Hi, I'm a college student from Maine that needs help in making a crucial and life changing decision. I'm giving serious thought to becoming a ******* (BTW, is there a nicer sounding term for that other than "*******"... sorry, I'm not too familiar with terminology ). I'm not entirely sure if I want it though because I enjoy my masculinity but I also deeply crave femininity and if I can get away with it I'll sacrifice it.
For one thing, I'm not sure if the build I have permits for it. I'm not too tall, around 5'9", but I'm build wide in the shoulders and chest. Does anyone know of any before-and-after sites, photojournals, or other things of that nature that show men of similar builds transform into something prettier and more feminine?
Another thing, I like to lift weights. I heard that hormone therapy makes muscles shrink. This doesn't bother me, but does it also make muscles lose their tone? I don't want all my hard work to go to flab...
My face isn't a big deal because I think my face has pretty unisex features and I'm told I have very feminine eyes . And also I don't have a very prominent adam's apple so that could work for me. But I'm curious as to what I'd look like as a female. I was thinking of some experimenting in transvestitism but I don't really want to spend a whole lot of money on breast forms and nice wigs so I was thinking of just buying some women's clothing at walmart or kmart or something but I don't want to go through the embarrassment of trying the clothes on in the clothing room. Is there some sort of guide that I could use to try and size myself from the comfort of my own home?
The aforementioned only deal with the decision, what follows is problems that I'll face if i go through with it.
Since I'm a college student living in the dorms I want to be able to hide my femininity until I graduate. Hiding it from roomates probably won't be a problem as of next school year because It's possible that I'm going to be an RA and will be able to enjoy privacy in my own room, but when I'm out and about I'll want to hide my breasts when I get them, especially when I go to the gym.
Conversely, when I graduate I want to be able to hide my masculinity (or at least the one major aspect of it that's left). I don't want to get rid of it completely because I like to think that I'm "gifted" and that it would be a crime to waste the gift. But I also would want to dress sexy if i went to the beach and sexy/sporty if i went to the gym. Are there methods to hiding my femininity during college and masculinity during life after?
I realize that it's quite a long winded post and I apologize for that but this is a life-changing decision and I feel that a short post would be taking it too lightly.