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Thread: Pronoun Trouble

  1. #1
    Swishy Pirate CaptLex's Avatar
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    Angry Pronoun Trouble

    I guess Daffy Duck isn't the only one who had "pronoun trouble". Of course, it was hilarious when Bugs did it to him, but it's not so funny when it happens to me . . . trust me. What bothers me most is that when I correct people, they look at me like "yeah, right". Yesterday in our cafeteria someone called me "she" and when I corrected him ("it's 'he' "), he just stared at me. And at the local drug store chain, the conversation went something like this:

    Clerk: "Here you go, miss."
    Me: "I'm not a miss."
    Clerk: (staring) "No? What are you, then?"
    Me: "I'm a 'he' ."
    Clerk: (more staring) "Okay, here you go."

    No apology, no correction.

    So my question for everybody and anybody who can relate (or even if you're fortunate enough not to have this happen to you) . . . how do you deal with people who get your pronouns wrong? I hope I'm not the only one going through this. This question is open to all.
    But why is the rum gone?! - Capt. Jack Sparrow [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl[/SIZE]

    Why is the rum always gone? - Capt. Jack Sparrow [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest[/SIZE]

    Why is all but the rum gone? No, the rum's gone too . . .
    - [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: At World End[/SIZE]

    [SIZE="3"]Lex on the Beach[/SIZE]. . . [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  2. #2
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    Dear Sir,

    Improper pronouns sounds frustrating.
    Sounds like that clerk was (pardon the pun) "amiss".

    As for what you can do, maybe Boys Clubhouse can give suggestions?
    And Mr. "T" will help.

    I admire your courage and self confidence. You are a good man, Lex.

    Princess Michelle
    "Princess" was on a shirt given to me by a cd who barely knew me. I purged it, but kept the nickname to remind me of the kindess.

  3. #3
    oysters = kneecaps Abraxas's Avatar
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    I usually just let it slide. Nothing I really can do. Sometimes when I'm with friends they've got my back, or, if they can see I'm about to be in a sticky situation, they'll make a big show of it, saying stuff like 'oh, you can take HIS order first' while pointing at me. Apart from that, I blush and go on my merry way.
    Yes-- socks! Run out again! Why is it that no matter how many millions of pairs of socks I buy, I never seem to have any? They just... disappear. Honestly, you'd think someone was coming in here, stealing the damn things, and selling them off. . . For me, socks are like sex: tons of it about, and I never seem to get any.


  4. #4
    Swishy Pirate CaptLex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Abraxas View Post
    I usually just let it slide. Nothing I really can do. Sometimes when I'm with friends they've got my back, or, if they can see I'm about to be in a sticky situation, they'll make a big show of it, saying stuff like 'oh, you can take HIS order first' while pointing at me. Apart from that, I blush and go on my merry way.
    I used to let it go, but I can't do that anymore - it's just too frustrating now. As for friends, they're usually not around when it happens, and some of them are no help either as they keep slipping too. I swear I'm going to get a big button or something that says something like, "I'm a boy, damnit!"
    But why is the rum gone?! - Capt. Jack Sparrow [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl[/SIZE]

    Why is the rum always gone? - Capt. Jack Sparrow [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest[/SIZE]

    Why is all but the rum gone? No, the rum's gone too . . .
    - [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: At World End[/SIZE]

    [SIZE="3"]Lex on the Beach[/SIZE]. . . [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  5. #5
    Gender neutral Xaff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptLex View Post
    So my question for everybody and anybody who can relate (or even if you're fortunate enough not to have this happen to you) . . . how do you deal with people who get your pronouns wrong? I hope I'm not the only one going through this.
    Nope, you're not the only one.
    Most people are hasitating to call me girl. Beose there not sure if I am a boy or girl. Or they assume I am a boy.

    But I think if I weare in that situation I would just look stupid back. Like....hah I got you. I am me, and perfect. And I am a guy! Something like: I am who I am, and that's a guy.

    (Yeah, I can look very stupid/strange) It's almost FUNNY.
    ........it's NICE....

    For the worst part is to come in this message.

    On one leg I have big scars. And people are always looking/staring at my leg for that when I am at the beach. I know they are very rude. So I develepted a way to distract them from my leg. By doing funny. (Looking stange/stupid at them) Or saying something about it to them in public. Becose they don't expact that.
    I think you just need to find a way like that. Just something that works for yourself. So people will treat you like you want. And something that you shouldn't need to think about it for long when you need to do it.
    Like I am telling those people: Hey what are ya looking at. Or: Can you see it! Then they know they can't stare, becose I will embarase them otherwise. By saying those things. Or let them scare by looking strange/stupid/idiot, and say something in the mean time.
    (funny, seriues, cool attitude. 3 diffrent way to say whatever I want. I every mood I am.)

    I think you will develop a thing like that also over the years. You just need time.....

    Morgan,
    Last edited by Xaff; 12-27-2006 at 10:06 AM.
    Everyday I breake the law........of Gender.

