Uh-Oh! Inlaw troubles!

[Penny]

Hi Bethany, Love and support for our children is what we can do best; being there in times of need to help them. Unconditional love is the foundation of
God's mighty kingdom.
It never ceases to amaze me how people who profess to talk to god don't here a work he says. If they did, they would not be so quick to bring out their axe and chop at his pillars. Nothing is for free though; everthing has a price.
I know this must have created a lot of hurt. I'm sorry.



Penny

[TxKimberly]

Something happened today that I just felt I had to share with all of you, to get some other reactions about. I feel that I may be too close to make a rational opinion on this.

Anyway, the thing is, I got a letter today from my oldest daughter, (snail mail) in which she told me why she and her husband came here for Christmas. I had assumed that it was just a normal decision to come here instead of staying in Chicago and celebrating with his family. It turns out, that his parents told them that they would rather not ever meet with my wife and I again when we visit up there, as they feel uncomfortable around me, and feel that our lifestyle is sinful. Now, my son-in-laws father is a minister, and I have met several that feel that any alternative lifestyle is a sin, but I think they could have found a way to express themselves that didn't hurt my daughter so much. My son-in-law was wonderful, stood up for us and my daughter, told his parents that he felt their prejudice was more of a sin than our lifestyle, and that they were coming here for the holidays since they didn't feel comfortable with their attitude.

Now, the thing is, I have pretty much decided to ask them to forgive his parents, and let it go. I do not want them, or especially my son-in-law to have a serious falling-out with his parents over this. My wife is a more aggressive personality, and feels we should confront this head on.

It is my feeling that people only change when they want to, and nothing we say will be listened to. Further, I believe that my daughter and son-in-law can have a loving relationship with them even if they hold this opinion against my daughters parents.

What is your thoughts on all of this?

Bethany,

No question the tact you propose is the best. Regardless of if they are reasonable people or not, YOU don't want to be the cause for causing a split in his family. It also happens that the tact you are proposing to take is the truly Christian way to go, something they may some day come to respect, and even if they don't, your Son in Law will.
Kim

[suzy]

Bethany,

Looks like a consensus to me....

You are doing the right thing. You have a wonderful son-in-law and daughter. You need to be compassionate, loving and caring even in his parents can't be. It is one of those things that you can not change...their attitude. They must change it....you will help change their attitude by handling it compassionately. I feel sorry for them myself... They don't really understand. They are (excuse me for saying it) ignorant!

Best wishes.... You are a wonderful person for taking the stand that you have chosen!

[Bethanygirl]

Well gang, hi again! I just got off the phone with my daughter, and we had a talk about all of this. First off, even though she knew better, she said she wrote me the letter because she didn't want her other mother to find out. I guess she forgot, because she knows I tell Loretta everything, she didn't want to cause upset, but wanted me to know so I could make sure not to suggest a visit with her inlaws. Oh well...

Anyway, she told me that her response was the same as mine, and she thought they should just let it go, and was just letting me know the score. However, her husband wouldn't listen to her about it and was mad at his folks, and let them know, and made the decision to come here for Christmas. Now I guess they are all steamed at each other, and my daughter has been trying to get all of them to lighten up on each other. She told her inlaws that she wasn't upset about it, and that she could understand their discomfort about her unusual family. I guess things are alright between her and them, but there is still friction between their son and themselves. Sigh...

So that is how it stands, my daughter tells me that my son-in-law is just feeling awful about this, so I am going to call him tonight and try to get him to understand that it is ok with me. I know that sometimes the ones we love upset us with their views, but we still love them and have to take the parts that we don't like with the parts we do like. I will let you know how that talk went since you have all been with me on this so far. Thank you all for your concern and support;
Bethany

[Christina Nicole]

Bethany,

Your instincts and intuition are very good. You don't need any help and your son-in-law sounds too smart and caring to make all that much of a fuss with his parents in the long run. Things will settle down some. The only thing you probably could do is to re-assure your son-in-law that you understand where his parents are, as they say, coming from and that you're not bitter over it. It seems like he's reacting from some embarrassment over this that is unfounded.

Your wife sure is protective of you. That's very nice. You're very lucky.

Warm regards,
Christina Nicole

[Bethanygirl]

Well, I talked to my son-in-law, and I think we had a nice conversation. He told me that he was mad at his parents because he knew what a nice person I am, and because he has come to love me, (that boy is getting something VERY nice for his birthday next month from me!). We discussed him just letting it go and not getting divided over it in their family, and while he said he thought the whole thing was unfair, he agreed that he loved his parents, and didn't want to fight with them.
So anyway, all seems right in whoville again, thanks bunches for all of your support!

I you guys!