How do you know if you are TG ?

[Calliope]

I never thought that I was a woman in a man's body. But I always secretly wished I were a girl.

I would say that defined my perceptions - unless a recent 'revisionist' look at my back pages made me wonder... When I review the jobs I've held and the partners I've chosen, my life really resembles a woman's life. It was my mother who first brought that to my attention - earlier this summer: 'Gee, you really are the housewife.' My SO went to therapy for a while and her therapist concluded the same. More of the same through the decades past ... interesting.

[janedoe311]

The fact that you are asking it, says you are "confused". That is why it is called gender confusion.

Doctors and our society wants us to be either a male or female. If you feel comfortable as both, sometimes male and sometimes female then they see you as gender confused. That is the doctor’s problem. I am not gender confused because I would like to be a male sometimes and a female other times. I cannot say I identify with either a male or female all the time.

So what is TG/TS. Some see it as if you feel you are the wrong gender you are TG/TS, even if you suppress it and have or will do nothing about it.

I do not see someone that CD’s as TG/TS because they do not identify with one gender all the time. Most of us would love to be a female once in a while but not full time so we are not TG or TS.

The way I see it it is the doctors that are "confused" not us!

PS. I am not going to get in to the difference between TG and TS. Everyone seems to have their own ideas on those definitions, and they are changing.

[MJ]

first of all hi there that is a good question. but you can only answer that. i had a hard time dealing with the same question but for me it took some time before i knew the answer. even then it was real hard because unlike you my wife did not like my coming out now she is my ex and well my biggest fears came true i lost my wife and my sister and brother. but to your self be true and now i am a lot happier with myself. please give yourself time. after all your wife supports you. you are blessed

[joanlynn28]

I would have to agree with my friend Caitlin about the CD transgender issue, myself it only took 35 years to figure it all out and to accept myself as I am. Unforturnately there are others in my life that are not so accepting and that is sad, but to me I am still the same person that I was back then I have just finally figured out who and what I am. And know that I know that I can continue on with my life and become the person that I longed to be.

[Lisa Maren]

Hi again

I've been thinking about people knowing they're gay or transgendered and I realized that there's an important difference.

First, a couple of terms: I'm using the word "transsexual" to refer to those who identify as a member of the other sex and want GRS. I'm using the word "transgender" to refer to those who feel a mismatch between physical and emotional genders, but do not necessarily identify as a member of the other sex or want GRS.

One discovers one's homosexuality when one experiences a sexual urge directed to another member of the same sex, an urge to feed a particular type of appetite.

One discovers one's transsexuality when one experiences something completely different from an urge, something that is not an appetite. It can be a feeling, a yearning, a repression, an emotional claustrophobia or what have you. It can certainly be relieved, to an extent, by CD -- but transsexuality is not an urge and it does not feed an appetite. It is a need to make one part of the self match the other. CD is an urge for some people and in some cases, but not everyone who cross-dresses experiences an urge. Many of us feel not an urge, but a need. Personally, I feel repressed if I can't dress up and be myself at least part of the time, but CD is not an urge for me. It's something necessary for me to find inner peace and not fight myself.

I think that's an important distinction. Here's another:

Sexual orientation is a physical attraction to members of the same sex. Gender identity, on the other hand, is a collection of traits, values, and preferences.

Hugs,
Lisa

[Vivian Best]

Hi again

Sexual orientation is a physical attraction to members of the same sex. Gender identity, on the other hand, is a collection of traits, values, and preferences.

Hugs,
Lisa

Lisa'

You lost me on your statement particularily the first sentance. To me the statement defines homosexuality. Could you elobrate more? Tks,

[Ms. Donna]

Hi Anne,

I suppose that one could counter with the question: “What difference does it make?” TG or not, you are still Anne. If you have the opportunity to do what you want and live a life that’s fulfilling, does being TG even matter?

Ok, the escalating feelings. It’s known as ‘gender euphoria’ and it will subside as the novelty of dressing often wears off. This is not to imply that it will ‘go away’, but you will likely reach an equilibrium. Also, keep in mind that your wife’s ‘acceptance’ likely is not boundless. The chances that she will accept you transitioning are slim at best. It doesn’t mean she does not love you, just that she has expectations of her own and they likely do not include being married to a woman.

As to your gender ‘in general’: if you’ve not really ever dealt with your issues, you’re likely to go through a host of feelings and emotions relating to all of this. Whatever you do, do not make any sweeping decisions at this time. There are a lot of things to sort out and it will take time for both you and your wife. Please do not forget about her in all of this.

As you asked for opinions, from what you’ve said, there is a good chance that you’re TG. I have to agree with Kimberley that most crossdressers are to some extent transgender – especially if you are aware that crossdressing is doing something for you at a deeper level then simply being ‘fun’. However, being TG does not mean that you need to do anything specific. You do not ‘have to’ live as a woman or have SRS – or anything else for that matter.

If you’re going to go to a therapist and discuss ‘gender issues’, make sure you find someone qualified to do so. Look for someone who will focus on what you need to be happy and comfortable as ‘you’. If they are quick to ‘diagnose’ you or seem to want to TS track you, find someone else to see. You do not want to be TS tracked unless it is your only option for a reasonably normal life. I suspect anyone here transitioning will tell you it’s not a choice you make lightly.

Don’t be in a rush, Anne. Give yourself a chance to ‘play around’ and get comfortable with yourself before diving in deeper.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[janedoe311]

Lisa'

You lost me on your statement particularily the first sentance. To me the statement defines homosexuality. Could you elobrate more? Tks,

“One discovers one's homosexuality when one experiences a sexual urge directed to another member of the same sex, an urge to feed a particular type of appetite.”

