This is Sheena's wife. By totally supporting Sheena I must give up life as I know it and I feel Sheena doesn't care a bit about the effect of reputation and loss of friends and social standing or loyalty. I brought her a peace offering because she wasn't functioning without Sheena and this is real scary to me. I don't want to believe this is hopeless I've invested most of my life into this relationship.HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!
I am confused as to how you being supportive of your husband means that you have to give up life as you know it. I took a look at Sheena's posting history, 3 threads, and not counting her own threads she has replied to 8 other posts. In none of them did I see where she wanted to change her sex and be a woman full time. You know her a heck of a lot better than we on the forum do, so you may know things that we do not.
So how does your husbands desire to wear woman's clothing mean you have to change your life? Have you talked with your DH about what he wants, needs, would like? Perhaps all he needs is some Sheena time every once in a while. Have you told him about what your concerns are, what you are comfortable with and what you are not comfortable with?
It is hard to offer advice with out knowing all of the details, not that we need to know them all but a few more would help.
Feeling and looking great
Jasmine and Donna
Swiss Miss
Hi Christian
This is abit of a tough thread to answer simply because I really dont know enough about you or your situation. However,I dont understand why youve got to lose friends and social standing etc etc. Is this because your partner Sheena is wanting to announce to the world that he dresses, or is it a more private thing.
I know that it can be abit frightening and I really feel for you, but to be honest if I thought I'd lose friends because of my partners crossdressing I'd think seriously about what kind of friends they really were. I'd also be more concerned about losing my husband than my friends.
When you first find outabout your CD partner, all sorts of thoughts go through your mindand your imagination works overtime. Often you end up with the worst case scenario firmly implanted in your mind and you really believe that it will happen that way. If you want to talk some more mail me I'd be more than happy to talk to you. Take care of yourself, honestly Christian it isn't the end of the world, there is life after CDing and depending on how you both handle this it could work out just fine.
BEVxxx
As someone who was discovered by my wife - I do believe your husband has a big responsiblity to balance this.
My wife was sympathetic but made it very clear that it was not something that she wanted to be part of her life or of the life of family and friends. Therefore by implication i was banished back into the closet.
I recognise that my relationship with her and with my family is more important than any urges I may have. Whilst i know that the desire to dress will not go away, I realise that I have to wait for those periods when i have time to myself alone to be able to indulge them.
I owe at least that to my family. love is the most important thing in my life and in the life of everyone of us.
Can i suggest you have a deep conversation with him, outlining what is, and what isn't acceptable to you and ask him to support you. if he really loves you he will do that.
'What the caterpillar perceives is the end, to the butterfly is just the beginning'
He wants to be Sheena all the time. He is depressed at not being Sheena to the point of not being able to work or feel good about himself in his male role.Originally Posted by Janelle Young
Good answer, I don't know if he is capable.
He seems to be going downhill since he came out of the closet. He used to be depressed alot but not to the degree that he is now if he can't stay dressed 24/7.
Bravo!
You're a class act Bev!
Love,
SilkenPrincess
aka Steph
I don't know what your profession is and where you want to go there, but you ever thought about being open and offensive (in a positive, honest way) with the CDing of Sheena and together with Sheena?
Ok, I won't work out in politics and church but in most any other field it could even be a chance - for Sheena, for you, and for other CDs TSs and their families.
Christian GG,
Knowing your DH wants to be Sheena all of the time and is having a hard time dealing with life in male mode makes a lot of difference. Thank you for telling us this.
I am at a bit of a loss as to what to suggest other than to talk to DH and see if he can make compromises. If he is unable to do that and still must be Sheena all of the time I am afraid there are not a lot of choices left. You can accept it, which if I were in your place I would not, or you can try, for a while, to come to a compromise. If neither of those work then the only option I see is to move on.
I hate the thought of moving on, alone. I do hope you two can come to an understanding and work through this.
Feeling and looking great
Jasmine and Donna
Swiss Miss
While posting on this site may release tension it will not resolve your problem as that will require outside help from a qualified professional.As a married,male crossdresser my opinion is tainted therefore it will never be really objective.However there are obviously rather deep seated problems that will need to be resolved for your marriage to have any chance to continue and be a happy relationship.
It may very well taper off I don't know. My 1st episodes out of the closet about 7 years ago led me to think I wanted this 24/7. As time went on and I actually got that opportunity, I realised I no longer wanted it.
Someone once told me back then beware of what they called 'gender euphoria', which I dismissed at the time but later found what they were saying to be quite true.
I don't think fame and CDing mix either, unless of course you are an entertainer who uses CDing to get the fame. Dependeing upon what area you are in, jokers could find out about it and try to make your life miserable, thinking they are doing right.
But if you do give him what he thinks he wants , he may go off the deep end.
My experience: once I had what I thought I wanted (24/7 dressing) I realised I didn't want it at all. But thats just me.
Hi Christian
My partner Louise is en-femme mode all the time now, she intends to get breast implants and has even legally changed her name. It can be scary because it is not a secret you two share it becomes something that everyone out there knows.
You say you have sacrificed things, but what have you sacrificed? All you have sacrificed is the facade you both lived and what you have now is reality and the truth. This so much better and I know that once you start to get used to it all you will actually feel much better than you do now.
