Pronoun Trouble

[CaptLex]

I guess Daffy Duck isn't the only one who had "pronoun trouble". Of course, it was hilarious when Bugs did it to him, but it's not so funny when it happens to me . . . trust me. What bothers me most is that when I correct people, they look at me like "yeah, right". Yesterday in our cafeteria someone called me "she" and when I corrected him ("it's 'he' "), he just stared at me. And at the local drug store chain, the conversation went something like this:

Clerk: "Here you go, miss."
Me: "I'm not a miss."
Clerk: (staring) "No? What are you, then?"
Me: "I'm a 'he' ."
Clerk: (more staring) "Okay, here you go."

No apology, no correction.

So my question for everybody and anybody who can relate (or even if you're fortunate enough not to have this happen to you) . . . how do you deal with people who get your pronouns wrong? I hope I'm not the only one going through this. This question is open to all.

[princessmichelle]

Dear Sir,

Improper pronouns sounds frustrating.
Sounds like that clerk was (pardon the pun) "amiss".

As for what you can do, maybe Boys Clubhouse can give suggestions?
And Mr. "T" will help.

I admire your courage and self confidence. You are a good man, Lex.

Princess Michelle

[Abraxas]

I usually just let it slide. Nothing I really can do. Sometimes when I'm with friends they've got my back, or, if they can see I'm about to be in a sticky situation, they'll make a big show of it, saying stuff like 'oh, you can take HIS order first' while pointing at me. Apart from that, I blush and go on my merry way.

[CaptLex]

I usually just let it slide. Nothing I really can do. Sometimes when I'm with friends they've got my back, or, if they can see I'm about to be in a sticky situation, they'll make a big show of it, saying stuff like 'oh, you can take HIS order first' while pointing at me. Apart from that, I blush and go on my merry way.

I used to let it go, but I can't do that anymore - it's just too frustrating now. As for friends, they're usually not around when it happens, and some of them are no help either as they keep slipping too. I swear I'm going to get a big button or something that says something like, "I'm a boy, damnit!"

[Xaff]

So my question for everybody and anybody who can relate (or even if you're fortunate enough not to have this happen to you) . . . how do you deal with people who get your pronouns wrong? I hope I'm not the only one going through this.

Nope, you're not the only one.
Most people are hasitating to call me girl. Beose there not sure if I am a boy or girl. Or they assume I am a boy.

But I think if I weare in that situation I would just look stupid back. Like....hah I got you. I am me, and perfect. And I am a guy! Something like: I am who I am, and that's a guy.

(Yeah, I can look very stupid/strange) It's almost FUNNY.
........it's NICE....

For the worst part is to come in this message.

On one leg I have big scars. And people are always looking/staring at my leg for that when I am at the beach. I know they are very rude. So I develepted a way to distract them from my leg. By doing funny. (Looking stange/stupid at them) Or saying something about it to them in public. Becose they don't expact that.
I think you just need to find a way like that. Just something that works for yourself. So people will treat you like you want. And something that you shouldn't need to think about it for long when you need to do it.
Like I am telling those people: Hey what are ya looking at. Or: Can you see it! Then they know they can't stare, becose I will embarase them otherwise. By saying those things. Or let them scare by looking strange/stupid/idiot, and say something in the mean time.
(funny, seriues, cool attitude. 3 diffrent way to say whatever I want. I every mood I am.)

I think you will develop a thing like that also over the years. You just need time.....

Morgan,

[CaptLex]

I think you will develop a thing like that also over the years. You just need time.....

Time and patience, Morgan. I guess I feel like I've waited a long time already and patience has never been my thing. Anybody have some I can buy?

Michelle, I think you're right . . . "Mr. T" will help, but it's not going to happen anytime soon. Maybe I'll take a long trip on my ship and won't come back until I have a full beard (and a flat, hairy chest).

Thanks, Julie . . . I do try to keep my tone civil, but it's getting harder. Especially with my friends and co-workers who have known for over six months now, and still slip up regularly. I think I need a vacation.

