I’m basically totally lost right now. Can someone tell me what gender is? I honestly have no idea what it means to be male or female. The corollary of that is that I have no idea at the moment what it means to be transgender. I think I got it at some point, but I may have been fooling myself.
I’ve never really understood gender. Didn’t get it back in third grade in shirts vs. skins soccer why I wasn’t allowed on the skins team. Didn’t get why I had to wear dresses when my brothers didn’t. Heck I think I might be bisexual because while I can see sexual differences, when it comes to relating to a person, not a body, I can’t tell the difference. I think it’s like being colorblind.
I feel so very lost. Am I really trans? Maybe I’m just a really feminist type, who hates being told what she can’t do. Maybe I just like boys clothes because girls clothes are horridly uncomfortable and never fit me right. I don’t know what ‘male’, ‘female’, and ‘trans’ mean at the moment (like I said, I thought I had it, but lost it at some point in the recent past) so it’s really hard to know. I don’t know what it’s normal for a girl to feel. A lot of my female friends say they don’t like wearing girls clothes or being treated like a girl, but they don’t identify as trans. I’ve always said that I must be simply because I seek out places like this and information on the subject, and therefore I’m different from my friends who have no need for this. Is that a good enough definition?
Of course, this is made worse by the fact that my life is going through major changes. I graduated a month ago, and one of my two best friends moved away two weeks later. In two weeks my other best friend leaves, and then in a month I go to California, thousands of miles from anything I know. So yeah, I’m very lost at the moment. Anyone got any advice? Or a bottle of vodka? We’re all out here, which is sad indeed.