Adivce Needed for a supportive partner

[Chip]

Hi Everyone... I am so happy I have stumbled across this. I am in a monogamous and loving homosexual relationship. I recently learned that my partner may desire wearing woman's undergarments while engaged in sexual activity and I want to be supportive and help my partner try these fantasies. As a child and teenager I remember the sexual excitement that came from trying on my sisters' underwear, etc., so I can understand this I think. I have decided to let my partner lead this where he wants. but should I bring it up? I am worried now that the sex we have isn't gratifying enough for him. How do I support and encourage this without pushing my partner further than he may be ready to go? He feels embarrassed about it, and it breaks my heart. Thanks for any advice you can provide!

[great gg]

Hi Everyone... I am so happy I have stumbled across this. I am in a monogamous and loving homosexual relationship. I recently learned that my partner may desire wearing woman's undergarments while engaged in sexual activity and I want to be supportive and help my partner try these fantasies. As a child and teenager I remember the sexual excitement that came from trying on my sisters' underwear, etc., so I can understand this I think. I have decided to let my partner lead this where he wants. but should I bring it up? I am worried now that the sex we have isn't gratifying enough for him. How do I support and encourage this without pushing my partner further than he may be ready to go? He feels embarrassed about it, and it breaks my heart. Thanks for any advice you can provide!

you sound liek a very lovng human being, so first off, get yourself off the hook about the sex being not gratifying enough. It is not about you, it is about him trying on a differnt way of being. so, buy him a sweet pair of panties, write a little love note on it saying, I love you any way you are, and leave in a semi-conspicous place. then wait. and wait, until he is ready to open up a bit about it. and conitnue to be as loving and as supportive as you sound.

[CaptLex]

Hi Everyone... I am so happy I have stumbled across this. I am in a monogamous and loving homosexual relationship. I recently learned that my partner may desire wearing woman's undergarments while engaged in sexual activity and I want to be supportive and help my partner try these fantasies. As a child and teenager I remember the sexual excitement that came from trying on my sisters' underwear, etc., so I can understand this I think. I have decided to let my partner lead this where he wants. but should I bring it up? I am worried now that the sex we have isn't gratifying enough for him. How do I support and encourage this without pushing my partner further than he may be ready to go? He feels embarrassed about it, and it breaks my heart. Thanks for any advice you can provide!

Hi, Chip and welcome.

Good for you for taking the step to look for answers to your situation. I think a lot of the GGs and SOs here may be able to relate to your situation and can give you good advice. Good luck to you!

[Paula Thomas]

Chip - Welcome to our extended family.

Your concerns are probably the same as any GG, whose SO wants to wear women's clothing.

My wife's greatest fear, when I first came out to her, was that I may want to leave her (which was the farthest thing from my mind - we have WAY too much fun together).

Notwithstanding the fact that you are both homosexual, it could be that his feminine side is coming out in more than a sexual way.

Try to be understanding, and as supportive as possible.

[Anita Mae GG]

I would just talk to him about your experience with Cding and see where it leads from there.............and WELCOME!!!!!

[Di]

Welcome....it is terrific he has such a caring supportive partner.......I like Great gg's idea of buying a lil gift with a note...........anyways welcome

[Charolette time]

Hi Everyone... I am so happy I have stumbled across this. I am in a monogamous and loving homosexual relationship. I recently learned that my partner may desire wearing woman's undergarments while engaged in sexual activity and I want to be supportive and help my partner try these fantasies. As a child and teenager I remember the sexual excitement that came from trying on my sisters' underwear, etc., so I can understand this I think. I have decided to let my partner lead this where he wants. but should I bring it up? I am worried now that the sex we have isn't gratifying enough for him. How do I support and encourage this without pushing my partner further than he may be ready to go? He feels embarrassed about it, and it breaks my heart. Thanks for any advice you can provide!

Like the other replys . pick up something nice like ,a nice pair of panties, you said that you tryed cding when younger, get a pair too match and ask him too try them on with you ,who knows you may end up buying more ladies cloths for the both of you and can really live it up, I wish that my other half was as caring as you, keep the faith Love Charolette

[Sophia Rearen]

I have decided to let my partner lead this where he wants. but should I bring it up? I am worried now that the sex we have isn't gratifying enough for him. How do I support and encourage this without pushing my partner further than he may be ready to go? He feels embarrassed about it, and it breaks my heart. Thanks for any advice you can provide!

