How Do You See Yourself?

[Lovely Rita]

Recently, someone communicated to me that they were gender confused because of the crossdressing.

I respect everyone's opinion on this and know there are many ways we see our selves. Some maybe struggling with this aspect of their persona evidenced by all the purging stories. Some may feel totally accepting of this side of themselves.

If I may, I have totally accepted this part of myself, though that was not always the case. For a long time I lived a double life working to prop up the male image by overcompensating at times to do so.

Today I am greatful that I feel more fulfilled and complete than at any other time of my life. I am able to embrace all of me with satisfaction and joy. No shame or guilt, not a trace. I also love my male persona and would not give up that part of myself for anything.

I see myself as a total and complete person. I am soft and I am hard. I am feminine and I am masculine. I am definitely unique in comparison to the world at large. I am happy. I am fulfilled because I can be me. Whatever me is in total, I am still finding out but at leaste I am free to find out and free to Love myself. I no longer go through those self hating times for which I am very greatful. Who I am cannot be pigeon holed or categorized. I am part of a larger community but very different because of my God given individuality. I love the life and I love the journey. I hope others will learn to enjoy this amazing journey. A journey filled with child like curiosity and play. A wonderful and enchanted journey to say the leaste.

I used to be very angry and I could not do a thing about it. I believe it was because I had not come to terms with who I was. I was unhappy to say the leaste. It affected how much I could love others. Loving who I am has definitely helped me to grow in my love for others. After all my mission in life is to learn how to love more and more.

Let me hear from you


Hugs

[susie evans]

rita
i agree with you a lot of us over compensate and don't realize how we affect other people and how we percievethings and people around us
susie

[Girly Sara]

Recently, someone communicated to me that they were gender confused because of the crossdressing.

I respect everyone's opinion on this and know there are many ways we see our selves. Some maybe struggling with this aspect of their persona evidenced by all the purging stories. Some may feel totally accepting of this side of themselves.

If I may, I have totally accepted this part of myself, though that was not always the case. For a long time I lived a double life working to prop up the male image by overcompensating at times to do so.

Today I am greatful that I feel more fulfilled and complete than at any other time of my life. I am able to embrace all of me with satisfaction and joy. No shame or guilt, not a trace. I also love my male persona and would not give up that part of myself for anything.

Let me hear from you


Hugs

I can relate to everything you have said, hun and feel exactly the same way as you. The only difference being that i'm beginning to hate my male side. Does this make me TS? Who knows! Still on my femme journey.

Sara xxx

[Rachel Morley]

For myself, I don't really think of myself as a man, but I don't think of myself as a woman either. I think of myself as ...well, as just "me."

I mean obviously, I am a genetically male person, but if we're talking about gender, in my mind I identify as a feminine male, a girly boy, an androgynous person, a "something in between"...maybe even "gender queer". I feel very happy about expressing a strong feminine side, both emotionally and the way I present myself in public. I don't need to be fully en femme to be happy because sometimes just wearing a girly top, heels and a skirt does it for me. Most of the time I wear fairly obvious girl's clothes in boy mode. However,.... dressing fully en femme and going out in public "as a woman" is wonderful and I like to do it as often as I can

[Lisa Golightly]

I'm a bit of a girl really

[Kate Simmons]

I accept both sides of myself Rita. They complement each other. It's the only way I can function really. Ericka

[Mary Morgan]

I see myself as a person who would wish to be freer to be whole. It is somewhat of a daily struggle to deal with the conflict that arises from the necessities of being born male and the desire to present as female whenever I want without question or contraversy. I like all of me, but I enjoy being femme most. The male me has had a lot of the good things of life and I wouldn't trade those things, but it also carries alot of baggage from being only half of the person that I am. The over-compensation thing really rings true for me and I hate that part. My female side has had to hide most of my life and is now experiencing things without the shame or guilt I felt for so many years. I am happiest these days when en femme, but also frustrated that I have to divide my time. as an example, during these past holidays with family I had to present as my male side, all the while wishing I could have dressed to the nines and really enjoyed myself more. Such is the reality of my life and I cope with it. All in all, I have made it work so far but I am not the person that I could be or would like to be. I'll keep working on it.

[marie354]

I sometimes overcompensate too as well when I'm Sam. Got to be tough and rugged so my femme side doesn't show. I would rather be a bit more femme though.

[Lovely Rita]

I can relate to everything you shared. I struggled for so long keeping Rita from my SO. Fearing the damage that would occur to the male persona I worked so hard at re-inforcing. There was always a guilt pang at the thought of that person being diminished in my SO's eyes.

When she found out it was not like anything I expected. The liberation outweighed everything. My SO did suffer a sense of loss and actually went through mourning. Knowing that who ever that charachter was that she came to know and love would not be the same. I understood that too. I had to give her space and time. She has been so supportive of Rita ever since and also enjoys our wonderful times when I am not Rita.


Hugs

[Marla S]

I think I've overcome the overcompensation part a bit (hopefully).
Right now I see myself on the male side of life, appearing unusual girly, due to the very limited ways a man is able to express himself in our society.
This might change again.

[Tina Dixon]

I'm just a guy that likes to crossdress, but if I let it consume me, wear I need to dress more often it can take control of you and make you wonder what and who you are, I went that road myself early last year, glad I had this site to fall back on and share my problem with.

