Do you all think I'm in denial?

[JustMe21]

Hello it seems as though I have been struggling with basically myself sometimes I want to feel girly and wear panties and wear tighter feeling clothes and then I feel this is stupid and I put my boxers back on. Sometimes I say I'm going to wear a thong under my clothes and then i think naaaa. I just really wish I could just basically know something. I know I'm not the, I guess average guy because I want to feel feminine sometimes. I'm not gay and I love women but just feels odd to actually want to feel and be one sometimes. I dunno I guess its kinda confusing sometimes I would love to be all did up as a woman and sometimes its like I don't think about it has anyone been through this.

[Michellebej]

Hun,

We all, mostly, go through this.

I can never tell when I am coming out. Sometimes all I do at work is think about taking a nice bath and changing into something sexy. Then I get home and end up doing something really girly; like fixing the cement in the foundation.

Other times I have no desire to be Michelle, and then the next thing I know I have just finished putting on my make up.

You just never know.

You do tend to gain more control over it, the longer you do it. For me 40 years, and I still have the odd moment like you have.

Don't worry you are just like the rest of us!

Love

Michelle.

[Glenda58]

I think we all have at one time or other have struggle with CDing and some still are. I have been doing this for 50+ years on I just go with it. If I feel the need to dress I do and go out. Sometimes I go with the guys drink beer and watch a game as a guy. There are no rules. Do what you feel good about at the time. I still date women as a man and I enjoy it.

[Marla S]

Hi,

your thoughts and feelings are pretty common. Most of us had/have them.
It's pretty common too to wonder about homosexuality, but you can skip that right away. Both aspects are not directly interelated.
Consider the feminine feelings as a part of our personality; nothing wrong with it.
This part of our personality conflicts with the society's settings ... which part of the cake is for males and which part is for females.
These settings are kind of arbitrary, but part of your personality too.
Difference is that the feminine feelings are "inborne" whereas the society's settings are learned.
So instead of thinking about the WHY I want to do it, think about the WHY NOT.
Society's setting can be altered, at least your personal view on them, whereas this can hardly be done with a personality.

[Calliope]

You don't have to choose between fem and homme. There may or may not be a 'battle of the sexes' goin' on outside - but in your heart and mind, you can switch allegiances at any time. It's all 'myself' - don't beat yourself up over it.

[JustMe21]

So I guess I can see it as we are physically men but mentally women well not fully extent like a ts or if that makes sense. But it seems as though the more I've been reading that there really isn't a difference between a cd and a ts just that the ts wants to be a woman all the time. But its good to know I can talk about this female side of me on here with you all. I guess maybe I just need to let go and be a girl when I feel like I want to be girly. But its also awkward to look in the mirror and say I'm a girl when you're physically a man.

[MJ]

i agree with Marla S. there is no easy way to say this but your feelings will get worse. until one day you just do it. then the glut phase when you take it off so you have to deal with your demons has it were until you can accept this part of your life. Denial we all go through it.. i think it is a part of us all. you have to find your comfort level... some of us can get away with panties and pantyhose and heels lucky them that's all i can say. then there are those of us who dress to the nines everything from head to toe including makeup so it is a balance we must find. then there is the S.O issues if you have one that is to tell or not to tell..
i wish you luck may you find your way
hugs Marissa

[Charleen]

Welcome to the club! Been there myself. This site will help you understand about what you are going through, it did for me. Stick around and you'll find out alot of things, the first being that you are not alone. Glad you're here. Love and xxxx, Lily

[Bethanygirl]

Yep, you are in denial, but that's ok hon', it'll grow on you...

[tekla west]

I know how you feel, one night its like lipstick and leather, next night a good street brawl, night after that I'm listening to some Nobel prize guy lecture. I'm messed up.

[Billie2day]

Although new to this site I have been crossdressing for more years than I want to admit. It has be interrupped quite a few times with purges. This is when your guilt feelings well up and you throw out all your female goodies. This I think in our minds will purge us of the habit. But alas Lass the urge againe came and I began to aquire a wardrobe again. As far as the gay thing most of us are strickly woman lovers so much that we love to dress as them. Billie

[Lori SC]

Justme,

I know exactly how you feel. And wanting to be a female - oh yeah.... I think about that a lot - for 40 years. So you are not telling me anything new.

As far as dressing goes. I started out with just a bra, then panties. It eventually ended up as full dressing.

But so what? I didn't hurt anyone while I was doing it, and for a long time my spouse didn't know. (She does now). It made me feel good.

I already knew I didn't fit the typical guy mold. So dressing didn't really matter much. I wondered why I felt the way I did for many years, just like you. But eventually, I just accepted it as part of me, my being.

There's a lot of us similar to you, so you are in the right place.

Hugs, Lori

[Audrey34]

There are days when I can't wait to put on a dress and all the trimmings and other days when I don't want to bother with anything girly. But there are days when i kinda feel like putting on something girly, I'll lay my clothes out, select the hosery and shoes and then.......nothing. I'll change my mind and curse myself for the rest of the evening for not taking the time to dress.
-Audrey

[Karren H]

I thought Da Nile was a river in Egypt....lol Sounds like you just need to be whomever you feel most comfortable as....

