How many of you left your SO or vice versa due to your cd'ing tendencies? Was it worth the loss of your SO to keep cd'ing?
How many of you left your SO or vice versa due to your cd'ing tendencies? Was it worth the loss of your SO to keep cd'ing?
That was part of it for sure. I wanted more than acceptance and tolerance. I wanted complete intimacy, understanding and encouragement. I gave it 7 years of trying to get there but it was too much and too far for her.
We had nice stable, comfortable, companiony, sexless kind of relationship and at 50 years old I discovered I wanted more. It took my two months of preparation to tell her I wanted a divorce. I was really afraid to do it because the future was so uncertain. I might never find someone to join me in my life. It was time foe me to lead my life exactly how it made sense for me.
Finally, I was ready and I told her I could no longer be committed to our marriage and it was time for me to leave. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. The look on her face is still with me at times.
I was self employed and we didn't have kids and we had some savings that made it easier for both of us to settle into new lives.
It was hard and took a long time to get through and feel like I was really in my new life. We were together for 27 years and at times my new life still seems like a dream to me.
"Every desire of your body is holy. Did you hear what I said? Every desire of your body is holy"
Hafiz "The Gift" Translations by Daniel Ladinsky
I have to put in my
Yes, This was not about CDing though, what caused it was my GID. I left my first wife to transition MTF. I just could not keep up the facade any more, I was was getting too close to a bad end. I have no regrets about what I had to do for myself. I would not change a thing. I am happy with myself now.
My second exwife thought she could get a part time guy when she wanted, but we know how that works out in the end. She supports, and encourages me 100%, and we are still good friends, she just couldn't live with a woman.
Was it worth the loss? Definately yes, the loss of myself would have been far worse to handle.
[SIZE="3"] Be true to yourself, even if no one else wants you to be!
To live your life in fear, is to live only half a life.
"Strictly Ballroom"
:GE: Hugs To All!! Shelly [/SIZE]
I have been married many times, I won't say how many. It was not directly related to cross dressing but it could of been part of it. I was never happy in my marriages. When I got divorced it wasn't long before I remarried. May be it was a way that I could prevent myself from going to far with cross dressing because I never really knew what I wanted then. This is why I have so many doubts now...I want to dress but is it worth a marriage. I do love and care for this wife and don't want to lose her. I guess that if it came right down to it I would give up cross dressing.
Jessica
Very sad stories. When it comes right down to it, would you prefer to lose your SO and keep cd'ing or give up cd'ing to stay together?
I got to thinking about cd'ing, is it a good thing to try and pretend to be something we're not even if it means losing a loved one?
i sort of came to the conclusion that if my cd'ing led to the breakdown of my marriage then i had to do it. up to then we were drifting apart, no closeness and both unhappy. so i told her, and it didnt and its been better even though she doesnt want anything to do with itOriginally Posted by Cheyenne
mitch
This is the biggest question of all and it applies to not only cding.
"Every desire of your body is holy. Did you hear what I said? Every desire of your body is holy"
Hafiz "The Gift" Translations by Daniel Ladinsky
My S/o Left Me. She Found Out About It And Couldnot Live With It. We Both Never Married. I Live Alone And Dress Most Of The Time.but Still Love And Miss Her. We Still See Each Other .i Dont Know If She Know I Still Dress. Carol Ehlert
we have stuck it out through both thick and thin. I think for carin and I there has always been a mutually respectful integrity between the two of us even when we were having difficult times with her gender issues and my reactions to them. The bottom line is for her and I it is a love story for the ages. That is what my mom said to me a few weeks ago and she knows and supports Carin's CDing.
Louise.
I haven't (never will) and it wouldn't be....
Karren
Last edited by Karren H; 04-30-2007 at 07:53 PM.
Sometimes we don't get the choice, it's not our's to make.
