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Thread: ...Cold feet..big step..

  1. #1
    The Wayward Wren's Avatar
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    ...Cold feet..big step..

    ...After my last 'cry me a river' thread I got to thinking about things.. My confusion, taking things one step at a time, that kind of thing. And now that my exams are over and school is done forever (the summer), the only thing stressing my out are my two jobs..but that's a different story.

    I've decided to go full time male for a while, and at the same time going full time emo. As it stands I switch between genre's and genders constantly, and I thought..why don't I do one thing just for a bit. Try it on for size, see how I react to it.

    So for a couple months I'm going to just be the emo male me. See how that feels.. but ...as decided as I was before, now i'm getting cold feet.

    I'm generally eccentric enough that no one's really going to care, or that's my hope. But what if they do? What if I can't switch back after and I feel alienated... about portraying myself as a male full time.. and as an added bonus, I think emo is the most hated style in the world.

    I was talking to one of my roommates about this and she is fairly out of the loop about my own crossdressing, she just thinks I'm weird, and she told me to go for it. That I'm still young enough to kind of play with my appearance, and that it won't affect my work at all...

    My boyfriend hasn't really given me a straight answer on the subject, he said that i probably did have to do something like this. But he hasn't said whether he likes the idea or not.

    But I do feel like I really need to do this .. to kind of go through that journey .. but I just.. don't know how it'll turn out.
    Two monks were watching a flag flapping in the wind. One said to the other, "The flag is moving."
    The other replied, "The wind is moving."
    Huineng overheard this. He said, "Not the flag, not the wind; mind is moving."

  2. #2
    Cabin boy/Purser :)
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    Well good for you dude.... give it a go.. see how it feels

    I am also going to be doing something similar soon, but I just have to get a couple bits out the way then I'm free to do it. Like a mini RLT.
    When I mentioned it to cap he was like "you will tell us how it goes won't you?" and I was like "of course!!" but I'm going to say the same to you hehe... please don't forget to tell us how it goes!

    I guess I'm lucky because I never really worry (any more) about "what I am" genre wise. I'm just a sort of, generic rock person, it's in my blood. But I can see how that would sort of add to your confusion about who you are too, I used to be worried about catagories also.

    I dunno what happened, somewhere along the line I just realised that it's cool to have a wide musical taste and style.. sort of be open minded to anything (apart from Avante Garde Jazz BLEH), because it all plays off each other anyway. Hehe and I suppose it's sort of similar with gender too.

    Anyway what I'm half asleepedly waffling on about is:

    Good luck! It sounds like it will be good for you to work some things out perhaps!

    (And might even be an exciting adventure )
    I don't need advice on how to be a man. I just am one.

    www.dec.org.uk <-- in desperate need of our help.

    YO, yeh you! Please pray for &/or send your positive thoughts and love to Carol. And for Dominic, and Steve, and Karl. Miracles do happen, let's make them! Thank you kind person! And for Tristan's grandad to get better. & lovely Taylor. Pleease.

    PLEASE PRAY 4 CAROL'S LAST DAY OF RADIATION TREATMENT TO HAVE WORKED COMPLETELY EXCELLENTLY AND DESTROYED ALL THE BADNESS!! THANK YOU!

  3. #3
    Swishy Pirate CaptLex's Avatar
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    You might never know if you don't try it, Wren, and then maybe you'll wonder about it for a long while. Life is a series of experiments - especially when you're young. I say give it a shot and if it starts to feel like something you don't want to do anymore, then you'll have your answer and you don't have to stick with it if it doesn't feel right. At the end of it, whether you actually end it or realize that it's what you want to do more often than not, you'll have a better idea of whether it suits you. But maybe you don't need to put an expiration date on your experiment (like 3 months). Maybe you can do it until you feel like you've learned more about yourself. And, as Poc said, please let us know how it goes.

    BTW, Poc, do I really sound that formal? Sounds like a different captain to me . . . Picard. Make it so!
    But why is the rum gone?! - Capt. Jack Sparrow [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl[/SIZE]

    Why is the rum always gone? - Capt. Jack Sparrow [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest[/SIZE]

    Why is all but the rum gone? No, the rum's gone too . . .
    - [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: At World End[/SIZE]

    [SIZE="3"]Lex on the Beach[/SIZE]. . . [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  4. #4
    Cabin boy/Purser :)
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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptLex View Post
    BTW, Poc, do I really sound that formal? Sounds like a different captain to me . . . Picard. Make it so!
    Hahaha oops, yes I was getting you mixed up with Jean Luc again... ... I really must stop doing that!

