Hypnosis/Therapy

[eleyna]

I discovered my CD interests at a very young age, and the timing was terrible, religion and family drove me to believe this was something evil trying to manifest through me.

It took years of detachment from my faith for me to even begin to see that the insect in my drink wasn't like a cockroach in soup, it was the worm in the tequilla - a hallmark of certain qualities.

Even so, it was a big hurdle to accept that I was more than a ... panty-jerker(*) and that I liked the items. A year ago strange new perspectives were opened to me, and I found them scary to accept. There seemed to be a girl in me, and I was tired already of fighting against clothing, never mind a split personality.

But somewhere a little voice seemed to whisper that it was simply a part of me. A part that patriarchal society calls "feminine" so as to ensure men are guilt free of their complicity in opressing the female sex.

A long story short, this struggle as getting nowhere. For a time, scared of a personality split, I tried therapy but couldn't "come out" to my therapist after realizing she had a crush on me

A little while ago, certain interests of mine led me to stumble across a hypnosis site with a variety of tracks - from adult, extremely kinky fantasy to what I would call CD-friendly therapy. A couple of tracks in particular stood out - one called "Parts Therapy", which encourages you to see your femme and male aspirations independently, but also a "moderator" to realize you *are* one person, and to allow you to choose which side to turn face up; to allow you to slip between these parts of your single self as neccessary.

So many of you here seem to have overcome these obstacles on your own, which makes me brim with admiration; there do seem to be others who feel as helpless as I did. To me the hypnosis track has been a crutch, Eleyna has been out and about this last week and she hasn't started posting gay personals or contemplating lude acts in public restrooms. She's cleaned up the house, compared materials of clothing in a practical evaluation of what's comfortable to wear and how I might spend my CD money genuinely wisely in the future. She made phone calls that needed making, sorted out a late payment that I was just too lazy to make a simple call to resolve.

I felt I was already getting very close, but that I was at a bit of a stalemate. It's not a recording that "forces" you into anything, its amazingly moderate.

I guess I'd like to hear how other girls have dealt with this obstacle; I feel like the recording gave me that extra bit of freedom to take the next steps on my own now.

Would just appreciate anyone's thoughts or experiences on the matter.

Eleyna

(* I hope not too depictive for anyones sensibilities)

[Calliope]

A little while ago, certain interests of mine led me to stumble across a hypnosis site with a variety of tracks - from adult, extremely kinky fantasy to what I would call CD-friendly therapy. A couple of tracks in particular stood out - one called "Parts Therapy", which encourages you to see your femme and male aspirations independently, but also a "moderator" to realize you *are* one person, and to allow you to choose which side to turn face up; to allow you to slip between these parts of your single self as neccessary.

This sounds really suspect - an online 'hypnotist' has no accountability whatsoever.

Try Tri-Ess, anyone else.

Anyone human.

[eleyna]

I did a fair amount of background work into it I know a little about hypnosis, and I was careful to listen to the track out of trance first. Mostly I picked the track because of a couple of recommendations I read on other sites by people I had spoken with often enough to know they were real and independent.

On the other hand, I didn't want to link the site because there are other, more kinky and, imho, more dubious tracks on it; the lady who makes the tracks also does therapy in person and by phone, the recordings are probably just an extra income source I suspect. But it's certainly seemed to have a positive effect on me. Quite possibly placebo effect but it was still worth $50

However: I do echo your caution to anyone else reading - don't think "gotta try that" and head off to the nearest "adult hypnosis" site online and hope to get lucky.

[Helen in OK]

eleyna,

I understand the feeling of split personality. For a while I thought I had a dual personality, one male and one female. I even set up a female logon id on another forum to see if this female personality was complete enough to be accepted by others. It was the only way I could think of to test it out and that also didn't cost anything. Much to my surprise, my female personality was accepted, and I discovered I can tease, flirt, even write short stories. Then I came across the online gender test, and I found out I had been living a lie all of my life. I was a woman inside, I didn't have a dual personality, just a woman's perspective in a man's body. It took me 8 weeks to accept the diagnosis, and that 8 weeks was very painful, so if you found something that helped you to understand yourself without having to experience a lot of pain, more power to you. It is getting to that acceptance of yourself that is important. Congratulation.

