Explain to me one thing please?

[Country girl]

Angel, you are so right. It shouldn't matter who the other person is or whether they are accepting of a certain aspect of our persona. It is called common human decency. You ask your friends how they are doing and /or how their day is going right? If they know about your CDing that isn't the only topic of conversation is it?

Jayne, while not all men are so self centered, I will agree that men are definately brought up differently than women. However, I will say that I also think, for the most part, that CDer's, for what ever reason, do tend to be more emotional and caring. This whole thread was just to get some feedback on questions that have been nagging me.

Again, thanks to all who have or will take the time to answer.

[Gisele]

I couldn't be more happy with my relationship with my SO. She is 100% behind me. I am 100% behind her. She knows this and I tell her everyday.

I know that I could go 100% female and she would still love me for who I am.

So, all in all this girl couldn't want more other than hitting the lotto. LOL

[janedoe311]

I do not talk about it and that is the way my wife wants it.

So can not relate to you question.

But we both are under a lot of stress and never ask about each others day.

Maybe he is just preoccupied. Start up a conversation.

I have things in my head all the time (boring job, house that never is getting finished, no self esteem, failing business to name a few. I am worrying about things all my waking time, and starting a casual conversation is really breaking up my thoughts. My wife talks to me and I do not hear, it really makes her mad.

So give him a little slack.

[Victoria Anne]

Hi Country Girl,a very good question.I will say this I am blessed to have a truely wonderful accepting wife who not only supports me but shares and suggest activities we can do together.Do I want more? yes ...is it selfish...yes. Mrs.M. loves me in drab and as Victoria Anne, she deserves to have her husband as well as her girlfriend. There is a compromise at which I except because I love her and would die for her and so I am happy with what I have. I know this is not a straight forward awnser to your question but I hope it helps.

[SherriePall]

My wife is not accepting (with some conditions, though). On the whole, I feel I am very fortunate to be married to her. I try to show her how I feel, although I feel I sometimes fall way short.
And, yes, I guess we CDers can be very selfish at times and forget about others.

[Rebecca Petersen]

I hope I don't upset anyone by asking this but, I read and reread in different threads how those of you who have an accepting SO/spouse/GF feel so fortunate to have someone who is accepting, yet at the same time I read how those of you who don't, would give anything to have one who did [accept]. So, tell me then, if you can, WHY are there CDer's out there who DO have a totally accepting SO yet it just isn't enough ? They shop for you and with you, want to go out with you while you are en femme, do all the things that you want to do as a Coder and still it just isn't enough? How hard can it be to realize how lucky you are to have a totally accepting SO ? Is it really asking to much to expect you to ask how our day is going? How about show an interest in what we like to wear, or are wearing with out it being from the standpoint of ohhh, I wish I had something like that? Are there other things in life to talk about besides every aspect of CDing? Is this the only part of life that matters? Do I sound a wee bit frustrated? Well I would really like some answers from the CDer's if anyone can help me. Thanks.
Country Girl gg

Some CD's think they possess feminine qualities, but lack what I call the three"C's." Caring, compassion and consideration. Yes, you are an equal part of the relationship and deserve not only normal conversation, but also the need to feel wanted.
Unfortunately on a forum dedicated to CDers the conversation is going to lean toward the trivial, superficial aspect of CDing.
Tell "Him" hey, want to feel super feminine, try taking care of the kids, while I spend a day at the spa. How about you clean and cook and I'll primp, then talk to all my girlfriends about what I wore today, or will wear in the future. Want to feel "Extra" feminine, try cleaning the toilet. Maybe it will put things in a different prospective for your CD SO.
Sorry, guys, but sometimes we forget how great we have it, and abuse the privilege.

[Country girl]

I do not talk about it and that is the way my wife wants it.

So can not relate to you question.

But we both are under a lot of stress and never ask about each others day.

Maybe he is just preoccupied. Start up a conversation.

I have things in my head all the time (boring job, house that never is getting finished, no self esteem, failing business to name a few. I am worrying about things all my waking time, and starting a casual conversation is really breaking up my thoughts. My wife talks to me and I do not hear, it really makes her mad.

So give him a little slack.

