I don't know what it means! I want to be loved by a woman...as a woman.

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

Girls, I really don't know what I'm feeling right now. I guess it's my first real taste of what the shrinks call 'gender dysphoria' - and I don't know how to handle it.
I was watching a movie with non-sexual lesbian encounters (dating, making out, etc.) enfemme and I found a strong part of me wanted to be able to experience part of that - but not as a man, as Nathan, but as a woman, as Natasha.

In essence, I feel like there's a part of me that wants to be loved by a woman as a woman. I guess this means that when I'm dressed I want to be romantically involved with a woman at times.
I am engaged to the beautiful aj_gg and I couldn't see myself spending the rest of my life with anyone else. I would love for her to be able to accept me as a man and as a 'woman' and to love both sides of me equally. There's a part of me that says it would not be a bad thing if we, say...became intimate while I was still enfemme.
I know she is opposed to this and I would not dream of pressing the issue - but it's still something I'm feeling for the first time and it confuses and scares the Hell out of me. I just don't know what's going on...

I don't know what she'll think when she reads this or when I bring it up to her. I don't even know what I'm feeling. What does it all mean? For me to wish to be loved by a woman, as a woman. I don't get it. Girls, help...can anyone relate to what I'm feeling here? What should I do?

(To aj_gg: I'm really sorry I couldn't get a hold of you before posting this, but you were at work. We really need to talk about this, so please, if you read this before I can talk to you, call me. I love you. And no, I'm never going to leave you. This is just one more facet of my being that I need to uncover and understand. I know it's probably way over your head at this point, and the last thing you need, but please - be patient and bear with me. We'll work this out together. I don't want to lose you. I love you.

...

Sarcastic comment pending: I guess this makes me a lesbian when I'm enfemme, huh?)

[Jennifer_G_2]

Thank you for that post, I was beginning to wonder if I was the only one that felt this way. It kinda reminds me of a joke I heard once about being a lesbian trapped in a man's body. Hehe, not really a joke when it is what we experience. I liken it to the fact that when I am dressed as a woman, I also seem to want to be loved by the same sensitivity, sensuality, and tenderness I feel when dressed.

Also, I would tend to think that most CD's are straight, so continuing an existing sexual preference through-out dressing seems perfectly logical (and practical). However, this will most likely be both pro and con, as your SO probably would be looking for man in most intimate occasions. One thing that is very positive for her though is that she knows that you still intersted in her as a woman, even during dress, which I would think the natural thought of most women would be that when men dress as the opposite sex, they are then interested in the same. Hope that helps.



Jen

[Nicole]

In essence, I feel like there's a part of me that wants to be loved by a woman as a woman.

Natasha, you beat me to it. I've been working on a post dealing with this subject which is not quite ready yet. For now I can say that I understand exactly what you are talking about. I feel the same way. The need to be loved as Karen is very strong. I don't care whether it makes me a lesbian or gay or whatever, I only want to be cherished as her. Still trying to find out whether 'she' is more 'me' than 'I' currently am.

[Kikacd]

The majority of my fanatasies of me enfemme are centered on being with a woman not a man. I like to think about it in a lesbian relationship context or a submissive serving her mistress. Even being submisive to serve my lover in whatever she desires.

My wife & I do make love while I am dressed in lingere. (Not everytime we make love though) but almost everyother time. I love the feel of us caressing eachother and feeling the satins & silks.

If you SO accepts your dressing she will most likely accept you in bed with lingere.

[Kate Simmons]

It's the softer feelings that you are experiencing Natasha, which, I would say is something like the closeness (and empathy) two women feel for each other. You can experience this with your Nathan side also, Hon. All you have to do is open yourself up to it and I know she would love it as well and still have her guy in the process.

[sterling12]

Seems simple enough. At least part of the time your a lesbian, (and I would assume of "The lipstick variety".)

A while back, at a Support Group meeting, A Dom I know pointed out this fact to me. She asked: "How do you see yourself?" I replied that I was transgendered. And then she asked, "Do you like boys or girls?" Me says: "girls, of course!" "So....then your obviously a lesbian."

Stopped me dead in my tracks, hadn't thought about it at all. kind of empowering, once you accept the idea.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Jodi Lynn]

I have allways wondered what it would be like too. A few years ago I was in a TG frendly bar and I ran into some girls that I had met online. Well at the end of the night we all gave each other kisses good bye. A couple were just quick pecks, but two others were long deep kisses. As I was in a long deep kiss with one of the girls I said to myself, "Oh crap I am a guy kissing another guy." but then it hit me no we were two girls enjoying being a woman and sharing that joy with each other. So if that makes me a lesbian so be it.

[Josephine 1941]

Hi everyone,

I love when this type of question comes up,excuse the pun. Before I met my current girl friend an was going thru my divorce, I decided to see if I was gay, I met a couple of men for sex. I have since realized that sex with a women or man is just that a animal instink to satisfie our needs. I all so felt that I liked sex with a women more than with men. Since meeting my present girl friend who loves all of me male an female we have found that the both of us are neather male or female . You an only you will have sex with whoever you want . Love on the other hand is a different story , don't confuse the two. I now have a great world to live in I only hope that who ever you are you to some day will enjoy true love of the type I have.


