I've Transitioned!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Rachel_740]

Hi Girls,

At the age of 43, I've spent most of my life (about the last 35 years) denying who I really am. Not admitting to those around me that I have ‘issues’, but most importantly denying the feelings to myself. I have cross-dressed on and off now for a good 30 years, gaining a reasonable wardrobe when I lived on my own in the mid to late '80's. I didn't know how to take things any further at that time though, and I ended up doing what is expected of a guy - I started living with a girl (at which point I purged) and then got married.

During my 7 year first marriage I had 2 great children. I had little opportunity to be myself, although I did snatch some time occasionally. I then got divorced and re-married (my 1st divorce was my doing and I am a VERY lucky girl in that my 1st wife has forgiven me and is being very supportive in my transition – to the extent that she has offered to look after me during my post-op recuperation). During my 2nd marriage I had no more children - she had plenty, 5 (3 grown up who were great, and 2 dependant who were real spoilt brats with no respect for anybody or anything). I had a bit more chance to dress during this time, as we lived at opposite ends of the country for about 12 of the 18 months we were married. As time went on I realised that this relationship wasn't working and I was looking for a flat to move out to when she sent me a text message one day, while she was away somewhere, saying she was divorcing me. That was good enough for me. I moved out that day, and was very pleased that she had forced my hand.

That was some 18 months ago now. I found somewhere to live and started building my wardrobe again (looking through my wardrobe now I have probably spent well over £1500 on clothes – and I was very put out a few months ago when he had to buy a couple of pairs of work trousers) and dressing more frequently (in the confines of home). After a few months I came upon two websites. One was the Beaumont Society (UK), through which I found a local TV/CD group. After I had been to the meetings for a few months a new girl (who had recently transitioned) came along. I arranged to see her a few days later for a chat and ended up with a name and address for the lady who is now my counsellor. The second site I came upon was this one, which I browsed through and quickly became a member. Largely as a direct result of the inspiration and the confidence all you girls have given me, finding that I was not alone in the world, I have arrived where I am today.

As a lot of you will be aware, I started last winter by, when I went to the supermarket, I would take a skirt and change into it to drive home. After a period of that I started walking round the village at night wearing a skirt. Eventually I HAD to get out and interact with someone, so in the early hours of one morning I went out to the nearest city as Rachel, knowing I didn’t have enough petrol to get home again, so I had to go to the filling station. From there I’ve very rapidly gained confidence in being my true self, bringing me to where I am today.

And where are you today? I hear you ask.

I've reached the time today when I make my first big move towards SRS, where there is no longer any going back, not that there has been for quite some time now from my point of view, I made the decision quite some time ago – July - that I was going to go for SRS, it was just a matter of finding out how to do it, where to find counselling, doctors etc. From there I had to tell my family, which took me ages to pluck up the courage, but the only one that has a problem with me is one of my cousins (who, if anyone was going to have a problem with me, it was going to be her).

Having started going to a local CD group and meeting people, one month there were a couple of girls there I hadn’t met before. Chatting with them it turned out that they had recently transitioned and one of them put me in touch with a counsellor. The counsellor in turn put me in touch with a doctor in London and I am now under both of them. I have been taking male hormone blockers for about 3 months now to reduce body hair, and subsequent to my visit to my London doctor next month I will also be taking female hormones.

I have now legally changed my name and I’m doing the paperwork to change my gender – drivers license, passport etc, and from here on I am living my life entirely as a woman - home, work, play, shopping, the whole issue.

This, as I have said, is largely as a result of the help (both active and passive) EVERYBODY on this website, all you girls, TG and GG, and guys from the F to M side as well, has given me.

I want to say a massive THANK YOU to every single one of you.

Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart.

Rachel

[DonnaT]

You're on your way!

Are you going to have to live the RLT for a whole year? Or will they let you go to SRS sooner?

Has your 2nd Ex said anything to you yet?

[Rachel_740]

Donna,

I've got to live RLT for at least 12 months prior to surgery - should be well into roll by then. As for 2nd ex. She has been told and no doubt she has made comments, but not to me and she probably won't.

[Rikki]

Rachel, congradulations on making the move. I wish you all the happiness you deserve. I am sure that your second ex will be so jelous when she sees you. Good luck girl and the best for you.

Rikki

[ChristineRenee]

Yes congrats Rachel for the courage it took for you to go through what you had to go through to be who you really are. I wish you all the happiness and peace of mind you so richly deserve in your new life ahead of you.

Love,
Christine Renee

[Julie]

Rachel,

As per your request, your message has been made a sticky so the girls here know where you are.

Good luck and God bless you.

Love,
Julie

[Tamara Croft]

Wooohooo.... finally did it Congratulations babe, you finally got your wish, at 43 your life is just begining.... and now you get to live the rest of it just how you want, as Rachel. I'm very proud of you

Tamara x

[Sara Violet]

im so happy for you i only wish i could have one millionth of your inner strength. You have come so far. Best of luck to you. [hug]

[Nikki A.]

I wish you the best and hope that all goes well. Let us know how things go.

[Tristen Cox]

I'm so happy for you Rachel, if words could only tell you how pleased this makes me feel for you. You're a wonderful person, and an inspiration to all of us. And I'd like to thank you very much for sharing every step of the journey you have taken. It's helped me to learn from you, and experience what this journey may be like for me as well. *big warm hugs* and all of my love to you.


Tristen

[LindaTS]

Way to go Rachel,
You've done something that I need to do but there are a few things still in the way. A wife and my health, and both are uncertain. But I really love hearing how other girls made the transistion because if gives me hope too. Good luck in the future and enjoy life.

[Rachel_740]

Hi Girls,

A quick update on my first day as Rachel.

