"Blonde" Ambition

[Kate Simmons]

When I was a little boy, I secretly considered myself a tomboy. I still do in a lot of ways. My life's "ambition", however, was to become a good looking "woman" when I grew up. I've pretty much achieved that now to the best of my ability as it is. I don't plan on transitioning, however, as I enjoy being my guy self as well, so I'm pretty much satisfied with myself and have finally more or less realized my "ambition". How many had that "ambition"when you were younger and do you feel you are still working on it or have you achieved it? Ericka Kay

[Josie06]

I wasn't a tomboy. I prefered the girl toys and pretending games. Pretty much avoiding war games, GI Joe and sports. My "life's ambition" was to become a good loking woman also, it still is. Somehow life got in the way.

Now married with children and living the 'shell' I created to conform I find that breaking out is hard. Hard because of family, children and responsibilities. Not for lack of wanting just to scream who I really am and let the chips fall where they may.

I've lived with the heart, mind and soul of a woman and the body of a man for so long I've come to peace with myself. I'm content and at peace with my self for a number of years now. I let my innerself show through at time in my mannerisms and how I handle things and am not concerned with what others say or think. But true I'm not openly out about myself and my feelings..

I don't know if I'll ever fully come out, no one knows my inner thought or desires. Never told a soul. This forum is my first venturing out. As for transition it is still my dream, to have the inner me and the outer me in sync.

I'm glad when I read this forum others who have made the adjustments and the 'leap' and that gives me hope and even faith to keepon keeping on.

Thanks for the post.

[Audry]

Erika/Audry

I am somewhat like U I enjoy doing the male things but when I what my inner G/F she is there for me when I need her. I picked up alot of my Mothers traits and mannrerisms growing up.
I am very masculine when I am not Audry. I live alone now and Audry is very good company for me when I choose to have her around.
I think that stress from my last devorce brought her out a little stronger then when I was married... She took the ex wifes place. I must admit that she is very entertaining for me. and she will never leave me.,,,,, Audry

[Julogden]

Hi Ericka,

I remember gazing longingly at my moms dresses hanging in her closet when I was very little and thinking that some day, I would have beautiful dresses like hers.

Mission now accomplished, and then some!

Carol

[linnea]

I had a similar ambition, but I was a boy and surrounded by a boy world. My mother dressed me in girl's underwear throughout my elementary school years, and, I played with my girl cousins whenever I had a chance, but most of my cousins and my brother were strong male figures. And I didn't have much opportunity to play with my girl cousins (no chance if the other boys were around). As I became more aware of myself image during my junior high and high school years, I thought a lot about being a girl and eventually a woman. I think that I am progressing toward that much better now than ever before, but I don't want to transition completely (though if something changed in my marital life, I might re-consider).

[Audry]

Me again: I would love to know how many males I know that crossed dressed and I know so many people in my community. I have an idea who might be C/D's Just by the jokes they tell and the topics they bring up.
being a closet Queen myself I can read them but not enough to come right out and ask them..

[MJ]

hi Erika
well My life's "ambition", was to become a good looking "woman" when I grew up. Marissa has always been there the hard thing to do was bring her out to the world. it was harder for me as there was no balance for me it was mj or nothing. telling everyone about her was hard. but now she is the best thing i ever did. I am working on transitioning it takes time still working on it. i feel i have not fully achieved my goal but give me time i will get there ..

[Marla S]

When I was a little boy, I secretly considered myself a tomboy. I still do in a lot of ways. My life's "ambition", however, was to become a good looking "woman" when I grew up. I've pretty much achieved that now to the best of my ability as it is. I don't plan on transitioning, however, as I enjoy being my guy self as well, so I'm pretty much satisfied with myself and have finally more or less realized my "ambition". How many had that "ambition"when you were younger and do you feel you are still working on it or have you achieved it? Ericka Kay

You ask questions !

Can't really tell what my ambition was, and I am not sure what my ambition is now, but I think I have achieved a good part of it.

Throughout my life I got mixed signals.

On the one side I started to be jealous of the girls when I was about 5 years old, I remember daydreaming of being an oriental princess, did play with dolls, had girls as playmates, and did a lot of handicrafts and decorative arts.

On the other side I have been called "What a nice girl" as child quite often and remember that I havn't been very amused about it (still not sure why), hated it to wear woolen thights at school (probably because I was mocked), played a lot of boys' games and activities, had almost exclusively male playmates after the girls (but often had the 'softy' part), and some other more boy like things.

I think I have a good part of both aspects simultaniously. These mixed with a usual binery-gender socialization is somewhat like a Gordian knot which blurs cause and effect (i.e. Didn't I want to be called girl, because I don't wanted to be a girl, or because I was trained that a boy shouldn't be called a girl).

This bleariness still exists and might even be my ambition.
Right now I see my place a touch from the middle between the genders towards the male side, with a small amplitude.

[Teresa Amina]

I think "ambition" doesn't descibe it well for me. What I had as a kid was a desire to Be, pretty unfocused generally, occaisionally inflamed by something or other I'd see in a movie where someone would be magically changed. Of course, we know the change I wanted! That fantasy still grabs me- where is that Gender Fairy and my Magic Pills?
I suppose it now has become an ambition, and I look more Teresa-y all the time, but the more you achieve the more improvements you see actually are possible.

[Kate Simmons]

Looks are important but I've pretty much hit my "peak" with that. Most of my improvements are now made internally. For me "beauty" is not only skin deep but deeper within myself. The ugliest person in the world can have a better personality than those who are "lookers". I've found that my attitude and outlook have made all the difference in relation to not only my own self image but also my perception of others. Being Ericka has given me a tolerance for diversity I never dreamed possible. The true beauty of a person lies in their soul and spirit regardless of appearance. I'm working on it. Ericka Kay