False Impressions?

[Emma_Forbes]

Hi all,

Please forgive me if this irritates or upsets anyone or casts doubts on the veracity of posts here - it is not my intention to do that.

There are many stories of going out and having 'adventures' en femme on this site but I find that I am somewhat sceptical (maybe that's because I'm a cynic anyway ) that these sorties are as 'easy' as they seem. I find it easy to relate to the 'dashed to the car wearing ... and couldn't get back quick enough' type of scenario and the 'went round the block at 3 in the morning' because I have been there as well and I understand it.

I do have something more of a problem with those accounts, particularly by part-time cross-dressers rather than those full-time/tranisitioning transgenders, which make it sound as though it is the easiest thing in the world to go shopping (or elsewhere) en femme and there is never a problem. This is for 2 reasons. First the account doesn't usually cover the mental and emotional turmoil that going out causes and how to cope with it. Secondly, IF it is untrue, it could cause someone less experienced and less ready to go for a risky trip out. Now I'm not saying that anyone has ever posted an untrue account (how would I know after all) but I am worried that it can at times seem too easy and one day could get someone into deep sh... trouble. Of course I have absolutely no idea what we can do about it other than use our own judgement about whether something is risky or not.

I hope that makes sense and doesn't rattle anyone's cage too much.

Em

[Kate Simmons]

I understand what you are saying EM but I sort of take a lot of these accounts with a grain of salt myself. While I don't doubt them, being a man I know full well how guys like to "embellish" stories if you will. That doesn't mean the adventures are not true though. It definately does have a lot to do with our confidence level and is definately NOT as easy as it sounds. I sometimes question what the motivation is myself. Is it just to go out shopping to see if we pass or is it the idea of "getting away" with something?

I remember full well my first experiences years ago going out to drive around in the car at 3 AM but I was literally shaking in my heels and it was stressful but exciting at the same time. When I would get out of the car and walk around town, it was even more exciting.

Anyway, that was then and this is now. I've done all of that stuff out in public in daylight since and it's no big deal any more, in fact it's kind of boring really. Most people don't give a hoot about you anyway and may think you are eccentric at best and these days there is nobody following you around shouting "queer" or going out of their way to do so. It's more like them getting a glimpse and saying:"Oh, okay, whatever!"

I suppose like I said, it depends on what your motivation and purpose are for going out in public and if it is to build up your confidence, that's okay. If the neighbors are outside doing stuff when I leave, I don't hurridly jump in the car but I don't dwell on it either. They know about me anyway but never speak about it.

These days, I'm concentrating on friendships and relationships, so don't do so many public appearances like I used to but I do enjoy reading all the accounts and feel glad for my CD sisters.

[Brianna Lovely]

Much like Salandra, I take my fem appearance, as a given, in my life. My first time out was fully dressed and in day light. My heart was racing and I was very nervous.

Nowadays, I dress semi-fem (no wig, no forms) every day and I'm out and about in the day time. I consider this normal, so generally, there are no adventures to write about.

I do dress fully, for special occasions, but try to only post about things that I think will be interesting, or of help to other girls.

[cindychan]

Well you gotta be smart while going out. I think we all had different experiences with this and are able to realize this is the internet and shouldn't take others' stories to seriously to the point where we would endanger ourselves with false impressions.

[EmmaJane TS]

Hi Em,

Well having just got home from clubbing em femme I can honestly say I had an amazing "adventure". I do agree with what you are saying it isn't easy going out, it really is a state of mind (keep repeating in your head I am a woman) and confidence, of course it helps ALOT the more passable you are! I have only been out a handful of times but I choose and plan where I go quite carefully and am fairly certain of my safety else I try to ensure I go with friends (which in my mind is just common sense). As for the mental/emotional turmoil if it upset me that much then I wouldn't go out (if you feel like that, then you're probably not ready for field trips!). Sure I have been outed loads of times but a big smile goes a long way to defuse most situations.

Love,

Emma.