Helen in OK

[eleyna]

I would say it opened the gate at the end of the path for me, allowing me to put my feet on the path. How far that gets me I don't know, part of why I decided to post this thread. I think I'd be leary of something that offered or claimed to take me further, but I'd have the nagging feeling the "new self" was just a lie too. But until now I hadn't been able to open the gate.

Tomorrow I'm back at work, wearing panties under boy things, if I'm lucky, but I suspect I will feel recriminations over not having done something more "valuable" with my week, at the dent I put in my bank balance doing what Eleyna considers "practical shopping" but what the me that has to look people in the eye and make business critical decisions thinks is a stupid obsession.

I don't think I would ever have posted here without it - before the track, my balance of personalities was such I would sooner punched myself in the face than admit even electronically that I *might* be a crossdresser.

Sort of funny, given how many CDs and TGs I've known in my time, couples and singles, how many I've called friend.

[Diana West]

Hypnosis, in my experience and reading, depends on 1) your comfort level with the hypnotist and 2) the level of your susceptibility.

As far as I'm concerned, it is the social stigma (which blames religion for its stance) that is stifling.
Hypnosis and therapy seems to be a "solution/excuse/balance" to what society deems acceptable.
Remember there are people who condemn the Internet, TV, other religions, and space aliens as corrupting influences on society. They should be the ones seeking therapy. But society finds them acceptable.

[Karren H]

Well my take on this and I doubt its a popular one, but if all this searching and analysing for answers to these questions doesn't change what you are and what you like to do.....why ask them!! And why expend the resources to answer them!! Because in the end....nothing's changed! Period!

And yeah I have had those "what's wrong with me", am I gay" and all the same concerns but one day I just said..."Self........who cares why!!". Its not important any more...I love doing what I love doing!! So what's wrong with that!!! NOTHING!!

Get on with your life, or lives..... To me, everyone is putting themselves through hell for nothing!! I'd rather spend that time enjoying my fem side rather then trying to figure out if I have a fem side and if that fem side is good and where did that fem side come from.....

Everyone thinks they have to knwo why but in reality you don't have to know.....same as I don't have to know why light travels in packets and beams.....ok I do know that...bad example!! Hehehe

Love Karren

[melissaK]

We all have our road to Rome. IMHO Hutton's right in that at some point you have to get over yourself and be yourself. But, it ain't always so easy. Some of us have other life issues and some of us mental health issues that make our trip to Rome a bit more challenging, and perhaps less direct than others.

A few tools along the way like counselling, reading books, reading professional papers, surfing self-help sites, or following the bouncing ball of the CD.COM forums can all be an aide. Hypnosis is a new one on me.

[tall_brianna]

I think some, myself included at one point, compartmentalize these behaviors and expressions of our inner female and that can work for a long time. As time goes on though, even a Gemini mind wants to unify for some reason. This merging of your true personalities and the discarding of pretenses set up to keep them compartmentalized is the source of the angst and questions for which you are also seeking answers. Mine has become simpler over time and I'm just waiting for the sine wave to level off at what is really me.

Haven't figured it out yet but I'm having a heck of a lot of fun trying to.

-b

"though I've flogged you and I've flayed you,
by the living God that made you,
you're a better man than I am, Gunga Din" - Kipling

[ColleenCD]

Eleyna,

It seems odd that Karren the Engineer is the one who realized that trying to solve the impossible mathmatical problem of why the heck we like to wear women's clothes?/is there a girl in me?/and the endless supply of neverending self torture questions is chasing the impossible dream. We may never know in this lifetime many of the answers, but she's right about the time, effort and expenses we place on trying to solve them. I have decided to accept me for me and let the pieces fall where they may. I'll never willingly choose therapy unless my homelife, or societal adaptations require it. I just want to be girl from time to time.

Colleen

[Stephenie S]

I think Karen is completely right in this respect.

I think that trying to figure out the WHY of something is a very masculine trait. Just FEELING something is a feminine one.

How much time do you want to spend trying to answer unasnwerable questions? Just relax and enjoy yourself. This CD stuff is FUN. Obsessing over WHY can sometimes be a waste of time.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Diana West]

And yeah I have had those "what's wrong with me", am I gay" and all the same concerns but one day I just said..."Self........who cares why!!". Its not important any more...I love doing what I love doing!! So what's wrong with that!!! NOTHING!!