Josephine

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

It's the softer feelings that you are experiencing Natasha, which, I would say is something like the closeness (and empathy) two women feel for each other. You can experience this with your Nathan side also, Hon. All you have to do is open yourself up to it and I know she would love it as well and still have her guy in the process.

Yeah, I know, Salandra. That feels right. But at this point I'm unable to feel those things from my fiance when I'm enfemme. I DO get them when I'm in guy mode, but there is a part of me that wants to be able to have those feelings from her when I'm cross-dressed, too. I don't really know what that's all about... *sigh* So confusing...!

I really want to be the guy she wants me to be too, and I still want intamacy from her when I'm not enfemme, too. But still...there's that small part of me that says 'love me as a woman', and I'm trying to figure out what that means...

Thanks Salandra. You've been a big help.

[Michelia]

I very much have that need.

I am very lucky in that my SO totally satisfies it. I am the macho guy for her at least half the time. The other half she totally enjoys having her way with me. I have to say it has paved the way for the most deeply felt closeness we could ever have imagined. I totally let myself go with her and never hold back. She in turn has responded by never making me feel awkward. But she really does enjoy me being so open with her and being the most girl I can be.

When I am in macho mode she is "my girl" and she always refers to me by my male name and I am often quite dominant while she feels safe. When I am in girl mode, I am "her girl". She then always instinctively refers to me by my girl name and kind of takes charge and becomes very protective.

None of this has happened overnight and not without a lot of communication. But has happened rather naturally rather than formally defining the nature of our relationship.

I guess I am very lucky. But on the other hand, I worship her. And of course I would never trade her for anything, man or woman. I live to make her happy.

Michelia

[Marcie Sexton]

Not so strange after all...

Speaking of myself that is...I too have the same feelings...something that I have felt and kept to myself for years...Something I have not shared with my wife...

Thanks girls...seeems I'm not that much different from some of the others...

[Jenniferritchie]

Hi i read you post with interest and i am not qualified to say how you should respond to those feelings, but i would like to say that i to feel like i am a lesbian with my wife when i an dressed but that is where the confusion comes in because i do not desire to be involved with any other woman, just my wife, so is the love i am sharing with her that of my male persona or that of my female side. My wife and i have recently went thro a major discussion about my femme side and she has assured me that it is the man she fell in love with and not the female, however the male is also the female therefore she says that she loves the whole person. my wife has not yet went out with me in my female mode and has stated she has no inclination to go out with me, but later this year we have both been invited to a wedding of a cd friend and his gg and my wife is going , so that will bee the first time that we will be together in a social enviroment, this must be LOVE. What does all this mean, i don't know but what i am sure of is that i am very much hetrosexual and happy to be married to my wife and yes we do have an active sex life, this has taken a turn for the better since she has come to accept the whole of me. i hope that there is some sense in this somewhere, goood luck on your journey of discovery

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

Hi i read you post with interest and i am not qualified to say how you should respond to those feelings, but i would like to say that i to feel like i am a lesbian with my wife when i an dressed but that is where the confusion comes in because i do not desire to be involved with any other woman, just my wife, so is the love i am sharing with her that of my male persona or that of my female side.

Yes, that is exactly what I feel, Jennifer! I KNOW I couldn't be intimate with any other woman - when I'm enfemme or otherwise - I only want to be with her.
However, there's a part of me that, when I'm enfemme (mentally or physically) would like the love of another woman (being my fiance, in this case) - pyhsical, emotional, mental, or what have you. It isn't necessarily about sex like some ladies have seemed to think here - which is okay. I was a little vague.
I guess what I'm hoping for in the long run is for my fiance to be able to completely love and accept me when I'm dressed and be able to say 'I love you' and mean it with the same compassion and heart she does when she says it to me when I'm not enfemme.
I mean sure, I would also love to be able to enjoy a romantic night with her while I'm enfemme, too - you know, dinner, dancing, etc. and see where it goes from there. But I know that's something she's not comfortable with right now and needs some time. I'm more than willing to give her that time becasue I need some time myself to figure out what I'm feeling.

I really think her and I could use a nice long talk about my femme side too, when she's ready of course. Thanks for the help, Jennifer!

[StephanieH]

I think many of us here are what I've not-so-jokingly referred to myself as - a lesbian trapped in a man's body. Have fun. If your wife can accept it, then marvelous, you've won the grand prize. If not, work around it as best you can, but rest assured, you're FAR from alone in this desire!

Take care!

[Tree GG]

...but that is where the confusion comes in because i do not desire to be involved with any other woman, just my wife, so is the love i am sharing with her that of my male persona or that of my female side. ... she loves the whole person. ..:

Thank you - I share your confusion. I've been told these same words and I struggle to understand what it means. What exactly does it mean to "...be loved as a woman..." in the logistics sense? Do you want to hear "I love you Natasha" or do you want your breastforms fondled or receive intercourse?