[Nikki Dee]

Just 4 of your own words sum it all up love..."use our own judgement"..both when/if deciding to go out..and as to what you read/believe in posts.?
Nikki. x

[Sam-antha]

Going out is, in the beginning a highly charged and very emotional experience. As the experiences go by the charging goes down and the confidence goes up. Now over-confidence in one's passing ability is bad for you.
However, over years, the situation becomes normalised. Me, I have been out in the street, on foot, in daylight for rather more years than some of you have lived. My first full adventure was in the time of the birth of the mini... the sixties.
For me at least and for that reason, my stories are therefore totally true.
Experience and an understanding of the "confidence and head-up" factors are the key to happy survival outside
~Samm

[nishababe]

I think that we are all different on this site and there is no ''one rule fits all'
I tend to dress when I feel like it for my own pleasure and am not that bothered about going out trying to pass .
I go out in the daytimes sometimes in part girly clothes ,jeans ,underwear etc,but thats as far as it goes
I have been out just a few times late at night in my car fully dressed fully as a woman ,dresses ,skirts ,make up wigs ,the full costume and walked round quiet places ,went to the cash till etc , it feels nice to feel the breeze round your legs with stockings on and the swishing of a skirt or dress but that is as far as it goes with me .
If I was a younger more convincing c/d as some are lucky enough to be ,then perhaps I would go out in the daylight shopping etc .
I would not have the nerve as some I have seen in my life that go out looking an obvious man dressed as a woman and becoming a figure of fun .
I saw one guy about 6 foot tall and built like a wrestler with thick stubble on his chin dressed up as a tarty woman and it did look a bit silly in my eyes so obvious .
On the other hand for instant ,yesterday I saw in seperate places 2 young men with girlfriends ,who were dressed in unisex clothes who initally I was not sure of what sex they were and they were not even making an effort to pass as girls.In fact one of the Boys looked more pretty than the girl he was with !
If they had put makeup and girly clothes on ,well no problem passing as pretty girls !!

Also some places and countries are more tolerant than others .

I have read of transexuals,c/d etc being murdered in usa and other countries just for the crime of being dressed as the opposite sex ,so one must be aware of the risks .
It is all down to the person concerned and how far they want to push it and how good they are at ''Passing''

Love ''Nishababe''

[Joy Carter]

Oh Em, I totally agree with you Hun. Imagine anyone trying to pull the wool over our eyes with stories like that.

Did I tell the about the time I was dressed in a ten thousand dollar designer dress. And had a flat tire on my Mazzearatti. In front of a lonely mansion and...........................

[Sally24]

I think most sensible people realize that on the Internet there are always those that try to build up a persona that is not them. From time to time we have had posts on here by first timers and part timers that seem just too good to be true. That is equally true of the occasional poster that uses a real GGs pics as theirs. You just have to realize that some people are posers and get on with it!

Those of us that do go out should not minimize the real risks or the mental states that this entails. I've had the assistance of a GG and many T-girls and a few good store owners. Without some help from others, going out is very difficult. I've also been lucky in that other than being 6' tall, I don't have much overly male characteristics to mask. Even with that, it has taken 2 years and alot of work to get comfortable with going out in the daylight. Before that, it was really nerve racking to go out.

You have to be able to step back and fairly evaluate just how good you look. This is of course if you are trying to blend or pass. If there is no way that you can blend, then you have to decide what type of venue you're willing to go to.

[Ruth]

It's a fair enough question Emma and it certainly doesn't offend me. As with everything on the internet, the information here has to be treated with caution. I know I've only posted the truth but you've only got my word for it.
And it was reading all the very detailed accounts here of trips to malls, bars etc en femme that convinced me I could do it. And though I've only been "out" properly once I'm looking forward to doing it again (and I'll certainly tell the story here).
The sharing of information and the mutual support is a very important aspect of this forum, and I believe most of us here are sincere.

