My Story

[MJ]

Hi all i trust you are all well. i am thinking of telling my story here from the start. if we are to get to know one another i think it would be a good place to start. after all we are all sisters and brothers heading down the same road. but some of us go all the way and i love reading the post and the interesting response's to the like ;_ " if you could take a pill and wake up a woman " i don't think people realize the real truth about changing our gender and all of the sometime joy and heart ace that goes along with it like rookie 101 how do you dress like a woman what size am i and that makeup stuff ??. how do you use it .i have lots of pictures and when i get them sorted out i will start if you are interested so to quote Morpheus take the red pill- you stay in wonderland and i show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes. so if you do don't you think you need a good guide...

hugs Marissa

[Joy Carter]

Marissa I think we are all waiting to here from you and any gurl/girl as to what they have to share with us. We all can grow from reading the threads/posts here.

JOY C

[Ms. Donna]

Hi Marissa,

The following is an excerpt from Jenny Boylan's Keynote speech at Southern Comfort this year:

What’s frustrating about it is that there are so many other stories out there, and they all desparately need to be told, so that all of our stories can become familiar. We need to hear stories about trans men, we need to hear stories about cross dressers, we need to hear stories about people who are grateful for their gender diference, stories with humor, and love, and affection, instead of the usual blah blah blah about wrecked marriages and heartache and people sobbing until their eyes are tired. I’m not saying those aren’t important, and true, tales to tell of our experience, but you know, I think we’ve heard those stories. Now let’s hear some of the others, the ones in which you see people enjoying their lives, the ones in which, believe it or not, some of us are even grateful for the thing that makes us different.

So yes, please do share your story with us. We all have a story and it's important we share them.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[Jeanette TS]

Bring it on girl we are here do tell

Lov Jeanette

[Siobhan Marie]

Bring it on girl we are here do tell

Lov Jeanette

[SIZE="3"] what she said

Anna Marie x[/SIZE]

[Agles]

[SIZE="3"]ME THREE!!![/SIZE]

i wanna know. im always up for a good read.

[MJ]

hi all ok first of all i would like to say a big thank you and hugs to :- captlex, danaj, sherlyn, and karren hutton for there advice. this is going to be a long post sorry about that in several parts so you can comment silmmer to the capt log ok please bear with me i want to do my story justice and you have to see the pictures. i grew up in south england pagham yes another brittish girl here. and for the most part had a happy childhood but i knew at age 6 or 7 that i was differant. my carrerr was electronics i work for philips tevevisoin were i won an award for inovated thinking that's my mum with me. she work there too that cheque could have paid for my srs/grs if i only had the courage. my only regreat is i never told her my little secreat. i did some dumb things to prove i was a man. yes even cops have gender isseues but that did not work so i went back to electronic computers the first ones .



well to try and keep this short i attend church were i met a wonderful woman who became my wife we moved to Canada and had a good life together had 3 great kids girl, boy, girl. but i was not happy you see denial of the truth was getting to me and i got somewhat drepressd i tend to eat when i am like that and befor long put on a little weight that maid things worse and so i ate even more and has the years moved along i knew i had to do something my gender isseues were getting worse. every time i look at any woman i wish i were her and well all you trans people just tick me off. Because you had the guts and courage to become your true self and i could not fear. of loseing the one i love and family friends. i just could not do it. so lets eat...



yes that is what happends when you don't deal with your issues. my 41st b-day. and now you can understand why i was so unhappy. but i was watching the Dr Phil show one day and he was doing a weight loss challange and he said something that blew right through my shelds. wow i can't explain what happend that day but he said this (Whatever your destructive behavior is, be eating too much or drinking or doing drugs. There is always an underlying cause. and untill you deal with that underlying cause Nothing else in your life will ever Change ). right there in my chair i knew that day it's do or die. so i took the road leading to my new life as the woman i know i always should have been. i started to follow his diet advice and the weight started to come off and for the first time in my life was happy with were i was going the only problem is how do you tell the ones you love. well to quote mr spock there is a first time for everything don't you agree.. i started dressing. eww no pictures of that and then i did something stupid dumb i wanted to know what it fells like to be a woman so like manny other t-girls out there with a click of a mouse button i orderd what i needed of the net not thinking that my wife would open my visa statement and she found out. she was not happy and i again was in denial but there was so much evedance against me. after a bout a week she wanted to end our life together ans sadly we moved on. but the meanest think she ever did was call everybody we knew and told them everything that i wanted to become a woman even in the church that last sunday was real bad i could not understand why everyone was looking at me. untill the end of service i went to see my doctor and told him how i felt. he sent me to a shrink for a diagnosis and guess what you got it . there is a counseller that i see at the doctors she told me the next visit i want to meet marissa. i am thinking to my self " you have got to be jokeing" no she ment it
but i have never been out and never did makeup and i did not have anything to wear ...

ok enough next post i will show you how i went to see the shrink and my first attempts oh and my run in with the cops on my very first day out em-fem why me

[Siobhan Marie]

[SIZE="3"]Marissa, thank you so much for posting the first part of your story. You've certainly given me a lot to think about as regards my own situation. Maybe one day I'll post my story although some of it is on my blog. Looking forward to the next part.