Get on with your life, or lives..... To me, everyone is putting themselves through hell for nothing!! I'd rather spend that time enjoying my fem side rather then trying to figure out if I have a fem side and if that fem side is good and where did that fem side come from.....

Great advice!
It sounds the the problem is not within us. It's not.
The problem seems to be why are we so concerned with what other people think? How much influence are you willing to let other people's opinions have?
You can be respectful or other people's opinions. You can listen to other people's opinions. You can consider other people's opinions.
But you cannot soley rely on other people's opinions. You cannot let other people's opinions determine your life. They are opinions, not facts.

[Karren H]

Working for a publicly traded company I have discovered that if it doesn't add shareholder value than it isn't woth persueing....and we are all shareholders in our own life......economically and emotionally speaking!! hehehe

Love Karren

[pocoyo]

one day I just said..."Self........who cares why!!". Its not important any more...I love doing what I love doing!! So what's wrong with that!!! NOTHING!!

What a fantastic and healthy attitude!

[eleyna]

We're not all quite as strong as Karren I sometimes wonder if my being the way I am is not a result of all the time that my parents and elders spent telling me that xdressing and feminine aspirations were wrong. Perhaps just a facet of the prevalence of xdressing in the media when I was younger, perhaps because of the strange disparity between my parents' perspectives on sexuality. As Karren says, the why doesn't matter, but unfortunately that never made it surmountable for me. Take a minute just to think about Karren's point: one day she made a decision. It still had to be decided.

The two recordings I used have proven, for me, to be the crutch I needed to make the stand Karren suggests. I would hypothesize that Karren's guilt and stigma were less well entrenched than my own. She also seems vastly less impoverished by self-doubt than I find myself to be.

My concern wasn't with the opinions of other people. My fight was wholly internal. I've known since I was ... 12 ... that I liked women's clothes, but all the dogma and social-morality had been stamped down to a well compacted surface.

I didn't use the recordings long, and the effects have long since worn off. But they're no-longer neccessary for me. They didn't tell me what to do, only reassured me that I wasn't going to hurt anyone doing what I felt was true to myself.

[Kate Simmons]

I agree that Karren's viewpoint is logical and more or less makes sense. There is however the "X" factor. That factor is self-acceptance and self validation. I agree it doesn't make any sense to torture yourself until the end of time worrying about why. I made that decision long ago. That didn't mean I accepted it totally however. I am a scientific person. I realize there has to be a process to everything. Processes can be explained.Processes are for a reason. I could no more unconditionally accept the fact that I CD "just because" than I could believe the Earth is the center of the Universe. I needed to have a purpose for doing it. I searched until I found that purpose and realized who I really was. Only then could I carry on with confidence and only then could I enjoy being who I was and why I was. I do have important work to do in connection with being my femme self. My overall balance of being depends on understanding that and utilizing it to fulfill my purpose. It has opened the doorway for me to be able to do what I need to do. Finding balance has been my key to self acceptance and self validation. It wasn't easy but was worth the effort for me at least. Ericka

[Marcie Sexton]

I agree Karren !

We have to learn to live our lives for our selves...sure we all have responsibilities, but we also have to have piece of mind...what good are we to those that depend on us and our selves if we can't accept who/what we are and be at peace with them both...

Take a deep breath and resolve to yourself that you are who you are and rejoice in it...besides who has to walk in those shoes/heels you have on now...you or those who judge..."I live in a glass house and I don't throw
rocks"

[Michelia]

Eleyna:

I am not sure I understand what it is you are asking.

Do you want to know how we have overcome our guilt, etc.? Or do you want to know if we have experience with hypnosis or other methods for this?

I am not sure I can relate to this thing about not paying bills or not functioning properly (i.e. depression?) to your trying to accept yourself.

If you are depressed, it is going to be a struggle to move forward anyway and you probably should seek help.

It sounds like you have been drilled with guilt and shame all your life and it may not be so easy for you to let go of this.

I was lucky because I am a new CDer and when this started I had a brief one or two months of struggle with myself and could not understand what was happening. This site really saved me because it made me realize this could be a forever thing and that it would do me no good to fight it.

That said, I have had some really difficult times keeping it all under control. And after a lifetime of paying bills on time, I began having late bills and other problems because my CDing was taking me off track. So even if I have accepted myself, I do have my own kind of problems.

