It's a struggle

[cath]

I have been more than supportive to my hubby. In the begining we talked alot I started buying him clothes as he found buying underwear awkward.I joined this site to get information and advice(which I will always be greatful to you all for) but even as I was working on this understanding he was spending up to 7 hours a day on various forums, exchanging photos , arranging meetings with other CD'ers then he put intimate photo's that we had taken many years before on a site without my consent.
He can not understand why I am so hurt. I would be interested in other CD's opinions!

[Scotty]

We tend to go overboard when we first admit it I suppose.
I disagree with posting pics that were taken together in intimacy though - I don't think that is very honorable, at least not without your permission..

You'll have to talk to him for sure, but if you admonish him or go against it the odds are it will continue to happen..

I wish you well!! Stay around

[sara_also]

Hi Cath,
I believe you should sit him down and do more talking. Your SO seems to have taken your acceptance of his cd'ing as an acceptance of anything he might be interested in. You must make him understand that what he wants to do with his cd'ing is one thing, but that he cannot include your private lives without your consent. I am a cd myself, however I always consider what, if any, my actions would have on my wonderful wife. I do not believe being selfish is, or will ever be a a good trait in anybody. I do hope you will be able to make him understand the differences in your acceptance and your limits. Good luck and this is just my

[Jenna1561]

Cath,

I'm sorry that he treated you so badly and breached your trust by posting those photos, spending so much time online instead of with you, and meeting with others without you. You seem to be a very understanding supportive wife; one who is doing her best to keep a relationship alive and strong.

Many CD/TG/TS would be happy to have a partner such as you. I think you are doing your best and he is treating you terribly. I hope the two of you can work together and work this out. It's my experience, that we, the male population of this world (at least most of us), usually take quite some time to actually grow up. To put others' needs before their own - to think "we" instead of "me". As the saying goes - Men Are Pigs! And I agree with that in general, particularly those of us under 30.

I hope things improve. Remember we are here for you, if you want to blow off steam or need a shoulder to cry on.


Love,

Jenna

[kittypw GG]

Cath,

I'm sorry that he treated you so badly and breached your trust by posting those photos, spending so much time online instead of with you, and meeting with others without you. You seem to be a very understanding supportive wife; one who is doing her best to keep a relationship alive and strong.

Many CD/TG/TS would be happy to have a partner such as you. I think you are doing your best and he is treating you terribly. I hope the two of you can work together and work this out. It's my experience, that we, the male population of this world (at least most of us), usually take quite some time to actually grow up. To put others' needs before their own - to think "we" instead of "me". As the saying goes - Men Are Pigs! And I agree with that in general, particularly those of us under 30.

I hope things improve. Remember we are here for you, if you want to blow off steam or need a shoulder to cry on.


Love,

Jenna

I second this. Posting intimate pictures of you without your consent is definately wrong on many levels. He has broken a trust and will have to work extra hard to regain it. Shame on someone who would do such a thing to someone they say they love. Kitty

[CharleneCD]

Cath it sounds like its time to set some boundries. Just because you are accepting doesn't mean he has license to go hog wild and do whatever. As was said before many Cd's tend to go overboard when first accepted. I myself must plead guilty to that charge. It took many straitforeward and serious conversations between me and my wife to come to an understanding. Basicly for her she needed to realize that I was not intending to hurt or upset her and she shouldnt take it so personaly, and I needed to realize there were things that I shouldn't do because it hurt or upset her.

[Eileen]

Cath your hubby needs a good talking to. He obivously wants you to be a partner in his dressing and that is great. As a partner, he needs to remember you should be consulted and have a voice in what is acceptable and what is not! There is no excuse to justify showing the pictures.

Eileen

[MJ]

cath
i am sorry to hear that. you need to sit him down and talk to him.. and make it known you are not happy about this part of him at all and set ground rules.. and be ferm about it .. i for one would not put up with that.. either play by my rules or get out of the game !! make him go and remove all pictures he has posted were possible.. and he has to start to rebuild the trust you gave him .... hugs Marissa

[Kate Simmons]

You've been too nice about it Cath. Time to bring the cows home, partner. Ericka

[kerrianna]

YIKES!!!
Your hubby is lucky you're still around.
When I started 'moving out' a bit with my CDing (it had long been just confined to bedroom play with my wife) I did it on the internet. I told my wife about what I was doing (well, most of it) and we had some LONG talks about it. She let me know exactly what her fears were (as best she could define them being confused and wanting to be fair and supportive), and I understood them. One of the fears was spending too much time on the internet (7 hrs is way too much time for most people if you ask me).
Another was where would it end up? Would I want to meet other people? Then what? Would I cheat? How could I guarantee what I would or wouldn't do? (I should add this stuff was all out of character for me) These were all valid fears I realized and I assured her I would limit this, not do that.

