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Thread: Betrayed

  1. #1
    being myself, loving it sheena's Avatar
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    Betrayed

    My wife went on a women's retreat for 3 days and asked if I was going to dress while she was away. Of course I said since I've been dressing at every opportunity anyway. So knowing I'd be dressed she brings one of her GG friends to the door and demands me to unlock it, she has a key and has always let her self in, anyway I asked are you alone and she said no. PANIC!!!
    She didn't bring her friend in but her friend could smell perfume and became suspicious and now she and her husband knows about my CDing. They say they are not going to say anything to anyone, yeah right. This morning my wife took all my stash away and said she had to because she felt guilty about enabling me, we went shopping together for most of it. I thought she was ok with my CDing, she said she was and everything seemed cool until now. I told her about this part of me back in January and after her getting over the shock she has been accepting. Now I'm depressed. Any advice.
    Thanks,
    Sheena
    Last edited by sheena; 05-15-2006 at 02:15 PM.

  2. #2
    Raksha's My Dreamboat Tracy_Victoria's Avatar
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    I read this post, and then wondered who had been betrayed!! Yep your girlfriend/wife has not acted well, but your last statement worries me.

    I Maybe I should just leave start a new life somewhere else, get SRS and live the rest of my life the way I always wanted too. Any advice.

    Have you told her your a TV or a TS. if she has gone along with your dressing and put her faith in you, trusted you, and then found out you want a sex change, her actions become a bit clearer. Certainly if you have implied your a TV, happy in the male role, and only do this occationally.

    Basically the only answer is to talk, but maybe you need to look at your actions here, as much as hers

    good Luck
    Cya

    Tracy

    [SIZE="2"]The nail that stands out the most, is the one that is hammered down the hardest![/SIZE]

  3. #3
    Aspiring Member Caitlintgsd's Avatar
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    I don't think that taking off and severing the relationship is your only option. I went to gender counseling and took my wife along on some of the appointments. That helped her tremendously in figuring things out for herself. She also belongs to a SO group here that meets once a month. The group discusses their issues as spouses and SO's of CD's and T people. One of the rules is that nobody can bash. That's not what the group is about. Perhaps there are similar resources available in your area? I used to think about throwing my relationship out of the window as well, but not anymore.

  4. #4
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    Hi Sheena,

    If what has happened is because you have expressed interest in changing genders, well then she likely is quite upset. Not that it excuses the entrapment she pulled on you, but it does explain her anger especially if she married you without the knowledge of your transgender worries.

    But if she knew about your transgender desires already, what can one say, the sort of behaviour your wife demonstrated is beyond childish, it's purposly hurtful and a direct attack on you. This is the last sort of behaviour one would expect from a spouse, someone who supposedly loves you. Honestly, I would not tolerate this in the least. OPne thing I have learned is that life is short and as far as we know, we only have the one to live. I for one would not tolerate taht behaviour and would make plans to move on, but that is me and I cannot tell you what to do. But I do feel you need to come to terms with her and at the very least she owes you one hell of an apology. I am totally shocked at her behaviour, your wife, your lover, the one person you should be able to trust and rely on.

    Julia
    Last edited by Julia Cross; 05-15-2006 at 02:01 PM.

  5. #5
    On the Capn's Ship Kimberley's Avatar
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    Whoa there girl!!!! Way too fast, too many conclusions. Slow down and take a breath.

    First, what your spouse did was wrong, dead wrong. That should be the first topic of concern. Secondly her removing your clothing is further punishment for her sudden disapproval. I would say that she has a problem here, that of open communication. She cannot say one thing and act another.

    Personally I would have been very angry at this behaviour from her. (I would have refused to answer the door in the first place.)

    I would suspect there is something else going on with her that she is not telling you about since she seemed okay with it in the beginning. You need to find that out first then go from there. Take some time to calm down then talk it out.

    Kimberley.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    www.transgenderlondon.com

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  6. #6
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    Well leaving her may be a bit fast, but what she did by telling friends and bringing them over like that is out of line, I tell you what I would pin her ears back, no reason to put you in that position, and just because your married don't mean she can toss your stuff out.

  7. #7
    being myself, loving it sheena's Avatar
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    edited

    ok I edited out that last statement. I'm talking from hurt and big disapointment. So just comment on the frist part. My wife knows all about me , we've talked alot and no this didn't come about because I now want SRS.

  8. #8
    24/7 knicker wearer Helen MC's Avatar
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    Looks as if you will have to get out of that relationship sooner or later. I think it is dreadful how she set you up in this way.

    Examine all the possibilities but be prepared to split up if needs be. Best wishes to you.
    [SIZE="5"]Helen[/SIZE]

  9. #9
    Haley Pink~
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    Hmmm?

