....gawd we love our so's and although the last thing we want is to hurt them or do something behind their backs .... this is something that we can't just hang up in the closet and walk away from ....

and as well as a cd or what ever lable you want to stick... a so supportive or not ... we will always have that ground were we ... don't see eye to eye.. and issues that just get us all worked up here.....

i am not saying anyone is right nor am i saying anyone is wrong ....time to bouth sides to take that deep breath .... ever been asked to give your opion on a issue were there is no stright forward right answer??? well this is one of them .... no matter how you look at it there can be no right answer ... someone's point of view is going to clash with the outher one's ..... please lets not let this get to far out of controll.....

[SKINNYGIRL]

OK let's call a truce, before someone finds me and gives me a pair of cement shoes!

[dancinginthedark]

Once again, I'm sorry for what I said, sometimes, well most of the time, I put my manly feet in my femme mouth. My frustration gets the best of me.

Skinnygirl,
My words were meant for everyone kiddo even though I addressed you. That way I could address and quote your comment/question and answer all who read your words and thought “Yeah, what she said”. Don’t hide or stop posting. The only GG who bites here is Tamara. LOL You just happened to be the girl brave enough to say what some of the others may be thinking. (I know not everyone thinks the same here.) I understand frustration and I have put my size nines in my mouth so often I sometimes feel I only open my mouth to exchange feet.

Glad to meet you. And hope to hear more from you.

[Cheery GG]

See....were not that bad......

Well...some of us are ok.....lol

em- hopefully everyones friend !
x