Well, I ended up saying one thing and doing another because I thought I could control it. I still have trouble keeping things on an even keel - a lot of this is exciting and adventurous for me and after 22 yrs of marriage and in mid-life crisis mode, it's easy to get carried away. My wife called me up on the fact I was saying one thing - doing another. And I too made an online intimate friend that I shared my wife's info and pictures (not intimate at least) with, without her ok. My wife was NOT OK with that and made sure I knew exactly what I could say and not say to my friend (who she let me stay in contact with)

She told me she couldn't trust me anymore (and THAT has never been an issue). She told me she was trying to figure out how she was going to live on her own, who would get the dog, the cat. THIS HIT HOME. It made me realize how serious this was and forced me to make a decision.

We had a very difficult discussion where she was finally able to spell out clearly what was ok and what was not. And whether or not I agreed with any of it the only way to save our relationship and continue with me exploring who I am was to agree to her BOUNDARIES. Your husband needs to hear them clearly from you and he needs to RESPECT them. If he can't you will have to examine your options. He needs to know that. I know it's difficult to set boundaries when you are confused and trying to be supportive, but there are obviously some things you know clearly, so start there.

He sounds like he's addicted to the Internet. There is probably support for that - I haven't looked into yet, although if I keep posting so much here I might have too I know there's also Internet infidelity info on the web too. (my wife is a good web researcher :shifty

He DEFINITELY should NOT be saying or posting ANYTHING about you without your permission.

As for meeting other people, well, that is an issue of trust I guess. Only you can say how you feel about that.

It would be nice to think your hubby's obsession will lessen with time, but it might go the other way. The only thing you can do is figure out what's right for you, what works for you, and let him know as clearly as you can. If he has a problem with that then you both have a problem.

I wish you the best of luck. Tell him to PM me and I'll give him a upside the head. He's got a SO buying him clothes and he's ruining it by going online too much and acting inappropriately. But I know how strong the draw is, so I can relate to what he's doing - just not agree he should be doing it.

Hope this helps. And yes, it has been vetted by my SO.

[Nike]

Cath,

Most CD'ers, like people in general, are good. Sometimes the alternate reality we create as a result of our duality overpowers good sense. A partner has every right of Consent. Your CD hubby should automatically afford you that opportunity, whether it be in activities related to crossdressing, or the sharing of private and intimate photos. (which may or may not be sexual in nature)

Arranging meetings with other CD'ers may be a strict taboo in some relationships. As your husband, he has a responsibility to you and the marriage to honor your feelings on this matter.

Finally, you have a right to establish boundaries as others have suggested. As a supportive wife of a CD, you are a gem among women and deserve to be treated as such.

Hopefully, this is just a hurdle you two can overcome together and which will be a tool for a more intimate and dynamic future together.

[Michelia]

Cath:

I went totally nuts at first and I know I am still in overkill mode as I am new to this. I hope to get it all more under control in time. I have spent way too much time in my CD activities (shopping and reading and trying to understand - not on the internet sharing pictures!) at the expense of my SO and other responsibilities. At first I was not letting my SO in maybe because I feared her rejection. Once I let her into the fold and she decided to participate instead of rejecting me, I realized how incredibly lucky I am. Now I try to give her as much time as possible and I make sure she knows there can be no competition - she will always win. But her participation means I have relinquished a lot of control. She fully engaged in all our decisions. I must stay vigilant at all times to not let my CDing be more important than her. I have also asked for her complete input if there is something wrong. And then I listen when she has a concern.

If I did not have her on board, I could never be like so many on this site that I so deeply admire. So dedicated in spite of there SOs not sharing. I would probably have gone down the deep end. My SO's understanding has literally saved me. I owe her my well being. There is nothing, but nothing, no shrink, CD friends or internet contact, or self-knowledge, or wealth, that could do the same for me as my SO's noble and courageous love.

It seems to me your CD partner is taking you for granted, when in reality you probably are what he needs most. Try to find a way for him to realize this. The sharing of your pictures is a breach of trust not to be taken lightly. What could be next? STAY ON YOUR TOES! I do not like this private contact with all these other people in conjunction with the sharing of these pictures. Stand up for yourself and your needs in this relationship. Remember: you are one in a million and deserve to be appreciated and respected, CDing or not.

I do not post too often and when I do I tend to run long. Sorry.

Good luck, Cath.

Michelia

[cath]

Thank you all.
The problem is he doesnt see that there is a problem.
We had boundries these were broken when I mention this all I get is I didnt think it would be an issue.