    [SIZE="1"](Those might not have been your actual words... but they were something along those lines haha! Hey I was half asleep when I wrote the ^ post!) [/SIZE]
    I don't need advice on how to be a man. I just am one.

    www.dec.org.uk <-- in desperate need of our help.

    YO, yeh you! Please pray for &/or send your positive thoughts and love to Carol. And for Dominic, and Steve, and Karl. Miracles do happen, let's make them! Thank you kind person! And for Tristan's grandad to get better. & lovely Taylor. Pleease.

    PLEASE PRAY 4 CAROL'S LAST DAY OF RADIATION TREATMENT TO HAVE WORKED COMPLETELY EXCELLENTLY AND DESTROYED ALL THE BADNESS!! THANK YOU!

  5. #5
    In the middle bi_weird's Avatar
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    Yeah people don't tend to notice much. And if you're changing what gender you present as often, you may be less likely to turn heads if you get more 'normal' and just present as one consistently. I can see this being an important step for you though, give you a chance to figure things out. I really wouldn't worry about people being too negative about it - you're young enough that most people will just sort of smile and nod and anything you wear.
    I wanna know, can you show me
    I wanna know about these
    strangers like me
    Tell me more, please show me
    Somethings familiar about these strangers like me

  6. #6
    That Guy Question Mark's Avatar
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    Hmm.

    I don't think it's going to be too much of a problem if you just stay as male for a while. Plus, since it's the summer, and it sounds like you're in college, the likelihood of you running into anyone you know from there is pretty slim, so it's kind of like starting afresh. As for the not switching back part... that doesn't sound like necessarily a bad thing, if it means that you've found yourself, so to speak.

  7. #7
    jasper happyfish's Avatar
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    I'd say go for it. Even if you don't last three months or whatever the set date is, and decide that you completely hate it or something, then at least you'll have learned that it's not something you can do or feel comfortable with.
    I don't hate emo style. I like it a heck of a lot more than hip hop style or whatever's popular now. *lives under a rock*
    Yes, and do tell us how it goes.

  8. #8
    The Wayward Wren's Avatar
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    Oh I will share how it goes, and thanks for the vote of confidence. I don't really think it'll be so bad. I'm actually really glad that I've settled on doing this. It'll be like ...more stretching of limbs. Much needed release.

    However I met my first negative backlash today, one of my male co-workers said "why do you want to look like a man...wow, you really are a lesbian"..i kind of sat there and looked at him blankly, I wanted to cry. Not only was it a stereotype of lesbian culture, but the word lesbian has never left my mouth in reference to myself. Maybe worst of all is that I've slept with him.


    Quote Originally Posted by CaptLex
    But maybe you don't need to put an expiration date on your experiment (like 3 months)
    Oh It's an open ended expiration date, that's kind of just a margin of time so that I can look at it like a small chunk, makes it easier to swallow, we'll see how it goes. I do have the intention to revert back, but ..wherever the wind goes right..

    Quote Originally Posted by Pocoyo
    I dunno what happened, somewhere along the line I just realised that it's cool to have a wide musical taste and style.. sort of be open minded to anything
    hehe, I do have a variety of tastes, what I wear is usually not representative of what i listen to . I like emo but i'm not really that into the music. I like the style.

    Quote Originally Posted by happyfish
    I don't hate emo style. I like it a heck of a lot more than hip hop style or whatever's popular now
    excellent! You wouldn't believe the amount of emo bashing that I get. People just randomly coming up to me in the street or subway asking me if I listen to "Lamb of god" or whatever, and if I cut myself at night. Especially after certain political events we get seen as crazy killers. *sigh* everything is a trial

    Quote Originally Posted by Question Mark
    Plus, since it's the summer, and it sounds like you're in college, the likelihood of you running into anyone you know from there is pretty slim
    True say, not that i know anyone at my university anyway really. ha.. so loner.. My worry is from my co-workers and friends who may..misunderstand me. I also worry about looking stupid. But not having to deal on campus stuff is a plus. ..then again.. My roomates already have been through the FTM understanding stuff with Sparro, so.. what am I worrying about? I don't know..
    Last edited by Wren; 04-29-2007 at 11:29 PM.
    Two monks were watching a flag flapping in the wind. One said to the other, "The flag is moving."
    The other replied, "The wind is moving."
    Huineng overheard this. He said, "Not the flag, not the wind; mind is moving."

