A question of balance

[Alicia_lynn419]

Just curious of how others keep the balance between their male and female selves/lives. For me this seems to be the one issue that is always important to keep in mind... Does your partner help you to stay balanced, or do you find balance on your own? How?

[sparks]

I used to be very balanced and let out the femme side when I was sure there was only me around. My SO knows and is accepting to the point of don't want to see or talk about. And with the yewts around. Bless the little boogers. Minds are fragile when they are young so enough said.
These days I'm not so balanced and having a real tough time keeping personalities in check. Not that I flaunt it or chatter on about it, just that little inner voice that keeps going off. I've been obsessed in my thoughts about cding. Why I don't know.
But to answer the question I keep things in check simply cause I have no other choice. I respect my wife's wishes to much to be inconsiderate about it.

[Krystenw]

I think I'm balanced. I live my life dress as a woman. When I need to do otherwise I do.
So far haven't gotten them mixed up yet.
Krysten

[Siobhan Marie]

I'd say that I'm balanced. When I'm dressed (or as dressed as I can be at the mo), I'm Anna and when I'm in drab, I'm me (if that makes sense). Mind you I do go food shopping in Anna mode. That way I don't forget anything!

Anna x

[Jerry]

I choose to keep Jerry in the closet because it's easier with our culture. When I told my wife, she gave the same conditions Sparks mentioned. When alone. Not out. Not with others. Okay with me.

But I think about it hundreds of time a day. A therapist asked me to try to track it once. It was like saying, "don't think about that elephant in the room".

They say guys think about sex many many times a day, I think this is how my mind does that. I think about how it would feel driving, walking, shopping, eating, reading.... you get the idea.

Then, when I get a chance, I dress. (Right now I'm in the dog house, so I'm abstaining. Can't stop thinking about it for long, though.)

Jerry

[Kate Simmons]

Without getting too much into the spiritual aspect (which is important to me) let's just say I have done a lot of research and have learned how to achieve balance between my male and female energies. It wasn't always that way. I found that if I tried to express myself as exclusively one or the other, I would go off balance and not be happy. In fact, I was downright miserable. I look forward to my "Richard" time as much as I do my "Ericka" time. It's different for everyone, however and it helps to know yourself as a person. I have family obligations as well which I enjoy. It depends on what your outlook is and your needs are. All I know is that it seems to work for me. Ericka Kay

[gennee]

I keep 'Gennee' separate from my male self. I don't think about crossdressing 24/7. When I dress up, I am my femme self.The balance is very important since I have other responsibilities and interests.

Gennee

[Womanatheart1]

Alicia,
Great, thoughtful post for us who require balance.
Could there be 3 divisions of cding?
1. those who can go all the way without limits
2. those in the middle of the road - who need balance between a exposed fem side and very real male side with responsibilities to balance.
3. those who are very restricted to exposed fem side and mostly reside in the male side.

Reading the posts reminds me of how strong being a cder really is. How many of us risk much of value by gratifying this cd draw in us; employment, position, civic responsibilities, family, relationships, cherished male freindships, children, loved ones - to be a cder (or fake woman)

Alicia; In my profession I am a time mgmt pro. One of my biggest struggles is to justify, to myself the tremendous time I spend (waste?) on cding. It defies all logic. Why cd? I am not a woman! I really don't even come close to looking like one. Only for the emotional feel of being a woman? Come on!! I can not justify it - but I do it.

Ericka Key: The draw to be a cder cannot be underestimated. I have tried to deny it, many times. Eliminate it? - I can't. So, I must live with it and create a balance, somehow. My family comes first. But like you said - if I get exclusive - I get off balance and no one wins.
Confusing to others? - yes. But I must express Stepanie too. Whether small or large. It is the first question on my list to ask God - why cd? I really think there is a purpose on earth for for us cder. Its not just to be self obsorbed and self gratification. I am sure it is to bring kindness, understanding, balance, and greater acceptance to other people. What a valuable perspective we have as cders, that we can give the world; both male and female emotions! (gg's would probably say us cders are not as close to being a gg as we like to think- maybe true) I can only imagine it is in those moments of understanding (not brash in your face - I am a cder!!! but...) between a daughter, son, wife, mother, brother, preacher, priest, fellow employee, stranger, other cder - that we can contribute. If I, as a man and because of my cd fem side, can understand a woman better and bring peace and understanding to someone - great accomplishment.
Look forward to others comments. Thanks Alicia.
Love, Stephanie

[TGMarla]

This is a theme I have hawked relentlessly ever since I got here. I went into some depth on my views on this in a thread last January. You can review it here. I agree completely that we need to strike a balance. There are many here who are not in control of their CDing; rather, they allow the CDing to dictate their lives. I have been there and done that, and I think it's better when a balance is achieved.

Acceptance from one's SO is one thing, but acceptance by the self is another. And it must come first, before one's SO can accept, and before a balance can be attained. Only by accepting ourselves as CDs, can we truly find a balance.

Hmmm....no smilies that look like a levitating Buddha......oh well.

[Jennaie]

honestly, my life has been quite out of balance because of dressing, but I am beginning to get it more in balance. I barely got out of school this semester with A's. It's difficult to balance things. I have found that I can be Jennaie even when I am not dressed as her and that helps a lot.

[Kate Simmons]

honestly, my life has been quite out of balance because of dressing, but I am beginning to get it more in balance. I barely got out of school this semester with A's. It's difficult to balance things. I have found that I can be Jennaie even when I am not dressed as her and that helps a lot.

Jennaie, If you've realized that, you are getting there. Ericka

[Adrienne Heels]

I have accepted the fact that I need to be a girl at times and let my feminine side out. But I also need to be a dad and husband, and breadwinner for my family. I think about dressing and shopping a lot, and fortunately have some alone time to indulge myself. It is like finding time to participate in a hobby, so to speak.

[Rachel Morley]

For me balance is about moving through three very different levels of expression. Guy mode (only at work) girly guy mode (evenings and some weekends) and fully en femme whenever I get the opportunity, which one weekend every two weeks. I have an accepting wife but she has a 15 year old son who lives with us and I'm not out to him. He just sees me at home dressed in some fairly girly clothes for a guy. Only when he goes to his Dad's for the weekend do I really get to dress completely. Fortunately, the girly guy mode just about does it for me, without that I'd be hurting bad.

So fortunately for me, it's not all or nothing, and I'm thankful that I can express a lot of femininity at home, but it can still be frustrating not being able to dress en femme when I want to.

[steffie39]

I've tried to keep balance in mind but the last 2 weeks it seems that Steffie has taken control of the ship! It's been a fun ride though! I need to get back to a balance though and I will while still having Steffie as a healthy part of my life.

Steffie