[Holly]

Cath, first of all you're a gem . I can only emphasize what has already been said. You MUST set boundaries and you must do it NOW. At the very least, your hubby is guilty of over exuberance and gross lack of judgment. I understand the excitement of beginning a new journey. But that is absolutely no excuse to ignore you, you feelings, your opinion, and your guidance. A marriage is built as a partnership, with both husband and wife having needs and meeting needs. You've more than lived up to your part of thr bargain. Time for him to live up to his obligations as well.

**Edit** If your husband didn't think it would be an issue, then he needs a serious wake-up call. He's not treating as a partner in your relationship.

[Jenna1561]

Cath,

Sounds like he needs to be reminded that they are boundaries, not guidelines and yes it is an issue, not of CDing but of trust violations.

Does he visit the forums here? If he does, have him read this post - he'll see most of think he is definitely in the wrong. If he doesn't visit here, perhaps you should consider showing him this site and your thread and our responses.

He needs a reality check.


Jenna

[Roberta Lynn]

Thank you all.
The problem is he doesnt see that there is a problem.
We had boundries these were broken when I mention this all I get is I didnt think it would be an issue.

That is a problem.
If he thinks he is in the right, have him post his position here.
My guess it might take him 7 hours to read the replies and he won't like what he reads.

[Sweet Jane]

Hi Cath

I'm sorry that your husband has acted so selfishly and thoughtlessly. I feel that you have more than met him half way with his desire to dress and now he seems to be taking advantage of your kind heartedness. It is totally irresponsible to post photos, intimate or not, without the express permission of the subject, and you have a right to be angry...I'd be furious.

A common theme seems to be a crossdresser running wild, once he has "come out" to his wife...I don't know if the F2M are the same, but some M2F just go crazy. I don't know what I'd do, because my wife does not know the full extent of my CDing. (I did tell her about wearing underwear years ago, and she sort of ignored it and has never mentioned it again)

I suppose you should show him the thoughts of everyone here, and maybe his behaviour will become a little less focussed on "him" and more focussed on "his marriage". Surely this is more important to him than cyber friends and frilly knickers....good luck...

[Missy Anne]

Hi Cath,

My question would be - Is he this inconsiderate of your feelings in other ways too?

Missy Anne

[Jenny Beth]

That is a problem.
If he thinks he is in the right, have him post his position here.
My guess it might take him 7 hours to read the replies and he won't like what he reads.

Couldn't have said it better.....

Send him here...we'll set his wagon straight!

[GG Vanya]

Cath,

Sounds like he needs to be reminded that they are boundaries, not guidelines and yes it is an issue, not of CDing but of trust violations.

Does he visit the forums here? If he does, have him read this post - he'll see most of think he is definitely in the wrong. If he doesn't visit here, perhaps you should consider showing him this site and your thread and our responses.

He needs a reality check.


Jenna

Sounds to me like he needs to be reminded of his wedding vows, you know...where it says:

Love *honor* and cherish??

Posting intimate pictures of one's wife without her consent for the whole world to see is a huge dishonor, in my opinion.


What was he thinking?????

[ubokvt]

Sit him down at the computer and make him read these posts then tell him to get a clue. It that doesn't help maybe some of those here with out supportive SOs can can explain the facts of life without support.

[kittypw GG]

Sit him down at the computer and make him read these posts then tell him to get a clue. It that doesn't help maybe some of those here with out supportive SOs can can explain the facts of life without support.

Very good point indeed.

[shavedm64]

Looks like most of us are telling you the same thing. Must be something right there. Set him down, set the boundaries... let him know how you feel about it, especially about him posting pictures of you without your permission. You have accepted him and good for you..... he should have the common courtesy to do the same for you. Respect and trust.. it's a two way street.

[Stacy GG]

Looks like most of us are telling you the same thing. Must be something right there. Set him down, set the boundaries... let him know how you feel about it, especially about him posting pictures of you without your permission. You have accepted him and good for you..... he should have the common courtesy to do the same for you. Respect and trust.. it's a two way street.

It's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along.

[Cami_wi]

Hi Cath,

Any way you look at what He did, posting pictures of YOU and intimate ones at that is WRONG! I am a Transsexual Female and out of all the Online friends I have, I won't even post their Rated "G" pictures even to another friend without ASKing thier Permission First and Always. The Trust is Broken now, will take ALLOT to earn it back. Posting to meet with Other CD's on line is WRONG also, seeing he is in a commited realationship with You. Allot of CD's do get feeling, urges or curious what it would be like to be with someone else while dressed. These things should ALWAYS be kept as a Fantacy and Never Tested while Married or in a LTR. As many have said He BEST take a long hard look at Having you and you being accepting and trying to understand all this. Heck most of Us and the Medical Profession do not Understand WHY we do this, for ME I was Born with Gender Dysphoria.

good luck ((( Hugzzzz )))