Betrayed

[KrazyKat]

Sheena and Sheena's wife,

For both of you!! The fact that you are both actively seeking information shows me that you do love each other very much!! The fear of the unknown, and what you can do about it, is a very strong, strong emotion. A short 18 months ago, I didn't know anything much, let alone that my loving husband had battled with this for 50 years!! I did go through a short period, also, of thinking this was something that could be changed, 2 weeks or less is very short compared to 45 years my SO went through this. However, I had a lot more information in that timespan and no fear of being rejected by everyone on earth. I could logically understand the difference this could make, and I saw the wondrous joy the first time my soulmate saw the reflection of beauty in the mirror. I'm so glad I was open minded enough to share this!! This humbled me to tears! Something I'll never forget!
MY 0.02 , get all the info you can, talk, talk, talk, more info, talk, sometimes gender therapists can help, talk, talk, there's always time for a divorce, but, from my own experience, if this person is your soulmate, truly, you'll find away. I'd, personally, rather be sure, because I'm eternally grateful I didn't give up, even when I thought I couldn't go on, I'm glad I've stuck it out!! The rewards have been better than I could've dreamed, I have a best friend for life!! Just sharing my thoughts!!
KrazyKat

[DonnaT]

I surely hope you two can work it out Sheena.

Note that mistakes were made by both parties, as you're only human. No one really knows if the action they've chosen is the right one. Especially if the shoice is made out of despiration.

Whats nice is, you do have the capability to forgive each other and start working on a relationship that includes the CDing.

It's important that you both realize that the relationship WILL include CDing. Doesn't matter if one party tries to hide it, or the other party tries to deny it (like an ostrich with their head in the sand), you know it's part of the relationship. Because there is no known cure for the CDing.

Hopefully you can work out a compromise that will work to the benefit of both of you. No ultimatums. Ultimatums can be the beginning of the end.

You know, Sheena, if it were me, and my wife brought someone home like that, I'd have invited them in for tea. I'm quite comfortable with myself, and not ashamed nor embarrassed to be known as or seen as a CD. Just saying

[FrankieJ GG]

This makes me sad, I can only hope that you understand that you are most important here. Obviously your marriage is very important as well, you made vows to each other. Maybe those are something to think about as well, on your wifes part. Its really aweful that she gave you her blessing and is now trying to tear away something that is so much a part of you. I have only begun to understand the CDing, but something I do know is that I accepted my SO CDing and I know that I can never change that part of him. I think that your wife needs to stop and think about what some of the people here have said for example, once a dresser always one. Thats how I see it even though I am not on that side of it. You do this because it makes you feel good, makes you feel beautiful. She needs to continue to let you have that feeling. I am a part of Tylie's (my SO) CDing and am very happy to be. Would she really rather push you away, and would you really let her? Sheena, this is you, you cant change YOU. You love your wife, she loves you right? Well Sheena, once again, YOU ARE YOU. I hope she can understand that the best thing for her to do right now is learn to understand you. I know its has to be hard being that she has really betrayed your trust by bringing someone into your very private life and trying to make you stop this. But love really does conquer all so its sit down time for the two of you, dont just continue to hurt each other. Decide if you can live this life together. And dont expect yourself to feel like you can change this part of you. If anything I do understand that this is something that is just as much a part of you as your non femme self is.

Best wishes to you
Frankie

[sheena]

Hi again and thanks once again the comments continue to be very encouraging and my wife will be on soon I hope and read them. Last night she brought home a "peace offering" as she called it, a new pair of pantyhose for me. She is really trying to work this out I think but is getting bad advice from others now. People who want to help me but don't know anything. I didn't know 180 turn about was a possibility so now I'm sort of walking on eggs as they say. Her account should be working now and she will use her account to answer, don't know why some here think I was making this up.
Sheena

[Krissi]

Sheena, I know a lot of us have condemned your wife for the ambush, and I agree whole heartedly, but won't Sounds like bad advice, and being someone that has been taking an active role in some church activities lately, it does sound like some self rightousness on their part.

Now the advice I will give to both of you is about acceptance. As I have found on here, a lot of times when a wife finds out about her husband CDing you either have the big blow up or some form of acceptance/support. Now the misunderstanding here usually falls on us. We'll take anything thats not a screaming yelling match as full blown permission to be as femme as possible. What our wives are thinking is usually more long the lines of I'll tolerate this quirky lil habit of his because I love him and maybe he'll get bored with it.

Even if she buys you somethings, maybe even helps you get dressed sometimes she can still be tolerating instead of accepting. I don't know how to tell you to tell the difference, because I think a lot of this is on a case by case basis.

Communication is the key. Tolerance isn't always a bad thing, and acceptance isn't always a good thing. My advice would be to slow down and rebuild the foundation for the relationship. Both of you overreacted and done things that could destroy everything you've had. When that happens you don't need patchwork, you need to rebuild. Sheena, that may mean for you, very limited dressing time, Mrs. Sheena for you that may mean learning to stretch your beliefs and tuning out certain people. To me, its always been easy to tell who is giving advice in my best interest, verses someone giving me advice off of what they want to be my best interest.

[Momarie]

Ladies,

After just reading Sheena's wife first thread under "Christian"GG.
I gotta say I am shocked and am here to tell you I had this one ALL WRONG.

My apologies to you all and to Sheena.

[Momarie]

Sheena,

It's one thing for a woman to struggle in coping with this......
But it's a whole other thing, when she tries to make you feel ashamed.
There is no shame in this.

For your own self preservation, you might find a compassionate Dr. to negate some of the stuff you are hearing at home and maybe some anti-depressants to take the edge off the darkness.

You're fine Sheena.

[purple_spider GG]

Hi
First of all what I have noticed is that you wife has taken your clothes because she says she feels guilty about 'enabling you'. This implies that she is blaming herself for your gender dysphoria; that somehow she is responsible for your GD and now she feels it is her duty to save you from it. To me I think that this demonstrates that your wife lacks knowledge and information about gender identity disorder, transgenderism, etc!

To resolve this you need to tell her everything, stop hiding things and be absolutely honest with her. If you intend to do more than just cross dress then you should tell her. You also need to let her see that just because you have come out as transgender it does not change who you are inside, in fact you are still the same person she married it's just that she has now something else about you to deal with as well.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[Cherry Lynn]

They both need help.

[sheena]

p.s. we do discuss this alot and at the moment we are doing fine.
Thanks
Sheena

[Lulie GG]

doesn't help the cause does it.