Had my 1st session with new nice counselly lady :D

[bi_weird]

YAY I think I've caught up on everything I've missed. Of course, it's nearly midnight and I still have a whole lab report to write, and I'm on here instead of writing it. Ah well, there's always coffee. Anyway dream. (I have strangley realistic dreams sometimes, so real that part of me believes they happened (which is awkward when your dream was making out with your best friend's boyfriend) and they always leave me needing to share them with the people involved, I think in part so that I'll confirm it wasn't real (making the best friend's boyfriend bit even more awkward) so yes).
I was at this LGBT get together party thing. Actually, really it was just Ls and Gs, and not really the nice sort. The exclusive "straights are breeders" doesn't really like anyone not totally homosexual sort. Well I was presenting as totally andro and definitely as a bi, and so getting shunned or teased by pretty much everyone there. I went to the bathroom 'cause I was about to cry, and ended up sitting in one of the stalls crying. Poc came in and told me to come out of the stall. He gave me a big hug and told me that everyone else was stupid and to ignore them. I thanked him and said something like "I know you really hate having to use the ladies room, but I'm really glad you did, 'cause I really needed a boy hug." (Anyone who knows me in person knows that I'm a sucker for hugs and love boy hugs way more than girl hugs). SO yes, that was my utterly random Poc dream.
In other news, I'm really wishing I was in boy clothes. I'm not necessarily girl right now, but suddenly I want a tie and boxers. Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya tomorrow. Alright one more post and then on to my lab report.

[CaptLex]

Awww . . . what a cool dream, Bi. Sounds like one of mine, except I think mine are weirder and it would probably have involved a crazy cast of characters (and birds).

[kerrianna]

Awww, Bi that dream made me cry a bit cuz I know that's just what Poc would do and I'm glad you know him too.

[marie354]

hey!! life is one BIG transition!!!

You put it into one sentence!

You really are a gifted man!

[pocoyo]

Awww I really like that dream Bi!
Not that you were sad (that sucks) but that I comforted you... and that on some level you see me as a huggable person yay! So here's one now
(I would very much like to be a nice kind boy that helps people out by hugging them, so thank you for seeing me like that in your dream!)
Awww Kerrianna!

******************

Update:

Well I just spoke to my counsellor on the phone and it was pretty durn cool for the most part.
But for some reason I am now feeling a bit funny.

Of course the fact that I was up chatting so late last night (& over-tired in general) is probably not helping my mood haha!

I'm sort of feeling a bit shakey as to my whole transness... am I/aren't I... and my reasons, and who I am. (Both to myself and to the world).
But I know that after counselling sessions you often can feel weird. (I've had that before when I was having counselling... sometimes you feel wonderful afterwards, sometimes you feel tired, sometimes you feel confused, sometimes you feel sad & thoughtful etc etc).

But hey.. I'm still smilin'

[pocoyo]

I think I missed out saying thank you to Das, Adam and Dancin' the other day. Which is really annoying.. sorry!!

Your posts really really made me smile and I loved what you said and the support.

Hehe *strumpet blast*

So... thank you!!

[Adam]

lol poc you made me laugh there

[CaptLex]

But I know that after counselling sessions you often can feel weird. (I've had that before when I was having counselling... sometimes you feel wonderful afterwards, sometimes you feel tired, sometimes you feel confused, sometimes you feel sad & thoughtful etc etc).

But hey.. I'm still smilin'

Yeah, I was just going to say that, but you already know it, so that's cool. Some sessions can leave you walking on air, and others can leave you feeling like you're dragging a heavy weight. I usually feel kind of down after a session that has made me think about and/or acknowledge something I don't really want to talk about, but after a few days I can see why I should. Hope the next one is better. Glad you're still smiling.

[kerrianna]

I really needed you guys today although you might not know it.

TY dudes.

This counselling stuff is new to me. I felt REALLY discombubulated. (haha what a cool word!)

Nice to have company on this journey.....

[pocoyo]

Awww Kez Btw one of my best friends uses that word a lot and got me using it hehe... strangely enough he lives in Canada now...
Discombobulated Canadians all over the place!

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Session 3 (2nd phone session)

Had session 3 today.. here are a few thoughts on it:

I love the way my counsellor sort of... doesn't let me get away with worrying almost.
It's like...
I will warble on about something .. (you know.. my usual analytical, questioning stuff)... and she will say "You question yourself a lot don't you?" or "You don't have much faith in yourself do you?"

She is so sort of... calm and... sensible (I don't mean boring sensible, just.. to the point). I love it.

I am seeing her face to face again next week. I am looking forward to it.

She made me chuckle a few times today too.

[Laurie909]

I love the way my counsellor sort of... doesn't let me get away with worrying almost.

Welcome to the world of counseling. The counsellor always likes to answer your question with a question. That's the way of the world. Another thing they like to do is repeat back what you said "questioningly.' For instance, if you say "I'm feeling sad today." They'll say, "You're feeling sad?"

[pocoyo]

Hehehe! I like it.

I have had counselling before by the way (ack my fair share of them actually...and not all successful).
But they haven't been for mainly gender stuff, like this lady is. (I did talk about gender stuff with the last 2 though). I really like how this lady works, and her knowledge of gender issues.

[CaptLex]

Glad it went well - she made you think and she made you chuckle. Sounds like a good session to me.

[pocoyo]

Thanks lovely Lex

*****

Well... had 4th session today (2nd faceto face).

It was very interesting and I really like the systematic & controlled way she works.

Today we started working through some other stuff (not really gender stuff).

I am feeling a little shell-shocked though, because I didn't realise I felt so deeply about certain things.... curious....