  6. #6
    Member JulieCDorlando's Avatar
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    Hello,
    I can say I haven't had such an encounter as what you have had to endure, but if I had, I would do some correcting as what you have done. Say "excuse me?!?!?!" or "I beg your pardon????" I do understand your pateience might be running a tad low on the uneducated, but do try to continue being polite when correcting them. Behavior from trans folk will mean more to the uneducated masses than a sharp rebuke in correction or even braking a foot off on somes backside . Hang in there Capt. Change comes painfully slow at times, but it can and will happen for you. I am sure of it.

  7. #7
    Swishy Pirate CaptLex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan.1986 View Post
    I think you will develop a thing like that also over the years. You just need time.....
    Time and patience, Morgan. I guess I feel like I've waited a long time already and patience has never been my thing. Anybody have some I can buy?

    Michelle, I think you're right . . . "Mr. T" will help, but it's not going to happen anytime soon. Maybe I'll take a long trip on my ship and won't come back until I have a full beard (and a flat, hairy chest).

    Thanks, Julie . . . I do try to keep my tone civil, but it's getting harder. Especially with my friends and co-workers who have known for over six months now, and still slip up regularly. I think I need a vacation.
    But why is the rum gone?! - Capt. Jack Sparrow [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl[/SIZE]

    Why is the rum always gone? - Capt. Jack Sparrow [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest[/SIZE]

    Why is all but the rum gone? No, the rum's gone too . . .
    - [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: At World End[/SIZE]

    [SIZE="3"]Lex on the Beach[/SIZE]. . . [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  8. #8
    `°º¤ø GiGi's Gurl ø¤º°` SexxxyBrianna's Avatar
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    Forgive me for asking but, you were born female correct? If so, most people are going to see you as female no matter how much you want to be a "boy" as you put it. I would never expect to be seen as a real woman, it is just not going to happen. You have to be honest with yourself. Don't worry about what others see or think. Just be happy with who you are.
    [SIZE="5"]Brianna[/SIZE]

    [SIZE="1"]"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away."- Henry David Thoreau[/SIZE]

    [SIZE="1"]"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter."- Dr. Seuss[/SIZE]

    SexxxyBrianna@yahoo.com

  9. #9
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    i simply dont let it drop........'im kieron, i have a male name so therefore i am male, mr, sir, guy any of the following will do, have a nice day lol' (lectures always work lol)
    Last edited by Kieron Andrew; 12-27-2006 at 11:23 AM.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by SexxxyBrianna View Post
    Forgive me for asking but, you were born female correct? If so, most people are going to see you as female no matter how much you want to be a "boy" as you put it. I would never expect to be seen as a real woman, it is just not going to happen. You have to be honest with yourself. Don't worry about what others see or think. Just be happy with who you are.
    difference is that Capt is transitioning and is taking Testosterone so visable changes are happening like stubble i.e a male thing! he doesnt do the girl thing any longer!, so therefore obviously as he is TS and transition he wants to be addressed as male.....im sorry but i can see why it upsets him

  11. #11
    Swishy Pirate CaptLex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kieron Andrew View Post
    difference is that Capt is transitioning and is taking Testosterone so visable changes are happening like stubble i.e a male thing! he doesnt do the girl thing any longer!, so therefore obviously as he is TS and transition he wants to be addressed as male.....im sorry but i can see why it upsets him
    Thanks, Kieron, I guess Brianna doesn't really know my situation. I mean, if you saw someone wearing a suit and tie, with several days of stubble and a deep(ish) voice, you would at least have some doubt before you opened your mouth and called that person "ma'am", wouldn't you? I know many GGs wear short hair and masculine-styled clothing, but come on! I'd rather someone not be sure what to call me than to automatically assume, and to doubt me even when I tell them.
    But why is the rum gone?! - Capt. Jack Sparrow [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl[/SIZE]

    Why is the rum always gone? - Capt. Jack Sparrow [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest[/SIZE]

    Why is all but the rum gone? No, the rum's gone too . . .
    - [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: At World End[/SIZE]

    [SIZE="3"]Lex on the Beach[/SIZE]. . . [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  12. #12
    Dr House Rule's Adam's Avatar
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    sometimes i let it go if im in a hurry but if im in a ratty mood i say im "male or he thankyou" if and this has happened a few times i say look and i get my photo ID driveing lisence out to show them works every time watch them eat there words

  13. #13
    Member michelleliz's Avatar
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    I just let it go and walk away. IT happened to me just last week at K Mart
    And I was looking sooo good To