I've not done anything special. I spent most of yesterday afternoon either phoning or typing letters to update details with organisations I have associations. I have been down to my bro, done a bit of shopping (where the guy on the checkout refered to me as madam) etc.

I have found that I now feel 'justified' wearing femme clothing - I hope that makes some sort of sense. This afternoon I updated a membership card I have to take my kids to a local theme park. Afterwards, I needed the loo, so I went into the ladies (followed in by a GG), and again, I no longer felt like an intruder (as I have done until now).

As well as carrying a peice of paper from my doc saying that I'm going through gender reassignment (to cover me for going in the loo's) I've also put a copy of my change of name deed in my bag, so if I am questioned as to why I'm in the ladies loo's I feel that I am well covered.

Early this afternoon, i had parked my car and was waiting to cross the road to have a coffee in a cafe, and one of the GG's from work drove past. I don't know if she saw or recognised me but I may find out next week in work.

I've had a great day all in all, not done a lot, but I really feel that I fit in and I am female now.

Hugs and kisses,

Rachel

[AussieRhonda]

Gee I hate you, I`m so jealous. I wish I had the courage to go ahead with SRS. I wish you all the happiness and freedoms that being a girl in all your senses can bring
Rhonda
P.S
I dont hate you, I admire and love your courage

[IAMDONNA]

Rachel:
I wish you the best in your new life. Does it feel like being born again? So many firsts are coming your way. I applaude your courage and hope that you are as happy as can be. I only wish I were younger and that attitudes were different when I was you age. I think I might have gone that route also.
Good Luck Hon.

Huggs Donna

[Madilyn]

Hi Rachel,

We don't know each other, which is a result of my inactivity on these boards, but I had to put-in my two pence and tell you how proud I am of you and the steps you have made towards becoming who you really are. You have to feel like such a burden has been lifted. What a gratifying and freeing feeling you must have now that the decision is behind you. I'm so jealous you get to be girly full time, but I wholeheartedly wish you the very best as you transition, and I hope you will continue to give this sticky thread regular updates so others might benefit from the experiences and education you are gathering.

I might ask only one question, which is relative to your profile/avatar (or lack thereof)...is there a specific reason why we can't see how beautiful you are? I'm an extremely casual CD and am rarely able to get out, but I am so happy to be able to share how I look with the group here. I guess I just would think you'd be proud enough to share yourself with others...if you can reveal anywhere, this is the place to do it. If you have a link to pictures in some other thread, or a personal concern, I do sincerely apologize, I just hope to put a name with a beautiful face someday. Good luck sweetie...

Kisses and hugs,

Maddy

[Katiegirl]

Good luck Rachel

I am so glad everything is working out for you, you were brave in making your decision and after overcaming many problems in your path, you deserve to realise your dreams.





Mind of a Woman, Body of a Man, Life is a Bitch

[Sweet Susan]

Rachel,
I came across this thread a few days ago, but I didn't have time to read all of your original and follow-up posts. Wow! I must say that what you are doing is really incredible. I've never felt as though SRS is a way I'd want to go, though I have thought about it. Quite honestly, I don't know how one would or could bring him or herself to go through with something so life altering. After much thought on this, I have to believe that you truly believe that you either are a woman trapped inside a man's body or you simply prefer to live your life as a woman. Given the fact that you could, theoretically, live as a woman without changing yourself into a woman, I must believe that you feel or believe that you are a woman in a man's body, which is a very heavy thought, indeed.

You sharing this experience with us is very helpful for those of us who might wonder if that is something that we'd like to do. I know it has certainly helped me realign my thinking. While I would really like to find myself with a full set of knock out breasts, I would never want to lose my little friend down below or the desire to use it. And therein, I believe, is the difference between someone like yourself and someone like myself. Being a crossdresser is very much a sexual experience for me. While I don't get dressed up and walk around my house masturbating, I do get sexually stimulated while en femme. Not only that, but I get sexually stimulated just thinking about getting dressed up, as well as sexually stimulated while shopping for dresses and lingerie and such. I'm also a basic hetero, though while en femme, I do with much aplomb have desires for bisex. Which is true of many of us.

So, I have a few questions for you, and you can either not answer them, answer them via pm, or answer on this thread. I would think that it would help some of us, more so than just myself, if you were to answer on this thread, but I'll leave that up to you. Personally, I don't think this is an inappropriate forum for this discussion, but with some of the moderating that has ocurred, who knows. If it is inappropriate, I apologize. Having said that.............

Do you have sexual desires for men? If so, when?
Do you have sexual desires for women?
You must have thought about not having traditional sex with women, so how do you rationalize the omission of that from your life?
Do you currently have a boyfriend?
Do transvestites excite you? Have they ever excited you?
Have you discussed with your therapist the prospects of finding a male lover, what that might entail, and what you could do if you found after you transition, to your chagrin, that you preferred women?
When you are out and about while en femme, do you see men that ring your bell?

I ask these questions not because I am nosey or intruding into your personal realm, but because they are, for the most part, questions that I do think about. I appreciate any help you can give us with this.

Sincerely, Susan

[Marlene4a]

Good thoughts Susan, and well written.

Me

[Rachel_740]

Hi Girls,

I went to the back of a wardrobe today that I use for my kids clothes and what did I come across?

It was one of HIS shirts (brand new, still packaged) that I had missed when I purged all his clothes. Got to get rid of it to my Dad tomorrow, clean then disinfect the wardrobe etc. I just can't have any male clothing in my house any more.

Rachel

[Tristen Cox]

Oh No Rachel! The rest of your closet may need serious counceling now that they know there was a traitor among them. Just wash them and explain your side of the story. I hope they can forgive you for this mishap