The Letter from your SO's

[MJ]

Hi Hun how are you i have something i want to tell you so please sit down before you read the rest of this letter,
well you see i have been dealing with this issue for most of my life. and i am not sure how to tell you. you see sometimes i like to dress up like a man ware your suites and ties and just feel like a guy every now and then.. i love wearing your boxers i just hate pantys they do nothing for me , your socks and shoes are comfortable , and there are times i just want to put on your sweats and relax, sorry you don't like my short hair but i like it the way it is ..and now you know why .
and no i am not gay nor do i want a sex change ,, i just want to remove some stress every now and then and this is how i do it. remember i still love you that will never change just my look sometime
all my love
your wife

**i hope i don't offend any f 2 m here , that's not what i am trying to do thank you **
i am just interested in how you all would feel, the problem is you total understand so this Thread is somewhat tainted . my point is how does it feel when the shoe is on the other foot ??

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

My wife keeps threatening me with this, she feels like I want to take over her role but that,s not it at all, I just want to be one of the girls like she is. I do understand where she is coming from, she is not very confidant about herself and lacks self esteeem. she is a wonderful, beautiful and sexy woman so I don't understand why she lacks confidance.

[melissacd]

Dear wife,

I must say this is quite the revelation. I certainly never expected it. I do like the way that you look in a dress and a nice skirt and blouse, however, these are just clothes.

You see dear wife, I am with you because I love the person you are and not the clothes that you wear. You give me the attention that I seek without being needy. You have always accepted me for who I am without question. You have always appreciated me and shown me how much you care for the person that I am. Your great affections for me have always made me feel loved, that I am an important person in your life. You have always allowed me to fulfill my wants and needs in life. You have allowed me to be who I am, you have relished my growth and my unfolding into the other half of a wonderful partnership. You are my soul-mate.

For all of these reasons, I would never give you up as a partner, after all they are just clothes. I am there to support, accept, understand and love you for the wonderful human being that you are.

Ever your husband

(MJ - by the way - a wonderful question, it gave me a chance to reflect on what I want in my next relationship)

[MJ]

thank you Melissa
the SO's want us to look at cross dressing from there point of view , and we just can't
so i wanted to see how the "guys ' would feel if there SO, were to turn the tides on them so to speak.. this way maybe we can get a understanding

[Melinda G]

It never hurts to see the other side. This is why I always say, never come out to anyone.

[JoAnnDallas]

My wife has MS and has had both hips replaced. Thus she already wears mostly slacks, and T-shirts. She even has short hair for a female. Her shoes are more like mine than female shoes. She likes the type that have velco closures, since she can close them using a reacher. Thus her everyday look is more masculian than femimen. She is compy with this and so am I.

So my response to the question is, to me it no big deal.

[melissacd]

thank you Melissa
the SO's want us to look at cross dressing from there point of view , and we just can't
so i wanted to see how the "guys ' would feel if there SO, were to turn the tides on them so to speak.. this way maybe we can get a understanding

MJ,

It takes a very open minded person to totally look at things from someone else's point of view, to get within their mental filters. We get so lost in our own internal femme struggle that we lose sight of their perspective. I have tried very hard to be as open as I can with my wife and see it through her eyes as best as I can. It is not possible to be completely objective, however, I have been able to see her struggle and in as much as I wish that she could open her mind to this and see it from my point of view, it is beyond her abilities at this point in her life and may be beyond her capabilities forever.

It is this realization that has helped me understand that in as much as I love my wife, perhaps, sometimes the most loving thing that you can do in a relationship is to leave. I know that what I stated up above is true of me, I will accept a person that I love for who and what they are regardless. The same cannot be said of everyone. Perhaps I have reached this openess and willingness to accept, respect and tolerate so many differences because of my cross dressing. It has forced me to re-examine so many of my beliefs.

Huggs
Melissa

[Maureen]

I don't think this is really a fair question regarding our S.O.'s. Most of us would enjoy the role reversal; she becomes the husband and I become the wife. We crossdressers already understand the desire to live a non-traditional life-style. For our reactions to match 99% of the GG's out there, we would have to not be crossdressers, but rather men that came into the relationship expecting our wives to behave like "traditional" women, while we were "traditional" men.