[SexxxyBrianna]

Forgive me for asking but, you were born female correct? If so, most people are going to see you as female no matter how much you want to be a "boy" as you put it. I would never expect to be seen as a real woman, it is just not going to happen. You have to be honest with yourself. Don't worry about what others see or think. Just be happy with who you are.

[Kieron Andrew]

i simply dont let it drop........'im kieron, i have a male name so therefore i am male, mr, sir, guy any of the following will do, have a nice day lol' (lectures always work lol)

[Kieron Andrew]

Forgive me for asking but, you were born female correct? If so, most people are going to see you as female no matter how much you want to be a "boy" as you put it. I would never expect to be seen as a real woman, it is just not going to happen. You have to be honest with yourself. Don't worry about what others see or think. Just be happy with who you are.

difference is that Capt is transitioning and is taking Testosterone so visable changes are happening like stubble i.e a male thing! he doesnt do the girl thing any longer!, so therefore obviously as he is TS and transition he wants to be addressed as male.....im sorry but i can see why it upsets him

[CaptLex]

difference is that Capt is transitioning and is taking Testosterone so visable changes are happening like stubble i.e a male thing! he doesnt do the girl thing any longer!, so therefore obviously as he is TS and transition he wants to be addressed as male.....im sorry but i can see why it upsets him

Thanks, Kieron, I guess Brianna doesn't really know my situation. I mean, if you saw someone wearing a suit and tie, with several days of stubble and a deep(ish) voice, you would at least have some doubt before you opened your mouth and called that person "ma'am", wouldn't you? I know many GGs wear short hair and masculine-styled clothing, but come on! I'd rather someone not be sure what to call me than to automatically assume, and to doubt me even when I tell them.

[pocoyo]

Forgive me for asking but, you were born female correct? If so, most people are going to see you as female no matter how much you want to be a "boy" as you put it. I would never expect to be seen as a real woman, it is just not going to happen. You have to be honest with yourself. Don't worry about what others see or think. Just be happy with who you are.

LOL... wally! CaptLex isn't a crossdresser as you seem to think, but transexual.
He will look exactly like the male he is soon, it's just it can take (or seem to take) a long time to get there when on T. He is basically going through a 2nd puberty (or his real puberty) and we all know that can take a few years until we are fully developed.
CaptLex is very honest with himself and true to himself which is in fact why he is on this journey to look like his real self. So his outsides match his insides!

If I saw a femmy guy and said 'He' or whatever and he said "She" correcting me........I'd back up a bit....and the apology would come when I thought I was wrong and it WAS a female and I'd made a mistake. "Oh..erm sorry..." Otherwise I'd go..."Erm..o.k." and move on swiftly.

Lol I wouldn't! (Say "Erm..o.k.") I think that's maybe even a little bit rude actually. Especially now that I am educated from the people on this board and some other members of the transgender community and so know how delicate gender can be to people.
I would immediately be horrified that I had addressed her wrongly and may have hurt her feelings and would have the respect to say I was sorry and address her as a female from then onwards.

Now then to you, our Cap.

What bothers me most is that when I correct people, they look at me like "yeah, right". Yesterday in our cafeteria someone called me "she" and when I corrected him ("it's 'he' "), he just stared at me. And at the local drug store chain, the conversation went something like this:

Clerk: "Here you go, miss."
Me: "I'm not a miss."
Clerk: (staring) "No? What are you, then?"
Me: "I'm a 'he' ."
Clerk: (more staring) "Okay, here you go."

No apology, no correction.

So my question for everybody and anybody who can relate (or even if you're fortunate enough not to have this happen to you) . . . how do you deal with people who get your pronouns wrong? I hope I'm not the only one going through this. This question is open to all.

That is rude, to just stare, and to say flatly "No? What are you then?" like a bit of a sarcastic challenge. Makes me wish I was there to say "oi!!"
Perhaps they were just feeling a bit awkward and didn't know how to react and so reacted stupidly. They might not even have meant to seem rude or sarcastic and just been flustered. It happens to us all lol! They may have even felt bad about being rude afterwards.

