My experiment...

[pocoyo]

Lisa - that's very cool hehe.
Yeah I think that too... if I was BORN a boy I'd probably just have a load of other issues... or might not appreciate being a boy. If I transitioned at least I'd really appreciate being a boy. Thank u.

Tina - hehe! I'm glad you saw that. I often do too....
Ty.

Tree....

One last comment and I'll put my therapist suit away.

Maybe you're one of the lucky few who have really trans-ed the gender line. I keep asking, and haven't gotten a satsifactory answer IMO, what's it mean to be feminine? What's it mean to be masculine? Other than the stereotypical attributes (soft vs strong; small vs big; nurturing vs. sink or swim; etc etc) no one can say. And personally, I don't know anyone that fits those stereotypes even to a 50% level - I don't think that person exists... male or female.

Absolutely. I totally agree. I feel lucky that I'm not so "binary" as Lisa put it.

The body/physical part is just biology - needed for propogation of the species.

hehe yeah, cool!

Other than that, how do you know a loving caress is delivered from a man or a woman if you have your eyes closed?

Very cool very true!... although some might say something about chemicals, chemistry, hormones "just knowing" whatever. I don't though, I totally know what you mean.

As Lisa said, you've got these eyes that just radiate a sparkling, fun and honest soul.

Awww, thank you so much

Why worry about permanent changes? Feel like looking like a boy today - look like a boy. Feel like looking like a typical girl today? - look like a girl.

hehe... that's what my mum says.
It's just.... oddly, if I had a male body I would feel more comfortable doing that.

Even if your presentation is based on what you believe someone you care about wants to see, so what? You're giving them a gift, not changing who you are.

That's true...
And I was thinking earlier how sad and horrible it must be for my mum.
Annoyingly I am quite good at empathising, so I could feel how horrible it must be for her, even though she's being really brave and kind and sweet about it. The thought that I might break her heart was almost enough to make me just stop thinking about all this, and just try and be a normal girl. Well I actually am already doing that as you know from this thread, but somewhat half-heartedly. Perhaps I should just throw myself into it and try and love it.
Although from what I've read on these boards "purging" your gender problems rarely works.

But in a partner situtation it just feels so ... so... "icky" for want of a better word. I really really just don't want to "do things" with someone with a female body. And even if in the past or one day again I DID... I KNOW that I would way prefer it as a male, and I would be sooo more comfortable and happy as a male in that situation... but then that leads me back to "is it all playing pretend?" would I only feel more comfortable BECAUSE i wasn't being myself, as opposed to because I WAS being myself? Grrr. I'm such a f*ckwit.

It isn't just my appearance it affects either, because I don't just make myself look how other people would like to see me... I sort of get into this whole act thing and sometimes ACT sweet and girly too (albeit in a tomboy way). I suppose all females do that to some degree though. But it's also all very awkward and uncomfortable and embarrasing and, maybe, fake. Maybe.
I feel much more loose and chilled and comfy as a boy... but perhaps it's just because maybe I'm playing pretend or something.

The women AND men in my life that I respect the most are strong, yet gentle and caring. The point is THE SAME HUMAN SOUL CHARACTERISTICS - doesn't matter which role in species propogation they play.

Very very cool. I agree!

I completely understand this does not apply to those who really are TS and are 100% certain their birth gender is not how they would be happiest.

Yeah. Lucky (?) them that they know...

But if you're not sure, how's about being Pocoyo gendered?

Hehe, my mum says that too.

Do, say, react, be as makes you feel good about yourself and just let the rest fall into place (because I'm 100% certain it will).

Bah. I expect I'll just be confused forever. (Sorry for sounding negative, I'm feeling a tiny bit low right now. I'm really tired for a few reasons, including this TG cr*p, and the dog has just been being really nasty to me.)
Thank you. I hope it does fall into place

In my book, men can play with dolls (and pantyhose ) and be submissive and kiss boo boos and decorate homes; women can assert themselves and be boisterous and fix cars and not care that their bag doesn't match their shoes.

Oh absolutely. That's very cool and something I say all the time.
I would never be a totally steroetypical man (or girl). I'd be really soft and loving. Very silly and fun, whatever.

Be Pocoyo first, gender second. Cause from where I'm sitting, you are infectious and smiles bloom wherever you go.

Awww thank you so much, that's really sweet.

It would help if I knew who/what "pocoyo" was to start with. lol.

And it would be sooo cool... to just "be pocoyo" and get on with it... but that also can't stop me having this confusion... the not quite feeling right about my body... the never actually being able to date anyone again (unless I transition).... the frequent yearnings for maleness.

Meh.

Thanks Tree xxxx *hugg*