I sometimes think we like to downplay the shock that we cause our wives when we come out to them, and act like that have no right to be upset by our transgendered lives. As a crossdresser, my greatest regret is that I wasn't brave enough to tell my wife or anyone else I was in a relationship with at the beginning.

My decision to hide this caused her an incredible amount of pain. While she is one of the most supportive spouses I have heard of, this is still not the life she thought she ws getting.

[Cristi]

I think this is a great exercise to help us see things from the other side, but as many of the replies have stated so far, we are OPEN about gender reversal as far as clothing goes, so would shrug, give her some of our clothes and move one.

The REAL test would be if she came to us with a letter about something we are NOT comfortable with and have never even considered, so we would be starting out with no familiarity with the issue and no basis for understanding it, while she has been thinking about it and dealing with it in private her entire life.

For instance (and forgive me for using more of a 'fetish' thing here, but it is difficult to come up with things that are relative), what if her letter was about her desire to be treated like an infant all the time, wearing diapers, sleeping in a crib, being fed baby food from a spoon while sitting in a high chair?

Would we be as open to this letter which now suddenly makes up look at her in an entirely different way? Would we be able to instantly tell her that we support her in anything she wants us to do? Would we be willing to go shopping with her for baby clothes and toys, look at her photo album of her in diapers, spend entire weekend with her playing in a playpen in front of the television???

Again, I don't want to equate this fetish in any way to CDing, I just needed to come up with something that was able to 'stretch' our comfort level like we are trying to do with our SOs when we come out to them.

[Trisha]

Hi Hun how are you i have something i want to tell you so please sit down before you read the rest of this letter,
well you see i have been dealing with this issue for most of my life. and i am not sure how to tell you. you see sometimes i like to dress up like a man ware your suites and ties and just feel like a guy every now and then.. i love wearing your boxers i just hate pantys they do nothing for me , your socks and shoes are comfortable , and there are times i just want to put on your sweats and relax, sorry you don't like my short hair but i like it the way it is ..and now you know why .
and no i am not gay nor do i want a sex change ,, i just want to remove some stress every now and then and this is how i do it. remember i still love you that will never change just my look sometime
all my love
your wife


i am just interested in how you all would feel, the problem is you total understand so this Thread is somewhat tainted . my point is how does it feel when the shoe is on the other foot ??

you just got it down to a t most women i see out shopping look like that short hair jeans flats and some do look like men live and let live i say

[EmmaB GG]

Sorry, but a sense of the reality of CDing for many has been forgotten here - GG's may wear trousers and have short hair, but on the whole they are not padding & strapping their bodies to make them look more maculine nor are they faking facial hair etc etc.

When my SO goes out dressed, he goes out to "pass" as a female with no hint of the male in him - that's not the same as me wearing trousers!!!

Would you be happy being able to go out wearing a skirt without a negative response, but still be very obviously a man to look at? That's what we do. We're not looking to "pass" as another gender.

Sorry if this offends some of you, but I think that the term "rose tinted glasses" sometimes take over .... nothing is rose tinted for any of us.

[Marcie Sexton]

Now that I'm out to her, I would gladly accept her as f2m...now to patiently wait on my letter...or her face to face confession...

I must admit Mj that is an interesting perspective...

[Kali]

Would you be happy being able to go out wearing a skirt without a negative response, but still be very obviously a man to look at? That's what we do. We're not looking to "pass" as another gender.

Works for me. Nothing that I could do, short of major reconstructive surgery, is going to make me look like a woman. But if I could walk out odf the house the way I'm currently dressed and have no reprecussions, I would be thrilled.

[Tree GG]

I don't think this is really a fair question regarding our S.O.'s. Most of us would enjoy the role reversal; ...
I sometimes think we like to downplay the shock that we cause our wives when we come out to them, and act like that have no right to be upset by our transgendered lives. As a crossdresser, my greatest regret is that I wasn't brave enough to tell my wife or anyone else I was in a relationship with at the beginning.

My decision to hide this caused her an incredible amount of pain. While she is one of the most supportive spouses I have heard of, this is still not the life she thought she ws getting.

IMO, a very empathetic and understanding reply. Thank you Maureen for giving my faith a boost and your wife is a lucky woman.

...When my SO goes out dressed, he goes out to "pass" as a female with no hint of the male in him - that's not the same as me wearing trousers!!!....

