Unexpected SO visit, dilemna

[Sedona]

Hi,

Just want to get some opinions about something.

My girlfriend of two years has known about my CDing for the past 16 months. She's probably a 5/10 in terms of acceptance. Basically, the only women's items she's seen me wearing are panties, and is generally accepting of me wearing them regularly. I've told her that I have dresses, makeup, pictures, the whole shebang, but she has no interest in seeing either these items, or me with these items. Her philosophy is out of site, out of mind.

Anyways, we live in two different places, and almost always make plans ahead of time to see each other.

I keep my place generally tidy, but often will have a few items drying on the shower rack, or some lipsticks on the coffee table, which I always put away if I know she's coming over.

So, the long and short of it, I met her for lunch today near her work, and she asked if I could drive her to my place so she could stretch out on my couch (she lives less than five minutes from me) for an hour or two, as she's fighting the flu.

I did a quick mental scan of my place and realized that I'd left my breast forms out, in plain view to air dry. I hemmed and hawed about her place being nearly as close, and she huffed off, presumably to go to her house.

Neither of us are in the habit of dropping by unexpectedly, and one of the only other time she did this, I was in a skirt and was trying out a new mascara. Needless to say, I didn't answer the door.

I suppose the easy answer would be for me to "batten down the hatches" every single day, but this comes up so infrequently, I don't always do that.

I realize that if she were more accepting, I'd have no problem with her seeing my things. But, as she isn't, and doesn't want so see them, I don't think it's asking too much to ask her to not get upset if I want a little while to "clean up" before she visits.

Thoughts?

[Annaliese]

Hi,

I did a quick mental scan of my place and realized that I'd left my breast forms out, in plain view to air dry. I hemmed and hawed about her place being nearly as close, and she huffed off, presumably to go to her house.

Thoughts?

You should have said that you had a few things out if she did not mind she was more than welcome to come by. This would also be a way for her to learn to be more open. If you would have explained to her why, that you were respecting her feeling, she would not have huffed off

Anna

[Marla S]

Anna is right IMO.

Other than that. The lipstick and some clothes on the shower rack wouldn't have bothered me as long as it doesn't look like my wardrobe would have exploded.
I would have been a bit concerned about the breastforms, because this might be a different quality of "clothes" lying around.
Because of that I think you did right.

[Tracy_Victoria]

Think you both need to sit down and talk, it seems you both lead very different lives that bump together in places. Clearly she does not accept you dressing if she did you would have found a faster resolve to this, or made sure your items where away just in case.

You can't just hope she accepts this part of you, just the same as she is probably hopeing this is a fad your going through. you need to talk and talk quick make acceptable goals for each of you, so that you both understand each others point of view, from that you can build trust and respect from each other.

My partner and i have been together 14 years nearly and she struggles to see me fully enfem, we have agreed what we can do to help and respect each others wishes, she knows fully that I dress, she even gives me the space by arranging her diary so I can do so, but it been a long and troubled path to get to where we are, mainly because I feared rejection from bring up the subject, hence now we have reached a place we could have got to a lot sooner, but for me ignorance to her acceptance level. I'm not saying your girlfriend will be the same, but you have to find that level, whether it be part, fully, or no acceptance at all, certainly as she know, clear you can talk to one another.

Good luck!

[Tree GG]

Advance notice is always polite when visiting but I don't think you would've minded her visit if the breast forms hadn't been out.

5/10 accepting means also 5/10 not understanding. The more she's exposed to CDing in small doses (lipstick on table, lingerie drying in shower) the less threatening it will appear. (My personal neurosis is breast forms - it's kinda like a severed ear in a box or something - but they weird me out a little less each time I see them)

IMO, 2 yrs is a serious gf/bf relationship. I think it'd be safe to start being a bit more candid with her.

[KimberlyS]

I agree with Anna, you could have said that you had a few things out if she did not mind she was more than welcome to come by.

But since this did not happen you may want to just mention to her that this is why you were suggesting her place. No need for a long discussion, just mention it and go on. If she wants to discuss it more let her bring it up.

[Glenda58]

Sorry she knows you are a CDer. So if she comes over and things are out and she gets mad that's her problem you're not hiding that you dress up. And if she doesn't accept it and that's a part of who you are the relationship will die. So let her come and open the door. If she loves you and wants you she will stay with you.

