How do I react to shocked sales assistants?

[Christine Andrews]

Hi!

Yesterday I went shopping at Marks & Spencers and decided to make the brave move to try out a top which I liked but I wasnt sure of my size (or how to find out what size top I would need for that matter). The male changing rooms were on the floor above and I went to shanging room tried on the top and left to return the item. The stairs down to the ground floor, so I set off to return the item.

As I walked towards the stairs a sales assitant looked at me and I thought nothing of it and carried on walking, hoping she didn't notice the top I was carrying, around my waist to minimse the attention it could draw. Out of interest I looked round and saw that she had moved and was watching me go down the escalator. I looked ahead and when I got to the bottom I looked back, in case I was being paranoid but sure enough I was being watched.

The look on her face is one I have never seen before, a mix of shock, surprise and disbelief - with not a trace of a smile or laugh. At this point my heart froze in my chest. It isn't a wild stretch to for her to guess what I was doing but when I had the chance to respond as I was walking in a positive light-hearted matter, the best I could do was to keep walking.

Maybe she thought I was a potential thief - I did have my back-pack for uni with me but I don't think so. It was exciting but for me quite intimidating. Incidently I bought a number of items at BHS and and the young sales assistant didn't even blink, which is what I expected would happen after reading here and in the past some have known I was shopping for myself and have been pleasant and helpful, but the negative look I got put me on edge for the rest of the day.

So, how do I respond to situations like this positively - because I enjoy shopping and wish to continue do so without causing problems or handling a situation badly.

Thanks Sisters and sorry for the long post!

Kirsty Hall

[stacie]

Hi, kirsty. I was buying make-up once, and a lady walks buy and tried to give me an earfull. I told her to mind her own buisness. But when it comes to sales assistants. I never had any problems. I guess, I never pay any attention to whats going on around me.

[Lisa Golightly]

Never ever had a problem in M&S myself to be honest. When I was 16 I went in the local branch and bought everything in one go... shoes, dresses, tights, underwear etc and struggled under the weight to changing rooms and tills. Everyone seemed very friendly, and now 22 years later they still give the same friendly service.

Saying that other shoppers often give me the 'does not compute' look, but then I tend to get that anyway... lol... I especially loved the OAP 'I think it's a man' tag the other month *sigh*

Maybe she thought you looked a bit... odd. Word of advice... Never look back my girl Best thing to do is carry on regardless...

[Nikki A.]

Either ignore them or go up and tell her that you'd like to see if it fits. you are the customer and the cust. is right.

[Christine Andrews]

Thanks for responses

I have shopped at M&S before and had no problems at all, but it just depends who you bump into I guess.

I think you are right Lisa, I certainly must have looked odd and in future I shall certainly not look back - I felt like a rabbit in the headlights...if the escalator wasn't moving I don't think I would have been either...

I think I'll lighten up when shopping and go with the flow and if things don't go well, just carry on regardless.

Thanks again

[Karren H]

Best thing is to smile at them.....if they don't like what you buy its their problem not yours.. And if they say anything derogitory, ask to speak to their supervisor!!! Rude is rude no matter what!!

Love Karren

[thea]

My impression is that she suspected shoplifting, because you took something from the department to another floor without paying for it or making arrangements with the sales staff. She had no way of knowing you were going to try it on and then return.

[Charolette time]

As Thea said she might of thought you were not going to pay, turn around and ask her out loud if she would help you and that you are going to the second floor, emmbarass her before she gets her two cents in, a sale is a sale, your money is as good as a gg

[Sasha Anne Meadows]

I went into drug store with my wife to buy makeup for me. I went up to the counter to pay for it and the clerk got a really funny smile on her face. Then my wife joined me at the counter and the smile faded. I wonder if the clerk liked the idea of using makeup.

[tammie]

Hi All; Well there is the remote possibility that the woman was having an "episode" perhaps whe was having a stroke. The idea that U were shoplifting is remote as U were not exiting the store or trying to conceal the garment. I think U did exactly what I would have done, just go on about your business as if she were not there. I think ignoring rudeness is the best solution with the least amount of effort

Note to self for future referance U could have given her a wink when U turned and she was still starring, that is after all not a lot of effort and gives the rude person a message that U see them being stupid, that followed by an ambiguous smile and the message is complete. They R stupid and U don't care.

[shae]

Don't.

[DonnaT]

I agree with Thea too. She may have thought you were taking without paying.

If an SA gives you trouble, smile and ask to talk to the manager, especially in M&S, who seem, from almost all accounts I read, CD friendly.

[Christine Andrews]

"Best thing is to smile at them.....if they don't like what you buy its their problem not yours.. And if they say anything derogitory, ask to speak to their supervisor!!! Rude is rude no matter what!!"

You are exactly right Karren although I must admit my first reaction to any derogatory comment from a sales assistant regarding my choice in clothing would be to leave before a potential scene could be caused - but I will bear your advice in mind in future as it is how I would react in any other situation.

I never really considered that she thought I may be trying to shoplift until a few hours later when I arrived home. The item was not concealed but I'll bear that in mind in future, thanks Thea and DonnaT.