That's a major point. The average GG isn't trying to pass as male when putting on slacks. Attitude & intent is important.

The fetish comment is also pertinent. MJ, your letter didn't mention anything about fantasies, self-gratification to that fantasy, and the deep affection most CD's seem to have for their femme self. Also, what about leading a dual life? The life that had been led + the new, "outed" life that is to be pursued - and it's going to be pursued - the only SO choice is to stay or go; few direction choices. Mild mannered husband by day, **** (not throwing insults- my CD likes that term) or lady by night (depending on individual) Perhaps add a few sentences like that and the letter would shake things up a bit more.

[Mary Morgan]

MJ, your point is well made. There is the way I would hope to react, then there is the way I would probably react. I would hope to make her feel at ease, give her a hug, and suggest that she go make herself comfortable while I pour each of us a glass of wine. In reality, I would probably try to listen hard to find out what she is really saying, then offer her one of my Cohibas to go with that glass of wine.

[Wendy me]

i would love to think i would say cool that's what makes you happy go for it...thing is i don't know what i would say truthfully ... but i will say that i believe that even if i was not totally accepting or understanding that i would try to be open to talking abought it ....

i mien we can say what ever we want here but in real life we just might not fully understand ... i would like to think it would not be a big deal......

[Emily Ann Brown]

Dearest wife,


I am glad you shared this need of yours with me. I do call your attention though to the fact that you have been (with rare exceptions such as weddings and family portraits) dressing this way for the last 35 years now and I have never demanded you change, just occassionally look a bit more feminine for the weekly sex time. I married you for who you were inside, and stay with you because I love your inner beauty.


Your adoring hubby.

PS: You have ruined 3 more of my T-shirts with your "projects" around the home....could you get me a few more in the same colors as those you damaged? Thanks babe!

[DeeInGeorgia]

Sorry for the long post. This thread really touches a hot button for me.

I cannot speak for the other people here. For me, the difference between my crossdressing and my wife’s changes are that I hid my changes the best I could for so long, while my wife was open and forceful and made it a take it or I am out the door proposition for me every day. She changed a little bit every day.

A good deal of my need to crossdress stems from a lack of acceptance of me by women, loneliness and a lack of physical affection as I grew up. And I must admit to a clothing fetish. I hoped that my girlfriend/wife would wear certain kinds of clothing. 99 percent of the time I crossdressed, or dressed up my pillow in women’s clothing, it was imagination of my hoped for girlfriend/wife. I was not able to find my first true girlfriend until I was 27 and that was after months of me asking her out before she took me seriously. While being very shy, I dated over 28 women and asked out over 60 women. I had to move from Kansas to California to find a women that I would eventually marry. We met when I was 30 and she was 31.

My wife has never had a problem letting me know when I do something that upsets her or something that she doesn’t like about me. For me, having been insulted, put down, called names, and being teased for most of my formative through teen and college years, vowed to the best of my ability to never insult, tease, call someone names, etc. which meant I almost never let my wife know when she was doing things that disgusted me or made me sad or I thought were wrong or sickened me.

Hiding a part of yourself, keeping a shield to not show the hurt when you are teased, etc. that meshes well with the need to hide a part of yourself for crossdressing.

My wife gained 100 lbs. She stopped wearing nylon underwear and body briefers. She stopped wearing dresses and skirts and jeans. She now wears cotton everything, and loose fitting baggy clothing to hide her figure. Due to her various medical problems, she cannot have me touching her in bed, at all, while she still will spoon me for a few minutes until she gets too hot and will not touch me at any other time. Due to medications, she has no libido and due to her weight, sex isn’t comfortable, even if we could get in the mood.

She has turned into someone that in my 20’s I would have found impossible for me to date and eventually love.

So in the end, the difference between my wife’s changing and my changing is that she did it out in the open with an attitude that if I didn’t like it, tough, if I complained, she would leave me. I instead, kept it hidden until I couldn’t handle it any more, and some of the need was directly related to her changes to herself driving my need to change. The other difference is that I have not mandated she change back or I will leave, whereas she is willing to mandate that I keep mostly hidden or she will leave.

I love her, even though she has changed greatly. I stay with her because I still love her, cannot imagine living without her and also because I have so little self esteem that I do not believe that I could find another mate.