If there is 1 GM + 1 GG intending to be physically intimate using the genetic parts as they were designed, the net actions and result of successful intimacy for both is the same regardless of clothing. Perhaps this is just a state of mind for the CDer, who would like encouragement that she is a lovely/loved lady, in which case all that would be required are words and caresses - no?.

???????????? These are real confusions and I would really like clear, specific answers to what actions could you receive from your partner, that you don't receive when in the male mode, to feel as though you're being loved as a woman by a woman (within the bounds of decency, of course).

Thanks

[Felix]

Hope ya don't mind me joining in but can't resist. I feel for ya Hun cos the confusion or feelings you have I can relate to in part. I am FtM but I am very much Lesbian inside still and I know Yachica finds this aspect hard to understand as we only talked about it last night. It's like a spiritual thing to me part of my female side that I don't want to loose or let go of and yet in my mind I want to be seen as a man and called a male name and stuff like that. So it's kinda like what you are going through. Anyways Hun If ya wanna chat in private ya can PM me feel free ok xx Felix

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

Anyways Hun If ya wanna chat in private ya can PM me feel free ok xx Felix

Thanks Felix, I just might do that sometime!

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

[QUOTE=Randi;822873 you're FAR from alone in this desire![/QUOTE]

After seeing all the replies I've gotten from this post, I can see that now and it makes me feel so good! I was worried that I was some oddball in the group and that no one knew what I was feeling - but then that's what I thought about my cross-dressing in general until I realized that a lot of other guys did it too. I'm learning every day, Randi!

[Sweet Susan]

Natasha,
I find what you are describing to be a rather accurate description of myself. I do not see myself as a woman. I do not even want to become a woman. On the other hand, I do want my wife to treat me as a woman, love me as a woman, and make love to me as a woman. It's rather silly, I know. But if I had my druthers, that is what they would be. So, I understand where you are coming from, but like you, I don't know why.

Susan

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

I just had a lovely evening with my fiance yesterday and we talked aboout this matter of me wanting to be loved by a woman as a woman considerably. We even spent a goodly amount of time talking as aj and Natasha and not aj and Nathan - which felt really good. I think it's gonna be a while before we can share much physical intamacy (especially of the sexual nature) for an extended period of time when I'm enfemme, but we're starting to get those emotional attachments I've been looking for enfemme down.

Girls, I think I'm finally starting to get it - and it feels GREAT!

Thanks for all of your replies! This has probably been one of the best threads I've started. I regretted it for a while, but not at all now. You've all been great. Keep those insights flying ladies! I'm sure we could all use 'em!

[crusadergirl]

I too i have thoses feelings when i'm dressed. I would like to be loved as a woman by a woman. I understand where your coming from. I really liked your post you are way better at telling everybody how you feel then i do.
I enjoy most of your posts so keep them coming.

[LindaTS]

I know exactly how you feel Natisha. I just met a GG who is bi and she wants to be with me in a woman to woman situation. She seems very serious about it and it gives me a very good feeling that she wants me this way, as a woman. I'll try to keep you all informed as to how it works out.

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

I know exactly how you feel Natisha. I just met a GG who is bi and she wants to be with me in a woman to woman situation. She seems very serious about it and it gives me a very good feeling that she wants me this way, as a woman. I'll try to keep you all informed as to how it works out.

Ya see Linda, that is something that I would be into, if my fiance were ever up to it. I mean, it would probably be a few years down the road and well after we're married, but I could wait.
I don't know what it is - the idea of a "woman to woman situation", as you put it, has always appealed to me, but not necessarily as an observer or whatever as it does to a lot of straight men, but as a 'female' participant.
I mean, sure, I'd still have my...well, male organs and all, if we ever had such an encounter, but I'd be enfemme, I'd FEEL like a woman, and I think that would feel pretty good. But like I said - it'll probably be a few years down the road, if it ever happens at all.
Thankfully, I still more than enjoy the intamacy and closeness I get from my fiance when I'm in guy mode as well. A girl (I suppose 'guy' would be more appropriate in this case) couldn't ask for more!

Thanks Linda!!!! You've helped me express part of what I'm feeling.

[Fab Karen]

Many GG's in our society are programmed that a man should be "macho" take charge, in control ( cue the "lumberjack song" by Monty Python ). And a woman is completely the opposite. This as we know these days from psychological studies is a fictional concept, roles that still get pushed on young people even in the 21st. century!
The two fears a GG has with being with a crossdresser is the archaic stereotype that a man who dresses as a woman is gay ( our community runs the spectrum from gay to bi to heterosexual, and it's not because of dressing ), and also that the crossdresser is actually a transsexual and wants to totally physically become a woman ( most CD's aren't ).

[Gerri Paul]

[SIZE="2"][/SIZE]Hello Nastasha. I have thought about the same thing.I wondered what it would be like to have hose on hose ect,ect.I better stop im losing my train of thought!! XOXO Gerri Paul ( sorry Natasha)