Social persecution and dealing with TG

[Maggie Kay]

I was beaten up a lot as a child because I was different. Oddly, not because of and TG issues but that I was an illegitimate child raised by a single mother and in the 1950's that gave other kids the right to do anything they felt like. Adults also had their licks in on the odd kid. I broke my arm while staying at a church friend of my mother while she was in hospital and they would not take me to the doctor. My bent arm healed unset and had to be rebroken to straighten it, six week later. I was the only illegitimate child in my town and they had a field day torturing me. The experience has made TG much harder to deal with as I am obsessed with what people think and fear being beaten up or abused again. In fact, I'm getting very emotional about it and can't keep it in the road because of the fear. I am getting the notion from reading others stories here that they do not have this level of trepidation in being in public. I'm trying to sort this out so I can progress as I need to but this barrier is so hard to deal with.

[CaptLex]

KayRenee,

I'm sorry you had to go through that growing up, and I'm sorry that it affects how you feel about facing the world regarding your TG issues. I hope you can work through it.

As for myself, I think it may have had the opposite effect. I've grown up with all kinds of discrimination - because of my age, race (or ethnicity), religion, socio-economic status and sex (that's a big one), and I've been harassed because of my size, weight, marital status, level of education and sexual orientation. All this has taught me that somebody is always going to have a problem with something about somebody. For me, being TG is just one more thing I have to add to the big pot of who I am and one more thing I'm sure someone is going to have a problem with - but I see it as his problem, not mine.

Hugs to you . . .

[Sejd]

Kay Renee
I'm sorry to hear about your childhood experience. Some wounds take more than one lifetime to heal. All we can do is our work on our own issues all our life. You only have to take one step at at time, for some it is a big step, for others maybe just a slight movement forward.
Just hang with it.
hugs
Sejd

[Sarahgurl371]

Kay Renne

I too have a huge amount of fear in being "out". Its horrible that you where treated the way you where in your childhood. Especially for something that today is so prevalant. For me, I guess, there was always a sense of being different, not really being one of the boys. And that at any moment I would be found out, for just being different, and we all seem to know what boys do to those they perceive as different or weak. So I was then and am now, very fearful of being found out as different.

I thought that a "diagnosis" would help me to overcome my fears in dealing with this. I thought that if I laid it all out there, and an objective mental health professional comfirmed my suspicions, and eased the thought that I was in some mentally deficicent, that I would then have some amunition to justify myself. JUSTIFY. There is a word that I can associated myself with. Always the feeling that I have to justify myself.

I too have wondered how so many, whether CD, TG/TS, or even homosexual people seem to have no worries about being percieved as different. I guess we don't all have the same life experiences and that has to have an affect.

[Joy Carter]

I was beaten up a lot as a child because I was different. Oddly, not because of and TG issues but that I was an illegitimate child raised by a single mother and in the 1950's that gave other kids the right to do anything they felt like. Adults also had their licks in on the odd kid. I broke my arm while staying at a church friend of my mother while she was in hospital and they would not take me to the doctor. My bent arm healed unset and had to be re broken to straighten it, six week later. I was the only illegitimate child in my town and they had a field day torturing me. The experience has made TG much harder to deal with as I am obsessed with what people think and fear being beaten up or abused again. In fact, I'm getting very emotional about it and can't keep it in the road because of the fear. I am getting the notion from reading others stories here that they do not have this level of trepidation in being in public. I'm trying to sort this out so I can progress as I need to but this barrier is so hard to deal with.

Been there so I can relate to your pain. But you do need to get over this. Didn't say to forget. I know it's just too hard to forget the events that shaped your personality. But you have to move on. I'd have to say I got over it through many positive experiences as a late twenties adult. I refuse to let others place their judgment on me. They can say what ever they want. But It's "Sticks And Stones". Only you can define you and it sounds like you have let others do that. I still have a twinge now and then when something is said but I don't let it get to me. Wishing you peace within your self.

Take Care Joy

[Maggie Kay]

Joy, initially, I was not in agreement with your post but I now see that you are right. I have let others define me. My fear of rejection or persecution does cause me to not be myself. I do wonder if I don't please others first, that I'll get into trouble. It isn't a matter of "sticks and stones" but more of balancing fear of losing what I have vs the pressure to become who I am. You might say that it is a case of "damm the torpedos, full speed ahead" but how many second chances to we get in life? I'm on my last one now. So I guess, it is bound to be a painful journey full of upsets to an unknown destination. There are many aspects of it that I dearly love. Perhaps one of those should be me.

[AmberTG]

I know this can be really hard to do but you need to grow a "thicker skin" You need to see yourself as the good person that you really are instead of the reflecting the way narrow minded people see you. When you realise that their opinion is not important to your life, that it really can have no effect on your life, then you will start to be the real you and to hell with what "they" think.
I was a small kid and got beat up and picked on in high school and that had a powerful effect on me for years afterword, until I realised that they had too much control over my life and took my life back from them. I'll never forget them, but I no longer give them the power to affect me.

[Calliope]

I was beaten up a lot as a child because I was different. [...] I am getting the notion from reading others stories here that they do not have this level of trepidation in being in public. I'm trying to sort this out so I can progress as I need to but this barrier is so hard to deal with.

It's funny, I was the odd kid others would pick on and I couldn't stand to fight so I was intimidated easily and frequently. My mother (at the time) really worked my self-esteem, too. Yet, here I am at 47, pretty damn fearless with life in general and TS in particular. I think getting through the Navy (total horrorshow) toughened me up - what a cliche. Or maybe it's just being older does it.

I am truly sorry you're having troubles facing the world.

[Maggie Kay]

Today, I tried to take a different attitude. It is a long story with lots of details but here is the short version. I was out doing errands in my normal attire which is pretty femme but not overtly so and got into a situation where I was being dissed by an older man. Serious looks of disgust. Spontaneously, I began to smile and it was as though I was a different person. He didn't matter to me, his opinion didn't matter to me and I would not trade places with him or any jerk like him. I found that I did have the stuffing to mentally put these clowns in place. Heady stuff. I'm pretty pleased with myself right now.

[Kimberley]

Hi Kay,
Without a lot of detail I can relate to your childhood all too intimately although I would fight but only if I was forced to. Didnt lose one until high school. Anyway, that is beside the point.

Being TG as a child subjected me to abuse (at home) so I learned to bury it very deeply. Eventually it all came home and I went through hell in my mid-late thirties. I decided not to transition but I also made the committment to stay in a marriage that forced me back into the closet.

Today I am in therapy, medicated and only able to work part time. I do not trust easily and so to avoid any kind of potential confrontation will withdraw at the drop of a hat. As to my childhood tormentors, I wont have anything to do with any of them and in fact when one tried to apologize, told her to go away (politely though), I didnt want any apologies, only to be left alone.

I am overly sensitive, easily hurt and when cornered can be downright nasty, but forgive them? Never. Forget them? Every chance I get.

Oh well, life goes on and I am finding that the older I get the less I care about any of it (and unfortunately myself as well sometimes)

Keep your chin up hon, you are better than any of them.


Kimberley