    Sounds lik She is getting advice from other Girls! Also no Good advice.
    I'd ask Her about it!
    Last edited by HaleyPink2000; 05-15-2006 at 02:29 PM.
    Haley P. Kemp

  10. #10
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    Hi Sheena,

    Having clarified that, I don't think you are in a healthy relationship. that sort vindictive trap she did is simply not one people do to each other. i would expect that from an enemy, not a spouse.

    There are a lot more caring, understanding and appreciative women out there, why waste your life.

    The more I think of it, would you even want to be associated with someone who behaves in such a manner. Decent people just don't do this sort of thing. If this is how she behaves towards you, the love has been lost long ago and replaced with bitterness and resentment bordering on deep dislike.

    Julia
    Last edited by Julia Cross; 05-15-2006 at 02:31 PM.

  11. #11
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    whoa!

    We first off are here for a shoulder to cry on for each othe rlets not forget that . Telling the person asking a question about thinking of getting out of a relation ship i think is harmfull especially if they were not thinking of this in the first place. What you wife did is what most woman do a 180 as they call it . i think she feels embarrased at the fact that you might have been outed as they say . This removal of your attire is a defense mechanism on her part i think .try and talk with her but be very aware you might not like what you first hear initially but should get better in time . But be open with each other and respectfull to each other . love has no bounderies. There are many ways to skin a cat in that said look back at how both of you and i mean both of you acted or what was said and how it was said when she was supposed t be away and came home with a friend. When talking to her start from the start and dont get angry when the other person explains their frustration .


    Keep an open mind and walk a mile in their shoes( no not litterally )

    Tanya

  12. #12
    Haley Pink~
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    Hmmm?

    My First Wife did crap like that to me. I did everything I could to hold the marriage together. Just speaking from my own past here. I was so blind because I loved Her. She got away with all kinds of things I should have been aware of. But as the saying goes " Love is blind". I did turn a blind eye at ever turn. I did not see it coming.

    You are not seeing the complete picture here. For some reason it sounds like. She's got you at arms length. Not allowing you in. Ok that said, Seems She is getting info from other Girls that is being damaging to your marriage. It's an old story Hun. Women talk! Seems She brought them over on purpose to ridicule you. Maybe scare you to death, who knows what was in Her mind.


    Evidently it sounds like a scheme that was put together by them. If so you need to find out why it was done. Corner the other couple one on one. Maybe they will fess up to it. Then again maybe they will just lie to you. Figure it out some how. Maybe for evidence for a Divorce etc. I’d be like finding out.

    If your going to SRS that don't mean you have to divorce Her. A great movie is called Natural. Rent it.
    Haley P. Kemp

  13. #13
    Member Lulie GG's Avatar
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    What your wife did was wrong - a nasty act.

    But have you asked her why she is being so vendictive - perhaps shes hurting inside and trying to punish you.

    Lulie
    that was a big hole but I've climbed up and started walking again.

  14. #14
    Lux et Veritas Stormgirl's Avatar
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    wow that was really messed up of your wife to do that
    Merry

    HRT since 2009

  15. #15
    Haley Pink~
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    Hmmm?

    I'd love to have the people on the forum have a go at Her. Ask Her to check in here! Lets just talk to Her about Her side of this also! Why would She think She can treat you like a Child.
    Haley P. Kemp

  16. #16
    being myself, loving it sheena's Avatar
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    This is Sheena's wife. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What I did I did as repentance.I don't want to feel responsible for seeing my husband destroy himself and I can't handle this burden alone even though he expects me to. I want him to get over being a cd and get on with life. We were having a beautiful relationship before he told me and I want that relationship back. I went along with it because I thought that was the loving thing to do but it is getting worse now. It seems to me that he can't function without it. I think I did the total wrong thing going along with it and since I went with him to get the stuff I got rid of the stuff I helped him to get. I told him if he wants to get it, he needs to get it without my help and he doesn't like that. He thinks I'm wanting him to tell the whole world even though I'm not. He thinks I betrayed a confidence and I didn't want this kind of confidence to betray. He thought we were having fun with it but I was gritting my teeth and bearing it out of love for him.

  17. #17
    Out for a walk EricaCD's Avatar
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    EDIT: Never mind. Sheena's wife apparently beat me to the post. Nothing more to say.
    For photos on flickr, my user name is cd_erica_f

  18. #18
    Senior Member Lilith Moon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sheena
    This is Sheena's wife. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What I did I did as repentance.I don't want to feel responsible for seeing my husband destroy himself and I can't handle this burden alone even though he expects me to. I want him to get over being a cd and get on with life.
    Dear Sheena's Wife,

    You need to stop before any more damage is done...take some deep breaths...calm down...do some research on the topic. Listen to what people in here have to say...especially female partners of crossdressers. I'm sure they will be along with advice shortly. Good luck to both of you.

  19. #19
    Member Lulie GG's Avatar
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    I can understand your hurting, I've been there, still go there quite a lot, I shout and scream. A lot of wives yo-yo, and I feel for you but I must admit what you did was pretty below the belt especially bringing someone else into the argument.