I must admit, I love the way you think tammie and I think as my confidence grows I may try giving a wink and an ambiguous smile should that happen in future!

Thanks again for the responses (and common sense)

Love
Kirsty Hall

[Charleen]

I would have blown her a kiss, and continued on my business. Love and xxxx, Lily

[MJ]

next time ask her if you could try it on.. or tell her you are getting a bigger/smaller one to try on.. and smile
even now i dress em fem 24/7 i still smile at the assistants when i ask to try something on.. and never had a problem . hugs

[Mary L]

I would have blown her a kiss, and continued on my business. Love and xxxx, Lily

Once, when I was at a maximal courage level, I went to a Walmart and bought a bra and pantyhose. After paying at the checkout counter, I said or did something to make the clerk do a double take. As I walked toward the exit, I heard her (about 18 yr old), call over another clerk to look at me. I was dressed in a modest jumper and top, and modest makeup. When I got to the store exit, about 15 yds away, both clerks were standing and watching me. Only time I have been that obviously read. Contrary to my own worries about such situations, rather than panicking, I stopped and turned sideways so I could see the two clerks while putting my change in my wallet and wallet back in my purse. Then, I smiled and left, feeling quite proud of myself.

[Penny]

Well, you could have gone up to her and asked for her opinion. Something like: this is a really pretty top; I tried it on but I'm not sure if it will fit when I put my boobs in. Do you think I will or do I need a bigger size?
Paybacks can be hell!

[trannie T]

I started a thread about a really clueless sales associate. This one only gave you a funny look, big deal. I thing both of you may survive.

[Jennifer Devine]

If they say anything, just say that you are buying for your wife or girlfriend.

Jen xxx

[nishababe]

She sounds a bit like she was wondering why you were wearing the garment wrapped round your waist to me ,and also probably thinking as to if you were a crossdresser or not ,or even as to if you were a thief !!

Being that you did not stop at the time and ask her ,you will probably never know and its not worth worrying about, so just forget it !!

I did the gender quiz and came out 87% female and 13% male !!

my 2 friends that i asked came out as follows .one was male the other one female ,well they both came out the same ,
73% female 27% male

[Kimberly]

I've found sales assistants who are more embarrassed of themselves on finding out about me... A nice sales girl asked me in New Look if I were buying tights as an xmas prezzie -- as if. "They're for me," I said.

She asked "really?!", laughed, and then apologised. I think she was more embarrassed for herself, so I just smiled and didn't make anything of it. Best way xx

[Aslan73]

This is exactly why I am up front with the SA's I deal with. They are always happy to take my purchase and enjoy it when I come back later. Honesty is the best policy and avoids the confrontations by uneducated SA's. Not a tough price to pay to shop where you want to shop.

[Bridget]

I think she was wary of you possibly shoplifting, especially given the backpack. And probably the fact you looked visibly nervous, from the sound of things...

[loriannetucson]

A LOT of these girls are right. I worked Asset Protection (security) for years at a national retail chain. It's the BEHAVIOR first of all that will get you noticed by security (including the ones like me who could work the camera systems without you knowing!). Nervous behavior is the prime indicator of an amateur shoplifter. I think if I saw you take an item downstairs that came from another level, I'd watch you for a bit. Then I'd watch your behavior some more... if you went to try it on I'd make sure you left the item or put it back. If you put it on, came out with the item gone, I'd do a quick check of the fitting room, then bust your tail for shoplifting after you exited the store!

Here's where crossdressers get separated from shoplifters. Most CD'ers look just like shoplifters, all the way up to the counter. Even then, I'll make sure the person pays and leaves the store. Shoplifters often buy small items to get a big nearly empty bag to go back and shoplift.

These aren't secrets, BTW. Working shoplifters (and a bunch of CDer's I'm sure) has given me the knowledge I need when I shop for women's clothes.
The biggest thing is DON'T LET THEM SEE YOUR NERVOUS! You've heard the term "Never let 'em see you sweat," well, it's true. MOST sales associates will think you're shopping for someone, and even if they know it's for you, they USUALLY won't care. They know better. They are supposed to make the sale.

I just bought a bunch of items last week online and had to return many of them to the store yesterday. The receipt had my name, address, and all the women's jeans and t-shirts that didn't fit me. The same girl saw me last week buying two pairs of women's Am Eagle low rise jeans (THE BEST BTW!) and I'm sure she knew the returned clothes were for me. She gave me a v e r y small glance and continued to ring the return like normal. I never acted nervous and gladly gave her my ID and receipt. A couple of sales people did check out my cute feminine AE eagle pocket embroidery as I was looking around. They tried to be discrete, but I've "worked the floor" for many years going unnoticed as AP (asset protection), they didn't notice I noticed them. But all that said, they knew I bought women's jeans, and no one treated me with disrespect.

BE BOLD, GIRLS, or Guys! You'll soon see that it's really no big deal to buy women's clothes!

Lorianne

[JenniferMint]

If they say anything, just say that you are buying for your wife or girlfriend.

Jen xxx

Would that make sense if you're trying the clothes on in the fitting room?