Groundhog Day

[Sweet Jane]

I was reading a thread on here about Dressing up in women's clothing is no laughing matter for some and rather than hijack that thread, I'll put my thoughts here.

I was asked to imagine what it must be like to wake up in the morning as a guy with an overwhelming desire to put on a dress.


When I read this line, all I could think of was Groundhog Day the movie, because this is probably how I feel about my crossdressing. For a start it was quite exciting, new and fun, and now it's something I'm cursed with, yet unable to do anything about.

I've been crossdressing more or less for 40 years and the entire time I have been somewhat confused about the whole "ordeal". Early on (in my teens) I thought that maybe I was TS, but now I don't think so, as I do strongly identify with my masculine and frankly wish to be that way. So while I'm not new to crossdressing, I've never been able to "discuss" my crossdressing with anyone, and it's only since joining this forum that I have been able to begin to understand a bit about myself.

Unlike the replies in the other thread, where everyone was quite content I suppose, to wake up as a man wanting to wear a dress, I'd rather not.....yet I do, every day. I can't walk by a shoe shop without checking out the heels, the lingerie dept without desiring a pretty set, the makeup counter without thinking something like "I need a new eyeliner pencil", and the list goes on. The trouble is "me, the man", doesn't really want to be interested in these things, but I can't seem to stop the thoughts, and I can't seem to over ride the urge to act on those thoughts more often than I am happy with.

I know this is a forum to encourage crossdressers and I applaud everyone who is content in their duality, or in their decision to reassign their sex, but I just constantly feel like a dark cloud in a sunny place. I don't get excited about which lipstick, nail polish or eyeshadow is my favorite colour, I don't have a favorite coloured pair of panties and I find it difficult to get excited about shaving my legs......see the thing is regardless of how I'm dressed, I still feel like a man, I agree a "feminine" man at times, but still a man, even when I wear a dress.

So to maybe cut my ramble short, I am wondering if any others are feeling or have felt this way, or am I really some sort of "freak" trapped in my own "Groundhog Day"

[LeannL]

Jane,

I am in your boat to be sure. The feminine side of me is part of me but it is not my identity as it appears to be for some. I do not wake up wanting to become a woman or even look like one full time. Like you though, I have walked by a store or seen a woman with some piece of clothing on and wonder what it would be like to wear.

Right now I am going through some changes having told my wife and we work through it. The good part about telling her is that it has opened up communications in what most would have considered a very communicative marriage. Our love has grown since then (a month). As this has happened, the urges have very much diminished but I am still a guy who thinks about women's clothes. I will always be a guy with a bit of me being more feminine than "normal". As I have come to accept myself over these many years (I am early 50s), I feel that I am an integrated person and not my male self at one point and Leann at another. If I needed to dress, I would find a way and do it. As I really worked at finding myself (a long story), I probably went out too much dressed and did a lot of things in the name of fully finding out about my CD side. But in the end I am a guy and I like being that guy - I like fishing, hiking, working on the car etc. (the stereotypical male things - no barbs please). So you are who you are. You don't have to be who you believe others expect you to be.

BTW, I don't consider this forum one that encourages CDing. It is one that helps us understand and some of the members are just in a different spot on the CD/TG/TS spectrum than you or I appear. So don't measure yourself by what others do/say here. We all know that Karren H is nuts but she loves it and that is absolutely great for her but not for you or I.

Leann

[Kate Simmons]

The only thing I see Jane is that none of the things you like to do "as a woman" are really not even "natural" for real women. They (lipstick, nail polish, clothes,etc.) are all affectations at best. Take it all away and do you still have the desire? I dunno, but I know we like what makes us look nice. When you think about it, it's all a marketing ploy really. A company has a product. They advertise that product in a way that shows people they can't possibly live without that product. They instill that in our minds. From that point, it's a "domino" effect, and well, hey, if our friends are getting that stuff, it MUST be good. Now companies aren't stupid. Even though they are not overt about it, they know CD's will use products designed for women because they want to look good as well. And so it goes. Despite appearances and despite appearing how you choose to present yourself, it's the inside person of the heart, the spirit, that shows through. If we feel we are of the "softer side", it will be reflected in what we look like and the stuff we use to achieve that look. My thinking, therefore, is that we are displaying who we really are inside. What am I trying to say?Makes me wonder sometimes. In simpler terms, I guess I'm saying if it makes you feel and look good, go for it but try to understand why. Ericka/Rich

[Krystal Lee]

Sweet Jane,

Life is a one way trip and we all travel on a different path. Sometimes it can be a very hard path and finding our way can be a challenge.A think all of us have wondered about the "Curse" and asked ourselves why me.

I myself have come to an understanding with myself but still wonder at times. However you look at your life is what is important to you.

This is a crude answer but the old advice on rape might apply, just lay back and enjoy the enevitable.

I really am not trying to be flip but after many years of agonizing I just decided to go with the flow, so to speak, and that outlook took a tremendous weight off my shoulders.

Don't know if that was what you were looking for but hope it helps.

Hugs Krystal.