I don't know what it means! I want to be loved by a woman...as a woman.

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

Hi i read you post with interest and i am not qualified to say how you should respond to those feelings, but i would like to say that i to feel like i am a lesbian with my wife when i an dressed but that is where the confusion comes in because i do not desire to be involved with any other woman, just my wife, so is the love i am sharing with her that of my male persona or that of my female side.

Yes, that is exactly what I feel, Jennifer! I KNOW I couldn't be intimate with any other woman - when I'm enfemme or otherwise - I only want to be with her.
However, there's a part of me that, when I'm enfemme (mentally or physically) would like the love of another woman (being my fiance, in this case) - pyhsical, emotional, mental, or what have you. It isn't necessarily about sex like some ladies have seemed to think here - which is okay. I was a little vague.
I guess what I'm hoping for in the long run is for my fiance to be able to completely love and accept me when I'm dressed and be able to say 'I love you' and mean it with the same compassion and heart she does when she says it to me when I'm not enfemme.
I mean sure, I would also love to be able to enjoy a romantic night with her while I'm enfemme, too - you know, dinner, dancing, etc. and see where it goes from there. But I know that's something she's not comfortable with right now and needs some time. I'm more than willing to give her that time becasue I need some time myself to figure out what I'm feeling.

I really think her and I could use a nice long talk about my femme side too, when she's ready of course. Thanks for the help, Jennifer!

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

"Oh crap I am a guy kissing another guy."

Yeah, I can understand that. But I was kinda thinking that for myself, I would want said 'love' to be from a genetic girl - ideally and hopefully from my fiance, aj.

I guess what I was trying to say was that part of me as a cross-dresser, as a 'woman' you could say, would be looking for intamcay from my fiance when I'm enfemme, at times. I wouldn't just be looking physical intamacy, either. I would like for her to be able to love me as Natasha as well as Nathan - to be able to hold me, talk to me, say she loves me, etc. when I'm enfemme the way she does when I'm not - or differently even, so long as she knows that inside, regardless of what I look like outside, that it's still the same soul she loves - the same me. But like I've said before - I know that's a long way out. That's fine, too. Aj's more than worth the wait.

[LindaTS]

I know exactly how you feel Natisha. I just met a GG who is bi and she wants to be with me in a woman to woman situation. She seems very serious about it and it gives me a very good feeling that she wants me this way, as a woman. I'll try to keep you all informed as to how it works out.

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

Hi everyone,

I love when this type of question comes up,excuse the pun. Before I met my current girl friend an was going thru my divorce, I decided to see if I was gay, I met a couple of men for sex. I have since realized that sex with a women or man is just that a animal instink to satisfie our needs. I all so felt that I liked sex with a women more than with men. Since meeting my present girl friend who loves all of me male an female we have found that the both of us are neather male or female . You an only you will have sex with whoever you want . Love on the other hand is a different story , don't confuse the two. I now have a great world to live in I only hope that who ever you are you to some day will enjoy true love of the type I have.


Josephine

Again, to you Josephine and all. I'm not really talking about sex. In the movie I was watching, the two girls, the 'lovers' in question were doing things like having dinner, walking along the beach, and well, making out together. There was a part of me in my femme side that said: 'I would like to have that too.' What confused me was that I knew it didn't come from my masculine side. I have all that intamacy and closeness to my fiance as a man, but I still lack that as a 'woman.' I guess what I'm trying to say is I would like the same general level of intamacy from my fiance when I'm enfemme - and not necessarily sexual intmacy either, ya know?
I'm still trying to sort all of these feelings out because like I've said in a few other posts - I haven't really gotten a chance to explore this side of myself before and I'm still learning. I don't know what it is to be a cross-dresser yet - in that respect, I'm just a little girl, barely out of diapers. These feelings I've been having - they're way over my head. And way, way over my fiance, aj's. We're both learning slowly. We're taking, as she says - "baby steps" and that's alright by me.

Thank you for the post, Josephine! I'm glad you could share your experiences with this. I know it's a little different than what I think I'm feeling, but it still helps. Thanks! And thanks to the rest of you wonderful ladies out there, too!

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

It's the softer feelings that you are experiencing Natasha, which, I would say is something like the closeness (and empathy) two women feel for each other. You can experience this with your Nathan side also, Hon. All you have to do is open yourself up to it and I know she would love it as well and still have her guy in the process.

Yeah, I know, Salandra. That feels right. But at this point I'm unable to feel those things from my fiance when I'm enfemme. I DO get them when I'm in guy mode, but there is a part of me that wants to be able to have those feelings from her when I'm cross-dressed, too. I don't really know what that's all about... *sigh* So confusing...!

I really want to be the guy she wants me to be too, and I still want intamacy from her when I'm not enfemme, too. But still...there's that small part of me that says 'love me as a woman', and I'm trying to figure out what that means...

Thanks Salandra. You've been a big help.

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

There are sooo many levels to CDing that it's all hard to define.

We all have to find our own way in this maze...................

