My journey

[Siobhan Marie]

[SIZE="3"]Kat, I really don't know what to say. But I will say is thank you, thank you for being my friend someone who is always there when it's good and there when it's bad and believe me right now it's so bad, it's so bad it hurts it really does. What you have is so right, what is so weird is that you've never met my Mum and thankfully you never will but you've summed her up in a few words, you really have.

At this moment in time, I don't even know if I've got still got Dad to turn to and won't until I speak to him. If Dad is with Mum and goes with her which will mean the three of us going our seperate ways and for her sake I hope he does as she needs him now more than ever, I've still got the rest of the family and my friends and to me that's what's important.

But why do I feel so bad that it hurts? Because I do have a conscience, because despite myself I care and because I never ever thought that it would come to this, a choice between being me, the real me or staying as I am for the sake of my parents. I win, I'm sorry. I've got one life to live and I'm doing it my way and at the same time.

Karen, Kat and all of my wonderful and caring friends, thank you for listening, for being there and above all for being my friends. I love and care for you all very deeply, that's who I am. A big soft cuddly bear.

Lots of and loads and loads of Siobhán x



p.s Don't worry I'm not going to do anything silly, I'm right here, where I've always been.[/SIZE]

[Siobhan Marie]

[SIZE="3"]Saw Dad today and told him that Mum and I have to go our seperate ways. You may wonder why I didn't tell Mum directly, well to be honest I don't think that she would have listened to me.

Dad is not happy about it which is understandable but I think he understands why this has to happen, at least I hope he does. He did say that he is not going to say to anything to Mum because she really isn't well, I do know and appreciate that she's not well but she does need to know or she will wonder why I'm not going over to see her.

One thing Dad did say that really worried me was that he wondered if I'd been "brainwashed" or "influenced" by my friend, Lisa (he also refers to her by her old name) to which I replied "if you'd taken the time to do any reading about this, you would see that it doesn't work like that".

I never in my wildest dreams thought that it would ever come to this, but sadly it has and I have to move on from it which I will do. I've had a raging headache over this for the last few days which has now gone and I must say that I do feel so much better.

Siobhán x[/SIZE]

[Siobhan Marie]

[SIZE="3"]Went to the hairdressers today and saw Chloe. She asked me if I'd found a style that I like, and I showed her the blonde Hayden with the side parting (see post #66 so that you what I'm talking about). I found it in the September 3rd issue of Look. The parting is where mine is. I've never wanted my parting moved, not that it could be moved as it has been where it is for the last 31 years. Not much was done to my hair today but Choe and I were talking about my hair and what we need to do to achieve the style that I want for it. Chloe then said that I don't need to go back for 8 weeks so I've made an appointment for the 7th of December. I'm really really pleased with today's appointment as it's starting to feel like I'm getting somewhere.

I can honestly say that I've got over what happened on Tuesday. It wasn't a nice thing to have to do, but it had to happen. I've only got one life to live and there will only winner in my life, me.

Siobhán x[/SIZE]

[Siobhan Marie]

[SIZE="3"]Weighed myself on Thursday and found that I'm still 16 stone, 10lbs which means I haven't lost anything nor thankfully have I put on any weight.

I've got some really good news on the situation between me and my parents, nearly a month ago we went our separate ways because of me and the fact that I'm trans and they couldn't and wouldn't deal with it. I really thought that all was lost and that I was on my own. Well, it turns out it's not the case. Mum and Dad have admitted that after a lot of soul-searching recently that they've had their heads in the sand. They've spent a lot of time on the Net reading various websites including one that I sent them in my coming out letter. They've applied to join a site called depend. They've also said that they'd like to meet my best friend, Lisa. It will work itself out but it will take time.

On the personal front, I've found somewhere that will do my eyebrows for me, actually it's where Lisa goes, I've made an appointment for the 5th of December. It was Lisa's birthday party recently and the first time that I'd been out for such a long time, I met Lisa's mum and her sister, they're lovely people, they really are. I had a really lovely time.

Siobhán x[/SIZE]

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Siobhan

This sounds like very good news

As you say it will take time but at least they are trying

I hope it does work out

[Siobhan Marie]

[SIZE="3"]It will take time as the only way is slowly, slowly catchy spider. I replied to an email they sent me, (they still use Bruce's email which is fine and doesn't bother me) and from the reply I got from Mum, I think that she has realised that she really could have lost me, which had this gone any further, she would have done as would Dad have done.

I read a saying on someone's signature on here recently "those that mind, don't matter and those that don't mind, matter" that is so true and so apt at the moment.

Siobhán x[/SIZE]

[Siobhan Marie]

[SIZE="3"]Well it's that time of the month again. I weighed myself 3 days ago on the 2nd which was a day late as I usually do it on the 1st, but forgot to. Anyway the scales told me that I weigh 17 stone exactly which means I've put on 4lbs this month. Back to the gym in the New Year for me then.

Things are so much better between me and my parents now, we talk about stuff including my up-coming transition and they will talk comfortably about it. Going to see them no longer feels uncomfortable. I've even given them my list of internet links and they tell me that they are going throught them slowly.

I had a truly wonderful day today as I had eyebrows done properly for the first time. The lady that I saw, her name is Kerry and she works out of a salon called Pink Nails and Beauty in Bitterne which is on the east side of Southampton. My friend, Lisa has her eyebrows done there and I went with her to see Kerry last month to see if she'd do mine for me as I'm still in drab most of the time, well of the time and she was so kind and understanding about it. I saw her this afternoon and what she does is to wax them which leaves a nice clean line on the brow. It was the first time that I had had any part of my body waxed and it was a little uncomfortable to start with then I got used to it very quickly. Saw Mum and Dad this evening as I wanted to scrounge some wrapping paper and gift tags. I was also after some Christmas cards (Mum makes her own and they're lovely) which I was also given. They liked my eyebrows and said that they weren't too noticeable which is a good thing while I'm still in drab.

My hair is growing nicely and when I saw Chloe, my stylist at the hairdressers on Tuesday, she told me that it is at "bob" length now and still has a long way to go but it is doing well.

Hope that you all have a lovely Christmas and a peaceful New Year.

Siobhán x[/SIZE]

[Siobhan Marie]

[SIZE="3"]Well, Happy New Year everyone, hope you all had a good night last night.
Even I was out last night with Lisa, we went to some friends of ours in Southampton. I had the best New Year ever, I really did. Everyone I could have hoped to have seen was at the party.

I got really scared inside around midnight as I had a reality check as this is the year that my journey really starts and everything that I've been going on about for the last year and a bit becomes very real.

As I have said before I will be transitioning on the NHS as I really can't afford to do this privately. The first port of call for me is my GP to be referred to a local psychiatrist. I will make the appointment for later this month.

I weighed myself and found that I still weigh 17 stone which means that miraculously that I haven't put on any weight or sadly have I lost any either. I will be going back to the gym as I still have a lot of weight to lose and if I don't lose the weight then I can't have the final operation at the end of my journey.

Siobhán x[/SIZE]

[Siobhan Marie]

[SIZE="3"]This is the last post that I shall be making to this thread and to the forum as my journey is now at an end. If you need more information please take the time to read the last entry on my blog, the link is below.

Siobhán x[/SIZE]

[Sharon]

I wish you all the best, Siobhán.

[Maggie Kay]

[SIZE=3][SIZE=2]Siobhán,
So sorry to see you go. You will be missed. [/SIZE]


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