What is wrong with me now?

[Gary]

Tonite everyone hit the hay early...ive the whole house to myself as it were...grabbed some of my fem stuffs so I could enjoy being that me in the office, real computer, fish tank and all...but the clothes have just laid here beside me on the floor and i just picked them up and put them in my desk. why didnt i take advantage of not being sequestered in my crossdressing dungeon, otherwise known as the bedroom, when Im feeling the need to express this me? Why have i sat here for 2 and 1/2 hours, alone and in cargo shorts? For that matter, why am i dressing so much less and needing "gary" time so much less. I think, and yalls input is much needed, that I want to be me with my wife and not alone in this (that would be the altrusistic gary). She is great and very accepting and for now her boundary is it stay out of site...we share the same closet, some of the same clothes and she buys me surprises often but I dont want to be me if I have to be me alone it would seem ( that altru dude again). Shes active here, we talk of cding daily I would guess...but I just dont seem to want to give up so much time with her, or maybe im just selfish and dont like having to hide( maybe this is the gary I know and despise). I have no clue really and as im a male id have to lean more towards the selfish. What wife wouldnt just love to see her husband in a skirt, nice lacy pink top and breasts? At times I honestly cant see how she manages to put up with it as she does yet this all seems to feel like so much less with her not in the picture as I would like her to be. All thoughts, the good, bad and ugly are welcome. Clueless in tennessee...gary

[cindychan]

I can relate a bit with you Gary. Sometimes I got high needs and lows needs to dress up, other times I just like to look at my clothes and smile knowing I got complete control and that I could put them on any momment. On a scale from 1 to 10 of wanting to dress up and not wanting to I'm about a 6 most of the time.

[Tracy_Victoria]

Hi Gary

Yep been there myself to, with me the time has to be right, and sometimes dispite having the chance to dress, I just don't feel like it.

this is even more difficult for me, As my SO knows I dress, and we arrange a day (round both of our work calendars) where I can do so, sometimes by the time it gets to that day, you just don't feel like it.

It's best not to push it. do as you please, when you please (and can) thats what this is all about!

[Veronica E. Scott]

Quoted from Gaey:At times I honestly cant see how she manages to put up with it as she does yet this all seems to feel like so much less with her not in the picture as I would like her to be. All thoughts, the good, bad and ugly are welcome. Clueless in tennessee...gary

Well I don't see anything wrong with wanting the one you love sitting beside you helping with this and that and making suggestions or just being able to share your feelings,I wished the same thing that my wife would accept this more but she has come a long way and maybe who knows what tomorrow will bring.Enjoy what you have and let her know how much you appresiate her.Everything will work out the way it is suppose to any way.

[TxKimberly]

Gary,

This is normal. I myself just finnished a period of about two YEARS where I didn't feel any particular desire or need to be Kim. It comes and goes, is affected by everything else in your life, and will be an ever changing thing.

One of the concepts you aluded to (put in my own words and hopefully correct) was that perhaps it wasn't fun or desireable to do it anymore all by yourself. For me, this is definetly the case. Give me a chance to hang out with people, chat, and yes drink, and I'm there. Go through all of that effort to sit alone by myself, nah, I don't think so!
Kim

[Gary]

thank you all so much...i did send her an email telling her how much i appreciated something she did for me the other day...it was done selflessly, for my benefit alone with no real positives as it were for her...she did it because she wanted me to be happy...things without strings are the best...take care all....gary

[Lori SC]

...but the clothes have just laid here beside me on the floor and i just picked them up and put them in my desk. why didnt i take advantage of not being sequestered in my crossdressing dungeon, otherwise known as the bedroom, when Im feeling the need to express this me? Why have i sat here for 2 and 1/2 hours, alone and in cargo shorts? For that matter, why am i dressing so much less and needing "gary" time so much less.
....She is great and very accepting and for now her boundary is it stay out of site...
... I dont want to be me if I have to be me alone it would seem ( that altru dude again). Shes active here, we talk of cding daily I would guess...but I just dont seem to want to give up so much time with her, or maybe im just selfish and dont like having to hide
.... What wife wouldnt just love to see her husband in a skirt, nice lacy pink top and breasts?
Clueless in tennessee...gary

Gary,

I wouldn't worry if you just don't feel like dressing sometimes. Especially when circumstances arrise that make it possible but you weren't expecting it. Some years ago, when I was in the closet, I could only dress when everyone was away. Usually I knew about this several days in advance and planned and looked forward to it. Then there were times due to special circumstances, I was alone. And I did not get the same joy out of dressing then. I think I had a lot to do with the anticipation fueling my enjoyment.