I feel somewhat apprehensive... incase we are opening up a can of worms... but I suspect that actually... we will be working through some stuff... and though it may be hard work... will ultimately leave me feeling much better, balanced & more peaceful about certain things once we've worked through them.

I have to admit I AM worried though, that it could just make me more "messed up"/worried. That's probably just fear talking though.

She also left me some cool books to have a look through
A couple are about gender stuff. So that will be interesting.

[kerrianna]

It was very interesting and I really like the systematic & controlled way she works.

Today we started working through some other stuff (not really gender stuff).

I am feeling a little shell-shocked though, because I didn't realise I felt so deeply about certain things.... curious....

I feel somewhat apprehensive... incase we are opening up a can of worms... but I suspect that actually... we will be working through some stuff... and though it may be hard work... will ultimately leave me feeling much better, balanced & more peaceful about certain things once we've worked through them.

I have to admit I AM worried though, that it could just make me more "messed up"/worried. That's probably just fear talking though.

way to go dude. I know what you mean about feeling shell-shocked. The thing is if we don't examine what's bubbling underneath we live our lives shell shocked, sometimes without even knowing it.

Nothing wrong with a can of worms. Just stir fry them with a bit of curry or something.

It sounds like you have a skilled counsellor - I'm sure she won't leave you feeling more messed up and worried. The main thing is YOU'RE willing to do the work. I think that's the key to successful change. Keep on rockin' dude!

[CaptLex]

I have to admit I AM worried though, that it could just make me more "messed up"/worried. That's probably just fear talking though.

Nah . . . but it may seem like that initially. Opening up that proverbial can of worms was kind of hard for me 'cause it's a mess everywhere when those worms come out, but it's better than keeping them cooped up to begin with. It may seems messy at first, but it's better to get those things out.

She also left me some cool books to have a look through A couple are about gender stuff. So that will be interesting.

Dude . . . she gave you homework?

[pocoyo]

way to go dude. I know what you mean about feeling shell-shocked. The thing is if we don't examine what's bubbling underneath we live our lives shell shocked, sometimes without even knowing it.

Durn good point Kerriberrigymkhana.

Nothing wrong with a can of worms. Just stir fry them with a bit of curry or something.

Hehehe mmm tasty....

It sounds like you have a skilled counsellor -

You know... I really think so... I was thinking that when I was talking to her....

I'm sure she won't leave you feeling more messed up and worried. The main thing is YOU'RE willing to do the work. I think that's the key to successful change. Keep on rockin' dude!

AWw thank you Kez

Nah . . . but it may seem like that initially. Opening up that proverbial can of worms was kind of hard for me 'cause it's a mess everywhere when those worms come out, but it's better than keeping them cooped up to begin with. It may seems messy at first, but it's better to get those things out.

Thank you Hope so!! Glad you have/are sorting your worms!
Er... you know what I mean haha! I don't mean Cap has worms

Dude . . . she gave you homework?

Haha!! Yes! Not the 1st time she has either...

[kerrianna]

Dude . . . she gave you homework?

I got homework last time too. Watch me do it the night before my next appointment.

You going to be a good boy and do your homework on time Pocs, or be like me and wait until the last minute, panicking and doing a half-assed job?

[pocoyo]

I got homework last time too. Watch me do it the night before my next appointment.

You going to be a good boy and do your homework on time Pocs, or be like me and wait until the last minute, panicking and doing a half-assed job?

Hello Kerriwiddle (hahaha don't hit me).

Well I have to admit I'm usually the last minute type with that sort of thing too...
But this I am pretty interested in (the gender bits) so I will be peeking at those books later today even I reckons!

[pocoyo]

... my counsellor is so cool!!

We worked through some stuff today and it was really cool seeing how it was all linked and that.

Seriously... I have never had a counsellor that works so well and understands so much and makes me feel so calm about it all.

She is so nice and so excellent

I am sooo glad to have her.
[SIZE="1"](Thank you Kieron *hug*)[/SIZE]

[Kieron Andrew]

[SIZE=1](Thank you Kieron *hug*)[/SIZE]

another good session i take it???? do tell us about it if you can!!....btw you're very welcome!

[pocoyo]

Yes... she is seriously amazing.
She is so... I dunno how to put it... brainy?!... about how people work and stuff, even though she's really young.
Her ideas and systematic way of working are just... quality!

I wish I had the right words to explain what I mean, but I'm a bit dippy still lol!

[Kieron Andrew]

Yes... she is seriously amazing.
She is so... I dunno how to put it... brainy?!... about how people work and stuff, even though she's really young.
Her ideas and systematic way of working are just... quality!

I wish I had the right words to explain what I mean, but I'm a bit dippy still lol!

YAY! im glad you are happy today

hey btw theres another pic of me to coo over in the gallery! *whistles* *this guy is good for my ego*!

[Evert]

I wish I had the right words to explain what I mean, but I'm a bit dippy still lol!

It's okay, you had a good session that's what counts. You go boy!

[SIZE="1"](btw I just discovered the hearts in yours and Lisa's sig. Sweet! )[/SIZE]

[pocoyo]

YAY! im glad you are happy today

hey btw theres another pic of me to coo over in the gallery! *whistles* *this guy is good for my ego*!

Yay ! I am too. Thank you!

Oh yeah.. I just saw that It's really cool. Your hair looks well nice in it, especially in the sideburny area. And lol, anyone that wouldn't think you're a boy is well... a bit of a kn*b! You look really cool Yamon!

It's okay, you had a good session that's what counts. You go boy!

Yaay thank you dude

[SIZE="1"](btw I just discovered the hearts in yours and Lisa's sig. Sweet! )[/SIZE]

[SIZE="1"]Aahaha! Shhh.[/SIZE]