    If you love him enough then you maybe able to work through it, for me its been a year and I still don't want to really accept, yet we're together still working through it.

    Talk to him.

    Lulie
    Last edited by Lulie GG; 05-15-2006 at 03:05 PM.
    that was a big hole but I've climbed up and started walking again.

  20. #20
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    Sheena's wife.

    I am not sure how much you know about crossdressers, but this fact is true. Once a crossdresser, always a crossdresser. it will not go away, it is part of him. He can hide it for a while if you insist and he goes along, but it will nag away at him, he will become resentful and it will come back. If crossdressing is something you definately cannot tolerate, then you need to ask yourself if this is the right marriage for you as well.

    And for the record, I speak from experience. My wife made this painful decision as well. And yes it was hard for us, and although I cannot speak for her, i am a much happier man now that I can be myself without fearing her disapproval.

    Julia

  21. #21
    T-something Marla S's Avatar
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    @Sheena's wife
    To 99 % there is no cure for CDing. One has to deal with it.

    Join the Private GG Forum. The GGs here are most helpful and you can talk more openly about your feelings.

  22. #22
    ~Dee~s GG always&forever ~Kitty GG~'s Avatar
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    I think that there are an awful lot of messed up relationships out there.

    And with the CD/TS issues its easy for all the relationship issues to get blamed on that. From both sides.. The person with the gender issues is blaming all thier probs on the gender issues, particularly that they're not accepted. And the SO is blaming all the uncertainty and any behaviour they don't like on the gender issues.

    I keep saying fix the relationship.. or accept that you're not a suitable match and allow both to move on.

    Couples should be discussing the issues together first and foremost. Therapists, friends, forums, etc should be secondary.

    The person with the gender issues should be striving to understand who they are so that they can present a reasonably accurate picture to the SO. They should be careful that other things aren't making the CD/TS issues worse for their partner.. an example is spending all thier time online.. and neglecting the partner. The partner is gonna resent the CDing and the CDers you're talking to.. not just ask you for more attention. Another big one here is the CD wanting the SO to be away a lot so they have the privacy to dress. What SO wants their love to prefer time away from them?

    Now the SO needs to educate themself. Find out what gender identity issues are and what the possible outcomes are. And they need to separate the everyday complaints that all marriages have from the gender issues. They need to identify the personal issues they are facing because of their partner's GID. And bring those to the discussion. Honesty is important here. A problem that is hinted at or hidden behind some other issue is not going to be addressed properly. So an SO who is very worried about their place in the relationship should say that right out. Just asking "are you gay" does NOT address the issue.

    From reading the posts on this forum I wonder at how little respect both partners show each other.

    Is this really what you envisioned for the two of you? Is this what your SOs were hoping for when they signed on with you?

    Is this what you want for the future?

    Love & Hugs
    ~Kitty~
    [SIZE="2"]Love is trusting
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  23. #23
    girl next door
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    Hi, Dr. Tammi here

    I am so sorry that the two of you have wound up at this point. Perhaps Sheena's wife should have been more honest about her feelings about the CD'ing earlier (with herself and Sheena). Perhaps Sheena should have been a little more perceptive of her wife's true feelings. There are prolly alot of woulda coulda shoulda's to go around. The good news is that it's all (well, maybe not ALL all) out on the table now.

    If you do still care about each other and your marriage, there is still hope. Even if you don't know right now how it might be possible to get through this, it's OK. You can make it through if you're sufficiently committed to making that happen. If it's worth it, great - and good luck to the two of you cuz it certainly will be challenging at times. If you're darn sure that it's not worth it, this might be the time to face that fact.

    Either way, I sincerely wish all the best to both of you. I hope that however you decide to proceed, you can both move forward and treat yourselves, and each other, with the love and respect that you both deserve.

    Love,

    Tammi
    .
    [SIZE="3"]
    my wish for you is peace
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    .

    lo·gom·a·chy /loʊˈgɒməki/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[loh-gom-uh-kee] –noun, plural -chies.
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  24. #24
    Do you have that in pink? Julie Avery's Avatar
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    Sheena, I don't know that it gets discussed a lot, but I think what's happened to you is not too far out of the mainstream. "Acceptance" of crossdressing by a partner who didn't know about it at the commencement of the relationship can be a fragile thing, can and does turn into threats to expose, ridicule, etc, at bad moments. Lots of things that are later regretted from both sides happen at bad moments. I'd just say, "stay tuned for the long run", and see where this is going, before drawing any firm conclusions - though I agree, the incident is very troubling.
    "Inside of every old person is a young person wondering what the hell happened."

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  25. #25
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    If what you said happened, was done intentionally by your wife to "out" you as a means of making you stop, I think that was mean and wrong. I know I'd never go out of my way to humiliate anyone that I was in a relationship with, no matter what the problem was, it's between the two of you, not your friends, not the neighbor's.

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