Anna Marie x[/SIZE]

[Joy Carter]

You have more courage than I could must lady. Thanks for the thread.

[Barb Valentine]

Very good Marissa
You show a lot of courage
It's great that you are turning your life around
Can't wait to read more

[ambercdraleigh]

I am dying to hear all about experience... I have been in the "beginning stages" of my coming out (awakening?) for a very long time, and I would love to hear the rest of your story.

I'm still very confused and wondering how I will integrate "this side" of me into my everyday world and really appreciate your posts!\

Amber

[Clare]

[SIZE=3]Hiya Marissa.

It's always nice to hear about the 'early days' of people and their struggles to achieve understanding, acceptance and the path to transition.

I look forward to the next instalment of your life's journey.

Luv CLARE.
[/SIZE]

[MJ]

hi thank you for your comments. amber if you are thinking of coming out then this is for you..

I had two weeks to get ready for my counselor. a good gg friend of mine Gloria she knew about my gender issues and i ask her to help me she agreed. the first thing she did was teach me how to apply makeup she had two mirrors and a lot of brushes Gloria said just watch me and do what i do. it's not so bad. i told her it was easy then she told me to wash it off and do it again. some friend that Saturday morning we went around all the thrift store's. i had no fem cloths so i went out as my old self Paul. it was funny trying on woman cloths we got some odd looks that day and we got a lot of outfits mostly mix and match, a few winter tops paint-suit and then off to wall mart for bra's under ware and then a shoe store i wanted to get some heels for the company Christmas party i ended up with two 3 in heels one were boots " big mistake " and then back to my apt. she wanted to see me dressed for the first time. so i went to the bathroom to get ready. little did i know while i was getting ready she took two garbage bags and removed all my male clothing including my shoes and runners from my dressers and closets and put them in her car. what a bi*ch some friend i was not happy. little did i know it was Paul's last day. i include my guy picture because i was bad i use to ask ts what they look like as guys. you don't do that for that i am sorry



i was not going to show my before pictures but i think it might help some new girls here after all we all got to start some ware and i don't look like that now. i can't believe i went out like that lol . the second one was when i found out i had no guy cloths can you tell.
well Sunday morning i got up Early and got ready to go grocery shopping let me tell you .now that it's my first time out and alone i was scard to death but i knew i had to do this.i wore red long sleeve top black paint and my winter boots 3 in heel black coat to knee length. i open my door look both ways to make sure on one was in the hallway and stepped out into the world for the first time. BTW you can't walk too fast in heels it took forever to get to my car and thank god i made it i hope nobody was looking."you want to know what i was thinking so i tell it the way it was". i got to food BASICs and just sat there in my car for 20 minutes just shaking but i had to do this. i got out and took a deep breath and walked into the store it was packed on a Sunday morning. who shops on a Sunday morning crap. well i got a buggy and off i went. half way through the store i found out that heels are not good for a rookie. and by the time i got done and waiting in the lineup i am thinking bear feet are in order. well you know Canadians are friendly lot they love to chat. the checkout girls just wont shut up and i did not want to talk. no fem voice it was funny i just nod my head smile and wish i could just get out of there. i got back to my apt hoping no one would see me and just as i got to my door the superintendent starts talking to me " i Honey your boy friend is not home can i help you with your bags " yea Right i got my keys out of my purse and in that door real fast lol . but i made it i did it my first time out. the heels were the first things to come off they hurt. i did not go out any more that day i did not want to push my luck. Monday came and that was Marissa first day at work. i cant say too much everyone was OK with me. i just had the jokes and a little fun poked at me but i knew that would happen. and i must say for over 80 people work there i have never had any problems..