Michelia

[eleyna]

Eleyna:

I am not sure I understand what it is you are asking.

Do you want to know how we have overcome our guilt, etc.? Or do you want to know if we have experience with hypnosis or other methods for this?

I guess "other methods" is a good term, I was (and this is an old thread) wanting to hear how folks who, like myself, lacked the will power to simply "decide" to be themselves found ways to help themselves.

I also wanted to open the floor a bit because there had been a few threads asking about things like hypnosis etc and I thought it might be beneficial having a thread on the topic.

I was very, very cautious about what hypnosis material I touched. I saw in myself an obstacle that was an obstacle to my daily life, not just my cross-dressing. I've been burning energy since I was 12 or even younger fighting the idea that I might like wearing women's clothes. But that fight has been ongoing all that time too.

I want to describe the core of the first of the two recordings I used because I think some folks may be able to use it as a mental exercise for themselves without resorting to hypnosis.

It takes you, dispassionately, through looking back to the first times you were ashamed, guilty or humiliated by CD thoughts or actions. It asks you to stop and really think about it. I realized that my early notions of CD coincided with the beginning of puberty, which for me came early and my parents hadn't prepared me for. Instead they prepared me for the "devil" putting thoughts of womens clothing into my head and when it happened physical stuff occured too.

The human brain wants answers. And the case was still open on this issue, I'd simply buried the issue so that I couldn't see it, but I was strugling with it almost every day.

And in my own particular case, I imagine that one lone neuron still had a question mark, its own version of "are we there yet". And that question was "am I posessed by the devil?" If I hadn't been crossdressing when it first got asked, I would probably have asked my parents about what happened and been told "no, that's just part of growing up". But instead, it went 20 years without being answered.

[Sierra Evon]

I had a neighbor about 5-6 years ago , he was studying to become a licenced Hypnotist" , then he decided to become a magician instead!!!!

[Ranee Daze]

I've accepted her, and I have learned how to manage Ranee Daze in my world, BUT, BUT, BUT.....I am also keenly aware of how much damage would result to my other life, family, occupation, if I actually, or accidentally revealed her existence to the world.

Ranee is a wonderful expression, but she is for me only and others in my life would be seriously confused and hurt if her world collided with theirs.

Let's have fun, but lets also be smart. It is possible

Ranee

[eleyna]

I've accepted her, and I have learned how to manage Ranee Daze in my world, BUT, BUT, BUT.....I am also keenly aware of how much damage would result to my other life, family, occupation, if I actually, or accidentally revealed her existence to the world.

Ranee is a wonderful expression, but she is for me only and others in my life would be seriously confused and hurt if her world collided with theirs.

Let's have fun, but lets also be smart. It is possible

Ranee

I'm actually a closet-dresser; I have no desire to be otherwise. My struggle was just with even dressing privately or keeping a few things in a drawer. I like to be what/whom makes other people comfortable - when I'm around them. Finding and resolving my stigma over dressing makes that easier because now, when I'm at home, I don't take those expectations with me and I can be *me* - like Karren said It just used to be that I couldn't do that.

[susiej]

Eleyna,

Don't be afraid of hypnosis -- it's just a tool you can use to help get your mind clear and focus on your needs.

I'm no therapist, but I've been a patient of a few, and it sounds to me like you could really benefit from a therapist who can show you how to use hypnosis to reach your center. Once you get there, with the calm and peace provided by trance, you may find your inner girl there, and decide to let her out some.

I suggest you give therapy another try, and this time go out of your way to seek out a CHT (Certified Hypnotherapist). Recordings are OK too -- I use several periodically -- but from reading your messages, my impression is that you could really benefit from just a little live TLC from a good hypnotherapist.

Oh, and do your best not to let her get a crush on you this time !

Hugs,
Susie

[eleyna]

I was careful selecting the side I used, and even more careful selecting the recordings. I was also fastidious in going over the recordings *before* using them. They were really "therapy grade", but with a CD focus.

They helped me a lot, I've gone from struggling to keep a few items in the house to having a panty drawer, and a full one at that, and a growing, decent collection of clothing.

Once I had tackled the origins of my shame over my liking womens clothing, I was able to stop trying to break myself into it and take a slower, arguably more "feminine" approach; baby steps to overcome my well-developed resistance.

