To look or to be, that is the question

[Deborah]

I see it this way, I will never be female, period. A "true" ts sees herself as female even before she transitions. I do have a male side to me as well as a female side. Although all the online test tell me that on the average, I am about 90% female in the way I think, I can and do have good male friends and have no problem relating to males and the male way of thinking. (providing they are not talking about any kind of team sport).

In short, I can easily say that I wish I had been born female. I would have perferred to have lived my life as a female. Yet, I know that I will never be female and no surgery in the world can actually make me female.

Something inside me does invoke a desire to be recognized, acknowleged, validated as female. That is why I dress to pass.

A true class 5 ts could care less if they pass or not, they want sugery and they want it now. They hate their male parts, they find them disgusting. I do not feel this way.

Great write up. The only difference between you and i is i do hate my male parts and although i will never be a true "female" in body i believe my mind is pretty close.

[angelfire]

I voted "look like", because while I wouldn't mind "being like" one, or even "Being one", I also like being male. Infact, I like being male alot, and I like my masculine qualities perhaps more than my feminine one (If I even have any)

[vbcdgrl]

Look like a girl. Agree, pretty much, with Melinda G's post.

Vikki

[Jenn2716]

Jenni and Beth,

Not "all" TS's go for SRS you know. There are pre op, post op, and non op.

For me, the differentiating factor is: do you take it further than the outward appearance, and do you attempt to BE female?

Well, in that case, I would have to say that I attempt to BE feminine (not female). I find myself walking, talking, gesturing, sitting more feminine when I dress. I would want the casual observer to think I was a woman. But I would not call it "being female", as I know quite a few lesbians (and a couble of hetero girls) who are way more butch than me, even when I'm drab.

The only reason I mentioned SRS is becaus I equate "female" with sexual designation. I would totatlly take steps to make my body more feminine but not go all the way to become female.

[~Dee~]

i agree with Jennaie in that i dont believe that you will get a very clear answer to what you have asked.

i dont believe that it can be limited to something like "look like" or "be like"

i want to look like and be like who i am. to me, thats female .. so should i check both boxes?
i mean .. i do hate parts of my person, and i aim to change those things so that i can be happy with who i am in that its how i see myself already.
but i dont want to be like any girl.. i want to be like this girl. *points to self*
so i guess after much complication i would have to tick box 1.

i guess it kind of depends on what you had in mind for both options when you defined them.
maybe...

[AmberTG]

I guess I'm somewhere in the middle, leaning toward the female side. I chose "be like" as that is what I've wanted for many years. At this point I'd call myself a non-op transgender, I'm still working on getting on HRT. I'd be happy to live the rest of my life as a female.

[Jenna1561]

Vanya, Your question, I don't believe, is going to get the definitive answer that your looking for. For example, I see srs differently than a ts who is willing to go that route does.

I see it this way, I will never be female, period. A "true" ts sees herself as female even before she transitions. I do have a male side to me as well as a female side. Although all the online test tell me that on the average, I am about 90% female in the way I think, I can and do have good male friends and have no problem relating to males and the male way of thinking. (providing they are not talking about any kind of team sport).

In short, I can easily say that I wish I had been born female. I would have perferred to have lived my life as a female. Yet, I know that I will never be female and no sugery in the world can actually make me female.

Something inside me does invoke a desire to be recognized, acknowleged, validated as female. That is why I dress to pass.

A true class 5 ts could care less if they pass or not, they want sugery and they want it now. They hate their male parts, they find them disgusting. I do not feel this way.

Am I ts? you be the judge, our lines are open.

Good points. As I said earlier I do wish I had been originally born as a girl, but having been brought into this world as a guy, I have married and we have 4 wonderful children. I wouldn't change that for anything.

Do I hate my male parts? I don't know. I wish that I didn't have them, but then again, that's where I get my most pleasure - so I have to like them for that. Were I to "lose" them but be able to orgasm - I would be very happy.

Were I not married, I think that I would transition, if I could afford it, I think I'd have SRS. But at this point, I love my wife too much to transition. I don't know how to pigeon-hole myself. I want to live as a woman, but I don't want to give up or hurt my wife. So for now I incorporate much of a feminine life into my everyday life and dress fully (to pass) when I can.

Still confused about labels : I am who I am.

