Hi girls! Has anyone of you ever told the kids? How did they react? That's a line I find terribly difficult to cross and I think I never will (they are 22 and 24) Any ideas? Love, Peach
Hi girls! Has anyone of you ever told the kids? How did they react? That's a line I find terribly difficult to cross and I think I never will (they are 22 and 24) Any ideas? Love, Peach
I just told my daughter in the last few weeks. She is 27 and lives with my wife and I (medical problems that limit her ability to work). I had concerns that she had a least noticed enough things around the house to be worried about me. I started 2 weeks prior by telling her she could ask me anything she wanted if she had questions. She gave me kind of a funny look but didn't come up with anything. We do talk about anything and everything so I know that she is smart and pretty fair and open about people. Now it's 2 weeks later and I asked her again if she had come up with any questions. When I probed further she asked "like the pictures of you on the computer in a dress?". That got us started.
She had been worried about us divorcing, whether I was on my way to transistioning and such. We talked quite a bit over the next few days and I tried my best to fill in the blanks for her. She was not overly weirded out by any of it! I gave her one of my copies of "She's Not There" and she read that in one sitting. More questions after that. Alot of simulatities but I am not on the track to transitioning.
That was several weeks ago and things are still great. She was preparing to get rid of several things of clothing and offered me a sheath dress that she doesn't wear anymore. It fit nicely and is something I don't have yet in my wardrobe! Then she saw my purple spring dress that is pictured here somewhere. She asked to borrow it for a wedding. She tried it on and it fit nicely. She is the same size as me but shorter.
Since coming out to her things have been much easier around the house. I can come and go as I please and don't have to be as concerned about taking care of "my things". She also wants to critique my makeup and clothing choices so now I have two female sets of eyes to help me.
It's not for every situation but it was good for me at the time. Now telling my son is probably not in the cards soon, if ever. He is 24 and a typical young guy. Not too open minded about other people sometimes. He'll come round eventually but I don't know if he could ever handle this well.
Sally
Of course every situation is different. If your kids are married and live out of state or far away, I might give it a shot. In my wild and younger days when I was intoxicated with crossdressing and everything feminine and even entertained thoughts of trasition. I made the mistake of telling my oldest daughter. Apart from the fact that I had divorced her mother some years earlier and that we were not close, I thought that she would understand. After all, I knew that she was a lesbian. Well, she came down on me like a ton of bricks and we have not spoken to each other in twenty years. I don't know if she "outed" me to the rest of the family, but I have to assume that she did. One way or other, you have to roll the dice, We sometimes have to measure what there is to gain by what there is to lose!
Best of luck!
Rita B
Last edited by Rita B; 05-26-2007 at 06:51 AM. Reason: spelling
rita, family is all we have. dont let a spat 20 yrs ago stop you from being part of your daughters life give her a call. time heals all wounds but if not treated it can also kill. she may be ready to talk now that she has lived the last 20 yrs. it can't hurt to try.Originally Posted by Rita B
Hi Peach,
Yes I have 4 two boys an two girls. Number one my girls 41 ,36 are both les, yep I found out about them at a young age of when they were 16 an 18 . An no I was a closet queen then dressed very little. When I told them they said good Dad now we can go night clubbing together. No way!!Well the boys were younger 21 23 an there mother outted me to them no big thing to this younger age. It was durning our divorce, though she would get an edge she still had to buy me out. There will come a time that you will have to tell them, at there age it might not be a big thing don't wait until they are married . Good luck
Josephine
We told Amy about Nigella when she was 14 nearly 4 years ago now and have had know problems, she and her boyfriend supports her dad as much as I do.
Kids are very clever one thing she said to us when we told her was " I had an idea what you were doing".
How she new I don't know because Nigella was very carefull.
Sandra
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definitely no - son is 10 and would not handle it well. besides it would be all round the neighbourhood and were not ready for that
mitch
I was out to my wife while we were dating, and when my son was born I did not keep my dressing a secret. Now 17, he says he doesn't remember a time that he didn't know I was a crossdresser. We are an eccentric family, and have unusual ideas and interests, so my son learned early on that there are things about our family one doesn't tell to just anyone. He is comfortable with my dressing, and has met some of my CD friends. He has a performer's interest in crossdressing himself, loves The Rocky Horror Picture Show, has gone as Frankenfurter several times, and has even played a woman in a play. Whatever else is happening in his life, he is very accepting of Transgendered persons.
Ruthie
Hi Peach,
no I didn't tell my kids (11/8 - boys) and I don't intend to do so in the future.
Hi peach, I have two sons from my previous marriage one is nearly 15 and the other is 20 and at university.. My partner Alexis also has two a boy of 13 and a girl of 10.
My partner told my eldest son while he was visiting from uni.. the conversation led round to the break up of the marriage, apparently all these years he had been blaming himself.. so he knows about my c/ding and is fine with it in fact we have had long conversations about it.. and I have even told him about this site. I dont think I would like my youngest to know.. I
think it would affect him pretty bad.
And I agree with mitch, I think if I told my partners kids it would be all round the neighbouhood......
Take care
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The Kids
Told my youngest daughter awhile back, she lived with us, (us being my wife and myself) and saw many things about the house and questioned,,,, she was perfectly fine with it all,, said I was still her dad no matter what,
Told my oldest daughter about Dana just in the last week,, she's also gr8 with it,, she wants to barrow an outfit already she saw in my closet,,giggle, I felt so relieved I really thought I would loose my oldest and my grand kids but all is gr8,, and a large weight is taken off my back by doing so
my sons I have not told and I will not do so anytime near,, I know how they would react, some things are better not brought up to some,
Last edited by Dana_cd; 05-27-2007 at 09:44 AM.