Chip, Welcome. I too, like the gift and note idea. I have some questions for clarity purposes. How did you learn of his desires? Did you ask him about the quality of your sex life? Did he tell you he was embarrassed or did you sense this?
Communication is the key and the gift/note idea will get that moving. Ask questions and offer unconditional support and you won't go wrong.

[Sandra]

you sound liek a very lovng human being, so first off, get yourself off the hook about the sex being not gratifying enough. It is not about you, it is about him trying on a differnt way of being. so, buy him a sweet pair of panties, write a little love note on it saying, I love you any way you are, and leave in a semi-conspicous place. then wait. and wait, until he is ready to open up a bit about it. and conitnue to be as loving and as supportive as you sound.

[JulieCDorlando]

Hello Chip,
Welcome to our little home on the 'net. I do believe that your partner is just exploring ways to broaden your relationship together. Please do not worry about the physical part of your relationship not be adequate enough. The only way to truely know about such things is to ask him. You mentioned that you use to CD, what better great way to bring you both closer together and to share in an experience such as CDing. As the others who have posted before me have mentioned, get matching pairs of the same undies, write a little note for your partner put it with his pair, and see what happens. Again please do not worry about your relationship being inadequate. Enjoy your life with your partner, and share all the good things with each other.
I do wish you both all the happiness life can bring to you both.

[JenniferMint]

You know, of all the times I heard unenlightened people saying crossdressers are gay, this is one of the only times I've seen where it's actually been true.

[Victoria Anne]

welcome to the family Chip now not to put to fine a point on it but,get over it,its about him you sound like a good loving partner so just be there for him. let him come home to find a nice sexy pair of panties and a long stem rose by a glass of wine! then let him know its okay with you,tell him about your experience and just be there for him as a friend,a lover and a partner. Do let us know how it turns out.Good luck.

[Chip]

Thanks for the "welcomes..." and the reassurance that this really isn't about me, but my partners' desires. I am a bit confused, I must admit. Is there a sexual nature to your dressing? My partner has expressed these desires as an erotic fantasy, not so much as the desire to dress as a woman regularly, etc. I beleive there is a role play type of fantasy, the dressing, me undressing him, seducing him.. Are we talking about 2 different things? (men who dress as woman for sexual pleasure, and men who dress as woman for other reasons?). My limited experience with dressing was as an adolescent and tended to be related to erotic feelings. This is most likely a shallow view, I realize. I apologize if i seem naive.

So I think i will purchase a special gift for my partner... But where? How do I figure out sizes? I haven't bought underwear for someone before?

[JeanneF]

Thanks for the "welcomes..." and the reassurance that this really isn't about me, but my partners' desires. I am a bit confused, I must admit. Is there a sexual nature to your dressing? My partner has expressed these desires as an erotic fantasy, not so much as the desire to dress as a woman regularly, etc. I beleive there is a role play type of fantasy, the dressing, me undressing him, seducing him.. Are we talking about 2 different things? (men who dress as woman for sexual pleasure, and men who dress as woman for other reasons?). My limited experience with dressing was as an adolescent and tended to be related to erotic feelings. This is most likely a shallow view, I realize. I apologize if i seem naive.

Don't worry about sounding naive...despite already being involved in another alternative lifestyle, this is uncharted waters for you. No one expects an SO to be an expert on the subject right out of the gate.

The motivations among transgendered people can range from pure sexual fetishism to transsexuality, and everywhere in between. If the desire is as part of an erotic fantasy, then I would guess that he's closer the the fetish side of the spectrum. That being said, many of us who are TS or leaning towards the TS side of the spectrum still started out dressing for erotic purposes.

Don't feel shallow...there's nothing wrong with the erotic side of dressing. Just don't ask too many panty questions or Tamara might beat you up.

My initial thoughts would be to just explore this as a sexual role play, without reading too much more into it intially. Maybe ask him if these thoughts are new, or if this is something that has been there in the past, and the feelings are bubbling back up to the surface.

So I think i will purchase a special gift for my partner... But where? How do I figure out sizes? I haven't bought underwear for someone before?

Victoria's Secret is always good. They have a size chart on their website that can at least point you in the right direction.

[AnnaMaria]

Chip,

It sounds to me as if your partner is just wanting to explore a sexual fantasy and nothing more. But, that said I would recommend that you talk to him about the situation just to make sure that it is nothing more. Keep in mind that gender identity has nothing to do with sexual preference in any way. It has nothing to do with the life that you share or the amount or quality of the sex life. A lot of couples explore various types of sex play just to keep the spark in the relationship, regardless of the genders of the couple. It is no different than a couple trying toys or games. Sexual preference does not change just because the type of clothes that you want to wear does. No matter what the general public wants to think about it. The spectrum of sexual preference is just as wide in the tg community as in the rest of the world.

