Talking is good Dana, but pushing it isn't. I'd suggest giving it a rest for a while. She may soon resent the "3rd degree" and the CDing right along with it.
Did you get Helen's book yet? Please do and let her start with the questions instead.
Talking is good Dana, but pushing it isn't. I'd suggest giving it a rest for a while. She may soon resent the "3rd degree" and the CDing right along with it.
Did you get Helen's book yet? Please do and let her start with the questions instead.
DonnaT
Hey there, I thought I'd post a few of my conclusions as a result of the questions I've been asking myself. Just after I told my wife about my desire to dress in women's clothes, I took it upon myself to get to the bottom of what I was doing and what I wanted, for myself and from her. My conclusion is that I think I am a part-time, half-hearted crossdresser. I don't see this as a negative thing. I am what I am and I'm comfortable w/it. And I'm sure there are other girls out there who've been bitten by the half-bite bug too.
Several things have helped me recognize where I'm at. Make up can be fun, but I prefer a clean face. Wigs are neat, but they're itchy and hot. I'll never shave my legs or arms and I really don't like to see razor stubble and ingrown hairs on my chest, arm pits and crotch. And of course, everything takes time, effort and money. I don't have that drive/need in me to go all the way, where ever that is. I'm comfortable just wearing my lingerie, skirts, blouses and heels (for now at least).
Another aspect is the stress. The biggest stressor I see was put onto my wife when I told her. I really had a limited perspective of how it would affect her. Though she has been 'accepting' to the point that she hasn't kicked me out or burned my clothes, she hasn't put her hand down my pants (while en drab) since I told her that I was going to start wearing panties (more). I miss that and acts of affection by her like that one are more important to me than wearing panties under my Dockers. She is too important to me. Her happiness is too important to me. She can joke about it sometimes, but more often I see the concern in her eyes when she sees my clean arm pits and chest.
There are other stressors, such as where to hide everything, where and how to buy stuff, getting the right stuff. When I'm en femme, I feel like I've voluntarily stepped into a cage. The pleasure that comes w/dressing doesn't outway the pleasures I get from working in my garden, being w/friends, family, surfing or talking to the neighbors. And as I put more and more time into dressing, my time given to the other pleasures was cut significantly. Too much for me. Heck, I have a hard enough time keeping myself in good shape w/out trying to keep a woman in good shape too.
This is not a purge, but rather I've just come to terms w/myself. I think I have prioritized my needs and CD'ing isn't #1 or 2 or 3, but somewhere down quite a bit farther. I'll put my stuff back into the boxes and out from under my wife's nose. I won't retract anything I've said here, or to my wife, but I will 'let'r drift' for now. I'm not looking for sympathies, no reason for them. Again, I started this thread as kind of diary for my own growth and for other sisters in the hopes that those similar to me won't feel out of place.
This forum has been a very fun and insightful place. I've learned quite a bit. Most importantly, it has helped me come to my terms, for the time being, which I think was my ultimate goal. A sincere MAHALO to all my friends, aquaintances and sisters who have corresponded w/me. Thanks to everyone who has contributed to the forum. The pictures are awesome and you've brought a ton of happy tears and laughter to me. And hugs and big thanks go to the moderators. You gals have done a super job in keeping this tiger in line. I didn't mean for this to be a 'good bye', but there sure is an aire of one. I think it means that I'll just be cutting back my time spent here.
Aloha,
Dana
P.s. standing offer: if any of you girls are planning a trip to the islands, pls do get in touch w/me. I'd be glad to help you w/you plans or possibly to get together.
Dana, I'm so happy that you have found your "balance." Being content with oneself brings invaluable peace of mind. Please come and visit as often as your schedule will allow. You'll always be one of the girls here!
Fulltime girl on the inside.
Lipstick=confidence
[SIZE=4]Holly[/SIZE]
dana sometimes a balance is just were or what we all need . as of yet i have not seen a rule book on this thing that we do . if you have found a place were you can be and keep the peace with you and your wife then thats a wonderful place to be.as your sisters here we will be here when ever you want to stop in .
for so manny of us this part of us can cousume us all..often running our lives and thouse cought up in it as well. at times we need to stop and look it were we are and were we think we are going.. a trip that is tacken one step at a time...........
i wish you well on this ....trip....my the answers you find be the ones you are looking for..........
huge wendy hugs to you ........
Actually it isn't. Denial is when the other person chooses to ignore the evidence when it's clear. This is just her having initial coping problems. And actually, this is a fairly standard response. What is weird is that the two people I actually told (my sis and this girl I ride with) about this were like, oh that's no big deal. They both were like, "are you gay" as information on the subject is still distorted by media. Hmph. I'll have you know I'm bi.Originally Posted by Aloha_Dana
Usually, when you run out of closet space... is when you decide that you need to take another look at what this CD thing is all about!!!
Summer is a good time to "take a break". Panty hose and summer are not "user friendly"... and those butt pads turn into hot water bottles hanging on your hips!
Good luck, girlfriend!!! Peace and contentment to you!
PS: Just wondering??? Those coconut bras the Polynesian girls wear... do they come in a 42C???
[size=3]---Jen--------- [/size][size=1]*[/size]
Holly, Wendy, Jen, Big warm Mahalos to you ladies! I have fresh plumeria leis for you all, and of course, a kiss (you just need to come and get it!) Seriously, thank you.
bulmabriefs144, bi or not, as you wrote,
"They both were like, "are you gay" as information on the subject is still distorted by media. Hmph." the info out there IS way distorted by the media."
I feel that is because they (society) doesn't understand us and until we come together w/a formal voice, we will be at the whim of them.
If any of you throw disc, you know the quandrum we're in. Be formal w/a voice and get our rights, or keep underground and just be ourselves and deal. Tough. I don't have an answer, but I do have a feeling, that we do need a voice to correct the misconceptions. WE CROSSDRESSERS ARE GOOD PEOPLE, SENSITIVE, CARING AND BEAUTIFUL. Society can't go wrong w/that.
Dana
right on Dana!
wow! thats very kewl methinks, good for you girl and for her as well! this does take a little time and give yourself a great big hug cause you deserve this hun! take care n stay sexy girl! right on again!
Eileen, 'saw that our b-days are right next to each other. Do you still feel jipped when folks give one present for b-day and Christmas? I nipped that in the bud many years ago
Thanks for your post and support. Yes, my wife is truely worth it. A very special person. I'll see you around!
Mahalo,
Dana
Hi,
I only have a few minutes to write this, sorry... I am Sammy and love being a girl, I had being a girl ever since I remember since my childhood, but it was not until now that I came out and told my wife I am 40 now so it took me a long time to come out. Anyway, she accepted me the way I was, and even help me pick my stuff as well as teach me how to apply make up and help me get dress-up. This lasted for about 6 months but now it is the total oppossite. I am back in the closet again. I really dont understand how can someone change their mind so quickly, as for me, I am in a serious crisis of finding myself. Anyhow, I wish you all the best
Sammy
Well I guess I don't have to sit here and try to explain how things are for me Dana.....cause you just took the words right out of my mouth ! I've been struggling with my reasons for crossdressing for the past few months now and have very recently opened a pretty good dialog with my wife too. you really describe the emotions that I have been feeling. But unlike you I think I'm gonna stick around the forum a little more and take a more active roll.....I know we all have our reasons for what we do and just having some where to go and let it all out (like this awesome place) gives me the strength to accept who I am.....Love you all, Chris....
Sammy,
Welcome to the forum!
Wow. Sounds like something triggered your wife's change in behavior. Communication, education and time. I wish you and your wife the best.
Dana
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