Jenna

[RikkiOfLA]

Vanya,

I can't begin to answer your question with either of those two choices.

I don't think of myself as a transsexual. I have several TS friends (pre and post). They would answer that they ARE women (with maybe a body that doesn't match) or that they want to BE women. Wanting to be LIKE a woman? None that I know would choose that--it would seem like a crossdresser's answer to the TSs I know.

If a crossdresser goes out among the general public dressed, it's not enough to look like a woman. He (or should I say she?) has to act like a woman. That means thinking like a woman, feeling like a woman, and so on. In other words, to BE LIKE a woman. Because the body language, the decorum, the social customs--those things will out a tgirl real fast even though her photograph is a knockout.

When I'm at home, I don't really care whether I look like a woman or not. I look like me. And if my wife likes the way I look, and I feel comfortable, that's scoring 100%.

Would I want to become a woman, given the chance? Heck no! It's too much fun being me. I think my testosterone actually gives me an added motivation to look my best--a little bit sexy, but middle-of-the-road wholesome. And at my age (58), that's important. And I'm getting good enough at it that GGs come up and compliment me. That's a rush, of course!

So do I want to BE LIKE a woman? Yes, when I'm out in public.
Do I want to LOOK LIKE a woman? Yes, when I'm out in public.
Do I want to BE a woman? No, I'm deliriously happy being me!

Rikki

[ReginaK]

Definitely just to look, but that doesn't mean I don't want to look as flawless and as female as possible.

[swiss_susan]

Neither really fits for me

I certainly don't want to be a woman.

[ReginaK]

Vanya,


If a crossdresser goes out among the general public dressed, it's not enough to look like a woman. He (or should I say she?) has to act like a woman. That means thinking like a woman, feeling like a woman, and so on. In other words, to BE LIKE a woman. Because the body language, the decorum, the social customs--those things will out a tgirl real fast even though her photograph is a knockout.

Oh don't really agree with. No one has to pass regardless of how much of a knockout they are or aren't. And sometimes, bad passing will out you quicker than just being yourself. Think of it this way: What gets more "bad attention"? A person being themself or someone whose "acting strange"?

Because the minute you don't visually pass, when someone sees that you're acting, the reaction is "OMG!! That's a man in a dress!" Whereas if you just act like a man in a dress to begin with, it's not as much of a surprise to them. The feigned walk. The strained voice. It's like wearing a homing beacon.

Now if you're really good at the walk and talk, then it might work to your advantage until you get visually clocked.

[Frances1]

I generally agree with Jennaie's views. It seems to me that a cd must ultimately desire to be a woman. Sure we can try by looking like and passing as a female.
For me I am old, could never pass as a female, am happily married, adult children who would be horrified if they knew, wife supports my cd and talking to you ladies but still wants my maleness and body. She would not support a formal change to my gender and loss of her rights as a wife, nor should she.

My lack of a full dose of male hormones has obviously promoted my feminine side. However, given my situation, and the fact that I could never acquire the ability to have a female orgasm, to be a woman is only a pipe dream. I am so jealous of my wife's orgasms. Maybe in my next life I will be a horny princess. Better than a fish!

Frances

[Marla S]

Can't vote (wrong question IMO)
"look like" is impossible with my physical features.
"be like" is impossible in principle.

For me it's that some of my traits need to be expressed in a feminine appearence. Don't know what that qualifys me.

(If my physical features would have allowed it I'd maybe taken the path to "be accepted" as a woman. But maybe not, hard to tell)

I think people stick to much to the labels. TG as a general label that I am not fully consistant with the actual gender norms concerning the outer appearence should do for me.

[Satrana]

Yes the questions are too limited and confusing and there is a great deal of overlap. The idea that you might like to "be like" a woman means you are a TS seems too simplistic. Looking like and being like are often the same thing. I think many people here could answer either, or both together, depending upon their mood that day.

Its like asking what color is a rainbow, the answer is an infinite number of colors so a rainbow is indefinable.

[Clare]

With all the discussions of late, about the urgency of passing, it seems to me that quite a few might actually be TS instead of CD. So, what category do you fit into?

[SIZE=3]I voted to 'be like' a female (which is a subjective idealism in itself!). If I can 'be like' a female, then it follows I would 'look like' a female in a sense.

