Could I be any more Confused?

[princessmichelle]

Hi 1sg,

I feel like one of the themes here is "why come out." Yes, cd issues are confusing and coming out is scary. So why do it?

I decided to come out to a few of the people close to me this past week because I realized that my cd issues are not going away. They are a big part of who I am and hiding it was hurting me.

So I sympathise.

Best of luck,

"Princess" Michelle

[Karen Johnson]

Sounds so familiar. We have been conditioned by society to look down on cd's as absolute creeps. It is not surprising that someone would react like that. Of course, after you really think about it, does wearing a skirt rather than pants make you a different person?

My wife was open from the beginning and I am grateful for that. After the initial shock wears off maybe your wife will see the benefits of having a husband that can be her girlfriend as well.

Best of luck!

[Sejd]

Hi 1sexyGurl
When I embraced my transexuality now three month ago as a result of very sucessfull therapy, my wife said to me: "Fine just don't change into a woman all together, as in dressing everyday!" Now three month later she looks sad if I'm not in my favorite skirt at night and she does everything to encourage me to be "Her girl". I love it! so the thing is, if your girlfriend really loves and adores you, she will go all the way with you if you give her the space and time to grow with you, because this is about growth and freedom and not about pretending.
hugs
Sejd

[Joy Carter]

I have wrestled with this same issue for 9 years. Talk did not work, counseling did not work, books/articles/websites did not work, offers to connect her with other wives did not work. Finally, I stated I am a cross dresser whether she can accept it or not, I am not ashamed of it even if she is, I will do it whether she wants me to or not. It may seem cold and callous on my part, but in the absence of meaningful dialog the only choices left are not do it (not an option for me), leave or stay and be myself. At this point I have chosen door number three.

I am discrete, I do not do anything that will embarrass her, I dress far away from home. After years of giving her my power and letting her decide if I could do this, after having her not meet me half way I put my foot down, drew a line in the sand and asserted my right to choose.

Now I go out to cross dresser dinners, meetings, week-ends away and meet with other cross dressers. She now accepts that I am a cross dresser and that that will not change. She never asks about any of it and I never tell.

This is not the path that I would have preferred, however, it is the only path that works for us. It started with me drawing a line in the sand, asserting my right to choose and letting her know that whenever she is ready to talk about I will, however, I am no longer waiting for that conversation to happen.

This arrangement works for us. Previously, as long as I caved in and gave her the right to decide I was angry and my health was going down hill. Now I am living my life as me, I am happier and my health has greatly improved.

It's cold way of doing it but sometimes you just have to. I tell her what I'm doing so there is no secrets. The only thing she has asked is when am I going to be done shopping. That cut to the quick.

[kerrianna]

One thing I realized when talking to my wife about what really amounts to some gender confusion (for want of a better term, altho I kind of like 'gender-mixing') is that I AM confused about a lot of it. Therefore it's hard to explain coherently or with conviction, and I shouldn't be surprised when my wife is confused herself.

Give it time and patience, try to be open without being pushy and put yourself in her shoes (oh, right that's what started it ). Seriously, go slow even if your inner girl is screaming to get out, and give your wife time to adjust. Reassure her that the man she married is still the same person and give her some of the power in how it goes. Don't try to second guess if possible - the only cure we've found for confusion is talking it out.

Then come here and bitch.

[Joy3]

I well understand your and her confusion[yes both of you]! I told my wife several months ago and it sure has been up and down.

My wife assures me that she loves me very much, however, she wishes I was not into crossdressing. She has not expressed any desire to see me dressed. On the other hand she has given me clothing and make-up. She said she does not mind if I wear panties in bed and even suggested it would be ok to wear them all the time if I wished.

My wife bought and read 'MYHUSBAND BETTY' and had many questions of me that I answered truthfully which was not easy at times.

Any number of responses to your post emphasized patience and the importance of time. I agree and while it is hard to wait, I believe it is very important to do so.

Love, Joy

[Dixie Darling]

Monica,

If she will agree to do so, have her sit down with you and have a look at the material on my web site. There's material there that BOTH f you can use. . . . and you don't have to be concerned about seeing anything that would be an embarrassment to either of you.

Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

[stephi]

Hey girl, saw your letter and was very touched. My best friend Stephi is also my husband, (s)he told me of her lifestyle about 10 years ago. Although for the first few days it took me a little getting used to, now I can honestly say we are great buds. I have two best friends rolled into one. Please talk to your wife and give her the time to get her head round it. I am sure that it won't take her too long to realise that she too is very lucky and can have girlie nights in without offending her other half. Good luck to you babe xx


GG other half of Stephi

[Karren H]

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth....lol

Karren

[crossing-the-rain]

I don't think that many woman would like to marry a CD as her husband,she's not changing her mind,she just doesn't want to create any controversy.My experience is sooner or later,when the time her tolerance gone,is the time your marriage finished.
Just enjoyed the happy hour ,leave those unhappy into garbage at the time beings.
Rain

[Debra Lynn]

I have to agree that the most important thing is to keep the lines of communication open, even when she isn't on the other end. Give her time to digest what has already happened to her and if things haven't changed in a week (no communication), then bring up the subject of dressing for Halloween again. She has to work this out in her own mind (subject of course to the woman's perogative) and it may be up and down, just like life is supposed to be! Make sure that you pay attention to her the rest of the time so that she has no concerns over whether you still love her or not. Confusion is the normal state of mind for married people, communication is the only way to solve it!

[Marcie Sexton]

I guesss I'm another one that has been there and seen that...When I first came out to my wife, she went bonkers !!! as a matter of fact I quit dressing for almost a year to keep the peace...she never mentioned it and neither did I...things went in to a dead spiral

Then for my birthday in November she gave me all the things I had thrown away... Since then we have been flying high, discovered love all over again...Now we dress shop and love as one...

I suppose what I'm getting at is give it time...what is meant to be will happen, for what ever reason...I can only hope and pray your results will equal mine...

[TxKimberly]

Well, you have presumably had a lifetime to come to an understanding of what and who you are. Now you need to give her a chance to.

Kim

[Calliope]

She also suggested that I need counseling.

Shouldn't the person with the problem be seeking the counselling?

Then again, what do I know? Joni Mitchell's my therapist!

[dann]

Not to make light of your situation. Which is similar to my. But I love your Floyd DSOTM T-SHIRT! Awesome!!!!!