Why are so many of us so focussed on going out and passing? I've been in the closet all my life (and it's a long one so far) and the only person I have to please is myself when I look into the mirror or take some photos. I dress as often as is comfortable in my SO situation (she doesn't know but suspects).
I don't have any desire to go out en-femme nor do I ever intend to quit or purge again. I just feel great when dressed and am soooo relaxed!
Let me know how you feel.
LOVE
[SIZE=5]Cathy[/SIZE]
I don't know why I crossdress and I don't know why I like to pass, but I do. I just have an urge to go out and be perceived as female in everyday life and on the occasions when it has worked out I feel wonderful.
I guess, its because the Male to Female state is a contineumn. That is to say, there is no fixed point on that "line" where "we" sit. I my opinion, those girls that aspire to go out dressed are just futher towards the Femm end of the line. For me its is not passing, though to many that may seem to be the goal. For me it is to be accepted as a women, to be treated as a women. I aim to be cumfortable being Kay, not to feel self conscious when i try on a dress or new trousers. Like today, I needed to get some wall fixings from Homebase. I could have drove there en drab and got them. But because I am so cumfortable as Kay I just walked there and got the bits and called in at my local Tescos Express for some choccy on theway back. I dressed to fit in, black leggings and top. noraml makeup and subtle nails. Did I pass, well I did not get stared at and every one i passed in the street did not do a double take. A few builders shouted some thing, but they were a good ways off so I suspect they were shouting at me as Kay not as a Tranny. At th check out i was treated normaly, and a gent even held a door open for me. So I guess I achieved my personal goals.
But it is true it is not for every one, and you should only do what you feel you want to do. You notice the posts about going out and passing, because, many girls want to, they get read. If they get read it encourages the outers to post some more and so on. Because you do not aspire to go out is not a negative reflection on your own aspirations.
At the far ends there are girls who just where panties (David Beckam) and the the other end we have 24/7 TS/TGs. We are all individuals. I guess what i am tring to say is Do what you want when you want where you want wearing what ever you want so long as it is legal and does not cause offence.
Hugs
Ahhhhh .......... Because its fun!! Which btw pleases me!
Karren
It's about expressing the true you. For some, being male is fine and a bit of closet dressing is satisfactory.
Others it is about expressing a femininity and that means expressing it in public. We want to be seen as our feminine selves, not just a guy in a dress hence the wanting to pass. I have been out and did not receive any double takes or rude comments, in fact everyone either takes no notice or are polite. In fact I had more converstations with strangers as Gina than I do as my male self, and those conversations were pleasant. So I either passed or was just perceived as a nice person doing something I want to do without worrying what others think.
For another group again they are women just with male bodies and so to go out and pass is to be a person in normal society. They don't want to be seen as having been male, just want to be the woman they are.
Hope this answers your question. If I have said something that anyone disagrees with feel free to put me right!
Gina xx
Why? I asked myself that question many times over the years. Why do I dress? Why do I go out? Why do I like the type of clothes , makeup ,etc?
When I was in my forties , Im 58 now, I stopped asking. I have found that made me more comfortable with myself.
Yours Terri
For myself I would go crazy if I had to stay behind closed doors. I want to enjoy the outdoors and live life, If I pass, I pass. If not who cares. In time you may want to go out in public, never say never. I never thought I would.
When I first found this site I got on the"pink cloud" and it was Katie bar the door! Went out and passed a number of times, but I went to fast and went beyond my comfort level, fell from the cloud with a thud that set off earthquake alarms around the world, and ran to the closet again.
Kay's right it is a process. I'm taking things slow now and am following my comfort level and have progressed to the point that I rarely care what anyone thinks now. I wear my hair long, hoop earrings, long and polished nails, jewelry, perfume, and mascara at all times even at work where I gotta be Charlie. I add eye shadow, lip gloss, and curl my hair when I'm not at work. Am I trying to pass? I'll put it to you this way, untill mid May I also have a goatee!
We are all on the path. Some further along the way, some sitting on a bech enjoying the scenery even if it's through the slats of the closet door, and I know that view well!
Enjoy yourself! That's the bottom line.