Yeah, that's putting it mildly, to say the least, Marie. There are so many levels and though I've been doing this off and on since 2nd grade I really don't know HOW to define myself and I've only began to really realize how deep the cross-dressing goes now.
These feelings I've been experienceing have just added a couple of twists and turns (heck, FLOORS!) to the mazes that I have to explore.

Though we have to find our own way through the maze, I know that we can rely on each other and on the genetic girls in our lives to help guide us through. The maze may have no end, but at least it's one heck of a journey, right? And it's one that we can enjoy together. That's what this board, this community is about, I think.

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

I love it when my wife makes love to me as if I were a woman--I just melt. Yet I have always avoided defining myself--I have changed often in my life and surprised myself many times. Lesbian? Just enjoying what is happening now. Tomorrow it may be different. Dysphoria? Who says? Enjoy the wonderful feeling, Nathan-Natasha!

Valerie

Yeah, I shouldn't worry so much about definitions. After reading more about dysphoria, I'd say that it's not me. I think I'll stick with 'transgendered' if I even have to be that technical. I was joking about the lesbian thing, though. I know I'm a straight guy, even when I'm enfemme - but still, when I'm enfemme and thinking enfemme as I sometimes do, I still think it would be nice to know what it's like to be loved - emotionally, physically, etc. - as a woman.

I wish there would be a time in the future where my fiance could love me as a woman...and if it came to it once we're married, to - as you said, Valerie: "make love to me as if I were a woman" too.
But right now, she's not ready to really even be intamate with me, that is close, kissing, etc. when I'm enfemme. It's not comfortable for her yet. That's why I'm not gonna press the issue. If that's something she becomes comfortable with in the future, then it's gonna devlop in her own time. In the meanwhile, I'll more than enjoy and cherish the invaluable intamacy I get from her when I'm not enfemme.

But still...a girl can dream can't she...?

[Kate Simmons]

You need to know that you are cherished as your whole self Tash and that includes your femme side. That is what it is really all about, I think. They are very complex dynamics and you have to get deeply in touch with yourself to really understand. I'm doing that myself in many different ways, it just takes time. Those who really know me and what I've been going through lately have an idea what I mean. Sal

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

I know exactly how you feel Natisha. I just met a GG who is bi and she wants to be with me in a woman to woman situation. She seems very serious about it and it gives me a very good feeling that she wants me this way, as a woman. I'll try to keep you all informed as to how it works out.

Ya see Linda, that is something that I would be into, if my fiance were ever up to it. I mean, it would probably be a few years down the road and well after we're married, but I could wait.
I don't know what it is - the idea of a "woman to woman situation", as you put it, has always appealed to me, but not necessarily as an observer or whatever as it does to a lot of straight men, but as a 'female' participant.
I mean, sure, I'd still have my...well, male organs and all, if we ever had such an encounter, but I'd be enfemme, I'd FEEL like a woman, and I think that would feel pretty good. But like I said - it'll probably be a few years down the road, if it ever happens at all.
Thankfully, I still more than enjoy the intamacy and closeness I get from my fiance when I'm in guy mode as well. A girl (I suppose 'guy' would be more appropriate in this case) couldn't ask for more!

Thanks Linda!!!! You've helped me express part of what I'm feeling.

[JoanFlores]

I have read all the comments up to now and do agree that many of use are men that when in fem mode enjoy being with other women, and if our wife can except us, and be happy, then you have it made. If not, then you will be looking for someone who will accept you as you are.

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

Natasha, I can't figure out why anyone would attempt to pass judgment on you, as you said, you are just trying to figure things out and sort out your feelings. Absolutely nothing wrong with posing those questions and stating your feelings. It would be totally unbecoming of me as your friend to think you were going to "jump ship" in your relationship just because you express those feelings. I always enjoy reading your comments and your input and your SO's as well. None of us have the answer to everything and we learn from and support one another. Take care my friend. Sal

Thank you so much for the support, Salandra. It's good to know that you really care like you do. I know the rest of the ladies here do to, and the ones who were worried and contacted me were just trying to look out for my fiance. They misred what I'd written and have apologized for it. We've cleared all that up.
But still, thank you! And thank you all again girls!

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

[QUOTE=Randi;822873 you're FAR from alone in this desire![/QUOTE]

After seeing all the replies I've gotten from this post, I can see that now and it makes me feel so good! I was worried that I was some oddball in the group and that no one knew what I was feeling - but then that's what I thought about my cross-dressing in general until I realized that a lot of other guys did it too. I'm learning every day, Randi!

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

[SIZE="5"]I Feel like a blonde on a merry-go-round "When we going to get there" [/SIZE]

Don't worry, Kristen. You're probably not alone on this one. I just wanted to prevent future confusion. For the sake of privacy and all didn't copy and paste the messages I got, so I did my best to answer the concerns raised in them here. So yeah, don't worry if you don't understand the 'damage control' posts.
...Lol..."a blonde on a merry-go-round"... You're silly...

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

Anyways Hun If ya wanna chat in private ya can PM me feel free ok xx Felix

Thanks Felix, I just might do that sometime!

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

When I think of this act, I don't see male genitalia involved... SO is the desire to have sex without "it" the big draw. It is for me.