  9. #9
    That Guy Question Mark's Avatar
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    XD Lamb of God's not even an emo band, either. It's a heavy metal band most famous for the "Wall of Death", where two "walls" of audience members run at each other and beat each other up.

    As for the "durrr... lesbians" guy, he's too willfully ignorant to be worth worrying about.

  10. #10
    The Wayward Wren's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Question Mark
    XD Lamb of God's not even an emo band, either.
    Haha..i know. I thought it was mildly funny but still not a pleasant experience..randomly on the subway at 1 in the morning..*sigh*

    Quote Originally Posted by Question Mark
    As for the "durrr... lesbians" guy, he's too willfully ignorant to be worth worrying about.
    true say. It was just hard to have that be said within one day of this decision.. people blow.
    Two monks were watching a flag flapping in the wind. One said to the other, "The flag is moving."
    The other replied, "The wind is moving."
    Huineng overheard this. He said, "Not the flag, not the wind; mind is moving."

  11. #11
    Silver Member kerrianna's Avatar
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    Yay Wren, you rock! Go for it dude. Why not give things a try. The problem with some people is they're too chknsh*t themselves to do anything different or daring and they want to ruin other people's lives so they can feel better about themselves. Just remember all that crap is about THEM, not you.

    I've decided to develop selective hearing. You say something judgemental or critical about me I don't hear it. You say something nice I not only hear it, but I embrace it. As Salandra says, works for me.

    hey I like that expression: true say.
    I learn something new from you young 'uns everyday.

    oh yeah, so does this mean you'll be a cabin boy or deckhand on The Genderquest? Can never have too many cute boys on board.
    "I dwell in possibility."

    "Say what you want and be who you are, because those who matter don't mind, and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

    "I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it."
    George Bernard Shaw

  12. #12
    Swishy Pirate CaptLex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wren View Post
    However I met my first negative backlash today, one of my male co-workers said "why do you want to look like a man...wow, you really are a lesbian".
    Sounds to me like he was trying to soothe a bruised ego. Maybe he sees your interest in being male as a rejection of him, somehow. Some people think everything is about them.
    But why is the rum gone?! - Capt. Jack Sparrow [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl[/SIZE]

    Why is the rum always gone? - Capt. Jack Sparrow [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest[/SIZE]

    Why is all but the rum gone? No, the rum's gone too . . .
    - [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: At World End[/SIZE]

    [SIZE="3"]Lex on the Beach[/SIZE]. . . [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  13. #13
    The Wayward Wren's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kerrianna
    oh yeah, so does this mean you'll be a cabin boy or deckhand on The Genderquest? Can never have too many cute boys on board
    Gender who now?

    Quote Originally Posted by CaptLex
    Sounds to me like he was trying to soothe a bruised ego. Maybe he sees your interest in being male as a rejection of him, somehow. Some people think everything is about them.
    Ha..I hadn't thought of that possibility. It may very well be so.
    Two monks were watching a flag flapping in the wind. One said to the other, "The flag is moving."
    The other replied, "The wind is moving."
    Huineng overheard this. He said, "Not the flag, not the wind; mind is moving."

  14. #14
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    lol im sorry but i keep reading the title and cos i get confused sometimes on reading things the wrong way it keeps saying to me 'big feet, cold step' sowwyyyyyyyyyy

  15. #15
    That Guy Question Mark's Avatar
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    The Genderquest is the most excellent ship of the Capn. It is decked out in full sails, laser beams (strictly for lightshows), and a hearty crew.

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  17. #17
    Swishy Pirate CaptLex's Avatar
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    Wren's been gone a while, so he missed the whole ship-naming adventure. Wren, our ship is the GenderQuest. We had a poll in the Lounge to find a suitable name and most people voted for that name (Tamara came in second and Rum Runner came in third). Wendy Me suggested the name, so now she's GenderQuest's godmother.

    As you know, I'm the captain.
    Felix is the first mate.
    Kieron is security.
    Pocoyo, Evert and Tristan are cabin boys.
    Adam is the ship's engineer.
    Das is the ship's librarian (still can't explain that one).
    Abraxas is the ship's doctor.

