I felt like a run away train ... andthem

[DeniseNJ]

After finding this forum, starting last September, my urge to dress and feel feminine has been like a run away train. I couldn't wait to dress and be Denise, kept legs shaved, chest, under arms, polished toes... I thought about being a girl 24/7.. I bought like 6 pair of heels, make-up hose. Anything that would make me feel feminine. I found my self looking through the nail care isle searching for that sexy hot color. I came out to all you fine young ladies. and Just like that I slowed down... I havn't posted in a while . I almost went out enfemme and did a drive and walk outside but I stood on the edge, just to come step back down... I really wanted to dress with another and needed support badly. Tonight I dressed a little but the fire went out for now. Has this ever happened to anyone else ?? I know I enjoy dressing so much and want to take it to the next level but I guess I am chicken.. I am terrified of being found out by my friends I had to let my hair grow back on my legs How I miss shaving and putting on sented lotion. I really had some wild fantacies and questioned my sexuality. It has been great chatting with all of you, your so kind. I will be around and hopefully I will regain my composure. Denise

[danielle_from_cal]

For many of us crossdressing has its ebbs and tides. Just like GGs we sometimes need to spend our time thinking about things other than dressing up and looking pretty. It's normal and expected. Don't fret over it. Take some time off from the "frenzy" and relax.

[susiej]

Denise,

I seem to go hot and cold as well, and I can certainly identify with your phrase, "runaway train" ! When I'm hot (like right now), I just can't think about much of anything but my feminine self, letting her out, being her, loving her.

This lasts for days or weeks, and then, it fades. I put my clothes back in storage, and go back to being a full-time male bank manager for a while.

Over the last few years I've noticed that I get "triggered" into femininity by the most random things. This time it was all Jill St. John's fault -- last week, I watched a re-run of "Diamonds are Forever" on TV, and, well, I've been in GG-envy mode ever since!

Hugs,
Susie

[AllieSF]

Denise,

I guess I am too new to this to experience the downs. But I can definitely relate to the up. That is where I am now and really do not concentrate on anything else. So maybe a downer would be good to get me back to reality. I think I have been fortunate so far by meeting some very interesting and true/real people from this site. So for now, I do not plan to put water on the fire, but, thanks to your posting (the first I have seen about the cooling fire) I can prepare myself and not be surprised when it eventually arrives.

Trust the comments from the long timers here. I have found such good counsel from all of them, including some great humor which makes the rest much more tolerable.

[Chiana]

It sounds like you have already regained your composure, to me.

[Charleen]

Oh yeah, been there! When I found this forum and statred to learn the truth about CDing, I got on what is called the "pink cloud". Had fun, but went to fast. Wound up stopping, and going the other direction like you. Being who I am Lily never truely went away, and over time and without the cloud I have been able to come to terms with who I am and am semi rationally figureing thins out and getting comfortable with my gender issues.
Hang in there, it's a great ride!
Love and xxxx, Lily

[Darlene Rochelle]

I think about it a lot,but don't get to do much dressing up,due to a teenager in the home,my daughter is 16,don't want to "drop a bombshell" on her.

[krisla]

Denise, my experience is similar to yours. I loved dressing but found it very lonely at times, and I would only go out on short drives or night-time walks. The times when it was the best is when I was able to do it with some gg friends but I can count those on my fingers, and even then they were indoors or only very short excursions. Through this forum I have met some nice girls in my area and I have been able to attend some tir-ess meetings. Since this has happened my pattern has changed, and now if I dress I almost always go out and I find that it is not as scary as I thought and I feel more like a girl and less like a guy in a skirt. If you can find a support group in your area you might have a similar experience. The group really gave me the confidence to take the next step, the meeting was at a very public hotel. Being out with other girls in a public place and being treated with respect by the employees and the other guests gave me the confidence I needed. I hope you know you are not alone

Krisla

[AERIN]

Yes, an one day in the far future your runaway train will derail. Be very careful what you do while under the influence.