Now that my wife knows and the kids are out of the house, I can dress whenever I want, but some days I feel like it and others I don't. So if it happens to me, it can happen to you.

Another thing that happened to me a couple of years ago is just what you mentioned. Dressing alone and hiding in the house was no longer enough. I felt like getting out and even interacting with people. Do you feel this way? Joining a Tri-Ess group solved the need to interact with people for me!

I don't know how long your wife has known about your CDing. If it's not too long, she may eventually want to see you all dressed up and be able to tolerate and accept it. Even if it's been a long time, she may change. There is always hope.

Why are you wondering about not wanting to dress? It doesn't souind like such a big deal to me. Is it just because that wasn't "normal" for you? Maybe you are maturing in your dressing?

Just some thoughts for you Gary,

Hugs, Lori

[Kieron Andrew]

there are no rules when dressing, some dont dress for days or weeks on end, some dress everyday its very much an individual thing

[tracy_Trevor]

Yes I agree with kieron . Some times i go for a month or two with out dressing fully. My S.O. actually likes me to dress. She says that when I am dressed i am "de stressed". I know that i wear panties 24/7 and usually wear a night-dress to bed but i do not always feel the desire to fully dress.


Some evenings i come home and cannot wait to change into a dress with every thing underneath and a pair of heels but some times i come home too tired to even change for my work gear to casual gear.

[Kieron Andrew]

Yes I agree with kieron .

someone actually agrees with something i said lol

[Karren H]

Guess you can over do a good thing> I'm in fem mode so little that I relish the thought.... but if i could when ever I wanted then I probably would over do it and then cut back kind of into "male remission" hehe

Youll be fine...

Love Karren

[Glenda58]

Haven't dressed in a month. Have a new girl friend busy doing things with her have no desire to dress. Have a new outfit that just hanging in the closet. And it's not like I can dress because I live alone and only see her once a week. I just don't want to. But I know it will come back it always does. So if you want to spend time with your wife as your male self do it there are NO RULES in Cross Dressing. Just enjoy your time with your wife.

[Gary]

once again i just cant thank you all enough for taking time to share your lives with me...ive just been in a funk it seems and was blinded by wanting more instead of appreciating what I had...and someone said the word i could not find...it is the FEELINGS i want to share...they are such a positive thing to me and make me feel so much better and I would dearly like for my wife to get to know that gary again...hes been gone a long time it seems...but all in good time maybe...ill do the patience thing for now and enjoy what i have instead of worrying with what I dont or want at this time...gary

[bgirl]

Its ok. You don't have to dress just because you have the time. I am enough of a rebel that if I had to dress, you couldn't make me!

On a different note, I sometimes feel so alone in this. I sit all dressed wishing the world would let me dress when I want to. Not only when I can. At least for this crossdresser, the phrase "All dressed up and no place to go" has real meaning.

[Nikki A.]

I guess we all go through the ups and downs especially when the wife is of the "I'll accept it but I don't have to like it" camp. Right now I've found myself in the up mode I want to wear whatever I can get away with and whenever I can.
There are days when the only fem thing that I have on are cotton panty briefs, not because of CDing urges but because I just find them more comfortable. Other times I wish that I could step out all dressed. Thats the nature of the beast

[krissy]

my wife knows we have been togeather for 26 years but she cant stand that part of me .so i dress alone and at times i feel so alone and hurt for wanting to dress but its part of me .it has not gone away in 49 years i dont think its going away i just want to feel happy .but there aretimes i reach for those beautiful clothes and i feel its too emotionalydraining to mess with so i dont do it but ill never stop wanting to feel my feminine side its apart of my soul .when im feeling great im the happyest person alive when its wrong im so sad.its just part of all this.we all go thru these moments of self hate but they go awaywith time and we always go back to it.so dont feel bad enjoy when you feel like it life is too short .

krissy