For me, women have been hurting me for a lot of years and while I am trying to work with my wife to reach something we can both live with, and recognize that it causes distress to my wife, she has been causing me distress for quite a few years and I cannot accept and will not accept that I am entirely the one at fault. And I will not accept other women telling me I am entirely the one at fault.

And I still cannot tell my wife that she is physically un-appealing and I work every day to see her internal beauty and remain blind to her outward appearance. And I try to make her feel wanted and desired every day.

Dee

P.S. when we married, she outweighed me by 10 lbs. Now she outweighs me by 80 lbs.

[Sheila]

I don't think this is really a fair question regarding our S.O.'s.
We crossdressers already understand the desire to live a non-traditional life-style. For our reactions to match 99% of the GG's out there, we would have to not be crossdressers, but rather men that came into the relationship expecting our wives to behave like "traditional" women, while we were "traditional" men.
I sometimes think we like to downplay the shock that we cause our wives when we come out to them, and act like that have no right to be upset by our transgendered lives.

many of you can say what you would do knowing that you are a crossdressers, but in actual fact if you were not, then you can have no idea as to how you would react in reality. It is easy to try to imagine how you would react in any given situation, but until you are put in to it you have no idea

Jess
(edited to add) I do hope that the F2M have not be offended or hurt by MJ's original post as I am sure that was not her intention

[ubokvt]

I did walk in on my wife as she was putting on my underwear. Shocked I watched as she walked out into the hall and in front of our 13yr old daughter to get a pair of my jeans, which she promptly put on. My daughter voiced her sense of embarasment at how unwomanly this was and I sputtered comments about how differnt this was. She turn to us and said forcefully "My clothes are dirty, I've got chores at the barn, what difference whose clothes they are the animals come first" (Very Manly) and left as my daughter and I sputtered.
So yes I have seen my beautiful feminine wife dressed in my clothes to work as a man. It was a shock, I sputttered and adapted, after all its just clothes

[MJ]

[QUOTE=jess(SO);771457]
many of you can say what you would do knowing that you are a crossdressers, but in actual fact if you were not, then you can have no idea as to how you would react in reality. It is easy to try to imagine how you would react in any given situation, but until you are put in to it you have no idea

Jess
(edited to add)

I do hope that the F2M have not be offended or hurt by MJ's original post as I am sure that was not her intention

thank you all for the replies and please don't be offended, you see i cd for years and when i came out , like i saw no problem with what i was doing , to think my ex would welcome my cding with open arms, she had no idea as do many SO's , and what with the members coming out to there SO's i wanted my sisters to look at the other side of the coin thats all
thanks again
hugs marissa

[Kimberley]

Great thread Marissa. One I have actually been considering. I think I would want to know more (taking the position of being cisgendered) and I would definitely have to get a lot of questions answered. I would also need to find a way to deal with this WITH my partner. That would mean counselling.


Kimberley

[marie354]

Had I not been a crossdresser, this would probably be hard to understand at first for me. With good communication, I would hope to come to some kind of understanding at some point. Especially if I loved her as much as I do my current SO. I'm not saying that it would be an easy thing to understand at first, but in time I could be as understanding as my SO is with me.

Great thread Marissa. Good food for thought.

[battybattybats]

Part of the problem for me to understand the opposite viewpoint is that I never accepted that there was a way that anyone was supposed to be. I grew up with principles of individualism and feminism that meant that I just don't see that there is anything wrong with any sort of self expression as long as it's ethical.

I have had to fight for my right to my self expression throughout my life just to be free to not look and act like everybody else and I have suffered a fair amount of physical violence against me for doing so (and none of that is about crossdressing!). So when I hear from the person I love the same words as the person who spat on me in high school and the same words as the person who tried to run me down with their car I get pretty hurt and pretty defensive.

Yes I do think that ideally everyone should just plain accept it. I realise unfortunatly that it's not as easy as that. It should be but its not.

Just because feelings are strong it doesn't mean they are right.

[melissacd]

"many of you can say what you would do knowing that you are a crossdressers, but in actual fact if you were not, then you can have no idea as to how you would react in reality. It is easy to try to imagine how you would react in any given situation, but until you are put in to it you have no idea"

Jess,

You make an excellent point.

Huggs
Melissa