[SIZE=3]I would of never left him. When you love someone you work through the issues whatever they may be. The CDing was a non issue, but sadly for me, he just couldn't commit to what I wanted which was more than a part time relationship. We just got back from Vegas, went to the DLV gathering. We will always be friends. But I will miss what we once had... CG GG[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Country Girl GG[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it."[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]When you find something good... Grab it with both hands and do all you can do to keep it![/SIZE]
you have my email.
Louise.
im in the process of ending it right now. I can't solely attribute it to my desire to cd and go out, but it is certaily helping out.
Summer's coming! and this cute, soon to be single CD is going all out!
ok to be truthful I have been married 4 times now my 2nd & 3rd wives knew of my desires to dress, if things had work out with my 2nd wife I do believe she would have allowed me to dress on a full time baises, she always like the idea of being with another woman, but could not bring her self actually be with one, however had an open relationship an we were in to swinging with other couples, it was one of these nights that I met my 3rd wife,
after about 2 years of marrage to my 3rd wife she told me she had enough of my dressing, and didnt want me to continute so I stopped. however it didnt fix things over the next 3 yrs she deside to get back in to drugs an start seeing others including women, while I stayed at home with our son, so finally I had enough an got another DEVORICE. then met my current wife of 8 years, so for 10 years I kept things to a minumum, finally last sept. I couldnt hold out any longer an had to tell her, she accepts it an has ask me how come I dont dress more often. she even goes shopping with me, however I still think part of her resents it,
anyhow I hope this marrage can withstand the effect of my cding, if for some reason in the future things dont work out, I will then move on an begin my live a new, there will me no more marrages for me.
I think that in some ways my cding is what has found me from one relationship to another, because I would get into bad moods an cant state how I feel an then I take it out on the ones around me, but I feel better now , I am able to talk with Her about things an we dont fight as much now.
Ivey
AN IT HARM NONE DO WHAT YE WILL
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm...ndid=124865919
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
i was married for 21 years to the love of my life , but she could not understand why i wanted to do this she ask me to leave, so since i lost everything i had nothing else to lose i came out and live full time . i sure miss her but life goes on
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
My wife left me and my sons before I ever knew I was a CD'er. It certainly isn't the reason most marriages fail but it can certainly be a focal point for those in which it exists. Experience taught me that everything contributes to the divorce. Even if it is a positive seen as a negative.
For some here we may just be pretending to be a woman. For others there is a complete female side to our beings. Some can give it up. Others can't. It is just a shame that so many in our society think of it in negative terms.
...things can get stood on their head. I have been VERY honest with the last five of my SOs (two of which were wives), starting in 1972). I told them all of my CDing up front. All seemed (at first) to be OK with it, at least in an intellectual sense. The two that ended up being wives, one for nine years, the other for nearly 18, eventually told me that they "couldn't handle" it, even though I didn't subject them to it very much at all. I just ended the last marriage two years ago, and have no intention, at least at this time, to get married again.
My girlfriend seems to be fine with my CDing--she's more curious than any of the others--and thinks that I should be whomever I am. BUT--there are times that she also says that she's not sure how it'll play out in the long run. Oh well, I'll just have to see...
Yhe wife that I just divorced blamed me for dishonesty in our relationship, as far as my CDing. It's true--I did "indulge" myself when she wasn't around, because I felt that everything had to be HER way in everything else in our marriage. She made the big decisions as far as major purchases (cars, furniture, etc.), often with no consultation with me at all. Or she would just tell me what was going to happen. I know, I know--what a WUSS I was! WHen I finally realized that I was more her posession than husband, I rebelled by making the ONLY thing that I had complete control over my CDing. She HATED that! She claimed that she essentially "owned" my sexuality, and that it was tatamount to cheating on her, even though councillors said otherwise. She decided that the only way to save our marriage was for her to move 400 miles away and get a job in another state. She did just that--bought a house, got a new job--the whole nine yards. I let her. As soon as I moved her, I started living my life as a single person. She figured that I would come crawling back to her, but that didn't happen. Nine months later, we divorced, but not before she begged me to reconsider. By then, I KNEW that we should never have married in the first place, and I had no intention of ever living with her again. That may sound heartless, but if you had gone through the misery of that marriage for as long as I had, maybe you'd agree.