Jane, first let me say, I am sorry that you are having to face the problems you talked about. Good luck with your business and I hope things turn around for you.

Second, I never said I was talking about one person in particular. I see this as a problem that a lot of gg's face everyday from their SO/spouse/BF's. I agree with occasionally granting slack when someone is having a bad day, or even a bad week. What I am talking about is everyday conversation, day in and day out. It gets a bit tiring always hearing about their day, and what they want and what you can do to make their exsistence better. Life is not all about ME, ME, ME. Some sensitivity and consideration is not to much to ask.

[Country girl]

Some CD's think they possess feminine qualities, but lack what I call the three"C's." Caring, compassion and consideration. Yes, you are an equal part of the relationship and deserve not only normal conversation, but also the need to feel wanted.
Unfortunately on a forum dedicated to CDers the conversation is going to lean toward the trivial, superficial aspect of CDing.
Tell "Him" hey, want to feel super feminine, try taking care of the kids, while I spend a day at the spa. How about you clean and cook and I'll primp, then talk to all my girlfriends about what I wore today, or will wear in the future. Want to feel "Extra" feminine, try cleaning the toilet. Maybe it will put things in a different prospective for your CD SO.
Sorry, guys, but sometimes we forget how great we have it, and abuse the privilege.

Rebecca, I agree completely with what you are saying. I am not in a relationship where any of those components come into play, but I do feel as if there is a certain amount of consideration that you should give to the other person, no matter who that person might be. I do think we tend to take advantage of the other person when we are in a relationship. And maybe I am focusing on CDing because it is a facet of the relationships on this forum. But it does seem to me that there is a lot of me time spent on the threads here and in the relationships on this forum. I guess I'm just trying to point out that we could all be a little more caring and considerate of our partners, no matter what stage the relationship is in. As you put it, quit abusing the priviledge of having an accepting partner, because based on the majority of threads, an accepting SO is a rarity.

[Annaliese]

Why are some of self centered jerks, that has nothing to do with our Cding just some people think of know one but there self. Some men would be the same way with sports they think of nothing else but sport and there wife come second to that.

Anna

[SandyR]

Over the years my wife and I have endured many things, not un-kike all of you I am sure. When she discovered my CD'ing I thought "thats it dummy, you blew it now". I was wrong. She is accepting, we talk about it every week, but I never, ever make it a priority with her. We are the focus when together, I tell her I love her several times a day, help around the house, do most of the cooking, ect. She's a great mom, excellent person and my best friend!

CGGG, I guees we are all different and I truely hope things work out for you. Hang in there!

Hugss

SandyR

[DAVIDA]

Let's see; Jean is the one who helped me accept that this is what I am and there is nothing wrong with me.
She is always there if I need advice(and sometimes when I don't)
I know that she loves me and she is my best friend.
She never says anything about spending money(and I buy a lot of shoes). It is usually me saying something about money,because she has a tendency to go overboard when she goes shopping with me.
When we get home from work, we sit at the kitchen table and talk for an hour at least. Then I will take a shower or ,as Jean prefers, a soaking hot bath. She says it makes my skin softer.
The only thing that I need more of is time to spend with ,not just my significant other,she is my only other.
Love DAVIDA

[janedoe311]

Jane, first let me say, I am sorry that you are having to face the problems you talked about. Good luck with your business and I hope things turn around for you.

Second, I never said I was talking about one person in particular. I see this as a problem that a lot of gg's face everyday from their SO/spouse/BF's. I agree with occasionally granting slack when someone is having a bad day, or even a bad week. What I am talking about is everyday conversation, day in and day out. It gets a bit tiring always hearing about their day, and what they want and what you can do to make their exsistence better. Life is not all about ME, ME, ME. Some sensitivity and consideration is not to much to ask.

He just does not know what else to talk about.

My wifes brother talks about nothing but his job on family gatherings, he is a banker and you can not get any more dull than that.

I only talk about work when something funny or strange. My wife is a teacher and I work in a Jr college so we have some things in common in work. We laughted once when I came home complaning about the college students and she said she has the same problems with the 4 year olds!
I would not bore her with computer problems like her brother bores us with the "dog eat dog" banking industry.