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Last year I told them I was TS, and I just recently told them of my plans to have SRS this October. I have 2 boys, 34 and 32, and my baby daughter is 28. My boy in the Navy is so totally cool with it that it still rocks. He told me "Anyone who has the guts to do what you do commands my respect."
My oldest boy had some probs with it at first, until I told him "Look, there's one thing I want you to understand...I will always be dad no matter what, that's something that means a great deal to me and will never change." He said that had been his concern, so now he's cool with it too.
I was most concerned about my daughter's reaction, truth be told. When I first told her about me, I started out with "There's something you need to know about me, it's a biggy and I hope it doesn't affect the way you feel about me". After I told her I was a transsexual, she looked at me and said "Is that all? I thought you were going to tell me something bad like you had cancer or something."
A couple of months ago she came over for lunch and saw Karen for the first time, I didn't tell her that would happen. She looked uncomfortable for about 10 minutes, but after talking a bit she came over and sat down next to me and said "You look happy now." I told her that I was, because now I finally get to be myself. She then said "I can tell, and it's nice to see." I am truly blessed to have such wonderful children...
Karen
Kids take their cues from us. They don't know what's "normal" or what isn't normal from birth, they learn these things as they grow up - from society and from their parents, so a lot of their opinions are influenced by others and don't evolve of their own thinking. So, if we treat the subject like it's taboo and something to be ashamed of (whether the subject in question is crossdressing, sexual orientation or racism, doesn't matter), that's what they'll learn too.
Fortunately for me, my son grew up in a tolerant and diverse environment, so that's what's normal for him (he's 26 now). When I told him I'm transgendered he was just happy it wasn't something "serious" like a fatal illness. If your kids are already adults, how they will take the news will depend on the cues they've received while growing up. If they're still young, there's a better chance they'll be accepting. Just my
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telling the kids
I told my kids when they were young my daughters at ages,10,8, andmy sons at the ages of when they were10 and 8 they were fine with it and didn't tell anyone but still I got to dress when I wanted to and didn't have any problems with it.my daughters were older and they helped with telling my sons so it made it easier for them to understand.I still go shopping with my daughters and am always dressed when we go.
I think that age has a lot to do with understanding.
A child of three, will probably just accept it because they only know about the things that you teach them.
Older children, say up to maybe 15, may not deal with it so well at first. It depends a lot on how you've raised them and their openness to new ideas.
Once they're out of their teens and that "Do you really have a clue, dad" attitude, they will probably be able to understand it a bit more.
There are really no set rules here, and you must be the judge of when or if you want to tell them.
I've told two of my SO's kids now, the youngest being 22, thinks that I look better as a woman. The other, in her 30's, hasn't said too much yet, but I'm sure the questions will come. She may have some understanding though, as she's a RN and some of her course material had dealt with it.
My son still doesn't know, and I'm not sure how I'm gonna explain it yet. That day will come eventually, though.
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not quite ready for that one yet, but it cant be too far off. daughter,10,lives with us, son 14 does not. overheard wife tell daughter one day,"dads just jealous 'cause he doesnt have any boobs", so not too sure what conversations have gone on between them, but would like to be alittle more comfortable with myself before having "the talk" with her. as for the boy... not sure if that day will ever come, will have to wait and see who he grows into.
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Both my adult children (son 25, daughter 22) know about my dressing. Neither live with my wife and I as they are both married (my daughter just two weeks ago). My daughter found out about me when she paid us a surprise visit one morning and I was still in my nightgown. She still had her key to the house and let herself in. After we both got over the initial shock, things went pretty well. She is accepting to the point of bordering on supportive. I took it upon myself to tell my son shortly thereafter as it didn't seem right for my daughter to know and him not. He took it pretty well also. If I had it to do over again, I think I would have been the one to initially broach the topic. That way it would have been on my terms. But I can't complain... it all worked out.
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Quite a problem, isn't it? Do daughters react different? Is it more difficult to tell our sons about our CDing? Just a thought...
I have 2 grown kid a boy and a girl I'm not telling them I don't know how they would take it and I don't want to find out
Angie
I have 2 step-daughters that I still keep in touch with, even after the divorce. Since bith live out of state, there really isn't a need to tell them.
I have two boys 4 and 1 and was worried about the effects on them, plus it didn't seem right. But I did one day and the 4 year old just asked why I was dressed up like a girl. I told him it was dress up like when he wears his spiderman costume. It made sense to him.
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I told my ex who in turn told our youngest son 17 yrs old i can count the number of words hes spoken to me since then, so i figured id better tell my oldest son 22yrs old, he just said yer still dad but dont expect a lot of hugs if you get boobs , and why didnt you tell me this a few yrs ago so i could get back stage tickets to a concert that was giving them if any guy would show up dressed as a girl. Not ready to see me dressed but is fine with it, but i figured he would be since hes the one thatll wait days on end for the star wars tickets to go on sale in costume
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Spidey sense?
My kids know (12,14,17) though we have never really talked about it. My oldest son (14) jabs me with comments now and then which at times hurt and the others have not said anything to me.
I guess I should just talk with them about it...
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