Anyway, I'm much happier as a single person! My girlfriend would like (eventually) to get married, but after two failures, I'm in no hurry to commit to that again. I'm very devoted to her, and we have what is by far the best, most honest relationship I've had so far--one that feels really natural!
Renee
I was in a dead end relationship of 7 years; being that iw as a long distance I was able to Buy skirts and the like on my own and wear them around the house whenever I cared to. When I told her about it, she thought I was joking, and did't take me seriously, but she didn't seem to like the idea very much, so I let it drop.
Then it became apparent that I was going to be moving there (There being Russia), this was great except for the CDing. So, I told her, again, that this is a part of me, and no it's not a joke. I sent her a picture to bring the point home. She told me that she would change me... She told me that with her around I wouldn't need it... Then, she called me a freak. She fell in love with a man, she said, and she didn't want a woman. I told her that we could discuss the extent to which I would wear womens clothing, and/or makeup, and the only extent she was prepared to accept was none. So, now, after 7 years, I'm single again...
Bottom line for me though, if she wasn't willing to accept me for who I am, I'm not willing to devote the rest of my life to her.
Nope WE IS STILL TOGETHER
[SIZE="2"]"Tell me why I can't where a mini 'kilt' to work?"[/SIZE][SIZE="3"][/SIZE]
The fall out from my GID had a lot to do with my first divorce, I was often withdrawn and cold to those around me, who'd want to live with someone like that for years? Anyway, after 21 years together in a marriage that was unsatisfying to her (for at least the previous 10 years anyway) she found another man to be with. We got the legal divorce 2 years later, but I hadn't lived with her for the last year before the divorce. Like an idiot, I went out and got involved with another woman that I met about a year after I found out about my first wife's affair, she was still with her man, but we were not yet divorced. I should have known better than to get involved with my present wife, soon to be divorced, had I been paying attention, I would have known that we had nothing in common on which to base a relationship. She knew about my CDing early in the relationship, it was one of the things she found attractive about me, I was "exotic" in my choice of clothing and my sexual tastes.
It was about a year after my second marriage that she started seeing other men, I was still having problems with my GID and the depression from it, and I guess she couldn't deal with that. I don't deal well with a cheating spouse, but for some reason, I didn't really decide to do something about it until this had been going on for about 4 years, I guess she's been trying to replace me for about that long. She needs a "real man" in her life. I'll be the first one to admit that I don't fit that description.
Anyway, that's where I'm at now.
"I see your true colors shining through, your true colors, and that's why I love you,
so don't be afraid to let them show, your true colors, true colors are beautiful, like a rainbow"
"Without change,something sleeps deep inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken!"[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
found out about my cdr 9 months ago (2 1/2 years into our relationship) and we still love with each other every day more than the day before but not as much as we will tommorow.
I allow myself to set healthy boundaries ..... to say no to what does not align with my values, to say yes to what does.
Boundaries assist me to remain healthy, honest and living a life that is true to me
She left after 30 plus years .... couldn't deal with the female inside me. (And no, I have only been dressing 5 plus years so I couldn't have told her BEFORE, but she knew I never felt like I fitted in with the guys).
Emily Ann
Living with a heel in each world.
Yep in the Club!!
As I've posted before, My Divorce papers read, 'Transvestite' But 'Hey' Life goes on!!
The last two partners left over the same, Hey Ho!!
Yes I am ending a long relationship in large measure because of CDing and yes it is the right thing to do. Check my posts if you want more background to my story.
Last edited by melissacd; 05-01-2007 at 03:48 PM.
What stop do I get off at? Hmmm...
Pretty much all my relationships have ended because of it. Not because of the CD itself, but because I just can't picture myself spending the rest of my life pursuing the "traditional male" role in a relationship.
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