my trip to see my counselor came. and i got ready i wore my purple top black pants pic 2. she was shocked to see me it's her first time too. but i was surprised as how she treated me. it was different the way we communicate was different I had an amazing time i never felt like this before and for the first time i did not want my session to end . my first lesion woman react different around men. and among them selves . she gave me a letter of passage just in case something happens and i need to prove why i am dressing this way. pop quiz if you look like a woman dress like a woman what washroom do you use ? . that's the reason for the letter. anyway she told me that i have to dress full time 'ha ha and i have to do the" rlt" real life test. she gave me a hug and off i went to my car. her office is at the mall and on my way out i got stooped by the police just great it was a car check. he ask me for my license and insurance and ownership. omg i was going to jail " grin" he took a look at my id and said this is not you what is going on i told him i was changing my gender and oh and i gave him my letter " that the only time i ever used it in two years "he went to his cruiser and it seems like hours but he came back and said everything is in order have a good day miss cannon wow he called me miss that made my day..I went to the mall I wanted to find a woman in heels like mine and follow her. my thinking was if i do what she does then i could pass a little better. it's in the little things men don't notice like how we gesture and body movement and this weird thing they do. smile at each other have you notice when you are out en fem you get a smile. i mistook that for being read for the longest time . woman tend to look each other in the eye. men don't do that. that was hard for me to get use to. oh yes and the washroom thing i have never had to line up to use the can what's with that oh and another thing if you use the womans washroom for heavens sake make sure your feet face the right way sit down lol...anyway after 3 months i got to start my hormones i hope you enjoy my post i will tell you the effects of estrogen on a male body instead of the capt log it will be Marissa log later ...

[Katelyn]

Your Story is amazing! I envy your courage!

[Barb Valentine]

You just look so much happier now

[Sejd]

Just fabulous, you blew my mind with your story. Can't wait to read the rest. Thanks a million. You are absolutely great
hugs
Sejd

[Siobhan Marie]

[SIZE="3"]Marissa, thank you for posting the second part of your story. You've got more courage than I've got. I'm only just "out" but am not "out" to my family, yet and have got a long way to go and reading the parts of your story (so far) tells me that I will get there and has given me a lot of encouragement and for that, Thank you.
Looking forward to the next part.

huge Anna Marie x[/SIZE]

[joanlynn28]

Marissa I have one little question to ask you, when you went back to work as Marissa did they know that you were coming in that way ahead of time? Or was it just surprise here I am accept me as I am. From one sister to another I need and want to know, I am at the point where I want to be able to do the same and I am just curious about how you went about it with your employer.

[MJ]

hi joanlynn

OK in my story i had to jump a little because it is long and i did not want to boar you to death lol . so anyway what i did was i got a copy of my letter of passage.
your doctor can write one for you. this is mine you can copy this and get your doctor to re-write it on his/her official letter head :-

re:- Marissa Jennifer Cannon ( well your full fem name )

aka Paul Cannon ( your old name )

Letter of Passage
Paul Cannon is in transition to Become a Woman
Who is Marissa Jennifer Cannon
I am her medical doctor and familiar with her sexual identity
issues ...

Sig of your doctor

thats it and give it to your employer give them a date when you are going to start coming to work as joanlynn then make sure co workers know during that week by a memo on the notice board's or inter office e-mail ...

thats all you need your employer should then try to help your transition in the work place..

you will get some odd looks and some girls will be upset but stick with it washrooms are the big issue but management have there own and you could use there washroom. men just don't get it. please don't take it to heart they just don't understand. and then there are the one's who think that this is just great. but remember this. don't tell them everything thats going on in your life because someone will take offense and run up to the office and complain
if you have been on hrt for some time. you like me will have gone a little boy crazy. but keep it to your self it just means more trouble..

a good book that help too is true self's it has a chapter on the workplace and what to do..

i hope this helps you. all the best good luck Hun

hugs Marissa

[Wendi {LI NY}]

hi joanlynn

OK in my story i had to jump a little because it is long and i did not want to boar you to death lol . so anyway what i did was i got a copy of my letter of passage.
your doctor can write one for you. this is mine you can copy this and get your doctor to re-write it on his/her official letter head :-

re:- Marissa Jennifer Cannon ( well your full fem name )

aka Paul Cannon ( your old name )

Letter of Passage
Paul Cannon is in transition to Become a Woman
Who is Marissa Jennifer Cannon
I am her medical doctor and familiar with her sexual identity
issues ...