So I doubt is it me me me. It is just he has no imagination. You will need to break in and get a conversation going on something else.

[Country girl]

Let's see; Jean is the one who helped me accept that this is what I am and there is nothing wrong with me.
She is always there if I need advice(and sometimes when I don't)
I know that she loves me and she is my best friend.
She never says anything about spending money(and I buy a lot of shoes). It is usually me saying something about money,because she has a tendency to go overboard when she goes shopping with me.
When we get home from work, we sit at the kitchen table and talk for an hour at least. Then I will take a shower or ,as Jean prefers, a soaking hot bath. She says it makes my skin softer.
The only thing that I need more of is time to spend with ,not just my significant other,she is my only other.
Love DAVIDA

Davida, what a lovely reply. Now see this is the kind of thing I meant when I first asked these questions. Everyone, regardless of who they are should think of their partner first and put their partners needs above theirs. If both parties in a relationship could see this and do this, then relationships would become that much more satisfying. The other person in the relationship should be your only other. Thank you for you insightful response.

[ubokvt]

Thank you Country Girl for this thread. It is a very valid piont to consider and discuss.
First I agree with much of what has been said here. But in looking at this issue I like to remember all CD's are a little different just as each relationship is different. Also I like to consider factors such as when the SO found out and how long the individual has been out, Free so to say.

In this thread there has been some talk of a compulsive behavior, I like to think of it more as self absorbsion. The intial sense of freedom, that you are finially free to explore all you've repressed and your spouse thinks its ok is truning the kid loose in the candy store.

In addition as the individual dresses and explores, they change, they grow, they develop and the SO and the relationship have to also. It takes work on every ones part. Something the self absorbsion misses. I have a supportive wife and we set time asided daily to check on the relationship and each other. How does dressing fit and Sara is a common item but no more so than our daugter, Dianes growth and life.

For thos that truly feel they are in the wrong body and have to transition, well thats a differnt converstion.

[susie evans]

i let my wife know often how much i love and support her and how thankfull i am that she is a huge part of my life there is NOTHING more important than my family

susie

[Sierra Evon]

Indeed , country girl , good post , well for me I'm a live alone home alone girl , I was married for 10 years , my then wife found out and was not-supportive at all , caused several arguments , for me it just had to be this way for me to be me , the girl inside could not hide , so as far as offering you an explanation to your question , I think its something that you and only you can answer , hope that helps you out ,

[JulieCDorlando]

Hello,
I might be a little different than most of the others on this forum. I am single, and dress about 25% of the time. There are times when I feel I might be out of touch with others that dress more often than I do, and have accepting wives/So's in thier lives. On your question on why it isnt enough just to have an accepting wife/SO? As there are many reasons why a CD dresses there are that many explinations on why enough is not enough. As you probably know CDing can be an addictive part of some peoples life. My guess is that a CD feels so liberated by being accepted by a wife/SO that we want it all. A CD will keep pushing that proverbial envelope as far as they can to achieve the goal. We get to wrapped up in our own pleasures, not realizing that we sometimes leave our SO's behind much to their dismay. It isn't intentional, but it happens. Often to late for some. I suppose once there isnt anything left for a CD to experience while dressed, perhaps things will calm down to some degree. I read some posts from GG's expressing their dismay at how thier CD husbands act, and I (like you) am perplexed at this behavior. As in life, all of us (CD, GG, SO,) want everything good in life. Houses, cars, clothes, etc. So I would say a CD that goes beyond having an accepting wife/SO wants everything as the woman they feel they are. I do apologize if my answer has not cleared up any of your questions. I do hope that some how I have added a little something for you.

[Bethanygirl]

It sounds to me like your experiences with cd's involve those that have not come to terms with their own trangenderism, or how it relates to themselves. The obsesive behavior would seem to denote a dissaffection with their self-image and what they are doing. They just need to come to terms with this thing, and so the basic conflicts they are feeling are somewhat consuming. I feel for your confusion and dissatisfaction with the situation, but until the cd's come to terms with themselves, they will seem obsessive about these issues. Good Luck honey!

[lori m crawford]

OKay, let me start by saying, due to some confusion, I am not, I repeat not, refering to anyone specific in this thread. These are just thoughts that I have been pondering and wanted other people's viewpoints on them. So that being said, here's the question.

