Male Role Models

[CaptLex]

This question is aimed at the guys (FtMs), but it's open to others:

Growing up I realized really early that my father was not the best role model for me as a man. In fact, there were very few positive role models in my life until I went to high school and met my best friend's father. Her mother is also a wonderful person, but I had met other great women, and was happy to finally meet a guy I could look up to. Until then I had heard so many men make excuses for their selfish behavior and so many women basically say, "Well, he's a man, what do you expect?", that I honestly thought there were no really good men (and I think that made me hesitant to express my male side).

Through my friend's dad I learned about patience, tolerance, selflessness, and good parenting (all qualities my father lacks). He and his wife are still around (though elderly) and he continues to be a positive role model by taking care of his bedridden wife (she has MS), never complaining and always being happy to be there for her and for others. We're still in touch after approximately 30 years, but my father and I stopped speaking over 25 years ago - I guess that about sums up the difference.

Anyway, I'm curious if any of the guys (FtM or bio-men) have had positive role models that have been instrumental in developing their own male psyches - either a regular person, or someone well-known (actor, singer, artist, politician, writer, etc.).

[mistunderstood]

I would have to say both my grandfathers.One granddad because he was always giveing the other for replaceing my dad. He was always helping me fix my many cars that were basicly junk. He would teach me how to fix the car so I could do it later if needed.

[Lisa Golightly]

Tanks for the open offer Capt....

Audrey Hepburn may have been my biggest influence, but there are a lot of men in my life *cough*...

J.R.R.Tolkien - Life, death, and the ability to grieve.
Charles Dickens - Humour in the darkest of circumstances.
J.S.Mill - For liberty.
Mozart - For beauty.
My Dad - For all those little things he did because he loved me... Greatly missed.

[Kieron Andrew]

My main role model was my best friend who i considered my father when i was growing up.......and ive even took his first name for my middle name

Unfortunately he is no longer with us...he passed in 1997

[Adam]

my dad hes careing loveing thoughtfull and always treated me mum right he was there all the tine while growing up if i turn out half as good as my dad ill be happy

[Abraxas]

Hmmm. I always kind of turned to the celebs. My first influence was Michael Jackson when I was very young (3 or so). Then, of course, Eddie Izzard later on, and Brian May. These days it's Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry. As for people I know personally, my little brother is turning out to be quite the sweet young gentleman, and my friend Al has always been the most amazing friend.
I'm also remembering now that when I was young, my gran had a friend named Richard who was sort of instrumental to my development-- he restored old cars and would take me for rides in his Model T. He even picked me up from school (second grade) in a white limo once.

[Kate Simmons]

Mostly fictional characters. John Carter of Mars, Tarzan, Green Lantern, Captain America. These were all strong empowered male types for me. Ericka/Rich

[Shadowls]

my grandpa, with as much as he put up with from my grandma, i think he's a saint. I'll miss my grandma because she pasted, but i know that she's happier.

[JulieCDorlando]

Hello,
In answer to your question, sad to say that there were no positive male role models for me when I was growing up. I grew up in a housing project where most of the fathers were drug addicts, alcholics, living on welfare and other government assistance. My own father who was an alcholic and a physical abuser left my family when I was 7 years old.
I have done a lot better with my life since then, as I couldn't see myself following in those same patterns of self destruction as my motivation. I am a father of a 23 year old daughter, and I have tried to my utmost best to instill in her values and morals as any should father should for his child, and for that that I was a positive male role model for her in her growing years.
Perhaps my CDing was attributed to a lack of a positive male role model in my development years, though that is debatable at this point. I am what I am and blame no one for it.

[suzy]

The only male role model that I had was my father......and he had both good and bad qualities..... so, sadly I inherited some of his good and bad qualities.... I'm working hard to improve the good and eliminate the bad...but it's a chore sometimes. I wish I had found a great male role model....

[CaptLex]

I have done a lot better with my life since then, as I couldn't see myself following in those same patterns of self destruction as my motivation. I am a father of a 23 year old daughter, and I have tried to my utmost best to instill in her values and morals as any should father should for his child, and for that that I was a positive male role model for her in her growing years.

That's what matters, Julie. Good for you for breaking the pattern.

[gennee]

[SIZE="3"]I have had many male role models. My dad, a minister, some teachers and professors. I have never had a lack of them.