I don't know how you can think someone with stubble is a she though.... that's pretty weird. I have never seen a lady with stubble. Hmmm.

I guess these people that do this don't mean to be horrible, they just don't understand or are a bit dumb. It is so frustrating though. I know I know. I feel it too.


Don't you worry sweet Cap'n. It's just a case of deep breaths and patience.
It is a FACT that you will be 100 per cent passable soon. What with the continued body shape redistribution and stubble growth and further deepening of the voice etc etc. Anyone that called you ma'am would just be teasing then. That is something to look forward to!
Instead of a rush of anger, why not try and turn it in to a rush of excitement that there's no way that this will be happening soon because you will simply be a man! An' no mistake! (Dick Van Dyke doing a cockney accent voice).

[CaptLex]

Thanks for coming to my defense, Poc. I may hire you as my lawyer.

Actually, I'm feeling a bit better about it these days. It's nice to know that you all get it. Also, I haven't shaved my chin whiskers in almost two weeks and this may be helping as I didn't get one "ma'am" all day yesterday. Trouble is, I'll have to shave it soon when I go see Mom again (although my son said I shouldn't bother). Oh well, I know I need to be patient for a while longer. I'm working on it.

[JulieCDorlando]

Hello,
I can say I haven't had such an encounter as what you have had to endure, but if I had, I would do some correcting as what you have done. Say "excuse me?!?!?!" or "I beg your pardon????" I do understand your pateience might be running a tad low on the uneducated, but do try to continue being polite when correcting them. Behavior from trans folk will mean more to the uneducated masses than a sharp rebuke in correction or even braking a foot off on somes backside . Hang in there Capt. Change comes painfully slow at times, but it can and will happen for you. I am sure of it.

[michelleliz]

I just let it go and walk away. IT happened to me just last week at K Mart
And I was looking sooo good To

Michelle Liz

[Lisa Golightly]

Captain, Captain, Captain... You need to enrol at the Lisa Golightly Charm School. Such a response would have required some gay 'Wilde' bandinage that would have resulted in the aforesaid clerk seeking new employment.

[kerrianna]

Yesterday in our cafeteria someone called me "she" and when I corrected him ("it's 'he' "), he just stared at me. And at the local drug store chain, the conversation went something like this:

Clerk: "Here you go, miss."
Me: "I'm not a miss."
Clerk: (staring) "No? What are you, then?"
Me: "I'm a 'he' ."
Clerk: (more staring) "Okay, here you go."

No apology, no correction.
.

Bad clerk!
I can't believe some of the people who are allowed to work with the public. I've done lots of retail - this is how it SHOULD have gone (and if I was the boss and heard that exchange this is what bad clerk would have been told in no uncertain terms) :

Clerk: "Here you go, miss."
Me: "I'm not a miss."
Clerk: "Oh, I'm sorry, sir. Here you go. Sorry about that."

"No, what are you then?" begs the reply, "I'm an ex-customer of this store!"

For the clerk:


For you:

[CaptLex]

For you:

Thanks, Kerrianna . . . just for that you can paint my toenails anytime you want (but only you).

[kerrianna]

Thanks, Kerrianna . . . just for that you can paint my toenails anytime you want (but only you).

Oooh, YW...and thank you Capt. I can paint them black too if you want. Oh, are they already black? Hmmm...maybe pirates should wear shoes.

BTW Capt...nice avatar...very handsome....I think I'm going to swoon now...:blushing:

[Kieron Andrew]

BTW Capt...nice avatar...very handsome....I think I'm going to swoon now...:blushing:

ok ok hold everything!! when did he post that!!! how did i miss it, ive been online ALL day!!

wow damn Capt you are one good looking guy!! what the heck are you worrying about!!! damn and i dont fancy men (could i be changing??)

