(another installment of long windedness)
First let me say that, along with many other issues, I have severe OCD. It seems to constantly be active in my life to one degree or another and usually at most it is just a minor annoyance. But occasionally it rears its ugly head and shows just how severe and life controlling it can be. When, where and in what areas this happens are as random as lottery numbers. Sometimes it is self imposed and others it can be something as simple as casually mentioning a particular item, thing, thought or whatever and I am off to the races.
This happened recently when Cheryl mentioned makeup, me and crossdressing. Now I had never really thought about makeup before. As a guy I'm not so hideous as to cause nausea in others when i enter a room but I knew that would never translate into anything resembling female. As such I never put much stock in the whole makeup thing. That is until makeup was haphazardly mentioned. Then it started and off i went. I made an effort to procure what i thought would be the needed supplies to be sure that at the next opportunity I could experiment.
That opportunity came on Friday night. I was totally driven by the ocd and had been for days as the logical sane me would never venture into this arena. To say I looked like a washed up old drag queen would be putting it nicely. lol...but ok nothing i hadnt really expected and I had managed to experiment here and dismiss this area without exposing Cheryl to any unnecessary, unneeded stress while doing so. Our lives had been on an upswing and I wanted that to continue. I showered, scrub and headed downstairs to relax. Well when she got home, the way she stared at me told me I had missed something. As it turns out I dont have crappy tastes in makeup and had purchased nice stuff, a plus as at least cheryl is now able to use it and its not being wasted and thrown away. The bad part is I had no idea of how to remove it and now she had not only seen it but had to help me. The worst of this was that i knew the whole mess for what it was and how insignificant it all was but I had failed in shielding her from what would be perceived as progression and the return of the nightmare we had just spent weeks living in was sure to occur. I was totally ashamed and totally frustrated at yet another failure. It seemed that recently failing was the best I could do and THAT is not only totally unfamiliar territory to me it is also totally unacceptable.
After some hiding on my part and letting my internal anger at myself subside I was able to approach the subject again and jokingly said "well since im obviously not a candidate for Mary Kay, what do I try next?" (or something much less witty. OMG, she begins talking about wigs. Now I would have thought this would be an area that for her would be worse than trying to cope with the whole bra boob man thing...thats another post, hehe...but no. I was shocked and now much confused. Moments later it all became clear.
In her earlier years her hair had many different styles including hair that reached down her back to her waist. She had apparently been missing those days and wanted a wig, or two, for herself. So ebay shopping we went. We did find two that she liked and one that i liked and one that we could agree on that I liked...lol. As it turned out we bought her favorite choice for her and put the others on the back burner...(not for long tho as I had funds in my paypal acct. and just purchased mine, not the one we agreed i liked, with that....yall dont tell her).
So from the ashes a positive experience had been borne....she had nice new makeup and a new hair-do, and so did I. That seemed to resurrect the turn around in our recent bout with "the weeks the boobs were born." Ill explain that one later. Sorry for once again being so long winded....hey im mental dont blame me...tc...gary