Love and xxxx, Lily
Comfortable in my own skin.
"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity, and never cease to be amazed by it!" Lazarus Long
Well, humans are by nature social creatures, so it makes sense the people who want to be women would also wish socialize as such... Everyone wants to be beautiful, and its great to take comfort in your beauty, but its also great when others acknowledge it, or better yet except you for who you are..
WHY.???...Same reason as you don't..'cos it's right for ME.!!..and it's what makes me feel so good.!Originally Posted by Cathy J
Nikki.
I've been crossdressing off and on now since I was about 8 years young. I have yet to not stepped ouy into the public eye. No special reason, but I have taken walks at nite when neighbor activity has died down and there is a feeling of WOW this feels really good to feel the evening air drift across my nylon covered legs when I in shorts or a skirt. And a bit of eroticism tossed in to boot.
I didn't always used to go out. I never used to venture further than the patio. Then one day I asked my wife what she thought about me going out in public, in daylight, just once in my life. That's all I want to do. Just once. I didn't want to end my life not knowing what it might have been like.
However, once I did it, I enjoyed it so much wanted to do it again, then again, and again. Then we were doing together as "two girls" all the time, like every weekend. Nowadays, it's calmed down a bit and we go out together with me en femme maybe three times a month and not always on a weekend.
It's personal preference. If you're happy not leaving the house that cool, it's your life, do whatever makes you feel happy.
.
The River City Gems - Northern California's largest and most active crossdressing & transgender support group!
I beleive that for any given subject that there will always be the extremes and then all of the places in-between... The greater number of people involved the greater the extremes will be, although most will wallow around the center.
For example how do you feel about the death penalty?
Some people would kill everybody who ever did anything wrong. At the other end of the spectrum there are those who are dedicated to stopping it and would do anything to make it so. Most of us arn't to sure or drift from one way to the other depending on situation and probably will never reach the extremes.
The same with dressing...Some go all the way with SRS, some hate it with a passion. Then there are those of us who wallow around in the middle...dress sometimes, sometimes don't. Those who like to go out, and those who don't.....
It's a big world and if we were all the same it would be very very dull... Here's to non-conformaty !!
In much, I think, it is about confirmation of self, ie that by passing outsiders affirm that you are who/what you want to be for the time being. Taking photos of os often serves the same function.
Certainly there also is an element of thrill involved, of taking a risk, of testing how far one could go.
Yeah Nikki !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You got it right.
I am TG. I feel right as a female. To not go out and have a life would be prison for me.
Passing? Well I don't get hassled so I guess I do, but it really doesn't matter because Emily Ann has a full life including a PUBLIC one.
Emily Ann
Well, we are all different and have our own comfort levels as to going out enfemme. I like to only on rare occassions, but the desire has increased recently. A few weeks ago I went to my bank enfemme and had fun. Anyway a change of scenery is nice. I get very bored stuck in a house
Bored? Try wearing a pretty dress. It's fun.
Just my
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Sherlyn,My beautiful sweet girl
You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️
Administrator
We should all do what makes us happy and comfortable and, and not let be determined by our fears. That's so important to our well being
"Every desire of your body is holy. Did you hear what I said? Every desire of your body is holy"
Hafiz "The Gift" Translations by Daniel Ladinsky
Different strokes for different folks. I am happy you are happy.
Hugs
Lovely Rita
The journey is about learning how to love and to do it with all our heart.
The Revolution moves forward!!!!!
aspiring to be "part of the cure and not the disease."
to quote Cold Play.
Becoming the person I was created to be
not the person you expect me to be
"Girls Just Want to Have FUN!"
You don't need an excuse to Love just an opportunity!
Exactly! There isn't a single manner here to express yourself -- we're all different. It sounds to me that Cathy J has found the place that's best suited for her and that alone places her among the "winners."Just my
Often, when dressed, I think of the phrase, "All dressed-up and no place to go." As mentioned above, most people like to be able to socialize, and to be accepted by others. For many crossdressers, they eventually develop a different, feminine personality. The fear of ridicule and condemnation can make that other person very lonely. I suspect that those ladies who have taken their femme selves into the public, and found friends and activities as a woman, are emotionally elevated by the acceptance they do receive. I admire their courage and the service they provide to all of us. By making crossdressing more visible and more common, they take small steps in making it more acceptable.
