help,any advice?

[michelle19845]

i came out to my mom around 1 month ago.she said she'd love me no matter what.i started going to a therapist and am working on what will be my next step.
i have said things to her about how i have friends now in my tg group and she gives me a "look".i start talking about things and she talks about something else.she isn't being supportive.
today i talked about it and she said i am taking it too far and she is gonna find a "magic pill" that will make this go away.-what a ......... she thinks if i wait 5 years it will go away and die out and not happen.she said i'll always be her lil "michael".thats vewry upsetting.
i have been such a mess being this way i have gone through so many jobs and everyone tells me i'm not gonna get hired cause of that ,i was diagnosed as bipolar when younger then undiagnosed cause i didn't fill the criteria,tried pills for anxiety,didn't work,took vitamins,didn't make femme self disapear.when i came out to my psychiatrist,which undiagnosed the bipolar from a differen't psych,and tried the anxiety pill,she said ahhh,that explains a lot.like the puzzle is finally solved why things are the way they are.i have had times where something goes a lil off and i am feeling femme very stongly to where i can't even control my gestures and expressions.i am calm and happy when it's that way,but eventually it goes away then i'm pure stressedagain and not as strong femme wise.i can't function the way i am right now and my mom is just going against me and thinking it will reverse itself given enough time.
she ,herself has cancer and gets it mostly due toa combo of smoking and heavy burdens of stress.yet she wants me to keep things hidden and not tell people i am ts.she uses reverse psychology and says ,"they'll just think you're gay",thinking that will make me stop and i'll change my mind.she acts like it just happened over night,and i decided to change.i don't hav much for friends ,i now have some ,which are tg and we have lots in common.i don't have much for family to come out to and not to mention the only parents in my life pry won't be around in 10 years due to ther poor choices in life of not taking cae of themselves.which leaves me alone.i don't have much to lose and can't function as a male i am such a mess with all this,i'm ready to hurt her feelings and do things just to make her angry so she will feel how i feel,but then i'll have a regret cause she is my mom and there is a spot in my heart that has unconditional love for her,even though we don't have too good of a relationship,even when she got cancer,even when i came out to her and thought we would have some female good times and events together.nothing ever pulled us toigether,guess ya can't teach an old dog new tricks?(her) any advice? i could use some i am ready to go crazy i keep purging male things away and getting more femme things.i am running out of belongings at the rate i'm goin.i can't keep doing this.any advice?


miserable michelle19845

[Nyx]

1. Understand her point of view, and her difficulty to accept this.

2. If she doesn't like you talking about it, simply don't.

3. Keep showing her that you love her, it's important to maintain a good relationship.

4. Find support elsewhere, in friends, and in your own inner strength.

5. Believe in the idea that in the long term, she will have to see that it's better for you, and accept you as who you've become.

[AmberTG]

Don't hide anything from your therapist, they can't help you if you do.
Try not to talk about it to your mother, she probably won't change her opinion at this point, just love her anyway. I think people just expect too much from their parents, they are who they are, just as you are who you are.

[Volca]

sounds like u and me are in the same boat...i dont know what to say in terms of advice, but being that my mom has the same attitude about it as urs...called me a freak and has been in denial of it all for years...i know how you feel. lets see if we cant ride through this in one piece, eh?

[CaptLex]

Ah, Michelle, I know what you mean. If only we had a magic pill we could give to our friends and loved ones that don't want to accept it, huh? I'd buy the big bottle at Costco or something. I agree with Nyx, it's important to maintain a good relationship. Not easy, I know, but important.

When she says you'll always be the same to her, I think she's trying to let you know that she loves you no matter what. That's what mothers do, that's what mothers say. They want us to feel that nothing can separate us from their love. But to us it sounds like they want us to stay the same and never change.

I hope she comes around eventually when she sees that this is where your happiness lies. The bottom line is that they want us to be happy and if she can see that, then she may eventually come around. Meanwhile, feel free to rant . . . we hear you.

[michelle19845]

i appreciate your thoughts,it's so hard to deal with her,i ahesitate on moving next spring.can't wait till things are better.

[Priss]

Hi Michelle.

Gee that all sounds so familiar. Iam actually from Northern Indiana myself. East of Plymouth, West of Valpo, and just South of US 30...

I have to agree with Nyx for the most part. It's very important to try to keep the relationship and communication lines open. It is an extremely difficult situation to deal with. It's part of what kept me all the way out here in the Pacific NW after I departed the military and up until she passed away. Apart from the idea that I probably could never make the kind of money it would take to do the things that I needed to do there.

One thing to keep in mind, is that we can't live our lives to please everyone else. Nor should anyone ever be expected to. We have to do what it is that we think is right for ourselves, else we and those around us pay the price in damage to our psyche's and theirs (whether they realize it or not). It happens so often that a lot of us get married early in life, in attempt to put this aside thinking that it'll help. Or join the military thinking that it'll make a man out of us and finding out years later that it just doesn't work that way. Fortunately for some, the marriage thing has worked out between the two, but for so many others it is just a nightmare that is now difficult to part from.

The only thing I could possibly add to Nyx's list, would be to not push her. She'll either try to get along with things, or she wont. My mother would sometimes use my new name, and sometimes she wouldn't. When I would make a big deal out of it, she would just get worse at it. It unfortunately kept me far away, for fear of being out with her in public and having her do that to me. You know how it is, you are the audible and visual impression that you give to others, but when someone disturbs that impression by say using the wrong name then it makes people confused and things can suddenly become very uncomfortable...

It can get worse... I remember the day that I informed my mother I was going to be able to afford the surgery and had actually scheduled the date. My mother like yours changed from her initial reaction of supportiveness to trying to talk me out of things and just outright ignoring the truth of it. After I told her, and by that time she'd had 10yrs to get used to the idea, she said a lot of things that hurt me very deeply. Although I have forgiven her, Iam still not entirely over that conversation. Hopefully, it'll work out much better for you. If you're prepared for the worst though, it can only get better from here.

Best wishes for ya.

[Scotty]

I mean no offense by this but you said:

>she'd love me no matter what

That doesn't necessarily mean she'd support you no matter what.

Sooooooooo....

Take it slow with her, back off a bit and give her some of your old self and then work it in slowly. Shell Shock may be another definition for it.

No experience here but seems logical........

[pattyme]

How long did it take you to come to terms.

Give her time.

Give yourself time.

It's good to be home, it's where the heart is. Don't spoil it by pushing or being in hurry.

On the road,

Patty