[Glenda58]

I'm both male and female. Love to dress and go out doing what I want as a female. Then I have times all I do is in the male mode and I enjoy that also. I'm happier now that I'm free to do what I want when I want and not let some one or something dictate to me what to do.

[Angie G]

Hi Rita I have never been confused about my dressing I have purged 2or 3 times be that was to keep from being found out .
hid my dressing for a long time from my wife & every one now my wife is the only one that knows and I dress openly at home but I have always been
comfortable with my feminine side I do think I would have enjoyed being born a GG
Angie

[Sweet Jane]

Hi

I have always seen myself as a bit of a misfit, felt at times like a pervert and I still fell very embarrassed by myself.

I have always known that I was not like all the other guys, and I differed because of some unexplained compulsion to wear females clothing...I often wondered if I was just on some humiliation kick. I'm not.

I still see myself as something a little odd. C'mon a guy that dresses sometimes like I do, to me is odd!! And thats a nice word. I'm sure there are some people would insert another in there for me. I have seen myself as a schitzo with two distinct personas. I now see myself as a crossdresser, and although the prospect of not being able to shake this does worry me a lot, maybe one day I can accept me...both of me.

Lastly, I'm not sure yet if I want to "normalise" my behaviour...to view what I do approaches normality in any way whatsoever. I'm not sure that it is normal...I know that it is not amoral or indecent, but I am carrying a little too much baggage right now to call it normal. So I suppose I view myself as a bit strange....at least I'm not alone now....

[Lovely Rita]

Thanks sweet Jane for candidly sharing that. I can see that you are a very sincere person. It is a pleasure to know you.

hugs

[Rebecca_Annette]

If I may, I have totally accepted this part of myself, though that was not always the case. For a long time I lived a double life working to prop up the male image by overcompensating at times to do so.

I think I have travelled that road. I think now, that I am still at some transitional stage where I doubt myself, but transfer that
doubt ~ in the form of anger ~ to others

[Lovely Rita]

I think I have travelled that road. I think now, that I am still at some transitional stage where I doubt myself, but transfer that
doubt ~ in the form of anger ~ to others

I have been on that same kind of road for too long. I transferred that doubt in the form of anger as well as sadness.
I am thankful that the sadness is gone. I hope it never returns. Even if I have learned to love others just a tad bit more that is a great thing. I am sure I am supposed to learn how to love others more but I did not do very well when I did not love myself.


Hugs

[Sierra Evon]

I dont think of myself as a guy at all , I was just born male , I choose to Identify myself as female to the fullist extent possible !!!!!

[Lilith Moon]

For myself, I don't really think of myself as a man, but I don't think of myself as a woman either. I think of myself as ...well, as just "me."

Yes, that describes my self gender perception. I'm not sure what it actually feels like to "be" male or female. I just feel like me.

[Jenna1561]

For myself, I don't really think of myself as a man, but I don't think of myself as a woman either. I think of myself as ...well, as just "me." ...

Angel has captured in words much of how I feel and perceive myself. I am ME. I love fully dressing and looking as feminine as I can and then being treated as a woman out in the world. But even when not "dressed" I wear a lot of women's clothes, though they tend to be more unisex in appearance because that's what makes me happy.


Jenna

[Joy Carter]

I agree with you Rita and Louise both. Except I'm more Joy now than J--. J-- was never happy. And now that he has allowed Joy to be out, he in turn is happy. Some of my family have noticed as well (they don't know). So I just hope I can continue to grow and drag J-- along. Maybe Joy can teach J-- how to smile openly. This wanting to be Joy has been with me all my life. I just hope the feeling lasts.


The Best To You All Joy

[veronicagirl]

I feel more comfortable and relaxed in my femme mode. Before retiring early, I had one of those extremely masculine jobs. When I go out as a guy, people see nothing but a man (even if I'm wearing Bongo jeans). At home, there's a big difference in the way I feel and act if I'm in girl's jeans and a Hanes-her way tee, or the guy stuff. I do dress in a manner that's way too young for me; I think, as compensation for missing those young years due to marriage (divorced from career choices) and no internet. I remarked 1 time earlier here that my housekeeping skills are much more honed when in female attire.

[Trinni]

I am happy I was born male and I really like being a guy. I just happen to be a guy who loves the feel of womens clothes. I have just started adding make-up and I like the feel of that to. I would not want to live my whole life en femme but I would like to try a week long marathon some time.

[Casey Morgan]

I used to be gender schizophrenic too. There used to be "him" and "her". Now there's just me, a sort of him-her. I just feel what I feel and don't worry about it. I can't always SHOW how I feel (or can I?) but I no longer deny that I feel it. Like you, Rita, this has given me a freedom I didn't know existed before. And I wouldn't trade that freedom for anything.

[soccervixen]

I see myself as a man who likes to wear women's clothes and is exploring this side of me which is a new thing in my life in the past couple months after 47 years. I know how this confuses many people so it is quiet now, with my wife knowing some things (and likng those), but not knowing about the full dressing at times, and no one else knowing, though there are some early signs in what I wear, carrying a bag, and the way I carry myself. I don't know where it is going, but I suspect I will remain a guy who likes to dress as a woman. I don't see myself as female, but I am enjoying a feminine side.