[SIZE=3]EVERYONE CAPT'S GOT AN AVATAR UP!!!!!!!! i think we need a capt 'coming out' party[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1]hes gonna kill me lol!![/SIZE]

[CaptLex]

ok ok hold everything!! when did he post that!!! how did i miss it, ive been online ALL day!!

wow damn Capt you are one good looking guy!! what the heck are you worrying about!!! damn and i dont fancy men (could i be changing??)

[SIZE=3]EVERYONE CAPT'S GOT AN AVATAR UP!!!!!!!! i think we need a capt 'coming out' party[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1]hes gonna kill me lol!![/SIZE]

LOL! I snuck that one past you and then ran off before you could see it.

Hey, a party sounds good - don't worry, I won't kill you, especially since I need you to help entertain the ladies.

[CaptLex]

Oooh, YW...and thank you Capt. I can paint them black too if you want.

With little skulls and crossbones? Cool!

BTW Capt...nice avatar...very handsome....I think I'm going to swoon now...:blushing:

You too? I'm still looking for Great GG - she must have passed out in one of the lifeboats. Somebody get the smelling salts!

[dancinginthedark]

We go out to eat regularly at a local restaurant. One of the staff had me baffled. Was this person a male or a female? I could not for the life of me decide which it was and to ask the person upfront...well it seemed extremely rude. "How would you feel if someone asked if you were a boy or a girl", I asked myself. I thought I would be hurt or insulted. I would have felt my gender should have been obvious to everyone. So it was, "hey kiddo" when addressing this person. (much younger person so thought I could pull that one off with minimal hurt or insult)
I found out the correct gender by doing what should have been obvious. I introduced myself and asked for a name. Thankfully it was not one of those names that could go either way. Whew!! My backup plan was to play extremely dense and ask what Chris or Pat (for examples) was short for. I would rather be seen as a bit slow than cruel or hurtful.
The moral of the story, please know that not everyone means to insult or hurt someone else when using the wrong pro-noun. Hey maybe they need some new glasses or the lighting is poor. Or they may not be sure and make a guess. And dang if they didn't guess wrongly.
I do believe the person owed you an apology at the very least. So on behalf of the ignore masses let me say it, "We're sorry." OTOH perhaps their momma didn't teach them any manners? Or they just didn't get their bottoms spanked enough as a kid? After five kids I'm an old hand at it, let me at em!
Next time someone addresses you with the wrong pronoun respond in kind. Some guy addresses you as miss? Then you reply and address him as miss. Sometimes a return volley is effective.
Hang in there capt. Soon there will be absolutely no way anyone will see you as anything other than what you are ~ male. Bank on it.

dancin

[CaptLex]

The moral of the story, please know that not everyone means to insult or hurt someone else when using the wrong pro-noun.

I do realize that, and that's why I've been biting my tongue for many months. I just can't do that anymore (and my therapist advised me to let it out). I don't expect people to get it right away, but I'm just fed up and frustrated with those that won't even try to get it right after repeatedly correcting them.

Some guy addresses you as miss? Then you reply and address him as miss. Sometimes a return volley is effective.

You must be reading my mind . . . that's exactly what I'm planning to do next.

Hang in there capt. Soon there will be absolutely no way anyone will see you as anything other than what you are ~ male. Bank on it.

dancin

Thanks, Dancin . . . meanwhile I'll send them to you, Bi and Evert for their spankings.

[Lisa Golightly]

A few years ago I met this girl I really liked... I did the whole boy thing... suit, tie, Marlboro 100's and in the middle of the meal the waiter called me Miss... Doh, doh, doh, doh, doh!!! I know exactly how you feel

[CaptLex]

A few years ago I met this girl I really liked... I did the whole boy thing... suit, tie, Marlboro 100's and in the middle of the meal the waiter called me Miss... Doh, doh, doh, doh, doh!!! I know exactly how you feel

Thanks for sympathizing (or is it empathizing?), Lisa. Is that why you opened the Charm School?