I see homosexually (sexual/gender preference or Sexual orientation) as this.
Gay men are attracted to men sexually. They are not celibate it is a sex appetite.

They prefer male companionship but the idea of no sex would be just as big as a turn off as having sex with a woman. Do you know any gay men that never have sex? They need sex. So it is more of an obsession and an appetite that needs to be filled. It is like that part of the brain is enhanced. (In women it is called nymphomania- abnormally excessive and uncontrollable sexual desire in women. But in men it is OK.) Sad is it not that we are so sexists?

Gender ID: TG and TS and CD’s feel they are in the wrong body. Sex is not a requirement. They could be attracted to men or women. Some after find they SRS are then attracted to men. I believe it is a desire to be “normal” and heterosexual. (I Know if I turned into a women overnight I would find being a lesbian and having anything to do with Lesbian’s and the Gay culture and movement as repulsive, or more as having sex or a relationship with a man. Probably would either FORCE myself to be with men or become celibate.)

(I doubt a lesbian would except a platonic relationship.)

In any case that is my thought on homosexuality.

[CaptLex]

I beg to differ, Jane. I don't know how many gay men or lesbians you have known, but guessing by your statements I would say probably not many. Those are all generalizations, which means there will be cases where what you're saying is not necessarily true. Yes, I've known gay men who were celibate and gay men who are faithful to their partners. I'm sure there are probably lesbians who are also celibate, but I don't know too many lesbians, so I can't say. I disagree that gay men are necessarily more promiscuous. Men usually have a more active libido than women, so I can understand why it seems that way when two men get together. And even if it's true in most cases - what's the harm? As long as each person knows what they're getting into.

Homosexuality is just being attracted to the same sex. It's not a pathology or a perversion. It's not that something got screwed up in the wiring. We're all attracted to different things, but just because heterosexuality is more prevalent, doesn't mean there's anything wrong with gay people. I'm sorry if it's repulsive to you.

Also, a lot of people are more attracted to the inner person and can negotiate the external features. I think when people realize they're TG and/or TS they begin to open up their minds to the possibilities of being with people they've never considered before - people of the same sex, people of the opposite sex that present as the same sex, etc. This doesn't mean they're trying to act "normal" and be something they're not.

[MarieTS]

To all who have posted on this thread: I've read a great deal on this site. Yet, I honestly don't remember a thread with posts that rival the responses you have provided on this topic. From a standpoint of depth, expression, voice, and accuracy, your contributions are superb. What wonderful sisters we all have. Wow!
Anne Charlotte, I'm not sure if you got your question answered to the extent you had hoped for, but you've certainly been given a variety of perspectives that will start you on the road to finding the answer yourself. Simply enjoy the path gender counselling takes you down. Celebrate yourself for who you are, and remember, there are no wrong answers.

[Lisa Maren]

You asked about where I said "Sexual orientation is a physical attraction to members of the same sex. Gender identity, on the other hand, is a collection of traits, values, and preferences."

That first sentence is hard to understand because I mucked it up!

I was trying to say that the definition of sexual orientation is the physical attraction to one or more genders. The definition of gender identity includes traits (e.g. less agressive, being more reserved, being very emotional, etc), values (e.g. caring more about how people are feeling than how many points they're racking up) and preferences (e.g. preferring An Affair to Remember over The Terminator or preferring a dress to a suit).

Heterosexuals and homosexuals alike share one or more of those qualities, but sexual orientation and gender identity are different constructs.

There, that's better!

Hugs,
Lisa

[CaptLex]

While there are some hyper sexually active gay men, most gay men are only a little more active than hetero men (and there is reason to believe that the primary difference between the two groups is simply that women are considerably more likely to say "no").

Yeah . . . isn't that what I said?

[CaptLex]

From a standpoint of depth, expression, voice, and accuracy, your contributions are superb. What wonderful sisters we all have.

Ahem . . . . "sisters"? . . . What am I, invisible?

[Siobhan Marie]

[SIZE="3"]Of course you're not Lex.

Anna Marie x[/SIZE]

[MarinaTwelve200]

“
Gender ID: TG and TS and CD’s feel they are in the wrong body. Sex is not a requirement. They could be attracted to men or women. Some after find they SRS are then attracted to men. I believe it is a desire to be “normal” and heterosexual. (I Know if I turned into a women overnight I would find being a lesbian and having anything to do with Lesbian’s and the Gay culture and movement as repulsive, or more as having sex or a relationship with a man. Probably would either FORCE myself to be with men or become celibate.)

(I doubt a lesbian would except a platonic relationship.)

In any case that is my thought on homosexuality.

Not ALL CDs feel that they are in the wrong body---What about us that CD to "escape" our usual identity? Or those of us who CD for the Thrill or rush or for fetish reasons? only SOME CDs CD because they feel like they are in the wrong body.----INDEED you cant really term one a CD as CD is an ACTION that some gay, TS and TG people do also.

CDing is what some of us DO in a response to many different, unrelated sexuality and identity conditions. it is merly a common act or "symptom" common to all. Terming a person a "CD" really makes little sense as it is something we DO, not what we are. You dont call a sick person, for example, a "Cougher" as it tells you nothing of his condition.---you say "he has a cold" or "he has Whooping cough"-----

Now, NOT to imply that being TG or TS is an "illness", TGs and TSs and people with some identity issues often CROSS DRESS. (along with fetishists and escapists) indeed they are ALL Crossdressers. In my opinion, CD cannot be put in the same list of categories as TG TS or gay CD is an ACTION common to all of them,

Sorry about my Scientist mode

[CaptLex]

[SIZE="3"]Of course you're not Lex.

Anna Marie x[/SIZE]

Thanks, Anna Marie, sometimes I'm made to wonder.

Good discussion, people, please carry on . . .