Minerva
Every woman loves a cowboy .... Maybe we love the cowgirls
Just know we like it as it is not accepted by society
Cathy, I have commented on this before in other posts. Those that wear more feminine items, dress more often, go out, and general have a greater self acceptance tend to be the more vocal ones on this and other forums. IMHO and others also, there is a greater number of CDers that wear fewer feminine items, dress less often, do not want to go out, that tend to be less vocal for what ever their reasons are.
Going out is not for everyone. And until till the silent majority become more vocal, they will be the minority in the postings. I get emails and PMs from people responding to my posts in the forums who are for some reason afraid to post. My question to you is what can we do to get these people to post??? As I am perplexed are you are about it. Do we need a "Non-Passing" forum area??
I can only answer for me. For me it is a urge, a internal need to just be myself. I want to be able to shop for and wear any clothes of my choice both from the mens and womans departments. I want to wake up in the morning and put on the clothes that fit my mood, the weather, and my tasks for the day being the clothes all feminine, all masculine or mix and match in a tasteful way. And I always want to present my male self. Wear little to no makeup and my own hair. I am just a guy with both masculine and feminine feelings, traits, attributes and physical characteristics.
I tried just dressing at home and most of the time I am ok with that when I am busy doing things within the house. But if I need to run to the garage or the store for something, I need to remove any outwardly feminine clothing to leave the house. Then when I am back change back if I want. Try doing that multiple times in one day. Try doing it a dozen times plus in one afternoon.
I just want to be in my jean skirt, tee shirt, ball cap, work boots and be able to go to the garage or the hardware store and not hide what ever I happened to be wearing before I get there.
But we live in a small clicky conservative town. For me to come out here would be hell for my kids and wife, and for my parents. If I was single and it was just me things would most likely be different and I would be out like I want to be. A guy in feminine clothes. But life is full of choices and compromises, and even more with a wife and kids. I choose to be married and I am lucky to have a wife who is willing to work with me on finding where my CD fits within our marriage. At this point my compromise it to always present a male or female image that society can handle/accept when being out in public.
And when I am out I do not try to "Pass". I just try to blend in with the general public. And I think I do just look like a person in the crowd to most people. Those that look close and those that I interact with do get some surprised and questioning looks at times, but I have always been treated just like anyone else would have been. But I also get smiles, and grins from people, mostly gals when they make me or interact with me. I also have found some SA gals really seem to like and have fun helping guys or en femme CDers while shopping.
I also have found that generally society can accept more than we think they can. And the acceptance seems highly based on the first impression of the TG's presentation. And my experience has been the presentation is mostly personal and projected attitude with looks being minor.
I tell people, if you have no desire to go out then do not. Do not let what others do decide who you are. Be yourself. Live your life, not someone else's life.
If you do truly want to get out I say:
1: Get out of the town you live in. Far out of town if needed.
2: Just do it. Pick a safe and public place with a blending look for where you go. Passing is optional !!!!
Last edited by KimberlyS; 04-18-2007 at 12:41 PM.
KimberlyS-CD
joe in a skirt. Being myself not trying to be some other CDer
Just trying to find a balance for my son and myself.
Standard disclaimer: Going out of the house was right for me, it may or may not be right for you. If you've got no desire to leave the house, that's fine, I'm not trying to push you out the door. But for those who've been yearning to do so, I just want to let you know the world may not be as scary a place as you think.
I'll back that I like dressing alone in the comfort of my house.
While I have not been dressing for very long at all, and have only been out technically once. I find its a thrill. Even though i was not prepared for the looks, or the one derogatory comment made, I feel that my first outing was a success, luckily I was with my girlfriend, so that made it bearable. I know not everyone has the opportunity to go out with a GG, which is too bad because it made me a lot mre comfortable.
Passing is something I hope to someday accomplish, and whether or not I do I have a feeling I will be going out again, and again... well I guess we will see...
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