Nah...I'd still want to use 'it' if it ever came down to that sort of intamacy with my fiance...I'd just want to be enfemme when I do so, though not always - just occassionaly.
I don't really know what it all means yet, but I'm a learnin'...

And anyhow, I don't know if I'd know how to have sex without 'it', come to think of it (I'm using that word A LOT!)...that'd be a whole 'nother kind of learning! Wow-ee, things to think about. I'd better wait until my fiance is more comfortable with me dressing up in the first place before we tread in those waters. Thanks KayRenee!

P.S. - I'd ask how that works, but I'm not sure if I really want to know...I suppose you could PM me if you care to share how that works...not that I'd be able to try it anytime soon (we're not ready for that, or even exactly intimate that way yet...). I'm just curious. I guess it's a mix of the writer and psych major in me. So yeah, if you want...let me know.

[MJ]

i hope you don't mind me adding to the thread, i am a transsexual and i too have issues like yours, i would love to experience that , this may sound silly but i would thats just me , but i see i am not alone

[kerrianna]

These feelings I've been experienceing have just added a couple of twists and turns (heck, FLOORS!) to the mazes that I have to explore.

LOL, Natasha, that made me think of the famous Escher lithograph. This is what it feels like somedays to me:


BTW I know what you mean about being romanced as a woman. It's too bad we still have such divided gender roles that many of us have difficulty operating out of the 'norm'. Glad to hear you are trying to go slow. It is really important. And it IS about the journey after all - that's all there really is.

[Nicole]

I'm not really talking about sex. In the movie I was watching, the two girls, the 'lovers' in question were doing things like having dinner, walking along the beach, and well, making out together. There was a part of me in my femme side that said: 'I would like to have that too.' What confused me was that I knew it didn't come from my masculine side. I have all that intamacy and closeness to my fiance as a man, but I still lack that as a 'woman.' I guess what I'm trying to say is I would like the same general level of intamacy from my fiance when I'm enfemme - and not necessarily sexual intmacy either, ya know?

YES!!! I desperately want to experience that kind of intimacy. I think it is simply a matter of being brave and opening up to share the feelings. Day by day, I'm getting there.

[Fab Karen]

Many GG's in our society are programmed that a man should be "macho" take charge, in control ( cue the "lumberjack song" by Monty Python ). And a woman is completely the opposite. This as we know these days from psychological studies is a fictional concept, roles that still get pushed on young people even in the 21st. century!
The two fears a GG has with being with a crossdresser is the archaic stereotype that a man who dresses as a woman is gay ( our community runs the spectrum from gay to bi to heterosexual, and it's not because of dressing ), and also that the crossdresser is actually a transsexual and wants to totally physically become a woman ( most CD's aren't ).

[Gerri Paul]

[SIZE="2"][/SIZE]Hello Nastasha. I have thought about the same thing.I wondered what it would be like to have hose on hose ect,ect.I better stop im losing my train of thought!! XOXO Gerri Paul ( sorry Natasha)

[Carin]

I consider myself transgendered, on my own M2F scale (M-L-K-J-I-H-G-F) I am at I-H. This is an emotional and evolutionary state. I have significant responsibilities that require the full exercise of my male persona that I enjoy. "He' is not going to disappear. On the other hand I enjoy and look forward to being able to express me female persona and evolutionary state which is now not only possible but probable in our relationship.

Been married 24 years and we love each other. I am so fortunate to have that one-in-a-million partner and we have crossed a threshold where our love for each other, emotioanlly and in sexual expression, is not dependent on gender roles or gender identity. It did take 24 years. It is an evolutionary process. Sexual expression and sexual intimacy does not have to be dependent on physical anatomy. If it sounds like we found the Holy Grail, maybe we have!

If she is at F (maybe G) on the scale, and I am at H, then the expression of our love has all of the sensitivity and emotional characteristics one would expect of two womenin love. Call us lesbian if you want, but labels need definitions and our relationship does not.

So Natasha, yes, it is possible.

Yes Virginia, there IS a Santa Claus.

[Carin's Wife GG]

that I am Bi and very comfortable with being intimate with a woman. I did not however expect to find that woman in my husband. Really, maybe she and I HAVE found that Holy grail of CDing.

Louise.

[Angela E.]

It`s really perfectly natural for those of us with gender issues to feel this way.-Angela. :GE:

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

I just had a lovely evening with my fiance yesterday and we talked aboout this matter of me wanting to be loved by a woman as a woman considerably. We even spent a goodly amount of time talking as aj and Natasha and not aj and Nathan - which felt really good. I think it's gonna be a while before we can share much physical intamacy (especially of the sexual nature) for an extended period of time when I'm enfemme, but we're starting to get those emotional attachments I've been looking for enfemme down.

Girls, I think I'm finally starting to get it - and it feels GREAT!

Thanks for all of your replies! This has probably been one of the best threads I've started. I regretted it for a while, but not at all now. You've all been great. Keep those insights flying ladies! I'm sure we could all use 'em!

[crusadergirl]

I too i have thoses feelings when i'm dressed. I would like to be loved as a woman by a woman. I understand where your coming from. I really liked your post you are way better at telling everybody how you feel then i do.
I enjoy most of your posts so keep them coming.