Ok..hurdle one..
As it stands I wear a lot of ambiguously gendered clothing like tailored shirts that are made little girl sized but look like boys shirts. So today I went out on a mission to find more legitimate male clothing.. i hate life sometimes. Pretty much nothing fits.. Except American Eagle stuff.
The endeaver ended in me breaking down into tears. And just wanting to give up asking myself why I'm not embracing my femininity, then I went home and watched a pussycat dolls video.
I feel like wearing girl clothing that looks like boy clothing is a huge cop out.
However..in my genre boys wear girls clothes all the time. so I don't really know what i'm going to do.
Hurdle Two,
I looked down at my nails today and realized that I would have to keep them short.. for some reason that knowledge bothered me for a moment. I'm starting to discover the small nuances that I hadn't ever thought about since I was switching to and from genders constantly. It's strange how different this is than I imagined it would be. A lot harder.
Hurdle three,
I'm not going to be able to go fulltime male. There are activities in my life that, there's pretty much no way that I'm going to be able to be completely male during. That ..really saddens me. I'm afraid of looking like a halfway done have assed freak.
I apologize for making no sense at all.. i'm fairly tired.