    Who did I leave out?
    But why is the rum gone?! - Capt. Jack Sparrow [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl[/SIZE]

    Why is the rum always gone? - Capt. Jack Sparrow [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest[/SIZE]

    Why is all but the rum gone? No, the rum's gone too . . .
    - [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: At World End[/SIZE]

    [SIZE="3"]Lex on the Beach[/SIZE]. . . [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptLex View Post
    Wren's been gone a while, so he missed the whole ship-naming adventure. Wren, our ship is the GenderQuest. We had a poll in the Lounge to find a suitable name and most people voted for that name (Tamara came in second and Rum Runner came in third). Wendy Me suggested the name, so now she's GenderQuest's godmother.

    As you know, I'm the captain.
    Felix is the first mate.
    Kieron is security.
    Pocoyo, Evert and Tristan are cabin boys.
    Adam is the ship's engineer.
    Das is the ship's librarian (still can't explain that one).
    Abraxas is the ship's doctor.

    Who did I leave out?
    see links above??

    as for who did we leave out! Bi? i think he should be our chef with those yummy brownies

  19. #19
    Swishy Pirate CaptLex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kieron Andrew View Post
    as for who did we leave out! Bi? i think he should be our chef with those yummy brownies
    Oh, right! Bi is the cook. And we have several serving wenches from the other side of the fence. Oh, and Kerrianna is kind of a Jackie-of-all-Trades. She keeps an eye on the guys in the brig and provides, um . . . companionship to lonely cabin boys too. Plenty of positions still available . . . welcome aboard!

    Okay, now we've really taken this thread off course . . . sorry, Wren. We're still very intrigued by your experiment and what results may come.
    But why is the rum gone?! - Capt. Jack Sparrow [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl[/SIZE]

    Why is the rum always gone? - Capt. Jack Sparrow [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest[/SIZE]

    Why is all but the rum gone? No, the rum's gone too . . .
    - [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: At World End[/SIZE]

    [SIZE="3"]Lex on the Beach[/SIZE]. . . [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  20. #20
    Senior Member Felix's Avatar
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    Hi Wren, at the end of the day you are the only one who knows where you are coming from. So if you feel this will help you to discover Wren then go for it. What's that old saying,'Life is a stage and we are all players on it.' Maybe it's time for you to play a little Hun, let's know how ya getting on with it!! xx Felix
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Me, Myself and Felix!!

  21. #21
    In the middle bi_weird's Avatar
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    Oh yay I get to be the cook! I didn't know we have laser beams! (Though I am marginally aware enough to know that we have a ship...)
    I should have something more to say...but I don't. *cheeky grin*
    I wanna know, can you show me
    I wanna know about these
    strangers like me
    Tell me more, please show me
    Somethings familiar about these strangers like me

  22. #22
    The Wayward Wren's Avatar
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    Haha, yeah way to take my thread and throw it into the pacific ocean (no worries btw, so long as i get my thread back at some point).

    Did i hear ocean? Ship you say.. ? Can I be the ship's pony?
    Two monks were watching a flag flapping in the wind. One said to the other, "The flag is moving."
    The other replied, "The wind is moving."
    Huineng overheard this. He said, "Not the flag, not the wind; mind is moving."

  23. #23
    Bandit Keith sparro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wren View Post
    Haha, yeah way to take my thread and throw it into the pacific ocean (no worries btw, so long as i get my thread back at some point).

    Did i hear ocean? Ship you say.. ? Can I be the ship's pony?
    I was supposed to be the pony on the ship....

    I think the fact that you're changing genders along with your style, drastically, is pretty significant. You're trying on a new persona, a side of yourself which until now you've not been able to express properly to people. It'll be a chance to free yourself from the confines of your present self... perhaps live a more fufilling life.

    Also, you're boyfriend would probably think it was damned sexy.

  24. #24
    The Wayward Wren's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sparro View Post
    Also, you're boyfriend would probably think it was damned sexy.
    He is a bit gay...

    But I was really happy to hear that he was understanding about the situation. Makes it easier to go through with it.
    Two monks were watching a flag flapping in the wind. One said to the other, "The flag is moving."
    The other replied, "The wind is moving."
    Huineng overheard this. He said, "Not the flag, not the wind; mind is moving."

  25. #25
    Bandit Keith sparro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wren View Post
    He is a bit gay...

    But I was really happy to hear that he was understanding about the situation. Makes it easier to go through with it.
    A bit gay? I suppose so..

    That aside, I think the word 'understanding' is probably an understatement for him. I have a feeling he's headed out to the Beer Store to pick up some Steamwhistle and a pie so you can celebrate your new look.

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