Hello Girls.
I just want to take sometime to intrados myself. sense I'm new here..
A little on my mental state. I most defiantly feel female and have even been told I somewhat act as if I was about my whole life. I started cross dressing at age 7 with some of my younger sisters stuff (unless you count my Mothers high heals at 3). I know people would see this wrong, though it felt good to me. so I kept it in the closet. only dressing from time to time. as I started to hear about transsexuals I started to become somewhat fascinated by the idea of what it would be like. to live as a female. sense then I have read and read about everything I could get my hands on about it on the net. over the last 5 months though I started to think why? as I do with everything I do.why do I feel the almost a need to look this up, to know all I can? back in July I was placed on steroids for in infection (Corticosteroid) . though I have read everywhere on what it is I took it I found nothing on what it does to hormonal levels. but everything I read said it was the opposite of Anabolic steroid that do. if anabolic raise testosterone then maybe corticosteroids can lower them? still have not read anything to support that. anyway for the 3 weeks I was on them. my mind felt clear for lack of a better way to say this. I was happy to be alive. unlike my normal depressed bummer I am normally in. during this time I was also off work and had tons of time on my hands. I spent that looking up more info. I should point out to this point I have not looked into the people. just read about what needs to be done. from hormones to SRS to voice training. I started to read about the people. I was totally shocked by what I found. that they thought and felt the same way I did. from the direction, not feeling right about ones self, and I was cross dressing. doing this time I came across ed the COGIATI and took it. I scored a 265. probable transsexual. at this time I started to look for a therapist to go too and that is about where I am. I checked the net and found that I would half to go over an hour to any that I found. after going to some forums and message boards I found one that is 45 min way. I thought I would just go. see what they have to say in the end and that was it. but I'm still yet to do that.
who knows
my sister who was supportive at first but now I think is my biggest enemy. my Mother, who just does not understand. she wants me to see a therapist but feels it should be one that tells me this is wrong. some of my friends on the net. I thought in all what harm is there. they don't know me really do they.
my childhood.
or lack there of. I have already stated about my cross dressing so lets move on. when I was 6 I got the one thing that changed my life the most of all. a game system. through out all my life and still today. I am never any more then 3 steps away form one it seems. maybe at work but that's work. when ever I do play one I always use a female character. even now as the only thing I play is Final Fantasy 11 (siren server) I play as a Mithra, a female cat girl. I never had any friends, did not get into any sports. did play paintball but that was just an attempt at Father Son bonding that did not pan out. I spent most my time alone in front of a television. never leaving the house. at age 16 I came across anime. something that has really grabbed onto my life. just thought I would put that out.
as I now look back apon what I played, watched, my tastes in media I find that I tend to watch a lot of well girly stuff. the anime I buy is more or less soap operas and the games I play are rpgs that tend to be the same.
Family
this is short. as they tend not to be around. one thing that has worked for me is that they own a Video Store. this has meant I have always had a job. even at 6-7 I was there putting movies away. as it seems my parents really only acted as parents when it suited there whims. my sister and myself not really getting any attention from ether of them. in fact I feel more like a pet then anything. left to take care of it's self and drug out when needed. as for toys when I was not playing a video game I was all about Legos. nothing in this world can be better for a child then Legos.
school
I was laibled as LD in 3rd grade. for those who do not know what this is it used to be call learning disabled. now they call it learns differently. see I can read something and get absolutely nothing out of it. in fact a lot of stuff I read on TSs I had to read 2 or 3 times. going back over things again and again. but as for showing me something I pick it up so fast I know what your going to do next before you do. needless to say they do have classes for people like this. small groups I never had no more then 10 other people in these classes and as many as 2 or 3 teachers. though doing this kind of put me out with other classmates. I was bullied and picked on constantly. got into fights once or twice a year over this. up in till high school. then I went to vocational school. unlike most who go there. I went for something stupid and easy, cooking. this had small and very lay ed back classes. still did not have any real friends, but at least there where no enemies. and I was able to concentrate on my school work not who was calling me something or throwing spit wads at me.
work
as I said my family has a Video Store or more or less my mother. the two of use run it our selves. it does ok to support it's self and that is about it. I keep saying she'd be better off closing the place and getting a job of her own. I also work fast food, ya it sucks. low pay bad hours. the people tend to be good though. just the upper management it seems to me they have no clue what they are doing. as for my supervisor she has made comments about how I act. nothing really bad enuff that she would get in trouble or would make me overly upset that I couldn't hold back. as well as not often, maybe once a month. all and all I kind of think she is trying to provoke me. she may suspect something and really mean no harm just her way of trying to find out. a lot of the staff think I'm gay. sorry nice looking guy no my head did not turn. sorry. as for women it does. but is my attraction for women sexual I don't think so. more or less I envy them. I think though if maybe if I tell my supervisor she may try to help me out. I am well over do for a raise and there is plenty of room for advancement.
looks.
I think this is one area I fail at. I don't look female. I have been trying to lose weight sense July (wander what started that idea) and have got myself down to 229 pounds which is good headway. started doing a lot of things differently now. you can say I am taking better care of myself have not eaten fast food in about 3 months other then stuff like subway where it's kinda good for you. going out and trying to do yard work and such. soon I think I am going to start walking/jogging to work off some weight. have been eating a lot of heath foods too. also not as much. I used to eat half if not more of a pizza now I don't even look at them. I have had some hair loss in my past. I know I thinning hair line at 22 was depressing to say the least. though it's stopped I want it back. even more I'm going to need it. face I don't think I would pass that well. clean shave can do a lot. though I hate to shave. have been looking at laser. I have been shaving my chest for some time now. and if I don't do it once a week it tends to look like a chia pet. would love to get rid of that. as I was over weight (weight loss thus far is about 30 pounds) I have well man boobs. I can just about fill an A cup. though my gut is still big and to have a chest that would look right I would at least half to be a C cup. size wise if I can get that gut gone I'm all in. I'm short, with a 38 men's waist and if it was not for the gut could slip into a size 16.
plans.
I have put a lot of thought into transition. so much so that if I get a NO form the therapist. I think it will do more harm then letting me do the wrong thing. I have started saving. only spending on what I need now or will help me later. I have set plans to at least live as a man for 5 years. leaving this time for hair removal and therapy of both mental and hormonal. still leaving area open. I have always like film even run my own production company right now. (made up of just me and my PC) wanna see my work check out my myspace (see profile). am thinking of going to film school and using that time to transition. just think who are more open minded then artists? I even if I'm not passing as well as I would hope it would leave me with a weird crown anyway. and if I need any work done like FFS I would get it done right before school.
well that is me in a nut shell. I'm a big bore I know. hope I was not to harsh with my typing. I tent to run on a lot. thanks for reading. Jamie
oh one thing I forgot. name. the thing I like best about my new self. I am so in love with my name I just strait up want it for real.
Jamie Agles Simon (I figured there must already been dozens of Jamies here so why not use the middle name)
Love as always Jasminexxxxxxxx
Originally Posted by Julie York
[SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl[/SIZE]
[SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest[/SIZE]
