Confused, don't want to go there!

[robink]

Hi guys, I'm glad to have stumbled upon this forum via Google!
I am a 20 year old female who is having a totally difficult time with an issue in my current relationship. I don't know if this is the place to bring it up, but I've like hit a wall!
I have been dating a girl for about 8 months now, it is my first relationship. Though we have had some great times and spend most of our time together, we fight alot. I usually give into her most of the time because that is my nature. Lately, she has been pestering me to change my gender to a male.
She is having issues with being in a 2 girl relationship! I am totally happy with being female, I have accepted my homosexuality and have come out to family and friends. I don't know what to do, I love her and I believe she loves me, but how can she really love ME if she wants me to be somebody else?! Like somebody I would be uncomfortable being. I kind of realize the problem is her's and her own issues of identity, but she wants me to be the one to change!! I don't know what to do right now because we have talked and argued about this so often! Maybe we need time apart so she can figure out what her own issues are?! does anyone have any ideas? Thanks, Robin

[Cherry Lynn]

Sounds to me like you need to move on if she does not like you as you are. What if you change your gender and she decides she does not like you that way?

[mistunderstood]

I agree with Lex. Talk some more. Ask her why she wants you to change and what she hopes to see happen if you would change. Talk it out.

[robink]

Thanks for your support Lex and Danielle. I really do feel that I should move on but am scared that I won't find another relationship. I know that sounds stupid, but I don't really know anyone in the gay community, we really kind of just see each other.
It is so nice to have somebody to love me and I find it such a horrible thought that I'd have to leave my girlfriend and be alone.

[sparro]

You should really have a talk with your girlfriend. Same sex relationships can become confusing with gender and sexuality ( I know). Is something underlying her squeemishness? Confrontation and communicating is really what it sounds like your relationship needs (seeing as you're coming here rather then talking to her about it in the first place). And, in the end, if you can't reach an agreement, then that's that.
If you feel you should move on, though, what should be stopping you. There are tons of others people like you in the world, and seeing that you are 20, you're still very young and you'll have many more oppertunities in your lifetime. *hugs* fear not.

[privateperks]

Moving on aint easy if that's what you have to do. But you can't just up and change your gender. To begin with, it's not something you can do overnight. And if you're not inclined that way to start with, you'd probably be pretty unhappy. Talk it out, but keep in mind that if it doesn't work out - you're young and you know what they say about fish in the sea.

0.02

[~Kitty GG~]

Since she knew this was who you were up-front. Then in my opinion she's asking for you to NOT be you. In the end this will cause more probs for the relationship.

If she is uncomfortable in a 2 woman relationship.. how about if she plays the role of the male..?? Yes, that's an over simplified solution. And I'm sure she'd be totally against that. But pointing this out to her may give her a bit of insight about how you feel.

Could be that there is a compromise. If you can both communicate what your needs and your fears and your wants are. Then you may find that its really some small easily fixed thing that's coming between you rather than the large issue of gender. Figuring that out takes lots of honest communication and possibly the help of a third party, a counsellor of some sort.

Hope that you can work through this either together or have the courage to go your separate ways. Its really unfair to everyone when a couple stays together but are unhappy and resentful.

Love & Hugs
~Kitty~

[kittypw GG]

Thanks for your support Lex and Danielle. I really do feel that I should move on but am scared that I won't find another relationship. I know that sounds stupid, but I don't really know anyone in the gay community, we really kind of just see each other.
It is so nice to have somebody to love me and I find it such a horrible thought that I'd have to leave my girlfriend and be alone.

Why is being alone so scary? I have found through my life that I need the alone time to sort out who I am and what I want out of life. You will find someone else when you are ready trust me. Kitty

[Jennaie]

Hi guys, I'm glad to have stumbled upon this forum via Google!
I am a 20 year old female who is having a totally difficult time with an issue in my current relationship. I don't know if this is the place to bring it up, but I've like hit a wall!
I have been dating a girl for about 8 months now, it is my first relationship. Though we have had some great times and spend most of our time together, we fight alot. I usually give into her most of the time because that is my nature. Lately, she has been pestering me to change my gender to a male.
She is having issues with being in a 2 girl relationship! I am totally happy with being female, I have accepted my homosexuality and have come out to family and friends. I don't know what to do, I love her and I believe she loves me, but how can she really love ME if she wants me to be somebody else?! Like somebody I would be uncomfortable being. I kind of realize the problem is her's and her own issues of identity, but she wants me to be the one to change!! I don't know what to do right now because we have talked and argued about this so often! Maybe we need time apart so she can figure out what her own issues are?! does anyone have any ideas? Thanks, Robin

Yes, I have an idea, forget about her. Your happy with who you are and you have no desire to be a man or be with a man. Your dating the wrong person dear. You deserve to live your life as who you are, not who someone else expects you to be. Drop her and find some nice girl that loves you for who you are.

[CaptLex]

Hi Robin and welcome: We have a Wren and a Sparro, so I think you'll fit right in.

You've gotten a lot of good advice here and I hope it will help you. I'd like to add that nobody has the right to tell you who you are or who you should be. It's your life, it's your body and the decisions are yours to make - or, as I like to say, I'm the captain of my own ship.

I would say try to talk to your girlfriend one more time and make it clear that what she wants for you is not what you want for you and if that leads to a break up, please know that there is someone else out there for you who will love you and want you for who and what you are. It may sound cliche, but if the right person is out there waiting for you, she won't be able to enter your life while you're with the wrong person - so you have to make room in your life for her.

Breaking up is terrible, but it's not the worst thing that can happen to you. Trust me, once you've been through it enough times, you may come to realize that. The worst would be if you did something you knew you didn't want to do in order to please someone else and then ended up regretting it and resenting her.

I hope everything works out for you. In either case, we're here if you want advice, need to rant or just want to chat.