[Karren H]

Post No 1 -

Well Hi, I'm Karren and I just started crossdressing last week... and like I um, went out for the first time yesterday, and passed 100%, even got invited to go out with Paris Hilton but then she got busted for driving without a licence and like I got put in jail with all these other women... I did have my voice changing pill with me... so no one know I was a 275 lb 6 foot 8" linbacker for the Pittsburgh Steelers.... Totally cool... I may have to go out dressed tommorow it was sooo much fun!! Toodles.....

hehehe

Love Karren

[Paulacder]

I agree with you in part Emma, I beleive that some of the post that you read are more of a Fantasie than a Reality. Just to dress in Fem. and go to the Mall to shop sounds easy. Or better yet to be mistaken for a G.G. and called Mam seems to be the ultimate. When in reality very few of us, and yes I say us, yours truley included could ever pass as a woman. But I guess as they say, whatever trips your trigger.

[susie evans]

this art that a lot of us try to perfect is like most things in life there are two kind of people those that make things happen and those that make excuesses and only you can decied which one YOU want to be (hope this dosent offend too many)

susie

[Roxi Loh]

Is that a legal term? I think what we are hearing are stories told after the fact. After we have done something and nothing went wrong, it naturally looks easy, even though there may have been lots of tense moments. Having gotten through the moments it all becomes very easy. Last time out I had to go to the hotel desk twice while dressed. It was very tense before I did it but easy since it was actually a pleasant experience.

[Kate Simmons]

Actually, my first extended time out in public and daylight 6 years ago seemed to be nothing but a series of bloopers and a comedy of errors but I did manage to get through it. It's really what inspired me to keep going and to make improvements. I was determined to make this work.

[leggy_tiana]

Venturing out in public is a very exhilerating experience for me. At the same time, because I don't go out very often, fear still grips me. Eventually, I learned where to go without fear stopping me. I learned where I could feel safe and comfortable when dressed. For example, I still don't feel comfortable going to the mall to shop. So I avoid that situation. Instead, I feel at ease in libraries and bookstores. I have no difficulty taking walks in the country or park, or running errands in my car. I think a girl needs to find her own level of comfort.

[MJ]

with all the members here why cant we start a thread on how to go out what you need to know and the safe places and then make it a sticky that way the new members don't have to hunt for it ..
this is not easy but a part of us *just like a baby bird one day it will spread it's wings and fly " a crash course might be in order first

[Eva Diva]

So there are two types of stories, the difficult outing, and the easy. You're saying that posts of difficult outings - "I ran to my car" - are more believable? Interesting you should say that. When I read these tales of adventure, it's the breathess quality of the writing that sets off my BS meter. Not always, of course, but there is a style of writing that seems to come from having read similar stories, rather than from personal experience. For those old enough to remember the pre-internet world of porn, the "Penthouse Letters" style of writing might be a model.
As to the "easy" stories... it depends. I can well imagine someone getting out of the house, driving a few miles, going in and out of shops and home without getting called out. That doesn't mean there's any "passing" going on. Not noticed? Sure. Noticed, but not chased down and screamed at? Sure. Fooling someone who gets a good look? Much less likely.
All in all, maybe less than half of the posts here tweak my BS meter, and less than a quarter really set the meter screaming. And if you think about it, that's not bad for an anonymous forum. Of course, the "believable" posts may be hooey too, but the writing didn't set me off. Personally, I prefer reality to fantasy, but I understand the appeal, given the nature of this forum.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I remember when I ventured out a few weeks ago, for the "3am" morning drive in which I was the passenger, it was terrifying, but also exciting experience. The decision to do so was partially influenced by other post, but I also wanted to experience the sensation of being en-femme outside of my house for myself. However I did set groundrules for as far as I plan to go with my going out en-femme in the future. Basically the extent of my going out en-femme would consist strictly of driving ( at night time), to attend support meetings ( when I get confident enough to do that), or to attend transgener sponsored events (again when I've gotten enough confidence). Jocelyn

[TGKrissyCD]

As long as I don't open my mouth going out and/or shopping its a breeze. However, as soon as I do say even one word I'm dead in the water. Then again my forearms and height give me away also. Therefore I don't shop en femme, but do so as a male. The first few times shopping for intimates as a male was a trying event with a number of times being chicken. Then there were the times I advised the salesperson I was either shopping for a gift for my wife or girlfriend. A visible shopping list came next. At present I just go into a shop that has what I am looking and shop. After all they are a profit making store and want customers, As to the stories that are embellished a bit, I read with amusement and realize that some do have that stuck in the closet feeling and want to reach out, however farfetched.