I hope I don't upset anyone by asking this but, I read and reread in different threads how those of you who have an accepting SO/spouse/GF feel so fortunate to have someone who is accepting, yet at the same time I read how those of you who don't, would give anything to have one who did [accept]. So, tell me then, if you can, WHY are there CDer's out there who DO have a totally accepting SO yet it just isn't enough ? They shop for you and with you, want to go out with you while you are en femme, do all the things that you want to do as a CDer and still it just isn't enough? How hard can it be to realize how lucky you are to have a totally accepting SO ? Is it really asking to much to expect you to ask how our day is going? How about show an interest in what we like to wear, or are wearing with out it being from the standpoint of ohhh, I wish I had something like that? Are there other things in life to talk about besides every aspect of CDing? Is this the only part of life that matters? Do I sound a wee bit frustrated? Well I would really like some answers from the CDer's if anyone can help me. Thanks.
Country Girl gg

you are so right ther is more to cressdressing an a good women that will help or go along with it wish i cood find one

[Sweet Jane]

Hi...

I sometimes wonder if it is always the grass is greener. The closet CD wants a spouse who accepts, then wants to dress more often, then want boobs and then wants....

I have had a chat to my wife regarding weraing womens lingerie. She doesn't "participate" in any CD activity...probably would if I pushed it. She doesn't know about the "full make up". I think she may be OK with it..my problem is with me.

I'm not sure I want an accepting spouse. Oh sometimes, I wish it more than anything, but I don't want my crossdressing to become a major part of my life..I have been doing this thing alone for so long now, I don't know if I can share it with any one that I love. It's not being deceitful....just selfish I suppose.

If my wife knew and accepted then she may want me dressing often..I don't want CDing to take any greater part of my life than it is right now..and I suppose I only want to dress for me!! I get embarrassed about dressing, and I don't want to feel embarrassed with my wife..damn I see her every day and I'd like to look her in the eye without feeling silly. I also fear that it may lead to me becoming a more committed CD, and want to dress all the time....or.....worse!! Acceptance brings freedom, and I'm thinking the closet is about the right size.

I'm not sure if this answered the question though...sorry I just rambled...

[Gary]

Well I have no idea...what else is new? As this is all still new to me, and my wife, weve just had to play it by ear...sometimes we work thru something fine...sometimes we struggle...i do try to think of my wife in many aspects of my life...i struggle with the things she feels and deals with daily due to my crossdressing...she is much more active here and is usually the one that starts the cd discussions...(im not allowed to do so apparently, just talked about that tonite...hi honey...hehe).

Am i grateful for what I have...yes...do i want more...of course...i want more out of everything...i expect more out of others and myself...ive never been content to sit, settle or be complacent...for me to do so would be to stagnate...whether it is my picture taking, photo manipulation stuff, art, knowledge, I am never content and hope I never will be...i refuse to except mediocre in myself and in those around me...does this cause problems? omg yes...my wife will ask me how to fix a simple thing on a picture and can i tell her how? No. I have to tell her how I would do it and all the steps and procedures and tools I would use...can you say extreme perfectionistic tendencies? Heck, all she wanted was to fix that little thing and Im creating a picaso...lol...god im hard to live with.

She is more than very accepting and seems to grow more and more each day...then backs up two steps...then grows again. Ive always shown her ways to expand her boundaries and thoughts and push those societally imposed restrictions and limitations out the door...that the woman hasnt ran screaming naked thru the neighborhood yet is truly amazing.

As far as the obsessing...I have OCD and a slew of other little quirks so I obsess over everything, and at times that includes her. Is that ever enough for her? No. Would i ever expect it to be? No. I expect her to push me to be the best I can as well...whether that is a husband, friend or whatever, I hope she never settles. Does this create problems? Yes, oh heck yes, but I would have it no other way...my relationship is still as vibrant and passionate as that first nite...better in many ways as I now know the combination to her lock...hehe...but things, all things, can always improve and Im not about to settle for anything. Can yall see why my wife takes medication? God, Im hard to live with...gary

[Michelia]

Country Girl GG

I have always enjoyed your points of view. Now I get to tell you about this obsession.