Karren

[carla smith]

Don't we all?

I think it is human for males to at least think about being more feminine.

The more macho the guy, the more he has to worry about femininity!

I would not worry about it, get all fancied up and see!


Have fun out there!

[Sejd]

I think your feelings are classic and genuine. And yes, it is confusing and yes, it sounds weird at first until you actually listen to your inner voice and just do it. Then a whole new world unfolds. Don't be afraid, just say yes to that urge and that sensation. It is not anything which kills or harms other people, like drugs or alcohol, or war or stuff like that. Dude! just express yourself and live every moment of your life.
hugs
Sejd

[Marla S]

So I guess I can see it as we are physically men but mentally women well not fully extent like a ts or if that makes sense. But it seems as though the more I've been reading that there really isn't a difference between a cd and a ts just that the ts wants to be a woman all the time.

Well, I think you can compare it a bit with intelligence.

intelligence isn't something you choose, it is something you have. You will be juged and classified by the society according to your intelligence.

But there is not only clever and stupid, but everything inbetween.

Even more, the clever one might be stupid in fields where the stupid one is a master. Both together might be stupid or clever in a third field.
There are specialists and there are allrounders, both is needed.

So, there is not only black and white, not even a gray-scale, but an universe of different colors. (Our society focuses predominately on the grayscale of intellectual power, though).

For me it is similar with masculine and feminine, or being man or women.
There are various kinds of brainsets that cover different aspects more or less (universe of colors).

This has to be forced in our black-and-white binary gender system. Which is usually is not a big problem as long the self-definition by appearence is not effected.
At least here in Germany the "feminine-side-of-a-man" or "we-all-bear- feminine-and-masculine-aspects" are willingly and sometimes even proudly used terms, as long ... and that's our problem ... as long you don't show it by your appearence or choice of your clothes.
That makes people hysteric and we all were taught to become hysteric too.

But like with intelligence, if you try to suppress it you become unhappy or even sick.

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Justme21,

Are you in denial? Well you could be. First off, do me a favor, promise me that you will try not to feel guilty about wanting to feel feminine. There is nothing wrong with a man wanting to feel pretty. There is nothing wrong with thinking that there's "a little bit of a girl inside of you". Ok you may look like a guy in the mirror, but hey, so do I in boy mode. But I can transform into something so much nicer if I want to.

Once I used tell myself "I shouldn't be doing this" or "this is not normal behavior for a guy" or " I shouldn't be fanning the flames" etc etc. But let me tell you this, once you get past the guilt stage or you get past that feeling of "nahh, this is dumb" you'll have the most wonderful time of your life!

[breanna/bryan]

i know how u feel i am still in denial somewhat, i say i am am goingt o wear a nice silky pieace to bed wi th pin frills and i end up sleeping in just panties but it gradualy gets better i just recantaly came out to my gf an she acccepted it, as long as i don't were any dresses around her i can werar panties girls pants skirts below my knees and sexy tops but any thinmg elese i do has to be done when ia ma lone but it hets easier as time gose on now i lve when i am breanna.

[Peggy55]

I have only been at this for a few months and I feel like you. I struggle with it. I love doing it (dressing) I do it every day and sleep in lingere. Sometimes I say, damn you're not lookin so bad. Other times I laugh at myself. What bothers me is it tends to be obsessive. I am not working at the moment so my day is peppered with dressing, wondering if I should go to the thrift store again since I just went YESTERDAY, surfing the web looking at lingere (which is my thing) etc. I need to find a new girlfriend (SO) but not have much intrest in getting out there and looking! So as you see, there's lots of obsticles. I am no where close to purging....I like my stuff! And for some goofy reason....I find comfort in dressing. So......if it feels good.....do it!

Good Luck

Peggy

[Stephenie S]

This all sounds pretty normal to me. Don't worry about it.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[JustMe21]

Thanx girls for giving me advice and taking the time with me I really appreciate it. I'm feeling girly now so put me on a thong and I think I'm off to bed now lata girls. See gettin alittle better at it.

[Miss Petra]

Denial stands for:


D ont
E ven
N o
I m
A ctually
L ying



Hugz,

Petra

[Rachaelb64]

I have my Steve days.

And I have My Rachael days.

Some days I'm both, cus a girl can change her mind.

Don't worry, be Happy and go with the flow

[Joyciecd]

It works two different ways for me: When I know in advance that I will be dressing for a prearranged date, from the shower until walking out the door, it is a delicious process beginning with a shower and all over shave, and liesurely creating Joyce into a 'hot' girl, savoring every part of the transition.

The other way is after a routine shower and slipping into my panties, which of course I wear 24/7, the mysterious urge to go for the stockings and continue dressing is overwhelming and must be satisfied. When fully dressed either way I always have a sort of serene feeling. If going out for a date, my heart sort of pitter pats from the time I open my door to leave until I get to my destination and meet my escort for the date.