    Michelle Liz

  14. #14
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    If I was with you when this happened Cap, I'd rip 'em a new one and tell them they needed glasses or something because I know you are really a guy and respect you as such. As far as myself, well, you know my situation, so I just consider the source and figure they just have a pinky brain. Most of the time they don't use any pronouns with me, too afraid to, I guess. Sometimes they do call me Ma'am as Ericka however and I don't bother to correct them (why should I?). I know it's frustrating sometimes to put up with that stuff. When it does happen, just remember YOU know the difference along with a whole kaboodle of friends who love and respect you as Captlex. Can't beat that with a stick, right?
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  15. #15
    In the middle bi_weird's Avatar
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    Just to play devil's advocate here. I've meet some people before where I haven't been sure guy or girl, (this was before I had any idea what trans was) and I felt terribly nervous that I'd make them mad. Some people don't MEAN to be presenting as the opposite sex, they just, well, look it. Don't want to insult them. Also seems very rude to not be sure. So a lot of casual acquantences who get your pronoun wrong are probably trying to be as polite as they can, they just don't know better.
    I suggest business cards. Or children's books. Or a taped lecture. But yeah you've just gotta educate the hell outta them until people get it together and realize how to treat you.
    As for people not believing you...I can come smack them if you'd like.
    I wanna know, can you show me
    I wanna know about these
    strangers like me
    Tell me more, please show me
    Somethings familiar about these strangers like me

  16. #16
    Swishy Pirate CaptLex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bi_weird View Post
    As for people not believing you...I can come smack them if you'd like.
    Oh, please . . . could you? That would make me feel so much better. I think I'm going to go home and sleep through winter. When I wake up in the spring I should have a beard - that would help.

    I'm just having a really bad day . . . okay, week . . . maybe two weeks with this. Where's Capt. Jack and the Black Pearl when I need him . . . ?
    But why is the rum gone?! - Capt. Jack Sparrow [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl[/SIZE]

    Why is the rum always gone? - Capt. Jack Sparrow [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest[/SIZE]

    Why is all but the rum gone? No, the rum's gone too . . .
    - [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: At World End[/SIZE]

    [SIZE="3"]Lex on the Beach[/SIZE]. . . [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  17. #17
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    Captain,

    You are a survivor. It takes guts to brandish a sword and pilot a ship, and you do a good job of it, aiy!

    Princess Michelle
    "Princess" was on a shirt given to me by a cd who barely knew me. I purged it, but kept the nickname to remind me of the kindess.

  18. #18
    Silver Member Lisa Golightly's Avatar
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    Captain, Captain, Captain... You need to enrol at the Lisa Golightly Charm School. Such a response would have required some gay 'Wilde' bandinage that would have resulted in the aforesaid clerk seeking new employment.
    Last edited by Lisa Golightly; 12-27-2006 at 04:51 PM.
    Der Transsexuellaußenseiter

    The lovers have flown...

    [SIZE="3"]VENI VIDI VICI[/SIZE]

  19. #19
    2ndCabinBoy/1stSkirtBoy Evert's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bi_weird View Post
    As for people not believing you...I can come smack them if you'd like.

    If you won't, I will...

    Captain, maybe is this an idea?


  20. #20
    Swishy Pirate CaptLex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Evert View Post
    If you won't, I will...

    Captain, maybe is this an idea?

    That's cute, Evert, I like that. Does it come in blue?

    Lisa, start the lessons . . . I'm a quick study.

    Michelle, what can I say? You inspire me. I shall conquer this . . .
    But why is the rum gone?! - Capt. Jack Sparrow [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl[/SIZE]

    Why is the rum always gone? - Capt. Jack Sparrow [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest[/SIZE]

    Why is all but the rum gone? No, the rum's gone too . . .
    - [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: At World End[/SIZE]

    [SIZE="3"]Lex on the Beach[/SIZE]. . . [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  21. #21
    2ndCabinBoy/1stSkirtBoy Evert's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptLex View Post
    That's cute, Evert, I like that. Does it come in blue?

    I have no idea.. I just made it in Paint..

    *Evert starts his own ftm clothing biznizzzz.. *

  22. #22

  23. #23
    Senior Member Felix's Avatar
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    Hi Captain well what can I say except that you know who you are and bugger the rest! Walk tall hun in the self knowledge of who you are and who you are becoming

    As for me well I must admit I get a buzz when I get called mate and even if they don't know which pronoun to use I don't let it bother me. Sometimes if I've made an effort and I get called darlin I don't like it cos it means that I haven't done the job good enough. Hope this has helped even if only a little Captain xx Felix

  24. #24
    Swishy Pirate CaptLex's Avatar
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    Thanks, Kieron . . . I wonder if I can wear this one to work and not get summoned upstairs . . .

    Tranny-T.jpg
    But why is the rum gone?! - Capt. Jack Sparrow [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl[/SIZE]

    Why is the rum always gone? - Capt. Jack Sparrow [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest[/SIZE]

    Why is all but the rum gone? No, the rum's gone too . . .
    - [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: At World End[/SIZE]

    [SIZE="3"]Lex on the Beach[/SIZE]. . . [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  25. #25
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    lol thats the one i was thinking of Capt maybe we should all get one and take a pic....go on wear one to work lol

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