Originally Posted by
TxKimberly
As it happens, I just covered this in a PM to a friend here, so I can save a little typing! <G>
Yes, my wife knows all about me. I told her about two weeks into our marriage (this was 20 years ago). We were married up in Tacoma Washington when I was stationed there in the Army. Shortly after we were married, I got shipped off to Germany and so we took a trip across the country to see our families before we went. We thought it sounded romantic and so we took this trip by train. All the way from the top of WA to the bottom of California where we visited my family, and then on to Louisiana where we visited hers. I don't know if you've ever been on a long trip on a train or not, but it's up close and personal for a long time! Long story short (I know, it's too late to make it short) about three days into the trip I couldn't stand not being honest with her. Here I'd promised her that I would share the rest of my life with her, and trust her with my heart and soul, but I was hiding something so significant from her. It is one of my clearest memories how I sat there literally shaking, with my teeth chattering, while I explained what I was. She looked at me and then came over and hugged me and said something along the lines of "it's OK, don't worry about it".
Since then, she has gone through phases where cross dressing was fun, it was just OK, and "knock it off, I don't want to hear about it".
Through it all, she IS my very best friend, and though I'm not very religious, I do thank God for her on a regular basis.
Now - WHY didn't I tell her first??!! To understand the reasons behind this, you have to understand what life is like for a man, and particularly as a cross dressing man. At least when I was younger, there were no support groups available, there was no Internet to tell me I was far from alone, and OMG. my life would simply end if anyone found out. I kid you not, I recall quite simply knowing that I would HAVE to commit suicide if anyone caught me. I am not trying to be a drama queen, and I am not exaggerating. When I was in my 20's, I fully intended to suicide if I were ever caught. So, you take this ultimate fear of being caught, of everyone knowing your a freak (don't flame me girls, this is the way I felt back then), and more or less the end of your life as you know it, and then ask "Why did you not tell your girl friend before you were married"? It's like a rock and a hard space. You have a woman that means the world to you, a woman you would jump in front of a moving train to save, but you know you should tell her something may destroy you in her eyes and send her screaming. You have to, you can't, you have to, you can't . . .
In my life, I've been shot at, I've been on a plane that filled with smoke, I've been in half a dozen car accidents, and NOTHING came close to the terror I felt when I told my wife.
Sorry, I looked up and see I've written a book here. But you asked . . .
Kim