I am one of the very lucky few.

My GG and I have taken this CD thing all the way and it has made for a very fulfilling relationship. We haven't had major problems because we talk about everything and neither of us ever holds our tongue. We are also lucky in that we have a lot in common and we do just about everything together. So we have lots to talk about other than CDing. We really do not talk about CDing much, but we share it all the time. She has told me if I want to be a full time girl it is OK by her. But I am Ok at 50/50. She demands and expects a lot of attention and I try to give it to her.

Now about the obsession...I have had a very hard time getting to the point where there is a balance between CDing and the rest of my life. It has not been easy at all. And this just does not apply to my wife but to my job and my finances and everything. I am getting there though. There have been times when I blamed all the distraction on Michelia and my GG made me realize that to do that is not fair. Michelia and I and my GG all need each other. Maybe without Michelia I would have gone down into depression, who knows? Our life has been a challenge this last year (not CD related). So I am not clear on the answer . I definitely obsessed, but maybe I needed that at the time!

One observation if I may - and that may serve you and other GG's and their CDs well: I believe (and I think my special SO and I have corroborated this) that it is important for CDs and their GGs to find other interests in their lives if they do not have them. Whether these are shared or not. This will go a long way towards balancing other aspects of life with CDing.

Michelia

[ashlee chiffon]

its simple...many cd's get so involved in their dressing, it becomes a consuming interest and they forget there are others in the world! I was that way and it cost me a relationship! Won't do it again, but it's a little too late now! Live and Learn! I was confused about myself, embarassed to dress fully unless alone *panties and lingerie can be hidden under clothes, but full dress is "out there" and made me self conscious at that stage of my life", needing to be around other cd's to share a common interest...which raises questions and confusion with a SO...Often made my SO feel insecure because i looked good dressed and she didn't feel like putting on skirts and heels for the most part...i guess that was a lot of it...i wanted someone to dress up with and see dressed up and that wasn't her...hindsight is always better then foresight...and i didn't see that i was doing the dressing for me and not for "us"...leaving her in her world and me in mine...
looking back, i wish i would have done things way differently and if given the chance to mix love and dressing...i would definately make my SO feel sooo special and wanted and loved ...and be romantic and caring and the kind of person i would rather be...but i'm older and its taken years to grow into my mindset and i appreciate things much more now then then...hopefully i'll find another great gal like yourself to share life with! My dressing would be the bonus and i would make sure it would be fun for her, also!

[Country girl]

Thanks so much to all the great replys and everyone's imput.

Michelia, what you had to say was very profound. It is so important and essential to share other interests in any relationship. NOT JUST CDing. I also think that it doesn't matter who you are, it is quite common to take our partners for granted. People have to work to keep the relationship exciting and alive. Everyone can be at times self centered and get into the me, me, me stage. What we have to do is learn how to find a good balance. Let our SO's know that we care about them and their interests as well as our own. Thanks for sharing.

Ashlycal, to often we don't realize what we have until it is too late and they are gone. I think if more people would learn to be happy in the relationship they are in instead of always searching for that one better then more people would also learn what it is to have contintment in their lives.

I'm glad this thread has got a lot of people thinking and am looking forward to any more replys that you may have to offer.
to all CG gg

[Kristen Kelly]

[SIZE="3"]Very good thread, everyone has raised a lot of good points, I hate to oversimplify all of what has been said, but I was taught as a child, "Treat others, as you would like to be treated yourself." I have a very supportive GF and told her about my CDing in July. In the beginning that’s all we have talked about, it was hard not to be that little girl in the candy store, wanting to see how far I could push that pink line. Things have settled down, she is going out tonight with the girls and I, dancing, something she has done before. She is Very accepted by the other girls when out and has been told just how lucky I am, I have told her when I have gone to some parties where she has gone before I’m asked, “Where’s your GF”.
A point was brought up about each having their own interests, that is so true, I have made so many friends lately, and one very special one, I talk to a lot and go out with all the time. She feels she has nothing other than us and needs an interest all of her own, and she is right and I owe it to her to accept it and not crowd her.
I treat her very well, and have her best interests at heart, I just have to remember to tell her just how special she is to me. [/SIZE]