[Victoria Anne]

Sedona dear I think all the girls are correct here. You should have said you had a few things out,thats history now so I think you should tell hr you were only thinking of her feelings,she will respect that and then let it drop.If she wants to talk more about it great if not let it go for now but not for long.This can become a serious problem if you two keep dancing around th issue.you need to find her level of exceptance/how much you are willing to give for the relationship and of course if her level is non-exceptance...is the relationship right for you or will it breed recentment towards her which will can only end in confrontation. I know there should have been a period or two in there .Good luck to both of you Sedona

[RobynG]

Glenda, I'm with you. She knows about it but is 50% unsure about it. When my SO found my stuff laying around, it opened up a communication line that if it wasn't for the talk and acceptance, she wouldn't be around. And yes, Robyn still lives in the house

[Raychel]

I am with everyone else on this one. I would have simply said "That is fine if you want to crash on my sofa, But I have to warn you that I have left some things out that you may not want to see" Then let her mak ethe decision if she wanted to go to your house or hers.

[Sedona]

Thanks ladies,

I see what everyone was saying, but at lunch, we were in a public place, and I just didn't want to start getting into exactly what was what. I know, I could have used code and such, but all it took was a faintly shocked look on my part and she'd made up her mind about not coming over to relax on the couch, and stormed out to her car.

I know, short fuse, but when someone is sick, I always cut them slack in the crankiness department.

Yes, we do need to have a talk, and I've probably been negligent in it, but she NEVER brings up the subject, and when I do, she says she says what I do in my own time is my own business, and doesn't want to hear much more. I'd suggested that she sign up here on this site, but she wants no part of that.

We're not married, and I admit, we're going to have to figure this all out if that will ever happen.

[Bethanygirl]

We're not married, and I admit, we're going to have to figure this all out if that will ever happen.

Now THAT makes sense! Good luck honey!

[Rachel Morley]

I don't think it's asking too much to ask her to not get upset if I want a little while to "clean up" before she visits.

Neither do I but only for a very short time. If it were me, I would have said "sure honey, whatever you like" but I would also have said when we were in the car together "err...there are a some things that are out that I want to put away first, would you mind staying in the car for a minute or two while I clean up before you come in the house?" If she asks what is it, I'd say "you know the stuff you don't prefer". You are you and she is who she is. If you can't come to some acceptance between you about cding, then you must accept that you are different about certain things (cding being one of them) and that each of you needs a little space. Your space is the two minutes it takes to go into your house first and put your femme stuff away before she comes in.

[Sedona]

Neither do I but only for a very short time. If it were me, I would have said "sure honey, whatever you like" but I would also have said when we were in the car together "err...there are a some things that are out that I want to put away first, would you mind staying in the car for a minute or two while I clean up before you come in the house?" If she asks what is it, I'd say "you know the stuff you don't prefer". You are you and she is who she is. If you can't come to some acceptance between you about cding, then you must accept that you are different about certain things (cding being one of them) and that each of you needs a little space. Your space is the two minutes it takes to go into your house first and put your femme stuff away before she comes in.

Angel, great advice I think. And, I should have done this today, it's a good solution. Thanks for posting, your sensibilities often make good sense to me.

Cheers,

[tadpole GG]

Good Luck. I have learned that honesty is the best policy so maybe next you should just expain that you have thing laying around and that if she is still comfortable then it would be fine other wise maybe it isn't a good time. I'm sorry she isn't more understanding. I hope she comes around soon.

[Stephanie-L]

Speaking as a CD who has been dressing most of my life, and a person married to a woman who is totaly unaccepting of CDing, be careful. This issue, more than any other may cause me to seek a divorce. I love my wife, but can't give up dressing, and I have tried many times. You need to decide if your GF is more important than your dressing, if she is you may need to change for her, if not, well...... Definatly talk to her about it, you are NOT going to stay at the level you are, you are going to want to dress more, and are going to be put out by having to hide things from her. I agree that exposing her to bits and pieces may be a good idea, leaving a lipstick laying around , etc. But the breast forms may have put her over the edge. Also, are you sure this wasn't planned just to catch you in this situation? She may want to know the extent of your CDing and wants to see your place when you haven't cleaned it up. Just my thoughts, good luck.....Stephanie