Krissy

[EricaCD]

Hi Em. No offense taken. As far as the accuracy of my reports (most of which are actually in my blog, as opposed to recounted here)...well, in many cases there are witnesses who are members here. Ask them

I don't think I am fooling the vast majority of the world. I don't think that just because someone calls me "Miss" when I am en femme, they haven't figured it out. (But I do appreciate their understanding of my preference to be addressed consistent with my presented gender.) And I really don't see why I should be astonished that the world does not have a stronger adverse reaction to me getting out. I live in New York and do most of my getting out in NYC and California. These are not places that are known to be hostile to alternative lifestyles.

In writing about my experiences, I do my best not to let the pink fog affect my recollection. I specifically never write about outings the same day for that reason. I try to err on the side of conservatism. On the other hand, I am really more-or-less over the whole "being consumed by self-doubt" thing. So no, my writings do not reflect someone who is constantly worrying about the reactions of others...because I don't. Though I do still worry about my appearance a lot

[Dixie]

[SIZE="3"]I guess a take a few things for granted, like being fellow CDs most if not all here understand the heart pounding, pulse racing, and anxiety that go with dressing and going out, it took me 19 years of constant support from my wife to get up the courage to finally go out. Just figured it was a little redundent to discribed this feelings each and everytime if that makes it seem like a wonderland kind of story then I'm sorry never meant to give that impression. No I'm not offended just thought a glimpse of my thought process would be insiteful that's all. I do believe also that we tend to focus on the positive aspects of an adventure as a means to help bolster other peoples courage. I have read about the snide comments people have heard while out they just don't dwell on it as it is a negitive, they focus on the good experiences as a way to accentuate the positive. I guess they are trying to maintain that "glass is half FULL" mentality, I see nothing wrong with that.[/SIZE]

[Holly]

Emma, I understand and appreciate your apprehension of some of the stories found here (and elsewhere). One thing to bear in mind, however... some of us have been doing this for a number of years now. It's not that we necessarily "pass" or have no issues; it's mostly that we have delve loped an attitude of confidence in who we are and a comfort level being out and about. I, myself, hold no fantasy that I pass as a female (have a look at my avatar). I am, however, confident in my gender presentation. This is not something that happened quickly, nor easily. It has taken time. In the end, it's mostly being comfortable with yourself. Somehow that translates to those around you. And, as some others have mentioned, being careful and thoughtful as to the venues we choose to go out in (based on experience) helps produce positive results as well. I'm sixty years old. If I don't do these things now, I may never get the chance. Some of the saddest words ever uttered are, "I wish I had..."

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Hi Emma

well as a poster of those types of stories, i have to say i think i can usually tell the bs from the "real"

i'm 6'1 99/100ths inches tall...i like some heels to go with that too...2 years ago...i was the breathless run to the car , back to the hotel type...now i go out to bars(tg friendly only), i've been out to a movie, dinner, and to the mall many many times, i've talked to salespeople at perfume, makeup counters, countless clothes racks, and have been to shoe stores...i've been approached by a lady asking me what i thought of her "outfit idea", i've been whistled at, been called a fag, been asked by a policeman if i worked at the mall, been asked by a starbucks barrista if i worked at the mall, been given the evil eye by 2 teenage guys who i think would have liked to kill me, been laughed at, been oogled, etc etc etc....i don't see anything wrong at all with sharing those types of details because frankly...who the heck else am i gonna share this with!!!!???


i felt a little "cage rattled" out by your comments honestly because although there are TONS OF BS STORIES and discussions out there, i think you have to have some common sense and seperate them out..

also i think it is our OWN RESPONSIBILITY to use some common sense about what your expectations are when you go out...we are all so different with this one thing in common and so i think that girls should read my posts and say "i can do it" but should also look at themselves in the mirror and make sure they know what they are in for..

so take care and have fun

michele