[Angie G]

Denise we are here for you anytime so take your time and get on track whatever that track my by hun
Angie

[EricaCD]

Happens all the time. The last time I lost the urge to dress it was nearly 5 years before I resumed... As so many have said, the key is to enjoy cding when the urge is there, and not to fret when it's not.

[AmberTG]

Yup, just do what comes naturally, don't try to force it, and for Pete's sake, don't purge your stuff, you WILL regret that.

[Casey Morgan]

It sounds like you have already regained your composure, to me.

I agree with Chiana. I know you say you feel like a chicken when it comes to taking it to the next level, but have you considered that it might be a case of being in a place where you're able to recognize your limits and boundaries? Everybody has personal limits, even me, and I know I can come across like the Dr. Seuss version of gender issues sometimes.

And yes, the desire can and does wane from time to time. We don't need the same things all the time, and we don't feel certain needs strongly all the time. Sometimes we don't feel a particular need at all, or we feel it very weakly.

But that's all part of who we are Denise. We are people first, and everything else second. And like all people we are more complex than the simple ideas we occasionally reduce ourselves to. Desires come and go, limits are reached and explored. That's the complexity that makes us individuals, and that complexity is a good thing.

[JessicaHunt]

[SIZE=3]Did I hear "Do not purge."? Yes, great advice here. My first purge cost me $2,500 (at least) and my second (wow, did I really do it a second time) cost me $4,500. What was I thinking? I know. I thought my ebb was my flow. Don't be too concerned about the ups and downs of your femininity. Is that a word? Really, then say it quickly ten times.

I can't imagine anyone has cycled as bad as I, but if so I truly pity them. I've spent years wrestling with, then submitting to these cycles. All I can say is to not suppress and find yourself, your true self.
[/SIZE]

[DeniseNJ]

No I will not purge... I appreciate all the good advise. I know how I feel and nothing will change that. That urge to dress and be feminine can be one strong drug. Maybe it is the one drug I can learn to control and enjoy!!! all other drugs , there not for me.. Oh I forgot the drug{ speed }, you know the one where you go real fast in a vehicle that is... That's a keeper too

[Karren H]

Too much of a good thing will do that to anyone!!! Need to strike balance between the two genders.... if that's what you want... good luck...

Karren

[suzy]

Denise,

Yep.... What Karren said,"Too much of a good thing" will ruin it...

Better to throttle back that runaway train occasionally and balance it out than have the highs and lows.....IMHO!

[TerriM]

Karren said the key word "Balance". That is the key word in my life. I have had my ups and downs over the years. I purged a few times over times during the 30 years I have been going out. There were the times when my kids were growing up that Terri had to go back in the attic and closet for longer than I wanted. When there was a decision whether to go to my sons or daughter's sports event, and there were lots of them, I have 5 kids, or to a cd event I always went to my childrens event.
Yes there were times when the urge to dress subsided for awhile, but I always knew that I would dress again. Being a CD is not easy. But there are a lot of us out there and places like this forum make it a little easier. What I do is when I can't get out enfemme, I just say to myself there will be a next time and there always is.
Yours Terri

[Diana West]

Having just ended a period of non-dressing, I understand completely.
I am glad I didn't purge although I did wrestle with the idea.
I don't know if it is spring but I'm looking for ward to dressing again.

I also understand the questioning of one's sexuality. When I first realized I enjoyed wearing women's clothes, I wondered about it myself. Most of the websites and articles I read involved homosexuality and submissiveness being connected to crossdressing. That's why I was so glad when I stumbled onto this site. That's how I learned that crossdressing may have absolutely no connection to being gay or needing to be dominated.

[Helen H. Heels]

Only use the binge of purchasing and like Karen/anti-Karen, give away unwanted articles to a friendly CD in your area.

Follow best-practices.

My

Helen