I know how scary it is, my dad is a pastor so I was really worried that my family would disown me. I have told them now and they are still here for both of us and care a deal for us too. I look at it this way, if your family and friends really love and care for you then they won't abandon you. If they do then they were not worth knowing in the first place. If your friends and family abandon you then look at it as their problem not yours
It does get easier, but you need to know information about what GD and TG is: here are somethings that may help. Sheena is your husband your husband is Sheena and she and are all one and the same person. You just need time to get used to this.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transgender
http://www.gendertrust.org.uk/
http://www.gender.org.uk/gendys/
http://www.transgenderzone.com/transpanic.htm
http://www.stayclose.org/
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Thank you honey, I love it when you refer to me as her and she. All kidding aside, I'm real happy that your finally taking an active part here. And I do care, never wanted anyone but you to know about my CDing.
Love,
Sheena
HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Thank you honey, I love it when you refer to me as her and she. All kidding aside, I'm real happy that your finally taking an active part here. And I do care, never wanted anyone but you to know about my CDing.
Love,
Sheena
Since it seems my role is to be the resident bitch -
What else has been going on in Sheena's life to cause depression?
Changes in job, family, your own relationship?
A few weeks ago there was a program on "Nanny" or whatever it's called in which it seemed that everything was the ex-wife's fault - but Nanny took the ex-husband in tow and insisted on changes in his behavior and things improved. Things are not always what they seem to be. And that goes for both of you. I can't express how painful this all can be. But I've known people who have gone the 24/7 route, plunged into hrt, srs, and a white gowned wedding and then retreated into her apartment never to be seen again. Slow it down and talk, talk, talk.
Olivia
give the drama a rest ok? enough... :mad:
I second that.
Danielle
How can I? I'm an artist, an actress, and a musician. Expression is what I am good at.
Yep, I'd buy the fact that you're an actress.
Hi Christain GG,
Hard to answer in your situation, but I guess you have to hash out what your Husband Wants.
If he wants to be Sheena all the time, maybe he's not just a CD but someting more.
What I see alot of CD's saying is that I WANT when it should be a compromise betwwen the parties to preserve the relationship, you have a stake in this too.
You first have to identify what Sheena wants, cause all CD's goes tho the phase I'd love to dress all the time. In my case I was able to dress underneat most times, when I went out to CD clubs my wife knew and understood, but by choice did not paticipate. I chose to have a life as a Male and a CD both seperate and that I as most CD know the outing to freinds etc not only affects them but the whole family and jobs etc.
I think you have to sit down with Sheena and a Professional to work out what He She wants, and after that set up the rules that both benefits both. Dressing partially or at home at night is okay but Sheena must have to be able to make the adjustments to accomadate you as well as your family.
I think or it sounds like Sheena when she first came out to you is Trying To Rush you and the whole thing into full speed ahaed because she now knows the biggest hurtle is over telling the SO you Love.
But sitting down and writting out the pros and cons along with dealing with a professional may get this started to accomodate both.
I respect my wife's rules, she respects my rules, and in most cases that works.
Even a kids when given as much candy to eat as possible will always eat till they are sick, and after the Stomach they know that they have to do it in moderation. Hope this help. Jenn
PIXIE
It seems to me you'd be better cutting your losses and moving on with your life.
Fiona xx
I think I know what you're feeling.. my Ex felt much the same way - and I was not all that out then, or am i now. A lot of Cds tend to forget what effect our lifestyle can have on those around us - especially those who we love the most. Although my crossdressing was not the total reason why my wife and I are no longer together, I can't deny it had a major role to play in out separation.... and there isn't a day when I don't regret or wish things could have been different.
honestly I have to admit.. there is a line between acceptance (which we all pray for) and the reality of how this affects our partners. Your's is not an easy road, but if the love is there in a relationship, anything can be overcome.. just remember, the man you fell in love with is still that same man - no matter how he's dressed.
best of luck...
unstable is unstable, no matter what clothing or name one attaches to themself.
This thread (and the other two) gives a whole new meaning to the term "Drama Queen".
All Christians know that they walk in faith. Of course that means they must keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Personally
and no offence intended.
But you two should take this off the board and talk. your both airing your problems in public, when all you need to do is talk
you need to accept, and understand what each other needs, LIFE (Not crossdressing is a two way street) ie to demand respect you must give it.
if you two can't set guidelines, Schedules, and basically give way to each other then your marriage is doomed. simple as that.
christian GG as i see it, you outed your partner with out need to do so, and you drew attention to him, sorry you need to get in the real world here, when you love someone you protect them, not degrade them to there friends, not a christian act as far as i'm concerned!
Maybe your partner is being a pain, and maybe he is getting out of control with his dressing, and if he needs a reality check give it to him, but don't do this in public talk to each other, then it's up to both of you to decide what is really, really important in your live.
For me, I have to quote gun's n Roses here " What we have here, is failure, to comunicate, Some men you just can't reach!" Clearly this is six of one and half a dozen of another, and you both need to decide what is important to each of you. if there so very different, then again your relationship is doomed.
Sorry I'm not trying to sound harmful here, but there are a lot of people out there with talent, they can sing, dance, play instruments, and sadly they will never be famous, many to many clean and wait tables, or prop up Mc Donalds Saying "can I halp you sir!" waiting for there turn which never comes, aspiring to be famous, does not make you so. and if it is your turn, then it's a long hard path anyway, and support walking it, and making it, helps
Lastly I wonder if your name is christian, our are you using that as a statement to this, ie I am a Christian, over I am christian. do your fears actually steam from the pages of the bible, and the fear of the good book!
but what ever drives you, be it fear, or whatever:
You two need to talk, in the same room, at the same time, and decide what you both want, bickering here is not helping either of you.
Good Luck
Cya
Tracy
[SIZE="2"]The nail that stands out the most, is the one that is hammered down the hardest![/SIZE]
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