Just remember that his feelings for you have not changed but, he is going to be reluctant to talk about the issue if there is more to the situation than just a fetish. The best thing that you can do is to make sure that there is no question in his mind about your feelings for him before you start to talk about it. And, believe me the more you talk about it the more you and he will understand not only what is happening at this moment but also what is happening to the two of you in general.

Take a look back at when you first came out as homosexual and remember how it felt. If he is tg he is feeling much the same thing about this situation. If he is not tg then try exploring the fantasy and enjoy it for what it is.

Anna

[shavedm64]

As far as you thinking that he may not think you are enough... put that one out of your mind. He is simply wanting to try new things, things that he feels will enhance the experience.... for both of you. I would suggest as most others, that you go along... who knows, you may just find a whole new and exciting world. Best of luck, and happy experimenting.

[Charolette time]

Thanks for the "welcomes..." and the reassurance that this really isn't about me, but my partners' desires. I am a bit confused, I must admit. Is there a sexual nature to your dressing? My partner has expressed these desires as an erotic fantasy, not so much as the desire to dress as a woman regularly, etc. I beleive there is a role play type of fantasy, the dressing, me undressing him, seducing him.. Are we talking about 2 different things? (men who dress as woman for sexual pleasure, and men who dress as woman for other reasons?). My limited experience with dressing was as an adolescent and tended to be related to erotic feelings. This is most likely a shallow view, I realize. I apologize if i seem naive.

So I think i will purchase a special gift for my partner... But where? How do I figure out sizes? I haven't bought underwear for someone before?

If you know the size he wears in male under pants or you are the same size bring a pair with you and try any number of ladies stores, Lane Bryant has a great selection and the sales girls are eager to help because they are there to make money and are very gender orientated,and who knows you may end up buying some thing nice for your self, as you said before you tryed it when you were younger, cloths are only a covering for a while, what happens in the house is a different thing, go for it and enjoy life , hes yours and your his, love him for who he is, I sound like a girl giving this advice, look what happens when dressed in panties and a bra, Charolette

[Christa]

Hi Chip,

After 15 years together, I told my BF I enjoyed CDing. Luckily, he was patient and understanding. We spent a lot of time talking about it over the next few months, and he came to the conclusion that he didn't really want to "know" that part of me first hand. I respect that, but still feel good that he knows about it. It's not something I have to hide anymore... I just do it on my own time.

So your BF is lucky to have someone who cares enough to reach out for more information. The fact that you're interested in exploring this with him (possibly) is HUGE. That's very generous of you.

I don't know exactly what part of dressing your BF is drawn to, but for me crossdressing is mostly sexual. I think of it as a fetish. As a young gay boy, the only way my mind could figure out to be with a guy was to pass as a girl. So when I dress, I love the idea of attracting guys, turning guys on, etc.

Your BF may not know specifically why he enjoys dressing. That's OK. As long as he has your support, he'll figure it out. Maybe the best solution is to be open to whatever he suggests... let him/her lead the way.

And the idea of buying him lingerie is a surefire way to excite him and show your support.

Good luck, and feel free to write if you have questions.

XOXO

Christa

[GG Vanya]

you sound liek a very lovng human being, so first off, get yourself off the hook about the sex being not gratifying enough. It is not about you, it is about him trying on a differnt way of being. so, buy him a sweet pair of panties, write a little love note on it saying, I love you any way you are, and leave in a semi-conspicous place. then wait. and wait, until he is ready to open up a bit about it. and conitnue to be as loving and as supportive as you sound.

Nothing I can add to this great response!~ I agree wholeheartedly!~

[Brianna Lovely]

Welcome, you will find this forum full of wonderful, loving and helpful people.
I agree with the idea of buying your BF panties, sounds like a lovely thing to do.

I spent many years struggling to understand and accept who I am. I do hope someday to find a man who will accept and love me for who/what I am.

So please, always be honest with your BF, and always love him/her for being a special person in your life.
Hugs,
Brianna

[Sheila]

you sound liek a very lovng human being, so first off, get yourself off the hook about the sex being not gratifying enough. It is not about you, it is about him trying on a differnt way of being. so, buy him a sweet pair of panties, write a little love note on it saying, I love you any way you are, and leave in a semi-conspicous place. then wait. and wait, until he is ready to open up a bit about it. and conitnue to be as loving and as supportive as you sound.

Great GG has said it


Jess