Gennee[/SIZE]

[Kimberley]

Role models. What a loaded question. I just knew there was a reason I like visiting this forum. Thanks Cap’n.

Let’s start with some history. I was pretty much raised by my mother because my father worked straight afternoon shifts all the time I was growing up, then I got married and he got a day job. About the only time we crossed paths was Saturday when he didn’t have to work and the rotating day off through the week. It wasn’t until a few years ago that we finally connected and established a relationship that was meaningful. He did give me strong ethics in many areas and always encouraged me to think analytically which can be good or bad depending upon the circumstance.

My mother. What a paradox she was so I’ll leave out most of the bad. She was very strong, she had to be obviously, a disciplinarian of significant consequence but she also had many good qualities that were usually directed elsewhere. That said she was also compassionate, very intelligent, and judgmental. This latter trait can be either good or bad. In my case it is all too often a negative.

So I got a very strong set of ethics from both of my parents. This trait often lands me in hot water because I often speak out (being judgmental) when I should probably be quiet. I also had my creativity groomed at least in part by my mother. Today, my father is probably my biggest supporter in this department.

I generally have a difficult time relating to people for a number of reasons that probably are best left unsaid for fear of appearing to be self absorbed and narcissistic. So, with that said, I probably relate to women better than men overall.

I still have to believe on reflection that the greatest influence on my life is my wife. She has over the years helped me change some less desirable qualities about myself and reinforced some of the good ones.

As to gender, that has always been a negative in my life with other people. They don’t understand, don’t want to even try so I have to remain closeted. I know, it is sad but it is true. I have come to accept this reality even if it does cause some internal conflict.

External to my family, I cant say there were a lot of people who were good influences with the exception of a couple of teachers. What I can say though is that as an observer of people, I recognize many traits I don’t want so in that regard, there is a positive influence among people who have no idea of that.

Great thread!


Kimberley

[Bridget]

Hmmm...that's a really tough question. My father was there, well physically, but he spent most of his time working, he was gone before I got up, and only back from work around 6 PM, and didn't want to be bothered. I'd have to say he didn't make much of a personal impact on me, other than getting me to do activities (not with him, but activities that were deemed proper, like little league). He only recently has tried to take an active role, simply because he realizes my personality is not reflected at all in him. (And possibly because my sister has moved away, and not on the best terms with my parents.) (On an interesting note, it's well worth noticing that I was raised primarily by my mother, and with envy for my sister...hmmm I wonder if that had an effect on my formative years)

I can't really say that I have any role models, from TV or film either, since I wasn't really allowed to watch very much.

One of my Uncles did have an impact on me. He was pretty cool, and he was a freelance artist. I didn't really like his art initially, but he was a really nice person, and pretty generous. I did look up to him a bit, especially more so when he bought me a Super Nintendo system. I am still a bit of an artist, and always pretty creative.

Yeah, but my list of male role models are pretty short...my teachers may have had respect for me in general, but none really made lasting impressions on me.

[tekla west]

Other than my dad, Alexander the Great, because he did not just sit at home content to be Alexander the Average.

[Poltergeist]

I had a few celebrities I looked up to. Some changed over the years as I grew older, but my #1 "hero" was and still is Boy George - who was also my very first crush, by the way He made me dare to be who I am, and even be proud of it.

[ubokvt]

Positive male role models, thats a tough one. At an early age my father had to chose between me and Old Grand Dad, seemed old Grand Dad gave more support. I come from a large extended family in a small rural comunity so I my rearing as a male was given over to what I could get from the men of the village. There was no single man and none were good role models all of the time, I learned to ignor the postureing, the male egos, compeating for stutus, testoterone games and learn when they let it all down and were just them selves. Many times it was laboring in the fields, working in barn caring for the crops or animals, at funerals when they said goodbye to the other men, playing with their children, those times when they would live their, and the villages, values, when they would strap them selves into their harness of labor and just try to get through the day to the next to start again. The best was a single moment, with an old reprobate, in one of his sober moments, at the end of the day, who sat me down in a unknown persons garden to eat their cucumbers, as we waited for our ride. The cucumbers, fresh from the vine were marvolus, a small joy to end a hard day, I commented how good they were but what if the owner objected, and with the knowing smile of experience, he shook his head and said you have to enjoy what comes to you when it comes or you just won't make it through. I still remeber those cucumders and the leason the men taught me.