Sig of your doctor

thats it and give it to your employer give them a date when you are going to start coming to work as joanlynn then make sure co workers know during that week by a memo on the notice board's or inter office e-mail ...

thats all you need your employer should then try to help your transition in the work place..

you will get some odd looks and some girls will be upset but stick with it washrooms are the big issue but management have there own and you could use there washroom. men just don't get it. please don't take it to heart they just don't understand. and then there are the one's who think that this is just great. but remember this. don't tell them everything thats going on in your life because someone will take offense and run up to the office and complain
if you have been on hrt for some time. you like me will have gone a little boy crazy. but keep it to your self it just means more trouble..

a good book that help too is true self's it has a chapter on the workplace and what to do..

i hope this helps you. all the best good luck Hun

hugs Marissa

Sounds like story simalar to mine . it is a trip that is for sure ! hugs ,Wendi

[JoanneCDSydney]

wow, what a great experiance, cant wait to hear more. u are a very brave girl !! xxx

[DeeInGeorgia]

Marissa,

Your story is a moving story and in my opinion, a beautiful story. I cannot wait to hear more of it.

Dee

[MJ]

hi all well here is my last part. i can't say that anything bad has happened in my journey. just the transitioning from guy to girl it's all in the way i had to re learn my social behavior getting rid of all that boy pulp if you will it takes time . one funny thing that happened was :-

after i moved into my apartment my ex filed papers and a court bailiff delivered them i open the door and she wanted Mr c and i said thats me well she smiled and served me. and said love the wig.. well i can laugh about it now it was not funny at the time "grin"

how long can any one Fight the woman within

.
i have enjoyed my journey i like being feminine. becoming a woman was the hardest thing i have ever done. but i feel better about myself hormones not only gave me physical changes you know breast growth i like that part. it's the first thing i notice it took about 6 weeks before anything happened my breast started to hurt. and my thinking was hey this is not bad easy. then at 10 weeks the big one hit. oh my god i had no idea this was coming .my emotions went crazy i cry at a drop of a hat. anything would set me off and nothing would set me off. there is no rhyme reason or logic to it and they change every hour minute or even seconds of the day. and the way i think how i react to events people etc . the first time it happened. i was watching television extreme home makeover at the end of the show they tore up this guys mortgage. that was so sweet it got to me and i started to cry big time and i did not understand why. the next time i was watching touch by an angel that was a sad episode the girl died. wow this time even worse what is wrong with me ?? my counselor just said welcome to womanhood. chick flicks are off the menu lol.. and after time i found one more disturbing thing happened the effects of proscar and estrogen together made my testes and prostrate atrophy well thats an understatement they shrivel up to nothing. thats OK don't use it anyway great for peeing out of that's about it. my face started to change shape more female looking here this is what i look like now :-

Everybody sees how you seem/ however, only some know who you are

so you see the million dollar question do i pass " grin " why yes i do .pic 2 just one of the girls and yes it was hard work but now i am happy. I hope that this gives hope to all who are starting out it will happen it just takes time. and those are my own boobs there. the rest of my journey is re integrating myself in my new gender role. time and practice making new and wonderful friends out there who love and accept me for who i am. this world is truly a wonderful place when i finely had the courage to be who i really should have been at birth. it's sad it took me so long to realize that.. here are more pic taken this week :-

what happens , happens for a reason

hard to believe just how far i have come and how far i still have to go. i put my " fat " pic there to remind me that i have a lot to be thankful fore..ask your self this how bad do you want it !!.

Plain for tomorrow but Live for today

so what new in my life well now i am getting ready for my letter for surgery. i have a Dr i am thinking of going too Dr suporn Thailand i have a lot of saving up to do. what i would love to get done ffs and srs the twins have got to go and yes breast augmentation my dream. oh well one day

in matters of Love

well i am not fixed so i don't feel right about dating and i have never been with a guy.. would like to find out ... got nothing left so woman are out.. so were does that leave me ?
i am a fun loving girl I enjoy my life. i just wish that one day my family will come around and for once just look at me and see the real me..
if i could use myself in the third person :- i will say this
I LOVE mj she the best thing that ever happened to me. i relay should thank Dr Phil for that kick in the rear 3 years ago. oh yes and the weight loss just over 130 pounds loss not bad..but he may want me on his show and i don't have a good fem voice soo not going to happen..
so thats my story i hope i give you hope and i prey your journey is free of incident..
and i want to thank everybody here you are wonderful and unique may your dreams come true god bless love and kisses

hugs Marissa

[Barb Valentine]

Wow that's a heartwarming story
I so happy for you that you can be yourself now
Thank you for sharing your story with us

[Clare]

[SIZE=3]What a great story Marissa. And the pictures tell their own story too.

It was nice to hear about your journey and I wish you well in the future with BE, SRS and life in general.
[/SIZE]