It started with "boy shorts" and womens boxers (the best, in a fun sense, was hanes.com's "authentic boxer" which even has a fake fly detail, which suited my style perfectly). Then I was able to take the huge step of throwing out most of my male underwear (couple of pairs for emergencies), quickly followed by some boy-passable wear like jeans and tees, to lower the emphasis on underwear. I got a bit of a buzz when I realized I'd been working through my "boyish" underwear inventory quietly hoping when they ran out I'd have an excuse to wear my emergency items.

I'd bought rather a lot of boy shorts/boxers etc, so instead the morning I found I was on my last pair of "safe" panties, and down to lacy/frilly/pink stuff, I happened to be in a fairly femme mood and weeks of wearing panties had worn down a lot of my resistance, so I found myself delightedly hanging freshly washed panties.

Its hard to explain, but when you've been buying panties with a wear-expectancy of one time, maybe a few times if only for very short periods, to mundanely washing them for practical re-wear, its quite exhilirating. They've gone from being "women's panties" to being my panties, my underwear.

Boyish jeans became less boyish, and I'm finally starting to *dress* femme. The last week or so I've been wearing layers, underwear, hosiery, cami, top, pants or skirt, sweater, cardigan or shrug and shoes, even lipstick. I've ordered a few bits of jewelry to complete the "wrap". When I pick my panties in the morning, I'm thinking about comfort. I ordered a few items on new years which I've been wearing variations of, and they pushed the femme bar so far for me it's been divine:

Pants: http://www.classiccloseouts.com/item...2717&iid=56421 (i'd hoped for a non-fly pair, but it seems to be hard to find nice looking pants that don't have a fly)
Vest over a lacy cami: http://www.classiccloseouts.com/item...2717&iid=59224
Cardigan: http://www.classiccloseouts.com/item...2717&iid=41469
Sandals: http://www.fredericks.com/product.as...uct%5Fid=12016

I adore holdup stockings, which mean't I met a lot of resistance to wearing them, and usually I had to settle for really dark black ones. My tan/nude ones gathered dust. And usually I wear a slightly clunky looking pair of sneaker-pumps (http://www.zappos.com/images/900/7134900/76209-t.jpg in black). But after finally wearing such a feminine outfit for a few hours I did something even more unusual for me, I got changed - not into something boyish, but into a nice tan pair of holdups that compliments my skin tone, with big lacey tops, and the fredericks sandals to show my painted toenails

I couldn't stop marvelling at what I was wearing the rest of the day, and the next day I put on a similarly complete outfit. I had things to do and I got the thrill of finishing a task I was absorbed in to realize that I had been "wearing" my clothes rather than just being in them, that they'd completely slipped my mind. Those "naturalising" moments are absolutely marvellous

I've just bought a few little pieces of jewelry and my first handbag to keep my new handbag and small collection of lipsticks.

For me its been a slow process of acclimatisation and acceptance, compromises to achieve it, and spending time more completely en-femme pushes it that little deeper. Next on my agenda is buying a couple of pairs of (male) jeans with a longer inseam so I can comfortably start wearing my holdups regularly without my poor male-aspect being overly self conscious at work.

When I first posted this thread, I didn't think that one recording would help make such a big difference, and I didn't want to get too involved with hypnosis tracks. I haven't had to, and the one I did use really helped me make the sort of leap Karren did, just not quite at her awesome pace

[RobertaFermina]

Honey, whatever works for you is OK.

When it comes to Hypnosis, that's deep water and this girl needs water-wings. Maybe I'm paranoid, but suggestive states are very powerful, and even an innocent sounding tape may have subliminal messages or messages encoded as mood and nuance rather than words - check carefully before 'surrendering'.

After years of impersonating, mimicing, facilitating emotional work, and listening to persuasive and seductive people, I believe I can speak words that say one thing, with an intention that says another, and communicate my intention. I know others can. Subtle, effective, and powerful for good or evil.

If you've ever heard of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the selfish and manipulative purposes some folks have put it to, such as seduction and "speed dating", you'd know how a sharp sword is no more good nor evil than the intention of the wielder.

That said, if the pracititioner is wholesome and well-intended and the results sit well with your heart and life routines....go for it!

Roberta