Thinking about your question as to whether many are really TS as opposed to CD, that very issue has been on my mind of late. I have many posts here in the forums where I have stated that I have never considered myself a transsexual or have the desire to undergo SRS. In recent times, I have let CLARE express herself in my daily life and I have discovered it a refreshingly 'natural' experience - as in it feels right and not a thrill type activity. So am I a latent TS? I'm not sure, but the pedulum is swinging wildly within the transgender spectrum at the moment![/SIZE]

[Georgina]

I would like to look the way a woman looks but not be a woman. I would like to be able to have my hair and use make up the way a woman can but remain male. Georgina.

[Cindy L]

I voted to "look like." For me I will "be like."

When I am dressed, I want to be a female as much as I can.

[Kate Simmons]

Where's the fire? No urgency here, Vanya. I'm myself for myself. Don't need to prove anything to anyone. Ericka Kay

[ediekaye]

I had to vote for "be like". "Looking like" is only the initial step for me. When I transform into Edie I seem to naturally adopt as many feminine attributes as I can in addition to the clothes, makeup and jewelry I have on. I display a totally different posture, body movements, hand and body gestures; speak a little softer and move daintier. It almost seems that when I am wearing a dress I easily meld into my natural alter-ego without even trying. Much of it is things GG's do instinctively but I guess through years of trying to develop my femme persona I've practiced so much that these traits have become a natural part of the transformation.
I don't desire to be rid of my male self, but enjoy expressing my female side to the greatest extent possible. Interesting question though.

Edie

[Lawren]

I chose "to look" because I am not convinced that "being" a woman has any significant advantage over being a man. It seems to me that both have more than enough trials and tribulations.

[sara_also]

I voted to look like a lady. I like being a male sometimes and a female at other times...When I go out I try to be as fem as possible. The wife says I do pretty good. She is always with me to guide and see things I am doing good or bad...

[JamieTodd]

Kelliann,

I could have not used better words than you, I feel I am a woman inside and have all sorts of emotions that would not be acceptable in this world we live in. I feel and want to be the woman I am inside and out!

Crossgender........ I like that!

My three cents worth............................... Jamie

I try very hard to emulate the female typology. I may be TS, but if so I am very much a lesbian in mans clothes. I really just feel that clothing is clothing and that the real rush comes from the acts of femminity that accompany a female personna. Clothing becomes a way of expressing that feeling, hard to feel Fem in a suit and tie.

Things like emotions, which men are often not allowed to express, by god I like to cry during a good movie, or when a song touches me the right way. As a man that is not really accepted. Maybe instead of a ccrossdresser I am a crossgenderer.

[RikkiOfLA]

Regina,

I love it!! "Bad passing!" Great phrase!

I agree with you completely, but maybe in different language. Because I don't think that a bad acting job is passing. You're right; it screams "FAKE!" and everyone notices it, quicker than a frizzy green wig! Real passing (much as I dislike the term), is 98% attitude, and it has to come from within. And when we get in touch with that (it's actually a lot of the motivation that drives many of us to crossdress in the first place), we can relax, be ourselves, and have fun with it. I don't worry anymore about how I walk, or cross my legs, stuff like that. I just let myself relax, confident that my own natural femininity is sufficient. And it is!

Hugs,
Rikki

Oh don't really agree with. No one has to pass regardless of how much of a knockout they are or aren't. And sometimes, bad passing will out you quicker than just being yourself. Think of it this way: What gets more "bad attention"? A person being themself or someone whose "acting strange"?

Because the minute you don't visually pass, when someone sees that you're acting, the reaction is "OMG!! That's a man in a dress!" Whereas if you just act like a man in a dress to begin with, it's not as much of a surprise to them. The feigned walk. The strained voice. It's like wearing a homing beacon.

Now if you're really good at the walk and talk, then it might work to your advantage until you get visually clocked.

[EricaCD]

Look like. I really have no interest in actually being a woman. (My hat's off to those of you who somehow manage it!)

Erica

[Julogden]

With all the discussions of late, about the urgency of passing, it seems to me that quite a few might actually be TS instead of CD. So, what category do you fit into?

I try to be like AND look like a female, as my internal identity is feminine. If I hadn't turned out so tall, I am sure that I would have at least tried living full-time as a woman by now.

Carol